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Thread: Most appalling letter to the editor contest

  1. #1
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Most appalling letter to the editor contest

    The title says it all. I've heard enough people gripe about how their local rag/news source features the most mindless letters to the editor you've ever seen. Here's your chance to show where the bear goes through the buckwheat - show us the WORST letter to the editor you've encountered. Show us those letters that make you feel despair for humanity's future; show us those letters that prove retirement is a Big Mistake for some people; show us those letters that reveal the most twisted, warped, and skewed view of reality you've ever heard; show us those letters filled with self-complacent smug arrogance; show us the most mindless, jingoistic, raving, slanted, angry, disreputable, intellectually dishonest, loutish, clueless letters you can possibly find. The worse the letter the better the entry.

    Doesn't have to be from your local paper. Just has to be appalling. Provide a link, or copy a quote and post it here. Afterwards maybe we can vote on which one we feel is worst. Then again, maybe we'll feel too sick to do that.

  2. #2
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Can this be another Neverending thread or is there going to be a time limit ?
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  3. #3
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    Can this be another Neverending thread or is there going to be a time limit ?
    Oh let's give it a week. If it's still going on after that we'll see.

    Just to give a flavor of the level of competition we're looking for I'll throw this first one out as a sample. True, it's a letter from an editor but this rant pretty well captures the essence of what we're seeking.

    http://www.informationclearinghouse....rticle6481.htm

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Rygor's avatar
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    Published in the local paper within the last 2 years, remarking on a proposed regulation to administer fines for landlords who fail to make repairs in a timely manner (names have been changed):

    When I saw the recent headlind ‘Landlord Fine System Proposed,’ I started shaking in my high-heeled boots. (I don’t own Birkenstocks.)
    And then when former Alderwoman (now a self-appointed know it all) Jane Smith’s name appeared in the first paragraph followed by the narrow minded comments of alderman John Smith, I knew I was in for the same creepy feelings I get when I read the thoughtless opinions of right-wing fundamentalists.
    People become thoughtless not only when their life experiences is limited but also when their insatiable need for attention motivates their every thought and deed. Sooner or later, I expect Ms. Smith and her gofers march west across Wright Street and into our non-partisan concil chambers with their demands.
    I’ll be there on that day. But, unlike Ms. Smith, my comments will be base on over 35 years experience as a strong advocate and as a landlord, including being a voluntary Section 8 landlord. Ms. Smith and Mr. Smith are demagogues. Their opinions are mean-spirited, unenlightened and just plain wrong in their sophmoric simplicity.
    Boy, there's nothing like a bunch of personal attacks without a single attempt to respond to the actual issue to make people think you have a coherent and well-stated argument.
    "When life gives you lemons, just say 'No thanks'." - Henry Rollins

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Cloverhill's avatar
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    Here's a good one...

    This guy worked for the development community and used to be the Zoning Admin:

    Comments by Bob Bosco of Huntley Nyce and Associates in the Leesburg 2 Day Readers Exchange Poor Plan = Homebuyer Tax (11/19/03 at 07:50 AM)

    All the County has managed to do with this so called plan is to increase the cost of housing. This is clearly an attempt by the outgoing Board to force the new Board into a position of voting down this tax on new homeowners by overturning this farce of a plan and to waste time coming up with the appropriate Capital Facility cost for new housing based on a service plan the County will actually implement. I said it before when this plan was originally proposed but this plan is unrealistic, the facilities it promises will never be built and it is just another way to scam money from the home buyers. It is an impact fee plain and simple. This County is sitting on 47 million dollars of Capital Facilities proffers collected in Eastern Loudoun over the past 15 years and it is not being used to implement the old service plan. What makes anyone think these funds will not be hoarded by County Administration any differently. Proffers are suppose to be voluntary but, with this plan they are anything but. If you don't pay the amount identified in this plan the County staff will not support your application and therefore recommend denial to the Board. That certainly does not sound voluntary to me. But, what really gets me fired up is the fact the County now also wants to double the amount of affordable housing the home builders have to "VOLUNTARILY" supply without the slightest reduction in these so called "Capital Facility" impact fees. All this stupid legislation passed by the "Lame Duck" Board will accomplish is to force land to develop under it's by right density to avoid these fees (tax). Of course that means no proffers for roads, no affordable housing, no land for new school sites, no capital facility fees and no fire and rescue contributions. However, I we are going to have all of this by-right development then we will no longer need a Planning Department to produce new plans or process rezonings because we won't have the need to do any of that with by-right landuse. Then we can cut all the planners in Building and Development because other than a subdivision plan that will be checked by zoning staff, the rest of the development process can be handled by the County engineering staff. This could give the new Board it's first major program cuts to save tax dollars and reduce our taxes. Cut the Planning Department and the Planners in Building and Development. And while your at it you can now cut positions in the County Attorneys office because the attorneys won't be reviewing proffers or so many deeds. You can cut the envirnmental staff because there won't be enough plans to review to justify a staff position. Finally, the Board could cut half of the County Administrator's staff because their won't be all those people to supervise. So, if staff thinks coming up this this over-priced plans was "Smart Growth" friendly then, maybe you will enjoy your unemployment dream world also.
    -- Bob Bosco

  6. #6
    Cyburbian hilldweller's avatar
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    I want to see the hard-core tinfoil hattery stuff that isn't even suitable for being printed in the paper

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    from my local rag...today...(and it was published)

    Wednesday, Sep. 02, 2009

    Many reasons to fear immigrants


    Ruben Navarrette Jr. was right on with his column "Economy and security aren't why Americans fear immigrants" (Aug. 24, Page A-7). Economy and security are definitely not why Americans fear immigrants; we have many other reasons. In this valley, we have one of the biggest gang problems in the state. Then there is the reverse racism Americans experience when they only speak English when applying for a job.

    The flying of foreign flags and the burning of the U.S. flag is another. What about the hour-upon-hour wait in our emergency rooms because of the people who merely need cough medicine? Pressing "1" for English is starting to grind some gears. And be careful when driving; you don't want to get hit by one of those pesky illegals without a driver's license or insurance, for they will surely drive away.

    CASEY HAGENS
    Oakdale
    follow me on the twitter @rcplans

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Ooooh, I got one.

    An apology for Agee
    by Joe Schmoe
    Sunday August 23, 2009

    The Press has new leadership, but the bias against guns is as strong as ever. The glaring front page headline about Kent County Commissioner Dean Agee made it sound as if he were caught in the act of committing a crime and was ordered to put down a gun that he was holding in his hand ("Put down your gun, leader told," Press, Aug. 7). This headline was very offensive to me.

    The facts were that Commissioner Agee had cooperated with the sheriff's department before firing his gun. What happened was an accident and not a criminal act or a case of recklessness. I feel The Press owes Commissioner Agee an apology. The apology should be on the front page.


    So what did those wild & crazy editors run on the front page that day?
    This:
    http://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapi...er_dean_3.html

    Um, front page, above the fold.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by CPSURaf View post
    Wednesday, Sep. 02, 2009

    The flying of foreign flags and the burning of the U.S. flag is another. What about the hour-upon-hour wait in our emergency rooms because of the people who merely need cough medicine? Pressing "1" for English is starting to grind some gears. And be careful when driving; you don't want to get hit by one of those pesky illegals without a driver's license or insurance, for they will surely drive away.
    ..."and their dang food is too spicy! And I shouldn't have to listen to that Salsa music all the time! And I shouldn't have to forced to look at those squiggly lines on top of their letter N's!"

  10. #10
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Veloise View post
    Ooooh, I got one.

    [I][INDENT]An apology for Agee
    by Joe Schmoe
    .
    Watch out for Joe Schmoe. He's been making some noise lately.

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Mud Princess's avatar
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    Are those anonymous comments submitted online in response to newspaper articles eligible? Or only the signed and printed letters? I see some incredible rants online practically every day.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian
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    Quote Originally posted by Mud Princess View post
    Are those anonymous comments submitted online in response to newspaper articles eligible? Or only the signed and printed letters? I see some incredible rants online practically every day.
    I think the fact that the letters are actually chosen by staff to be published makes them more amazing than comments that, unless they violate terms of use, anyone can post and will stay up there.

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Not appalling but channeling Gen. Jack D. Ripper -

    U.S.A. as Zombieland
    I have suddenly realized what is happening in this country. As usual President Obama is at fault. He and his cronies have undoubtedly infiltrated the nation's municipal water supplies and introduced some foreign substance which changes formerly rational citizens into unseeing, unhearing, uncivil, illogical zombies. As for me, I'm giving up water.
    http://www.courier-journal.com/article/2009909080318
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  14. #14
    Cyburbian
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    From the "unsigned" section of our on-line newspaper on the topic of a proposed pawn shop:

    Such a great job being done by the Village administration here in the getto. First the Downtown Avenue "redevelopement" that is nothing but vacant land, now Pawn Shops!!! What the heck, why not strip clubs at this point. It is becoming more evident that the board has given up on making [My Fair City] the place to be.

    and....

    Is the town of [My Fair City] sooo strapped for cash that we need to start opening Pawn Shops? Why not start soliciting for Adult Dance Clubs, All Night Liquor Stores, and Massage Parlors too! We don't need to transact business that way. Stop!
    Last edited by southsideamy; 08 Sep 2009 at 9:25 PM. Reason: Added italics for effect

  15. #15
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by southsideamy View post
    From the "unsigned" section of our on-line newspaper on the topic of a proposed pawn shop:

    Such a great job being done by the Village administration here in the getto. First the Downtown Avenue "redevelopement" that is nothing but vacant land, now Pawn Shops!!! What the heck, why not strip clubs at this point. It is becoming more evident that the board has given up on making [My Fair City] the place to be.

    and....

    Is the town of [My Fair City] sooo strapped for cash that we need to start opening Pawn Shops? Why not start soliciting for Adult Dance Clubs, All Night Liquor Stores, and Massage Parlors too! We don't need to transact business that way. Stop!
    They forgot to mention the check cashing/payday loan establishment!
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Emeritus Chet's avatar
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    "We traveled 3,500 miles by car through Arkansas, Illinois, Indiana, Missouri, Michigan and back home again. As we pulled across the line to our beloved Lone Star State, the first thing we saw was a full-size billboard reading, “Where’s the birth certificate?”

    Damn, it’s good to be back home again and God Bless Texas."

  17. #17
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    Here's a good one which goes well with the Swiss minaret ban.


    Mecca photo insulting at Thanksgiving time
    [name] Niantic, CT

    How insensitive and insulting The Day's front page was on Nov. 25.
    It was the day before Thanksgiving, when Americans give thanks for the sacrifices made by our ancestors to establish this wonderful country.
    The Day's feature picture of Muslims praying in Saudi Arabia was out of line. It's a sad day for Americans

  18. #18
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Seabishop View post
    Here's a good one which goes well with the Swiss minaret ban.


    Mecca photo insulting at Thanksgiving time
    [name] Niantic, CT

    How insensitive and insulting The Day's front page was on Nov. 25.
    It was the day before Thanksgiving, when Americans give thanks for the sacrifices made by our ancestors to establish this wonderful country.
    The Day's feature picture of Muslims praying in Saudi Arabia was out of line. It's a sad day for Americans
    Dear Editor,
    This same newspaper I'll have you know posted a picture of an openly gay man receiving some community arts award last year on the front page 4 days prior to that most holy day in Christiandom - Easter! A time when the nation should be preparing itself with pious thoughts. How low we have sunk as a nation. We shall all pay on Judgement Day...

  19. #19
    I'm already sick. Seriously. Maybe I'm just a little faint-hearted, though.

  20. #20
    Cyburbian
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    I've actually written many letters to editors myself, only to see them grammatically butchered in spectacular fashion. Worse is to see the editor attach some title like, "New Hampshire ain't that great," exactly the opposite of the letter I originally wrote. I was merely opining that the bulk of regulatory and insurance mandates made the state difficult to do business in.

    Studying planning, I should have noted the high cost to developers of the rather unpredictable grass roots method of development in New Hampshire.

  21. #21
    Cyburbian
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    Today in the Local Rag....a pretty tongue-in-cheek editorial (made me laugh)...hardly appalling, but unsure of where else to post it!!

    The decay of "My Fair City" (names have been replaced to protect this planner)

    By xxxxx

    My Fair City is becoming seedy. There is no denying it any longer.
    The quiet southwest suburb that recently landed the prestigious honor from BusinessWeek magazine as "America's Best Place to Raise Your Kids" is on the road to ruin.

    You could hear the horrified gasps up and down Oak Park Avenue last year when Mayor xxxxx and the rest of the village board gave their blessing for a pawnshop to open. The owner also runs a pawnshop in that slum xxxxxx (<----Mendleman's town).

    Yes, that's right, a pawnshop. In My Fair City. The kind of place where people sell things like old jewelry and electronics so they can get a few extra dollars in case they're in a bind and need to pay some bills.

    That sort of thing doesn't happen in My Fair City.

    Not when the good people can go on Craigslist and allow strangers to come into their homes and hand them a few dollars for their old junk.

    Upscale stuffy xxxxx city, according to a cursory thumbing through the Yellow Pages, is home to at least three pawnshops.

    The effect of such moral turpitude is obvious.

    Just ask the people who file in and out of the jammed restaurants in downtown Upscale Stuffy xxxx city restaurants Friday and Saturday nights, paying $150 for a bottle of wine.

    "We don't go to upscale stuffy xxxx city anymore," they say before walking into parking garages of stained glass and climbing into their Cadillac Escalades. "Too many pawnshops."

    Upscale stuff City was dragged so deep into the mud by its pawnshops, a fondue joint was allowed to open.

    One more pawnshop in Upscale stuffy City might mean an end to the community's distinction as the No. 1 overrated suburb that all other suburbs privately desire they could become just like.

    Keep it up with the pawnshops, My Fair City. The editors at BusinessWeek might ask for their award back.

    Pawnshops are bad enough by themselves.

    But the My Fair City fathers seemed bent on trashing the town and driving property values into the ground.

    They also had to give the OK for a tattoo shop to open.

    "There goes the neighborhood," said a Gated Subdivision soccer mom sporting a tattoo of a small flower on her ankle.

    "The nerve," replied a neighbor in the same cul-de-sac with a dolphin inked on to her lower back.

    There are no tattoos on this fantasy island of My Fair City. Residents still do it the old-fashioned way, by driving to Chicago's North Side and dropping a few hundred bucks to get their body art.

    My Fair City seems intent on making a pact with the devil. And we know what happens to places that make pacts with the devil.

    My Fair City also has become home to - cue "Dragnet" theme here - a teen nightclub.

    The opening of "The Club" is a calamity of such grave consequences, a resident might want to phone Speak Out and declare his disgust.

    Before you know it, local teens won't be hiding out and drinking in the forest preserves.

    They might have something to do with their free time.

    You already can hear the Wurlitzers blaring past 9 at night.

    The boys will grow hair below their ears.

    The girls even might start wearing long pants.

    This slippery slide into decay needs to end soon.

    If My Fair City isn't careful, a Wal-Mart might want to come to town.

  22. #22
    Quote Originally posted by Chet View post
    "We traveled 3,500 miles by car through Arkansas, Illinois, Indiana, Missouri, Michigan and back home again. As we pulled across the line to our beloved Lone Star State, the first thing we saw was a full-size billboard reading, “Where’s the birth certificate?”

    Damn, it’s good to be back home again and God Bless Texas."
    Do you need to show your birth certificate to enter Texas now?????

  23. #23
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Here's a gem for the Ages. This keen appeal to logic clearly sets the record straight. I imagine many will read it and think 'oh my god, how could I have been so blind. Thank you Mr. Bonine for showing me the Way!'

    (I must be on a Limbaugh kick today)

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