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Thread: Need advice on my living situation next year

  1. #1
    Cyburbian
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    Need advice on my living situation next year

    Hey all, I've been lurking a lot and posting a bit here on Cyburbia for a while, and now I come to you seeking non-planning-related advice!

    I'm a university student, and right now I live with 4 friends.

    Unfortunately, we've all had stupid drama this year and we have become divided. Myself and 2 others would like to continue living together next year (without the others), but the problem is that one of my 2 friends will be doing a co-op year and she doesn't know what city she'll be placed in yet. If she's not in our city, then obv she won't be living with us.

    So, it comes down to just me and 1 friend. But I don't want to live with *just* her. We've had some issues between us in the past that are water under the bridge now, but it showed me some more about her personality. I had a bad gut feeling about living with her from the beginning...basically, all house drama centers around her, and I just happen to be on her good side. I know how she can get, and she still annoys me a little bit sometimes...basically, I feel like living with just her would be walking into a trap.

    But she's all for it! She doesn't know that I'm a "forgive but not forget" person, and that I'm wary about this. She'd love for us to get a 2-bedroom apartment or something, and she wants to start looking for a place for next year right now.

    How can I let her know that I'd rather have a 3rd person join us (the more the better) without being hurtful?

  2. #2
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    You spell it out just like you did for us, I'd suggest. Better a few ruffled feathers now, but with all parties well informed, than later on when living arrangements have been set.

    Do you even have the availability of funds for just two people? From five to two is a big difference in money coming in...

    Good luck.
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  3. #3
    Cyburbian
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    If you don't want to chance living with "just her", make other arrangements.

    Forgiving but not forgetting is good; that's what keeps you out of the bad situations later.

    Good luck.

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    I'm with Mastiff on this one. Even if the 2nd roommate stays in the area, the 1st one is damaged goods. Get while the getting is good.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian illinoisplanner's avatar
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    If you can afford it, try to get a one-bedroom apartment or studio of your own. This coming from a college student getting fed up with their roommates/friends after three years and someone who's girlfriend is moving to her own place after dealing with many roommates for just one year.

    If you can't rent by yourself, try to find new roommates or roommates who you haven't had problems with or don't anticipate having problems with. Don't feel obligated to live with people who make your living situation difficult.
    "Life's a journey, not a destination"
    -Steven Tyler

  6. #6
    Cyburbian
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    Thanks for all the comments.

    Quote Originally posted by illinoisplanner View post
    If you can afford it, try to get a one-bedroom apartment or studio of your own. This coming from a college student getting fed up with their roommates/friends after three years and someone who's girlfriend is moving to her own place after dealing with many roommates for just one year.

    If you can't rent by yourself, try to find new roommates or roommates who you haven't had problems with or don't anticipate having problems with. Don't feel obligated to live with people who make your living situation difficult.
    Two problems:
    1) I'm an unsociable introvert. That's not necessarily always bad, but I like living with other people because it forces me to be social, even if that only means sitting down to watch TV not-alone in the evening. Left to my own devices, I'm capable of secluding myself to the point that it's a problem. I know I can't have roommates forever, and I'm working on being a more social creature. But for now, I'd rather not give myself the opportunity to fall back into that seclusion trap.
    2) If I ditch this friend to live alone, then I will also be ditching my co-op friend who I actually like a lot better. Or at the very least it would make some kind of awkward triangle where co-op friend has to choose which of us to live with once she's done co-op. That's messy.

    I think I will just stick with the current arrangement, but insist that we find a 3rd person, or join another group of people to fill a house group.

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    Who says you can't have roommates forever? I had roommates until I got married at 25, then had roommates from 31 until I was 39, then had no roommates for two boring years, and now have a roommate at 41. It beats having 19 cats gnawing on your corpse when you die at 50.

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Chet View post
    Who says you can't have roommates forever? I had roommates until I got married at 25, then had roommates from 31 until I was 39, then had no roommates for two boring years, and now have a roommate at 41. It beats having 19 cats gnawing on your corpse when you die at 50.
    Dammit, Chet, this monitor looked better without coffee on it.

    Mr B, most university communities have a variety of housing options. For more than a decade I lived in shared-house situations (and even managed one for a while).
    Advantages of renting one room: when it becomes clear that your housemates have no independent living skills, it's easy to change the situation. And when someone answers the siren song of the Peace Corps or a long-distance SO, the others aren't stuck holding the lease...run an ad, find someone new.

    Expand your friendship circle and make you some new ones.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    ... and don't forget to check out Craigslist for roommates!

    (and cats!)

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Otis's avatar
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    When there were five of you the drama queen could spread the drama around, and you got to stay on her good side. When there's only you to throw the drama on, you will be in deep do-do. Move on.

  11. #11
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Otis View post
    When there were five of you the drama queen could spread the drama around, and you got to stay on her good side. When there's only you to throw the drama on, you will be in deep do-do. Move on.
    What he said.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Seems like you'd rather have the devil you know than the angel you don't. Trust me, it's not a good strategy. If the co-op roomie can move away for opportunity, so can you.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  13. #13
    Cyburbian dvdneal's avatar
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    You only live once, do what makes you happy. If the other person doesn't make you happy, dump them and get someone around who does.

    When in doubt there is always the dorms (forced roommates are fun to mess with).

    If all you need is a 3rd person around, just tell the other one that you don't have the money to do just the two of you.
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

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