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Thread: Just punch lines

  1. #51
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    3 More Punch Lines

    "Someone shot your wife today, doo-dah, doo-dah....."

    "Yeah, we would have been married 25 years next week. Your putt."

    ".....or, are you just glad to see me?"

    Bear
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  2. #52
    Cyburbian mgk920's avatar
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    "...MAN, am I gonna miss her!"

    Mike

  3. #53
    Cyburbian Plus dandy_warhol's avatar
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    The barman replies, "You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

  4. #54
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    You'd be green too if someone racked your balls.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  5. #55
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    ...The next day the newspaper read... Asian man killed by torpedoes...
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  6. #56
    Cyburbian Canadian Planner's avatar
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    So the Torontonian says "Fill it up with water."

    Their supervisor went up to them and said, “Well I’m sorry to be the one to do this but the American team got more poles in so you Newfies have to go.” The Newfies looked very upset and cheated and one of them said, “No fair, they were only putting their poles in half way!”

    The Newfie co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too ..."

    Sorry.
    Canada is a place of infinite promise. We like the people, and if one ever had to emigrate, this would be the destination, not the U.S.A. The hills, lakes and forests make it a place of peace and repose of the mind, such as one never finds in the U.S.A.
    -- John Maynard Keynes

  7. #57
    Cyburbian boiker's avatar
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    "I hope not. It's only 2155 now."
    Dude, I'm cheesing so hard right now.

  8. #58
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    They were playing hockey on the St Lawrence and he got a breakaway.

  9. #59
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    Why, everybody knows it was the Easter Bungie.

    Bear
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  10. #60
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    "Let me push in that stool for you"

    "That guy who said he was the smartest person in the world put on my backpack when he jumped out"

    "I said 'Ding Dong' mo-- fo--"

  11. #61
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    ....and then Electricity says "keep talking b*tches"

    ....you should see it when the Devil comes by in his motor boat.

    ....no, but I found some delicious hot buttered popcorn on the stairs.

  12. #62
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    "Parkinsons."

    Jewelry.

    "Will the defendant please rise."

    The police.

    Who cares?

    It lands in the Dumpster without touching the sides.

    (those last five are musician jokes)

  13. #63
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Carlos says he is not afraid to die.

    No, no no! I've told you a hundred times! She's not crazy, she's f***ing Goofy!
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  14. #64
    Cyburbian HomerJ's avatar
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    "....and that was the story of the Lima Bean."
    Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

  15. #65
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    What do you mean we, white man?
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  16. #66
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    But that's a real nice ski mask you're wearing!
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  17. #67
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    They drowned during spring training.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  18. #68
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    "He was gladiator."

    Bear
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  19. #69
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    ellifino!

    He stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  20. #70
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    "She didn't look like a policeman."

    "I was on my way to the psychiatrist, but I saw your light."

    "Of course, you're cold. You done kicked all the dirt off of you."

    "They all drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down."
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  21. #71
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    "Are you kidding, I'm 85 years old, I'm telling everybody."

    "The other one shucks between fits."
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  22. #72
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Why is that when I write "F", you see "K"?
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  23. #73
    Cyburbian terraplnr's avatar
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    No, it says, “Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.”


    “What the hell was that all about?” (the snail joke)

  24. #74
    Cyburbian Rygor's avatar
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    "Aaaaargh! It's drivin' me nuts!"

    "Neither did the miller when he got up that morning!"
    "When life gives you lemons, just say 'No thanks'." - Henry Rollins

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