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Thread: You won't find a more true article this year.

  1. #1

    You won't find a more true article this year.

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20090727...healthdeclines

    Let me say that I am the poster boy for everything wrong with divorce. Since being divorced two years ago I have become addicted to sleeping pills, have terrible stomach aches and have had premature aging. Not to mention severe depression.

    In fact, people who ceased being married at some point in their lives were significantly more likely to have chronic health problems than those who stayed married, researchers found.
    After adjusting their statistics to account for such factors as race and gender, which could skew the results, the researchers found that those with "marital loss" -- meaning losing a spouse to death or divorce -- had 20 percent more chronic health conditions than people who stayed married.
    Her research has found that women and men who were recently divorced had weaker immune systems than those who had been divorced longer. "We also found that it mattered if you had chosen the divorce, or if your spouse was the one who asked for it," ... "You are better off being the one who walked rather than the one who was left behind."
    A-PHUCKING-MEN

  2. #2
    Cyburbian
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    I read articles that say that married people are healthier (past tense read). I'm not divorced, yet, but my husband left a few years ago. Apart from a drastic weight loss, and hair loss, that has resolved itself, I'm physically no worse for the wear. On the other hand, he aged in a relatively short amount of time, with his hair turning grey, and his complexion is kind of grey, too. That is contradicted by the research, as he is the one who left, and who looks older than he should.

    I wish sometimes that divorce can make a person chronically ill. That feeling haunted me when his girlfriend's daughter was diagnosed with bone cancer. I certainly wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially a child.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    SAC I can definitely relate. It's been 5.5 years since my divorce which happened on the heels of my mother's death too to add insult to injury. Not only did my health decline, it did it when I didn't have insurance It took a while to climb out of the hole but I did get out of it and into a better place.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    I'm a glaring exception to this. My health has done nothing but get better since my ex physically moved out. And in a very big way.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Michele Zone View post
    I'm a glaring exception to this. My health has done nothing but get better since my ex physically moved out. And in a very big way.
    Same here. It was like ridding myself of the "second child" who was more demanding than our toddler. I am not religious but I was at the point that I prayed he'd have an affair and leave.

    Yes, I had a hard time sleeping, looked over my shoulder everywhere I went, etc. I wasn't depressed, just paranoid.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Same here. It was like ridding myself of the "second child" who was more demanding than our toddler. I am not religious but I was at the point that I prayed he'd have an affair and leave.

    Yes, I had a hard time sleeping, looked over my shoulder everywhere I went, etc. I wasn't depressed, just paranoid.
    But are you the one that filed? The article clearly states that the ones that suffer the most are the ones that get "served". And as I've stated, I'm the poster boy for that.

    One would wonder how your ex is doing healthwise.

  7. #7
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Super Amputee Cat View post
    But are you the one that filed? The article clearly states that the ones that suffer the most are the ones that get "served". And as I've stated, I'm the poster boy for that.

    One would wonder how your ex is doing healthwise.
    I was served, my ex though had some health issues after the split too. There were more of a temporary nature and less severe than mine though.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Coragus's avatar
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    I am my wife's second husband. I've talked to her about this a lot and she did herself a great favor by leaving. She was overweight and the birth control she was taking to ensure she didn't have his kids was threatening her heart. Leaving him meant leaving the chaos that he brought to her life.
    Maintaining enthusiasm in the face of crushing apathy.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally posted by Coragus View post
    I am my wife's second husband. I've talked to her about this a lot and she did herself a great favor by leaving. She was overweight and the birth control she was taking to ensure she didn't have his kids was threatening her heart. Leaving him meant leaving the chaos that he brought to her life.
    Again, this all seems to reiterate the point of the original article. I know that you probably don't care about your wife's first husband (nor am I saying that you should) but it would be interesting to see what health issues he has been inflicted with since the divorce.

    I cannot begin to describe how horrible the divorce has been on my life in every aspect: Physical, emotional, psycholotical. My ex had some health issues but they were nothing compared to mine. In fact, she has hooked up with her ex-boyfriend from high school and seems to be in better shape now that the divorce.

    Was it justified, like case appears to be with your wife? I don't think so. I made some mistakes, sure. But the "punishment" I am going through healthwise - and in terms of every single facit of my life far outweighs the benefits she obtained from the settlement or the justification for the divorce. In a nutshell, my life has been utterly destroyed and she reaped all the benefits from the settlement: Kids, house, car, and other marital property.

    Quote Originally posted by Michele Zone View post
    I'm a glaring exception to this. My health has done nothing but get better since my ex physically moved out. And in a very big way.

    Who filed? If he did, you are the exeption, but if he did then it just proves it all the more.
    Last edited by Maister; 28 Jul 2009 at 11:37 AM. Reason: consecutive posts

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Super Amputee Cat View post
    Who filed? If he did, you are the exeption, but if he did then it just proves it all the more.
    Technically, he filed the papers -- primarily because I was still so sick I was often housebound for long periods. So he took on the job of doing the paperwork. However, I was the one who made the initial decision -- which he expressed sincere relief to hear and promptly agreed. It was amicable and we cooperated in the process. When I showed up with him at the court house with our papers to file them, the person behind the counter apparently assumed I was the new girlfriend. Person behind counter said something to my then-husband about the process -- like "the wife needs to sign something or other" -- and hubby turned to me and said 'You hear that?" and I was like "Well, hand it here so I can sign it." Jaw of person behind counter hits floor with audible THUNK.

    My read of the article you submitted is that both sides suffer, but more-so if you got served.

    I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I would offer assistance but I have no reason to believe you would be interested.

    Peace.
    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Same here. It was like ridding myself of the "second child" who was more demanding than our toddler. I am not religious but I was at the point that I prayed he'd have an affair and leave.

    Yes, I had a hard time sleeping, looked over my shoulder everywhere I went, etc. I wasn't depressed, just paranoid.
    Glad it was a good move for you.
    Last edited by Michele Zone; 28 Jul 2009 at 6:55 PM.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally posted by Michele Zone View post
    Technically, he filed the papers -- primarily because I was still so sick I was often housebound for long periods. So he took on the job of doing the paperwork. However, I was the one who made the initial decision -- which he expressed sincere relief to hear and promptly agreed. It was amicable and we cooperated in the process. When I showed up with him at the court house with our papers to file them, the person behind the counter apparently assumed I was the new girlfriend. Person behind counter said something to my then-husband about the process -- like "the wife needs to sign something or other" -- and hubby turned to me and said 'You hear that?" and I was like "Well, hand it here so I can sign it." Jaw of person behind counter hits floor with audible THUNK.

    My read of the article you submitted is that both sides suffer, but more-so if you got served.

    I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I would offer assistance but I have no reason to believe you would be interested.
    Wow, interesting story,but at least your divorce was amicable. How long were you married and did you have any kids?

    I don't understand though why you don't think I would want any assistance. Did I say something in the past that would lead you to believe as such? I would certainly love to hear from you now, so assist away.

    I need to get through the next 12 hours. I made an emergency appointment with my new psychogist on Thursday. Problem with that is, it's almost 48 hours away. I don't think I would be able to bear another night like last night. I took extra dosages of the sleeping medication I have been on, and it barely helped. I don't want to do that again tonight.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Michele Zone's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Super Amputee Cat View post
    Wow, interesting story,but at least your divorce was amicable. How long were you married and did you have any kids?

    I don't understand though why you don't think I would want any assistance. Did I say something in the past that would lead you to believe as such? I would certainly love to hear from you now, so assist away.

    I need to get through the next 12 hours. I made an emergency appointment with my new psychogist on Thursday. Problem with that is, it's almost 48 hours away. I don't think I would be able to bear another night like last night. I took extra dosages of the sleeping medication I have been on, and it barely helped. I don't want to do that again tonight.
    We filed the initial paperwork the summer before our 20th anniversary. It was final a few months after our 22nd anniversary. We got married at age nineteen. So at the time my divorce was final, I had been married over half my life. (Our birthdays are about 3 weeks apart. We graduated high school together.) We have two sons.

    I am assuming you wouldn't want assistance from me because you currently sound really angry and like you want to kick something/someone. People in that state are often just not ready to hear about how to let go and move forward. It's nothing that needs to be dug around in publicly. You are more than welcome to write me privately, either by PM or email. (If you can't find my email on Cyburbia, it's on all my websites. The links are in the signature.)

    For starters, I would suggest you get some melatonin and co-q-10. Take the co-q-10 in the morning, about 12 to 14 hours before bedtime. Take the melatonin at night, about 30 minutes before bedtime. It's nutritional support to help correct your brain's chemical waking and sleep cycle and lacks the negative side effects of sleep meds. If you can gradually transition off the sleep meds and onto nutritional support to help your body cope with your current stress, you will be less strung out and more able to cope.
    Last edited by Michele Zone; 28 Jul 2009 at 9:08 PM.

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