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Thread: Help design worst employee holiday party ever

  1. #1
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Help design worst employee holiday party ever

    If you were deliberately trying to host the lamest/worst holiday work party possible (we're talking about having a negative effect on morale here) how would you go about it?


    Moderator note:
    split from RTDNTOTO
    Last edited by Maister; 02 Dec 2010 at 12:24 PM.

  2. #2
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    If you were deliberately trying to host the lamest/worst holiday work party possible (we're talking about having a negative effect on morale here) how would you go about it?
    Provide pink slip papermats
    Obtain food from the party from the local KFC or other greasy chicken place
    Serve water and nothing else
    Allow for only 1 hour for the party, all employees must make up time after the first 1/2 hour
    Don't close City Hall during the time so some employee have to miss out
    Invite your local tea baggers as "entertainment"
    follow me on the twitter @rcplans

  3. #3
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    -Require everyone to wear red and green.

    -Do not allow food or drinks.

    -Have a men's area and a women's area.

    -Require everyone to be involved in the secret santa and spend at least $25.
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  4. #4
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Put Maister in charge of organizing the party. As each new person came to join the party, they'd be split off from the group, sent to their own room, and asked to complete a poll.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  5. #5
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by CPSURaf View post
    Provide pink slip papermats
    Obtain food from the party from the local KFC or other greasy chicken place
    Serve water and nothing else
    Allow for only 1 hour for the party, all employees must make up time after the first 1/2 hour
    Don't close City Hall during the time so some employee have to miss out
    Invite your local tea baggers as "entertainment"
    Easy there. As a former long-term employee of KFC, I can think of much worse food to eat!

    How about different levels of food. KFC for the lowly employees. Kick-ass buffet for the elected officials/management.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  6. #6
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ofos
    Put Maister in charge of organizing the party. As each new person came to join the party, they'd be split off from the group, sent to their own room, and asked to complete a poll
    Off-topic:
    Dan, I'm looking at the moderator controls and I see options for: yellow flagging, suspending, and banning, but I don't see 'smite' anywhere. Can you help out? Thanks

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Easy there. As a former long-term employee of KFC, I can think of much worse food to eat!

    How about different levels of food. KFC for the lowly employees. Kick-ass buffet for the elected officials/management.
    Hey i didn't say it was bad... just saying, nothing screams christmas like a bucket of chicken
    follow me on the twitter @rcplans

  8. #8
    Cyburbian cng's avatar
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    The party is held outside at the employee parking lot.

    Food is provided by potluck, but only food colored red or green is allowed. As a result, there's four dozen green marshmallow jello casserole dishes. But someone did manage to dye the local KFC chicken green as well.

    The boss decides to play musical chairs to determine who gets laid off on the start of the new year. Unfortunately, the guy who broke his foot at last week's Turkey bowl games becomes the victim, losing out to the secretary who just had a lap-band procedure done.

    Santa is that disgrunted road maintenance worker laid off last year. He hasn't showered since he was laid off, and everyone is forced to sit on his lap to request for office supplies for next year.

    There are some door prizes, which includes outdated company swag, like corduroy caps, with the company's old logo. Nothing like a bit of nostalgia.

  9. #9
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by CPSURaf View post
    Hey i didn't say it was bad... just saying, nothing screams christmas like a bucket of chicken
    Personally, I would tell employees many weeks in advance that we're going to have a "Holiday Pizza Party Extravaganza" and collect $10 from each of the 17 Department employees to 'help defray expenses' and then proceed to set out about half dozen 10" Totino's or other bottom of the barrel brand of frozen snack pizzas on a card table (with a roll of paper towel - or better yet Wendy's napkins laid out). Beverages would consist of a warm two liter of grocery store brand pop served in styrofoam cups.

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Duke Of Dystopia's avatar
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    Main food dishes must be some form of gruel or porridge or similarly mushy type of presentation.... served cold.
    I can't deliver UTOPIA, but I can create a HELL for you to LIVE in :)DoD:(

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Plus
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    How many different things can you serve embedded in a jello mold ?
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


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    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
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  12. #12
    Cyburbian mgk920's avatar
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    -Pass out the bonus checks at the party and encourage everyone to share the news on what they got.
    -Play the (Name of company here)'s Funniest Surveillance Videos on the big screen.
    -Sam Adams Lager and Leinie's Red? Naaaahh.... COORS LIGHT and MILLER 64!



    Mike

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Personally, I would tell employees many weeks in advance that we're going to have a "Holiday Pizza Party Extravaganza" and collect $10 from each of the 17 Department employees to 'help defray expenses' and then proceed to set out about half dozen 10" Totino's or other bottom of the barrel brand of frozen snack pizzas on a card table (with a roll of paper towel - or better yet Wendy's napkins laid out). Beverages would consist of a warm two liter of grocery store brand pop served in styrofoam cups.
    Brutal. Could you also do microwaved burritos as well and pawn them off as "homemade"?
    follow me on the twitter @rcplans

  14. #14
    Cyburbian cng's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    How many different things can you serve embedded in a jello mold ?
    Other than grapes and diced peaches... just about anything that has a density similar to the jello mold. A numerous variety of bugs, in particular, roaches fit in this category.

  15. #15
    Cyburbian The One's avatar
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    Oh Yeah......

    Only allow marzipan for dessert
    Play only speed/death metal for the entire party at about 120 db
    Only provide mad dog or boones farm for liquor
    Provide 30 minutes for the City Manager to speak on the importance of work productivity
    Charge admission at the door without notice

    Make flyers, e-mail notices, explain how great the food and drink will be.....then just don't show up, don't reserve the place, do nothing. When people ask what happened to the party.....say "What Party? Get Back to Work!"
    Skilled Adoxographer

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    How many different things can you serve embedded in a jello mold ?
    Spam Pate ?
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  17. #17
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Mandatory meeting in the City Council chambers. Punch and Christmas cookies are on fold-up tables in the back. An evangelical minister gives a one hour lecture about the "real reason for the season." Halfway through, we're told to "pick up the hymnals underneath our seats, and turn them to page 632", where we sing awkward and little-known Christmas songs: Good King Wenceslas, Ihr Kinderlein kommet in its original German, etc. The Mayor or City Manager follows up by telling us our holiday bonus is "The birth of the Lord Jesus Christ, who died for our sins." Also, we can go home 15 minutes early on Christmas Eve "to beat the rush, and get some more time in for last-minute shopping."

    Quote Originally posted by The One
    Play only speed/death metal for the entire party at about 120 db
    Only provide mad dog or boones farm for liquor
    That sounds like one kick-ass Christmas party.
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  18. #18
    Cyburbian The One's avatar
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    Yeah.....

    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    That sounds like one kick-ass Christmas party.
    You see! You can't displease all of the people all of the time
    Skilled Adoxographer

  19. #19
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by The One View post
    You see! You can't displease all of the people all of the time
    Oh yeah ...



    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  20. #20
    Cyburbian cng's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    Spam Pate ?
    Glutenously frightening. I misunderstood your question earlier, but I suppose with a good blender, and some gelantin mixture, you can turn anything into a jello mold. I have the strange temptation to do some experimentation at home in my kitchen now...

  21. #21
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by mgk920 View post
    -Pass out the bonus checks at the party and encourage everyone to share the news on what they got.
    Bonus checks? What the heck are those?
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
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    A small intimate dinner for the staff at Mickey D's. Being the generous soul that you are, you offer to pick up the tab. However, you spend the dinner telling your boring war stories that they don't give a !@#$%$# about.
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

  23. #23
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by mgk920 View post
    -Pass out the bonus checks at the party and encourage everyone to share the news on what they got.
    To get everyone's expectations up first I would announce well in advance with great pomp and fanfare that everyone will be recieving a "bonus" at the party. Everyone would indeed get an envelope but inside would be valuable bonus coupons like "save 10% on your next tire purchase" or "buy one entree and get the second half off" or "free drink (with purchase of any sandwich and side)" The department secretary, however, would inexplicably have $500 cash in her envelope.

  24. #24
    Cyburbian Duke Of Dystopia's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by cng View post
    Other than grapes and diced peaches... just about anything that has a density similar to the jello mold. A numerous variety of bugs, in particular, roaches fit in this category.
    DUDE! THAT IS SO SICK!

    I THINK YOU WIN THE MOST DEMORALIZING DISH AT THE PARTY AWARD!
    I can't deliver UTOPIA, but I can create a HELL for you to LIVE in :)DoD:(

  25. #25
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    My brother was once trapped on a booze cruise for 2 hours with a REALLY TERRIBLE comedian. I vote for that. Or any other form of embarrassing entertainment that involves enforced/coerced participation.

    Now let's go around the room and have each of us share a special story of Christmas, shall we?

    Me: Why won't this window open!?
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

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