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Thread: SO's endearing/nerve grating qualities

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    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    SO's endearing/nerve grating qualities

    Anyone here attached to an accountant? These folks generally have an excellent eye for minutia and detail. If there's one grain of black sand on the entire beach their eyes will be instantly and irresistably drawn to it. This is a good quality when it comes to finding minute errors on mile-long ledgers....the same quality can be much less endearing when it comes to finding fault with their SO (YOU!)

    Lawyers are generally brilliant when it comes to finding an angle to argue and doing so passionately for their clients. A great attribute to have in an advocate.... at times less so when it comes to interpersonal communications, as these folks are sometimes given to disputation as an end unto itself (trust me on this)

    Similarly psychologists or therapists are good at extracting feelings, thoughts, and motives we sometimes hide from ourselves....this type of scrutiny too carries its own drawbacks when it comes to relationships (particularly when they never stop delving)

    Any other personal qualities that you can think of traditionally associated with a profession you know of that's considered a good thing when it comes to their profession, but perhaps a Bad Thing in one's personal life? Share your experiences.

    Do you think there are there any quintessential planner qualities we bring to relationships that might fit that bill?
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

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    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    .

    Do you think there are there any quintessential planner qualities we bring to relationships that might fit that bill?
    ugh. I would hate to be ina relationship with a planner.

    I would imagine that if your SO was an underwear model that could be pretty cool.
    Children in the back seat can cause accidents - and vice versa.

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    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Anyone here attached to an accountant? These folks generally have an excellent eye for minutia and detail. If there's one grain of black sand on the entire beach their eyes will be instantly and irresistably drawn to it. This is a good quality when it comes to finding minute errors on mile-long ledgers....the same quality can be much less endearing when it comes to finding fault with their SO (YOU!)

    Do you think there are there any quintessential planner qualities we bring to relationships that might fit that bill?
    My wife, for lack of a better description, audits medical records and medical coding. I think it might be worse than being married to an accountant. If a $3 expense shows up on our online bank statement, she is immediately all over me asking what it is. She doesn't do well with surprises, which makes for an interesting relationship between us at times as I tend to be a bit impulsive/spontanious. It works though because we compliment each other.

    As a planner, I tend to go off when we visit a new place and get vocally frustrated when I see bad planning in general day-to-day activities. I know this annoys the hell out of my wife. Also, I tend to seek out "authentic" parts of any tourist place we visit. I think we might have another thread somewhere discussing personalities and characteristics/habits of planners.

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

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    Cyburbian Wannaplan?'s avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Do you think there are there any quintessential planner qualities we bring to relationships that might fit that bill?
    I've been told us planner types like to talk about all sides of an issue which inadvertantly gives the impression that we like to dominate discussions while talking endlessly about apparent unrelated facts no one cares about.

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    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    On rare road trip events, it can drive people nuts when I look askance at sprawl, bad planning, sign ordinances MIA, and of course the perennially non-FHWA guidelines bicycle "facilities."

    Pretty amazing to hear my sister, the doctor, use phrases like "land use" or "side yard set-back." Can't imagine where she'd have picked that up.

    One SO desperately wanted to go spend money at the surburban wasteland,
    let's go to the mall," etc. That was not merely nerve-grating, it was a deal-breaker.

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    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
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    According to the ex, I had an irksome habit of planning out the family vacations months in advance, including the route we were going to take. Considering she was very spontaneous, it caused more than a little friction.
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

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    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Whose Yur Planner View post
    According to the ex, I had an irksome habit of planning out the family vacations months in advance, including the route we were going to take. Considering she was very spontaneous, it caused more than a little friction.
    I do this down to having a grid of all the details with confirm numbers, times, who's where etc. The hubster used to get all bent out of shape now he loves it as he can track cost with it from year to year.

    I have also errr been trained to leave in some "free time" drives me nuts but I do it.
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

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    Member Planter's avatar
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    +1 on the comment about seeking out "authentic" places on trips. I drive my family by crazy by refusing to enjoy vacations to typical tourist destinations and always insisting to visit, walk through and hang out in the authentic non-touristy parts of those cities that they find boring and I find endlessly interesting. I'm sure they get tired of my rants about suburban crap when we go through those kind of places. And they know better than to try to get me to go happily to any local restaurunt in a strip mall outside of downtown. In fact, they have suburban strip mall dining night every Tuesday since they know I will always be at City Council that night. I pity the family members of planners.

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    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Planter View post
    I pity the family members of planners.
    My son gets a double dose. When we travel, RJ and I like to do marathon walks around interesting neighborhoods (you've seen his pics), comment on development/redevelopment, find interesting non-chain restaurants, etc. Even if we're just stopping some place for one night, if we've got some time before everyone's ready for dinner, we'll hop back in the car to explore the town. Well, he'll never be at a loss when he's grown and someone brings up planning stuff in a conversation.

    (We do always include some activities that he would enjoy).

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    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    My ex was a neat freak which drove me up a wall. He was annoyed by my gift of gab and used to say I could get a life story out of someone in 5 minutes or less.

    Since RT wants to be an architect and spent an inordinate amount of time around planners she often comments about crappy development, ugly design, and public transportation facilities. So I am sure it doesn't bother her too much when I comment from a planner's perspective. If I ever get an SO again he will have his hands full.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

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    Cyburbian illinoisplanner's avatar
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    One thing my GF has noticed is that everytime we go places, 90% of the pictures will be of places, buildings, landscapes, scenery, etc. rather than the people I'm traveling with. As if that's a bad thing.

    Also, I tend to speak like a "politician" sometimes, even in everyday context, as if not wanting to offend any parties, and many people have picked up on this before. But not always...if I feel passionately about something, I will say how I really feel.

    In addition, my fascination with maps and directions is something I am famous for by all who know me.

    Coincidentally, my GF works for a church, doing global mission work, and so she tends to develop a humanist, social-justice, multi-cultural attitude, which is at odds many times with her Republican BF and her own family. Many of our spars have resulted from this, because I think along the lines of U.S. government vs. foreign government while she thinks along the lines of person vs. person, which are two completely different things. Just because I think the U.S. needs to take a more strong-willed approach in the global world, politically and militarily, doesn't mean I think that's how civilians of the U.S. and other countries should interact with each other. And I often need to remind her of that. On the same token, just because I don't think the U.S. government should endlessly throw money at problems like education and homelessness doesn't mean I think that people in impoverished areas shouldn't be helped...there's just a better way of helping them and it doesn't involve the federal government.
    "Life's a journey, not a destination"
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    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjelsadek View post
    ...... I could get a life story out of someone in 5 minutes or less....
    Off-topic:
    RJ raises his hand from the back of the room to confirm this confession. You tell it, kjel.

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    Cyburbian stroskey's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Wanigas? View post
    I've been told us planner types like to talk about all sides of an issue which inadvertantly gives the impression that we like to dominate discussions .
    +1!! A planner's job requires that they seek out all potential loopholes before code/plans are written so they are always playing devil's advocate... I think planners and lawyers are only a bar exam away from being one in the same.

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    Cyburbian natski's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by PlannerGirl View post
    I do this down to having a grid of all the details with confirm numbers, times, who's where etc. The hubster used to get all bent out of shape now he loves it as he can track cost with it from year to year.

    I have also errr been trained to leave in some "free time" drives me nuts but I do it.
    I am glad i am not the only one that does this! I planned my North America trip like this and the boys were initially really annoyed that i had- but they soon came around to liking it, as they didnt have to organise anything on the spot and that we were able to see so much more than we probably would have seen if we hadnt been so organised
    "Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" Zoolander

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    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Anyone here attached to an accountant? These folks generally have an excellent eye for minutia and detail. If there's one grain of black sand on the entire beach their eyes will be instantly and irresistably drawn to it. This is a good quality when it comes to finding minute errors on mile-long ledgers....
    My wife is a CPA and she has a knack for picking out the strange lyrics in music that I wouldn't notice in years. I tend to listen to some pretty obscure artists on occasion but really listen more for the lo-fi, unrefined production values of the music and don't pay much attention to the lyrics. While I often find my wife pointing out surprisingly obscene or vulgar lyrics in the most unsuspecting places. And she will hear these on first listen in songs that I have been listening to for years!

    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Lawyers are generally brilliant when it comes to finding an angle to argue and doing so passionately for their clients. A great attribute to have in an advocate.... at times less so when it comes to interpersonal communications, as these folks are sometimes given to disputation as an end unto itself (trust me on this)
    Not my SO, but my best friend is a CPA and tax attorney for the U.S. Government and he has definitely never met an argument he didn't like. Regardless of the side and regardless of what he believes! (His personal favorite is to argue to strangers and not-so-close-friends about how great Detroit Tiger Brandon Inge is even though we (his friends) all know how much he really despises him.

    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Similarly psychologists or therapists are good at extracting feelings, thoughts, and motives we sometimes hide from ourselves....this type of scrutiny too carries its own drawbacks when it comes to relationships (particularly when they never stop delving)
    The woman I dated for a few years before I met my wife was a clinical social worker. Her mother was a professor of anthropology and sociology at Providence College and her step-father was a psycho-analyst of some renown. I still shudder when I think back to family gatherings at their place. While the parents were generally nice people (no comment on my ex!) it was hard to tell whether they were trying to analyze me or just get to know me. And no matter how often I would see them, it was as if they could never turn that behavior off.
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

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    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    I have a thrice divorced aunt who married mechanics each time (and every one was a Henry...). She once said "None of my mechanic husbands expressed themselves well with words but all of them were good with their hands." Get your minds out of the gutter....she then went on to say they often showed they cared by doing things like building stuff and fixing things.

    I once had a GF who was the quintessential salesperson - she worked retail and consistently got the top sales #s in the region. Trouble was, she never stopped selling. Ever. It was not enough to simply agree with her or allow her to 'have it her way'. No that wasn't enough, one had to be an enthusiastic supporter of her decisions, beliefs, opinions, etc. or the shpiel would continue to go on (and be revisited) until such time as she was satisfied that was the case. She lost this customer.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

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