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Thread: TS & MW's Big News

  1. #1
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    TS & MW's Big News

    Quote Originally posted by luckless pedestrian View post
    TS - give me call before you leave that sunny island...
    Well. Okay... I have BIG news.

    MW and I are starting a family.
    Though with this exciting decision comes a predicament. We are considering relocating so that we can have a larger space and a yard and a quiet community to call our own, plus it is really important to us that our families get to be active in our child's life, which would be difficult from the middle of the Pacific. However, it is in our best interest and the best interest of our future wee one to only considering moving if we have equivalent or better rights than we currently have. This narrows down our potential scope to New England, Iowa, or staying in Hawaii. Right now, if we stay put and obtain a civil union in January, then I am granted legal parental rights to our child automatically. I can then apply for a second-parent adoption and it should be a simple and straightforward matter. If we move, it can only be to a place where SSM is legal and SSP-adoption is legal. We don't want to risk our family being torn apart by the state if something should happen to one of us.

    It seems like the wisest thing to do for now is to stay put for a few years, but when I look at all the land, the house, the quality of life we could purchase if we weren't living here, it kills me. We love the ocean life, but the thought of raising our little monkey around all these drug addicts, with constant sirens in the background, and with so little space, it is very overwhelming. I had such a great childhood. I want my child to have the same. So many things to think about.

    I'm so excited to be a mommy!
    _______________________________
    Edit: Our parents don't know yet. It is going to be a surprise when we visit home in a few weeks. So, anyone on here who is my friend on FB, please don't post anything on my wall about our mini monkey.
    Occupy Your Brain!

  2. #2
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    Congrats to both of you!

    Having a family is great and trying, but mostly great. My three boys are a hoot!

    Good luck on the search for new patures. Several of the large cities in Iowa are pretty nice (so I've been told), but western NYS is nice and you can be near/on Lake Erie or Ontario which are really nice and can provide that "beach" lifestyle (to an extent).
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

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  3. #3
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Congrats! Sounds like you got some thinking to do!

    Whait a sec.... no sirens or drug addicts in Toledo? All that and discount glass! Why did you leave? Maumee Bay on a windy day gets surf too!
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  4. #4
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    Congrats! So happy for you. Kids are... ummm...wonderful

    They fulfill a pretty awesome spot in your life. Now just find the right place to live and work and get it done

    Congrats!!!!!
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Plus dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Woo hoo! Congrats! Yay! Mazel tov! Many blessings!


    Details, details. Who? When? How? Boy or girl? <- I need to know so I can start picking out yarn colors.


    And finally, may I suggest...

    Start spreading the news,
    I'm leaving today.
    I want to be a part of it -
    New York, New York.

  6. #6
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    okay well then - wow - that is awesome so yeah, PM me or FB chat with me

  7. #7
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Congrats, that is great news! I'm very happy for you guys. Raising children is one of the most blessed, fun, stressful, important, awesome, and rewarding things ever

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Brocktoon's avatar
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    Congratulations! That is great news!
    "If you don't like change, you're going to like irrelevance even less" General Eric Shinseki

  9. #9
    Cyburbian rcgplanner's avatar
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    A huge congrats to you and wife TS!

    Another place to investigate is IL. IL now has Civil Unions, although I am not sure about SSP Adoption Rights. Watch the going-ons in Iowa, there is a move afoot to vote out the SC justices and replace them with new justices that are more likely to remove any SSM laws.

    Anyhow, congrats again!!!

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Linda_D's avatar
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    Congrats, TS!!! If you're looking for "life by the sea", Upstate NY is the place. Trust me, you'll get to love snow if you have the right attitude ... like developing a love for x-country skiing, sledding, snowball fights, ice-skating, snowmobiling ...

    Seriously, real estate in Upstate New York is a bargain, even when it's on the water. Buffalo is on Lake Erie and Rochester is on Lake Ontario. Syracuse is cheek-to-jowl with Oneida Lake. Smaller cities/large towns on water include: Dunkirk, Hamburg (Lake Erie); Youngstown, Oswego, Watertown (Lake Ontario); Canadaigua (Canadaigua); Jamestown (Chautauqua); Ithaca (Cayuga); Hammondsport (Keuka); Plattsburg (Champlain). The Finger Lakes area is filled with smaller, picturesque towns like Seneca Falls and Watkins Glen that are on/near some lesser known waters. Then there are the Adirondak towns like Lake Placid, Tupper Lake, and Saranac Lake.

    I believe that Iowa City, home of Iowa State University, is in a part of Iowa that has a goodly number of lakes, too.

    Lake Champlain runs down most of Vermont's western border with Burlington, VT being the major city there. Vermont's real estate, however, is rather pricey. NH's has a big lake (Nippa-something IIRC) in the northern part of the state and Portsmouth is right on the ocean, but NH is pricey as well, especially the southern part close to Boston.

    I know a couple of people who made Rhode Island home because real estate there is relatively inexpensive compared to Boston which is about an hour or so from Warwick and other places on Narragansett Bay.

    I rather liked Portland, ME when I visited but my visits were always as a tourist and in the summer/early fall. The climate is milder than WNY but probably not as mild as Rhode Island's.

  11. #11
    Cyburbian beach_bum's avatar
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    Wow, amazing news! I know you both will be great mommies!
    "Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon." ~Peter Lynch

  12. #12
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    Congrats on your decision! Once the child enters your lives, you will probably have a few years to decide on where you'd like to move because they don't really need much space until they are a bit older. And maybe at that point there will be more states with more favorable laws to consider.

    As the father of a 1-year-old, I've found that if I just leave her in the laundry room with a bowl of food and the floor covered with newspapers, she rarely makes it off of them to piddle where she's not supposed to while I at work all day. And she's young enough that she doesn't care whether she's inside or out.

    Wait! Are we talking dogs or babies? I forget!


    As for your current choices, I have a friend who moved to Iowa late last year and she absolutely loves it. She lives in Iowa City and commute to Cedar Rapids and once you get away from the cornfields, it looks like there is quite a bit to do out there if you like the outdoors - no oceans though!

    But of your choices listed, I'd pick New England. I spent a lot of time in Portland, ME a few years back and absolutely loved it. It's truly an underrated city and if they don't have something you crave, you're not that far from Boston. I also spent a bit of time in Manchester, NH which always seemed nice enough, but the real beauty was outside the city in the smaller towns.

    Good luck wherever you land and remember to have fun!
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  13. #13
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Congratulations!
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  14. #14
    Corn Burning Fool giff57's avatar
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    Congrats, and I can say that for a couple like you, Iowa City would be great. It is a little liberal island in the conservative sea of Iowa. Very diverse with a good hippy and crunchy population as well. Iowa in general is a great place to raise kids, very safe with top notch schools. Coralville Reservoir is a few miles away, and the Mississippi is about an hour's drive.
    “As soon as public service ceases to be the chief business of the citizens, and they would rather serve with their money than with their persons, the State is not far from its fall”
    Jean-Jacques Rousseau

  15. #15
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Super news! And kids ARE great - and maddening - and wonderful - and terrible - and everything in between. They say Kingda Ka is the biggest roller coaster in the world, but I think its Parenthood. I love it and can't imagine what else I woudl do with my time.

    And I would agree that you have time to make your decision about where to be. It takes a while for them to need space. And I still live downtown on a small lot and a small house with a 10 and 5 year old (and a wife). They aren't suffering...

    But as for where to go (and I agree, family support is not only important for the little ones, but provides much needed support for the parents, too), it saddens me that you would have to limit your search based on parental rights. But as I said elsewhere, I think that its just a matter of time until its a non-issue nationwide. FTR, I have quite a number of same sex parent friends here in my fair state. Despite legal gray areas, I am unaware of any bad situations that have resulted from the non-married status. The worst thing I've witnessed is couples splitting up with kids. Even then, the laws were evidently surprisingly accommodating of everyone's rights and all parties have access to the kids. This doesn't get at issues related to health problems or even death (God forbid!) but I'm just saying - don't let the lack of SS marriage rights deter you from living somewhere you really want to be. This is a great country with so many great places to live and experience!

    Best of luck with everything!
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Cardinal's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by mendelman View post
    ...western NYS is nice and you can be near/on Lake Erie or Ontario which are really nice and can provide that "beach" lifestyle...
    Ummmm... Buffalo? Really?

    I have seen several planning or economic development jobs posted recently in Iowa. I think there is one now in Council Bluffs, where you have the advantage of being in a metropolitan area. Rural Iowa can be pretty bleak, socially and culturally. In addition to the APA site, be sure to check out the Iowa League of Cities and Professional Developers of Iowa sites.
    Anyone want to adopt a dog?

  17. #17
    Cyburbian natski's avatar
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    Congratulations TS what wonderful news!
    "Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?" Zoolander

  18. #18
    Cyburbian HomerJ's avatar
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    Congrats!! And let me know when you leave Hawaii, I'll GLADLY take your place
    Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

  19. #19
    Cyburbian TOFB's avatar
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    Congrats! Let me know if you are considering Iowa. Des Moines, Ames and Iowa City are probably the most progressive, but the third largest City isn't too bad either.

  20. #20
    Cyburbian Mud Princess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by TerraSapient View post
    This narrows down our potential scope to New England, Iowa, or staying in Hawaii.
    *ahem* Don't forget New York!

    Since dandy and Linda_D already beat me to the punch, I will merely add that I would be happy to direct you or provide advice regarding upstate NY. (You know how to reach me.)

    And of course, congratulations to you both!!!

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    I can't give any advice on your possible points of relocation, but I'm happy to say congrats to you and MW!

  22. #22
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Oh my goodness, thank you everyone!

    We don't know yet if its a boy or girl, but we are definitely going with neutral colors. Woohoo!

    More details to come as soon as we have them!
    Occupy Your Brain!

  23. #23
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    TS - Congratulations and all the best to you and MW.

  24. #24
    Cyburbian illinoisplanner's avatar
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    Congrats TS & MW!! I hope everything goes perfectly for you in your quest to start a family. Iowa is a great place to raise kids. So is Illinois...I loved growing up here. And there's a lot of diversity here too...especially in the greater Chicagoland area. I would definitely recommend either state. It's a great central location in the continental U.S. too. I'm not sure where your families are, but IL & IA are only a short plane ride from just about anywhere in the U.S., and just a short car trip from anywhere in the Midwest. And Chicago has one of the greatest LGBT cultures in the country.

    If you have any questions about progressively-minded communities in Northern Illinois or places with great schools, culture, healthcare, parks, or whatever, let me know.
    "Life's a journey, not a destination"
    -Steven Tyler

  25. #25
    Cyburbian Plus dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Did you happen to notice the two recent Cyburbia job postings for upstate NY?

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