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Thread: The one that you're glad 'got away'

  1. #1
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    The one that you're glad 'got away'

    Anyone ever hear about or run into a former SO years later and say to themselves what was I thinking and breathe a sigh of relief that relationship didn't work out? You know, the ones where you see an old flame at the court house and learn they're there for a parole violation hearing, or you show up to your class reunion and and see from across the room they've been hit with the Ugly Stick 10 or 12 times? Or even ones where you think about things in retrospect and realize that your two personality types were so very poorly aligned that things would have ended up badly and you would have been at each others' throats sooner or later regardless.

    Tell us about the relationships that for whatever reason you're glad ended when they did.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  2. #2
    Cyburbian Plus JNA's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Tell us about the relationships that for whatever reason you're glad ended when they did.
    How about the one that never started let alone ever happened ?
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  3. #3
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    How about the one that never started let alone ever happened ?
    Off-topic:
    I feel a potential country/western hit coming on.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  4. #4
    Cyburbian beach_bum's avatar
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    When I was a bit younger I thought it was a good idea to date this guy who had just got out of jail. He had conterfeited money and been caught. Years later, one dinner with my parents, my sister blurts out to my still unknowing parents that Beach's ex was a convicted felon....my dad was really upset, good thing we weren't together still or my dad would have chased him out of the house!
    "Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon." ~Peter Lynch

  5. #5
    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    How about the one that never started let alone ever happened ?
    I actually have one of those... My best female friend (other than my wife) and I had crushes on one another at various points from the time we were 15 until we were about 20, but had never done anything about it. I'm glad, because while we are great friends, I can tell now that we would have been incompatible in a romantic relationship and my guess is it would have cost me a very good friendship. Plus, I wouldn't have Mrs. Burb Fixer right now.

    It finally came out just before my wife & I got married, because she was also very close friends with my wife. My wife knew I had had feelings for my friend in the past, but knew I was in it with her 100% and that she was not any kind of threat. My wife mentioned this to my friend at her wedding shower, because she was also very close friends with her. It turned out we were both completely unaware of each other's past romantic feelings. And, we both had the same "thank god that didn't happen" reaction. Her and her husband are now our closest "couple" friends.

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

  6. #6
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by beach_bum View post
    When I was a bit younger I thought it was a good idea to date this guy who had just got out of jail.
    Getting hooked up with a felon is generally considered an unfortunate thing, but this kind of thing is more common than one might think. I'm convinced a lot of folks are secretly (or not so secretly) attracted to that bad boy/girl lustre. I was in a serious relationship with a chick who was later busted for posession and shoplifting. I thought of her at the time as being something of a 'free-spirit' (amazing how we delude ourselves by camouflaging things like irresponsibility with words like 'free spirited' or 'zen'), but I guess some her notions of free behavior crossed the lines of the law.

    In retrospect I am really glad that one got away.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Square dance caller, just a year older than me, lived across town (I'd been finding SOs at far-off bicycle tours so that was a treat). Smart fellow, well-spoken1, single dad of a young son.

    Running into his brother at alumni band last year brought back a lot of memories. What was I thinking?!? We've got highlights:
    • Wouldn't go to contra dances ("boring"). Wouldn't go to square dances because I hadn't taken The Offishul Square Dance 26-Week Lessons. "I'm Mainstream Plus. You're Beginner. I wouldn't have fun at easier dances."
    • With his ex, they had figured out a long-range plan for family and careers. She left. He wanted to plug me right back into the template. (Four kids, spaced about three years apart...there's more.)
    • She had long dark curly hair. He wanted me to grow my hair and curl it. (Go ahead, click on my profile and see what mine looks like.) Every time I got a haircut, it was cold shoulder time. (I live in here; I know what hairstyle & length works for me.)
    • The little boy was born on December 10. Early reviews: something else we have in common! Oh wait, I will never have my own birthday celebration. Bad enough I have to share it with "the holidays"; I am not spending it at Chuck E. Cheese.
    • He claimed that the little boy needed constant stimulation. I was at a nearby family-oriented bicycle event, by myself, once again fielding comments and questions (since all the other attendees were there with someone). "Oh, I can't plunk my son down in front of a TV while you have your event." (Whyever not? That's what you do every custodial evening and weekend.)
    • With my first internet account, I created a sigline with contact info (something like this)
      __~O Veloise
      -\ <, Business name
      (*)/ (*) Business phone number


      Sent him an e-mail. Got a message back explaining that my sigline was "too long" and it "wasted bandwidth" because it was three lines.
      The message went on for several pages.
    Can't believe I hung in for three years, off and on. Like a tango, I'd ramp things down, and he'd get closer. Invert, repeat.

    I acquired my Kitto cat in August, met this guy that NYEve. He's allergic; long discussions about pets and this kitty and dander and cat hair and Rx... It's seventeen years later and I made the right choice.


    1 Chatterbox, not a good listener or interactive conversationalist
    Last edited by Veloise; 25 Jan 2010 at 10:22 AM.

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    At this years HS reunion saw a girl that actually broke up another frinedship of mine when she & I started dating. Not only did the ugly stick hit her, she also was very standoffish and rude. I remember thinking, "Man am I glad that didn't go anywhere."
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Inspired by a PM discussion, I went looking for this thread. The aforementioned fellow is #7 and 8 therein.

  10. #10
    Cyburbian natski's avatar
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    Hot train guy- nuff said
    "Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" Zoolander

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    My freshman year of college i managed to get this really hot blonde gal's number. We went on a few dates, she stayed over night in my room and the next, I noticed some money missing from my wallet ( 40 bucks inquired to the roommate about and got this look like "really dude, your my brah"). Never really confronted blondie. 2 more dates later and just moved on to the next flavor of the month.

    Long story short, she was arrested and charged with theft later that year for stealing more than $500 from her sorority and other goods.

    Though, she was a cutie.
    follow me on the twitter @rcplans

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Plus JNA's avatar
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    What is the difference between a relationship and just being used ?
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  13. #13
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    What is the difference between a relationship and just being used ?
    Depends on what you're being used for.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  14. #14
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    #1-When I was 17 I met a fellow named Tony at a joint church youth outing. I thought he was a nice enough fellow although we lived across town from each other and he had just finished high school and I was headed into my senior year. My mom l liked him though and his family liked me. Things were great during the summer and we had a blast exploring Portland, hanging out at the pool, and with friends. School started and the weird controlling behavior set in and one day he showed up and my house when I wasn't there and started questioning my mother about where I was and what I was doing. It gave her the heebie jeebies so she made me break it off which I did. Not sure what he ended up doing but I am sure it hasn't amounted to much.

    #2-Also in high school I met David who was dating my best friend. He went to another school so I only hung out with him intermittently and we crossed paths a couple of times after they broke up and he had a relationship with another girl. A month before my 19th birthday he happened to stop by my work to grab a bite to eat and asked me out to the movies. We started dating after that and soon we were expecting R.T. He bailed a few months later to shack up with a girl who was 21 and had three (!!!) kids already. R.T. was born, he married the girl with the kids a few months later and we had to go for paternity testing since he was in denial. The girl sent him packing and called to let me know he was a bum (duh). Fast forward a decade and he's on wife #3 and still has no relationship with R.T. I am so glad my mother was wise and said "You made one mistake already no need to make another-figure out how to be a good mom first and if it's meant to be between you it will work out." Was she ever right!
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  15. #15
    My Egyptian ex g-f: I'm pretty sure all she saw in me was a Green Card. (I could live with that, if it were only that, but she had -- um -- issues.)

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Mud Princess's avatar
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    "Tad" was a guy I knew in college who seemed to have everything going for him. He was editor of the campus newspaper, politically active, and well-connected; his father was the long-time senior editor of a national news publication.

    I had a huge crush on Tad at one point, though I didn't have much confidence it would ever go anywhere, especially once he started dating a friend of mine, "Connie." I don't think I was his "type." Instead I had an affair with one of his apartment-mates, who liked to tease me about my interest in Tad.

    Eventually, Tad and Connie got married and had a son, divorcing several years later. We had long since lost touch, but then I heard that Tad was arrested for trying to solicit sex with a 13-year old girl via Craigslist, and labeled a pedophile. This was a big deal for a guy who normally wrote the news... Tad lost his job as a journalist and went to prison. I assume he's still there. He really blew it...

  17. #17
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    as my wise 85 yo Mom used to say: there is a reason an ex is an ex

  18. #18
    Cyburbian dandy_warhol's avatar
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    I was visiting hometown and suffering from heartbreak so when the guy behind the pizza counter asked me out I thought, "What the heck, I need to start somewhere." I gave him my number and he called later that day. I was only in town for the weekend and he had to work most of it so I agreed to an early afternoon date.

    We met in the Red Lobster parking lot. I should've left then. In the parking lot he proceeded to tell me he needed to run to the Dr's office next door, but it would be quick, he just needed to pick up a prescription. I'm a nice girl, I said sure.

    45 mins later I was still waiting in the car. He finally returned and apologized for the delay but said he really needed the prescription because he was all out of drugs and in pain. He then proceeded to tell me about his testicular torsion. I should've told him to pull over then.

    We chatted in the car on the way to fill his prescription. Apparently his brother had stolen all his painkillers and that's why he needed to get a refill so soon.

    The rest of the date was just a slow crash and burn from that. He asked me if I liked N-word music. I was aghast. At one point he asked me how I thought the date was going and I almost started laughing. When he finally dropped me back at the Red Lobster parking lot I thanked him and told him not to call me ever again.

    Every now and then when I drive by Red Lobster I think about Joe and his twisted testicles.
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

  19. #19
    Cyburbian JimPlans's avatar
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    Off-topic:
    Quote Originally posted by dandy_warhol View post
    Joe and the Twisted Testicles.
    would be an excellent band name.

  20. #20
    Cyburbian Tom R's avatar
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    The one that get away

    Made me put on my favorite Tom Waits album (Small Change). "He got a snakeskin sportshirt, and he looks like Vincent Price...."

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    I have been married 4 times so there are three of those.
    My first husband has always lacked connectedness.
    The second was 10 years older and he has really not aged well.
    The third, what the heck was I thinking!

    I am so glad I have the one I have now. He is totally awesome!!!
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dandy_warhol View post
    .....He then proceeded to tell me about his testicular torsion. ....
    Off-topic:
    On a first date!?!? I just now curled up in the fetal position and threw up a little bit in my mouth.
    Annoyingly insensitive

  23. #23
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    I am so much better off today than I was 21 years ago

    Yesterday the local historic village/museum/traditional dance hall finally let us come back and have a contra dance. This is a place that has a lot of impact on my life. Walking in felt like coming home (it didn't hurt that I revisited some growing-up memories just the day before by hitting the Institute of Arts, then driving up Woodward Ave).

    And guess who I ran into...the fellow I was engaged to for six months back then. (He'd come to visit me that February, we attended two contra dances -- including the one at this place -- and he clearly didn't care for the physicality of dancing nor the socializing involved. Then he dropped a surprise proposal on me.)

    Part of my life plans at the time: since there was an abundance of dance callers in my fair city, I intended to become a caller after my move to the "worst state ever." But then the Dear Veloise letter hit my mailbox, and I signed up for a local two-session workshop on How to Call Dances.

    Today my world is ever so much wider than being the acquiescent wifey to a retired racing cyclist. It was fun to spend the rest of the afternoon thinking about that while enjoying being in this beautiful space with 350 of my closest friends.

    The look on his face when he realized who I was! I had already spent some time dancing with his SO, who didn't know my role...and after the encounter with him, the two of them had some whispered discussion and glances my way. Several times they stood there watching me dancing/interacting with others.

    I've made gallons of lemonade from his bushel of lemons.
    Last edited by Veloise; 29 Oct 2012 at 12:46 PM.

  24. #24
    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    The one I dated in my mid-20's and after two years of dating, he let slip a second marriage I didn't know about (he was in his late twenties when that slipped). A few months later he dumped me for a 17 y.o. he'd been cheating on me with.

    He had a good day job, and played in a band with his cousin on weekends. Maybe 6 months after the dumping, I ran into his cousin who took me to lunch. Cousin informed me that former boyfriend had actually been married a third time between the first one and the one I'd known about. Also that he had been dealing cocaine where their band played, stashing it in his guitar case (even in my car when I was driving!)

    Two years later, former BF called me at X-mas time and I agreed to meet him for lunch. He had (he said) kicked the coke and we starting dating again (dumb me). He had gotten a fat job promotion. Later that year I discovered he'd been shacked up with someone until I agreed to date him again, then he kicked her out. Also that he'd been cheating on me again with someone else. He married her and I have no idea what happened after that.

    Some of us just have to be smacked upside the head a few times before we come to our senses.

  25. #25
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    I dated a woman for three years (the last year being on again, off again) that ended, well, very poorly. She was an alcoholic and prone to cheating. She wasn’t a bad person and I am still in touch with her from time to time, but definitely not someone to be in a relationship with!

    Another woman, who I also dated for three years and lived with the last year, started seeing someone else while I was abroad for a few months. That was not a happy reunion. She was, er, not very nice about the whole thing but in the end, I think this was very much to my benefit. This was just before I met my wonderful wife (who also knew her). I haven’t spoken to that woman since. She was wacko nutso, hyper, dramatic and super difficult so it all worked out for the best. She even wanted me to get a vasectomy when we were together (but not married) because she didn’t want to have kids. I said no way. Now she is married (to the guy she cheated on me with) with at least one kid…
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

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