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Thread: Discussions We Avoid At All Costs...

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    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Discussions We Avoid At All Costs...

    So I keep thinking I'd like to talk about certain things and then realize I don't want to after all. Are there things you think Cyburbians (or people on-line) should NOT talk about for sure?

    Politics, religion, high culture in cartoons, social justice...bodily functions? Relationships? I'm wondering...what conversations do you shy away from on-line or in-person? I personally avoid political commentary generally, but I really enjoy reading those threads. That's different.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

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    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ursus View post
    So I keep thinking I'd like to talk about certain things and then realize I don't want to after all. Are there things you think Cyburbians (or people on-line) should NOT talk about for sure?

    Politics, religion, high culture in cartoons, social justice...bodily functions? Relationships? I'm wondering...what conversations do you shy away from on-line or in-person? I personally avoid political commentary generally, but I really enjoy reading those threads. That's different.
    I usually shy away from political conversations in person, but not at all on-line. Too many dishonest windbags who get violent about politics. Its not safe.
    Children in the back seat can cause accidents - and vice versa.

  3. #3
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by imaplanner View post
    I usually shy away from political conversations in person, but not at all on-line. Too many dishonest windbags who get violent about politics. Its not safe.
    Right. And we're lucky you don't shy away on-line because they are some of the greatest discussions out there. In person it's way too "iffy".
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

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    Cyburbian illinoisplanner's avatar
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    As far as politics go, I'm finding myself picking my battles more and more on Cyburbia and on-line in general. It just gets to be too much. Also, since I'm a pretty political person in general, I get enough of that stuff talking with my friends, watching the news, etc. Also, I find that talking politics in person, you put a face to the name, and you realize you're talking with real people better. So I'm more likely to carry on a civil political discussion in person.

    Lately, I'm trying to avoid talking about "gays", "gay marriage", etc., since I am now pretty good friends with a couple of gay people. They generally don't live the "gay lifestyle", are closeted to some extent, are Republican and don't think gays should marry, and I don't think they like the label or the stigma. But, the whole gay thing being a common social and political topic, it's tricky trying to avoid it in conversation.
    "Life's a journey, not a destination"
    -Steven Tyler

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    Cyburbian Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Just wait until your parents are old. And you have to have the talk about them driving. Or actually not driving. That is about the ugliest one you will ever have. My brother and I probably put that one off a bit longer than we should have, but thankfully, nothing bad happened.

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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Just wait until your parents are old. And you have to have the talk about them driving. Or actually not driving. That is about the ugliest one you will ever have. My brother and I probably put that one off a bit longer than we should have, but thankfully, nothing bad happened.
    OR
    Trying to convince Mom to move out of her home of 50+ yrs so she c/w/should move into a smaller residence,

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    Cyburbian illinoisplanner's avatar
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    I've seen my parents having to have those same kinds of hard talks about down-sizing (or worse yet, going into "the home") or taking away the keys, and I know what you're talking about. I was actually at the center of the "taking away the keys" debacle, since I wound up being the recipient of them when I turned 16 and felt a little bit of guilt at the time, basically getting my grandma's car for free. However she was developing dementia and so it was critical to keep her off the road, and we thought it was better to keep the car in the family and get some use out of the big investment my Grandma made in it (she probably wouldn't have gotten that much selling it). After an incident in which she got confused and wound up driving almost to Iowa one night instead of simply driving home from the grocery store down the street, it became critically clear that she couldn't drive anymore.
    "Life's a journey, not a destination"
    -Steven Tyler

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    Cyburbian Plus Veloise's avatar
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    Since I set up my father's e-mail account, I had access to it, and after he was admitted to the hospital (early June) I reviewed his sent messages. This was mostly an attempt to contact all of his friends and correspondents so he could have a steady stream of visitors and callers.

    One message described the difficulty he'd had that week trying to buy groceries.
    I have had an exhausting day today ... I drove to Randazzo's, and getting out to my car in handicapped parking, a ...couple came to my rescue and put my groceries in the trunk and got me to the car door...I was just so tuckered that I fell asleep driving, momentarily,, and have been "recuperating" all afternoon.
    Meanwhile my sister was happily prattling about how "we can add a driveway to his house" in the back, so he wouldn't have to go downstairs to get in the car. (Note to those facing this: if your elder exhibits an extreme reaction to anyone's offer to drive, it's time for The Talk. My father insisted on doing all the driving on a trip to Cleveland last year, despite not being able to see critical elements such as the freeway entrance.)

    From the planning standpoint, the cohort of aging boomers means that more folks will have a need for ranch-style living that's close to everything and on the bus line. Just yesterday I chatted with someone who's "only" 70 and griped about their remote condo, miles from anything. "If we want to get groceries we have to drive."

    (this should probably be moved to the neverending aging parents thread)

  9. #9
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    In person I don't really talk politics because it never ends well, unless you are talking to people who completely agree with you, and then why preach to the choir? Online I enjoy getting other people's viewpoints. The media on both sides makes it as difficult as humanly possible to see the truth, so having people explain their opinions is interesting to me. Obviously some people believe they are always right, and that there is no middle ground... but you win some you lose some.

    In general I don't talk about religion. What you do in your personal time or who you pray to is none of my business. I don't really think it makes good conversation anyways..." so how is *enter your preferred holiday* going?"

    I stay out of work conversations as much as possible. It seems that at the end of all of them someone is doing something wrong, or shouldn't be getting paid what they get paid. All it leads to is complaining and tearing people down. Both are pointless in my view.
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

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    Cyburbian beach_bum's avatar
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    Any talks about race make me uncomfortable. No matter how honest you are, you can never be PC enough to make everyone happy. Honestly until people stop worrying about how politically correct certain terms are or statements made are, we will never have a real conversation about race and racial relations in this country and continue to tip toe around the issues.


    My grandparents have finally stopped driving so much and ask for help getting around. Its a relief when they toss me the keys to drive them somewhere, I never mind.
    "Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon." ~Peter Lynch

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    I'm a little extreme but I never talk about politics unless I am absolutely dragged into a conversation. I'd rather be the one guy just sitting there with my mouth zipped up then debate some blowhard as if I'm going to counteract his 10 hours a day of partisan cable news.

    Working in municipal government, I never talk about my political preferences at work.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Quote Originally posted by Seabishop View post
    Working in municipal government, I never talk about my political preferences at work.
    So True, leave them guessing or not even thinking about it.

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    Cyburbian Rygor's avatar
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    Abortion is always a fun and happy topic!
    "When life gives you lemons, just say 'No thanks'." - Henry Rollins

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    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    I adhere to the credo "Better to remain silent and have people think that you're a fool than to open your mouth and prove it".
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

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    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    I generally avoid conversations about planning related topics.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

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    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Seabishop View post
    Working in municipal government, I never talk about my political preferences at work.
    Ditto. As much a my boss tries to bait me into some conversations, I'm pretty good at avoiding them and I think I do a good job of leaving my actual views on most of the topics out of the workplace.


    Growing up a very WASP-y WASP, I usually avoid talking things like politics and money and the general topic of personal feelings, especially with my family. Well, we actually just avoided talking period really. And when those topics arise, we pretty much all feel the same way so they are particularly boring conversations. The one thing I almost NEVER talk about (to other family members) is the rest of my family and individual failings or troubles one might be having. I don't want to hear about (or care) who lost his/her job, what nephew is having a hard time in English class, what cousin is getting a divorce and who's fault it is... all of that is gossip IMO and if the subject wanted me to know about it, they would tell me personally.

    My wife, who is an only child with just a few cousins around her age cannot understand why I don't like talking about this type of stuff, why I don't know telephone numbers or birthdays for my siblings, etc.
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

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    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    I generally avoid conversations about planning related topics.
    That's funny! But when I stopped laughing, I realized you may be serious. I DON'T talk about planning outside of work much. Mostly because there are so few of us that nobody knows or cares what I'm talking about.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

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    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ursus View post
    That's funny! But when I stopped laughing, I realized you may be serious. I DON'T talk about planning outside of work much. Mostly because there are so few of us that nobody knows or cares what I'm talking about.
    I am serious. Not that I won't discuss topics period, but...

    See, there are 2 types of planners. 1 - people who plan for a living, and 2 - people who live for planning. I'm the 1st type and I find the 2nd type to be obnoxious and annoying.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

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    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Just wait until your parents are old. And you have to have the talk about them driving. Or actually not driving. That is about the ugliest one you will ever have. My brother and I probably put that one off a bit longer than we should have, but thankfully, nothing bad happened.
    Agreed. This happened a little early with my mom, she was maybe 59. Part of it was her nerves and part her crappy night vision. When her car broke down and it was cost prohibitive to fix it, she was already retired on disability, we elected not to replace the car. Got her signed up for Portland Tri-Met's Lift service which gives point to point rides for about $1 each way and she could bring a companion for free and that was often my daughter when she was younger. While she was mad at first and very defensive, she came around to the point that driving was stressful for her and she learned to enjoy "chauffeur" service.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  20. #20
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    I am serious. Not that I won't discuss topics period, but...

    See, there are 2 types of planners. 1 - people who plan for a living, and 2 - people who live for planing. I'm the 1st type and I find the 2nd type to obnoxious and annoying.
    Ah yes, the black turtleneck brigade.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  21. #21
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    As a sports fanatic, I avoid discussing sports with people who think they know sports but are actually clueless. I usually just agree with their juvenile opinions and hope they shut up.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  22. #22
    Cyburbian illinoisplanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    I am serious. Not that I won't discuss topics period, but...

    See, there are 2 types of planners. 1 - people who plan for a living, and 2 - people who live for planning. I'm the 1st type and I find the 2nd type to be obnoxious and annoying.
    I can sort of relate. I enjoy planning and all, but I hate running into the types of people that are like "everyone needs to live in a major city; suburbs and small cities should be just left to the wasteland and rural areas should be completely uninhabited." Not everyone's on-board with that. In fact the vast majority of Americans like suburbs and rural areas, so we might as well do what we can to improve the quality of life and efficiency of these areas.

    And at this point, while I enjoy this field, I want to plan and do good work wherever I wind up and fulfill/exceed the job requirements of whatever job I land.

    Far too many people spend wayyy too much time in grad school that they've lost touch with reality.
    "Life's a journey, not a destination"
    -Steven Tyler

  23. #23
    Cyburbian stroskey's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    As a sports fanatic, I avoid discussing sports with people who think they know sports but are actually clueless. I usually just agree with their juvenile opinions and hope they shut up.
    Exactly. I dislike people that have to make an opinionated comment after every play or call.

    On the same note, I find football announcers to be in the same vein. If a player makes a huge catch they'll say "Johnson is really the go-to guy. He's their number one receiver." Then on the next play, if he drops the ball, they'll say "Johnson really has to work at those routes in practice. He's been sloppy with those." Please say you've noticed this before so I don't feel crazy.
    I burned down the church to atone for my transgressions.

  24. #24
    Cyburbian mike gurnee's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ofos View post
    I adhere to the credo "Better to remain silent and have people think that you're a fool than to open your mouth and prove it".
    Exactly. I would love to talk planning, but no one knows or cares what it is out here. I cannot talk politics, because my opinions are 180 degrees to everyone else. I just don't talk; I may respond once in a while...but I try not to. Such is small town living.

    I had a phone conversation with a PhD candidate some time ago. I kept her on the line for several minutes longer than the interview, because I was starved for the intellectual discussion. Such is small town living.

  25. #25
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    See, there are 2 types of planners. 1 - people who plan for a living, and 2 - people who live for planning. I'm the 1st type and I find the 2nd type to be obnoxious and annoying.
    Exactly, there are many people who are the 2nd type because they think they know everything about everything and can't wait to tell you about it.

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