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Thread: TS & MW's Big News

  1. #26
    Cyburbian Duke Of Dystopia's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by TerraSapient View post
    Well. Okay... I have BIG news.

    MW and I are starting a family.
    Though with this exciting decision comes a predicament. We are considering relocating so that we can have a larger space and a yard and a quiet community to call our own, plus it is really important to us that our families get to be active in our child's life, which would be difficult from the middle of the Pacific. However, it is in our best interest and the best interest of our future wee one to only considering moving if we have equivalent or better rights than we currently have. This narrows down our potential scope to New England, Iowa, or staying in Hawaii. Right now, if we stay put and obtain a civil union in January, then I am granted legal parental rights to our child automatically. I can then apply for a second-parent adoption and it should be a simple and straightforward matter. If we move, it can only be to a place where SSM is legal and SSP-adoption is legal. We don't want to risk our family being torn apart by the state if something should happen to one of us.

    It seems like the wisest thing to do for now is to stay put for a few years, but when I look at all the land, the house, the quality of life we could purchase if we weren't living here, it kills me. We love the ocean life, but the thought of raising our little monkey around all these drug addicts, with constant sirens in the background, and with so little space, it is very overwhelming. I had such a great childhood. I want my child to have the same. So many things to think about.

    I'm so excited to be a mommy!
    _______________________________
    Edit: Our parents don't know yet. It is going to be a surprise when we visit home in a few weeks. So, anyone on here who is my friend on FB, please don't post anything on my wall about our mini monkey.
    Congrads TS!

    1) The size of your yard and/or house is meaningless for the most part. What you do not pay for in a house each month can be used to provide more life experiences.

    2) Life experience for a child is not stuff, things, or even places. Life experience is what a child experiences when their parents life in general harmony and do what they say they are going to do. A broken promise is many times worse than a promise never made. Kids remember. They watch everything you do. They will use anything and everything they can against you. Most of all, they will never admit it, but they want guidance, predictability, and the understanding that you will always be decent to them no matter what they do to you.

    3) It seems you are always talking about leaving Hawaii. That is not a sign that you really are committed to stay there, or that you believe what you are saying.

    4) Your future child will not require larger vistas for outdoor exploration until age 3 or so. From now until then is nearly 4 years away. More states will open up for SSM in the next 4 to 5 years.

    5) You remember your childhood fondly. You will behave just like your parents in the clutch. Which one will reveal itself later. Your child will have a different set of experiences, but there is no reason it should not be just as happy. It will be noticeably different.

    6) They get much more fun after the diapers are done!

    7) People without kids can never quite understand. (ducks incoming! )

    8) Quit worrying so damn much already, you have the rest of your life to wonder what the hell is coming next!
    I can't deliver UTOPIA, but I can create a HELL for you to LIVE in :)DoD:(

  2. #27
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Congratulations!

    Quote Originally posted by Duke Of Dystopia View post
    3) It seems you are always talking about leaving Hawaii. That is not a sign that you really are committed to stay there, or that you believe what you are saying.
    I know everyone is putting forth well-intentioned advice - something I promised myself I wouldnt do, but when I read Dod's comment there I had to wonder if there maybe isn't some merit to this view. Seems to me in your heart of hearts you may not really think of HI as 'home'. This could be one of those 'blink' instances where your subconscious has already intuited that HI is somehow not right for what you want in a nest and more self-debate is actually going to cloud the truth.

  3. #28
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Purient interest

    Wondering which one of you will be doing the heavy lifting.

  4. #29
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    That is exciting! Congratulations, brave ones

    Relocating, wherever you guys decide to settle will be the luckiest neighborhood around. Nothing's better than family, and I'm sure you two will be great at it.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  5. #30
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    Congratulations! I truly believe that in 5 years all the rights you are talking about will be common in all but a few states you probably wouldnt want to move to anyways. But IMO any kid who gets to grow up in Hawaii is pretty darn lucky.
    Children in the back seat can cause accidents - and vice versa.

  6. #31
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    lol
    Yes, we frequently talk about leaving Hawaii. We definitely know this place isn't what we think of when we call a place home. We do love it here, but I'm a spoiled midwestern girl and when I think of "home" I see big yards, neighborhoods safe enough to ride a bicycle through, fireflies, frogs, squirrels (squueeee!), gardens, and block parties.

    You all make a great point though, our mini monkey won't be big enough for several years for us to need all that space and until then, they will just have to be a sea monkey.

    The thing I stress the most about is money. We are priced out of the market here. Housing (well everything, but mostly housing) is so expensive that our cost of living is probably double what it would be somewhere more "homey" and we are in a 400 sqft apartment with drug dealers on our corner everyday.

    We will adapt. So, who is coming out to celebrate with us?
    Occupy Your Brain!

  7. #32
    Cyburbian Bubba's avatar
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    Congrats, TS. Bit of climate change between Hawaii and New England...

    Off-topic:
    Quote Originally posted by Duke Of Dystopia View post
    7) People without kids can never quite understand. (ducks incoming! )
    As a non-breeder, I have no problem with this statement in general - it just better not be the response I receive when I politely ask someone to get control of their effing kid after it runs screaming past my restaurant table for the tenth time.
    I found you a new motto from a sign hanging on their wall…"Drink coffee: do stupid things faster and with more energy"

  8. #33
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Bubba View post
    Congrats, TS. Bit of climate change between Hawaii and New England...

    Off-topic:


    As a non-breeder, I have no problem with this statement in general - it just better not be the response I receive when I politely ask someone to get control of their effing kid after it runs screaming past my restaurant table for the tenth time.
    Off-topic:
    This breeder agrees that the mere fact of having offspring does not entitle one to foist their children's poor behavior/lack of parenting onto others.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  9. #34
    Cyburbian Duke Of Dystopia's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Bubba View post
    Congrats, TS. Bit of climate change between Hawaii and New England...

    Off-topic:


    As a non-breeder, I have no problem with this statement in general - it just better not be the response I receive when I politely ask someone to get control of their effing kid after it runs screaming past my restaurant table for the tenth time.
    I concur with your assessment.
    I can't deliver UTOPIA, but I can create a HELL for you to LIVE in :)DoD:(

  10. #35
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    So happy for you!
    The midwest is a great place to raise kids.
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  11. #36
    Cyburbian ThePinkPlanner's avatar
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    Congratulations!!

    This isn't what was in the box right? Haahaa. Did you ever tell? I only get to escape to here from time to time so its hard to stay current.

    While it is is indeed unfair that you have more restrictions on where to live than most people looking forward to such an endeavor, I speak from experience in saying that there is great value in being somewhat close to family and friends and a related support system. We moved to VT when I was only a few months pregnant, and my son has never lived close to our family. From my own experience, its been difficult and it makes me sad when he tells me he wishes he could see his cousins or aunts or uncles more.

    Of course, there's also an advantage to being away, lol. So maybe a place with a major airport hub is a good compromise

    If you do ever consider New England, I'd be happy to give you my perspective. I've lived here my entire life, in CT, MA, RI and VT.

    Congratulations again, and a very happy and healthy pregnancy to your loved one. It goes by so fast.

  12. #37
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Congrats on the family upgrade. Can't give you much advice on the where to live issue but kids are a whole lot more adaptable than the rest of us. If you're happy, they will be too.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  13. #38
    Cyburbian Rygor's avatar
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    Haven't been on here is a little while so just saw this, but congrats on your big decision! Great news! I selfishly do want you to move closer, too, so I vote for Iowa since it would be closest to me. At any rate, I hope you find all that you are looking for!
    "When life gives you lemons, just say 'No thanks'." - Henry Rollins

  14. #39
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    I'll add my official congrats on the proper thread now ts. Can't wait to hear the little surfer stories (if ya stay way out west)
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  15. #40
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ThePinkPlanner View post
    Congratulations!!

    This isn't what was in the box right? Haahaa. Did you ever tell? I only get to escape to here from time to time so its hard to stay current.
    (We need a coyly whistling with shifty eyeballs icon. I would insert that here.)


    No comment.
    Ahihihihi
    Occupy Your Brain!

  16. #41
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ThePinkPlanner View post
    Congratulations!!

    This isn't what was in the box right? Haahaa. Did you ever tell? I only get to escape to here from time to time so its hard to stay current.
    .
    Is there a baby in that box? Honestly, who puts a baby in a box?
    Children in the back seat can cause accidents - and vice versa.

  17. #42
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by imaplanner View post
    Is there a baby in that box? ......
    Think turkey baster.

  18. #43
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Sea Monkey Sapient will join the living this October!
    Occupy Your Brain!

  19. #44
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Congratulations, TS!

    And starting today, you can add Washington State to your prospective relocation list.




    IMHO, what a cool map on same sex union status:
    http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/...law/53079236/1

  20. #45
    Cyburbian Plus dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Great news! Wishing you all the happiest and healthiest 9 months!

  21. #46
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    Congrats! Good news for you and MW!
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  22. #47
    Cyburbian rcgplanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Seana View post
    Congratulations, TS!

    And starting today, you can add Washington State to your prospective relocation list.




    IMHO, what a cool map on same sex union status:
    http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/...law/53079236/1
    Great map, 1 more state down, 36 to go!

    A huge congrats to you and MW, TS!

  23. #48
    Cyburbian chupacabra's avatar
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    Congrats!
    You can grow ideas in the garden of your mind.

  24. #49
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    Congrats!
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  25. #50
    Cyburbian Plus Salmissra's avatar
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    Congratulations!!
    "We do not need any other Tutankhamun's tomb with all its treasures. We need context. We need understanding. We need knowledge of historical events to tie them together. We don't know much. Of course we know a lot, but it is context that's missing, not treasures." - Werner Herzog, in Archaeology, March/April 2011

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