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Thread: Coded phrases

  1. #1
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Coded phrases

    I cringe whenever I hear my wife utter the phrase “we need to talk”.

    I get it you want help making some sort of difficult decision, but why insist on further input/discussion after I’ve already provided my two cents (which typically takes two minutes or less). Have I considered other angles? Yes. I can take various factors into consideration and still render a decision rather quickly; and neither the passage of time, nor more gum flapping tends to alter my views.

  2. #2
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    I cringe whenever I hear my wife utter the phrase “we need to talk”.
    That phrase means that "You need to listen to me." It is not inviting additional comment or analysis on your part.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  3. #3
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ofos View post
    That phrase means that "You need to listen to me." It is not inviting additional comment or analysis on your part.
    I have found it to go a bit further... it means you listen and don't say a word or else. We need to talk usually finishes with "us" needing to work on something "we" aren't doing...
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  4. #4
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ofos View post
    That phrase means that "You need to listen to me." It is not inviting additional comment or analysis on your part.
    In that case, wouldn't "I need to talk" be a bit more honest?

    Moderator note:
    split from RTDNTOTO6

  5. #5
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    In that case, wouldn't "I need to talk" be a bit more honest?
    Silly boy, you're only listening to the words and missing the facial/body communication that the other side uses.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  6. #6
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ofos View post
    Silly boy, you're only listening to the words and missing the facial/body communication that the other side uses.
    But I thought you said the message was 'you need to listen to me'? Boy, this sure is getting confusing.

    Along similar lines I have learned the phrase "go ahead. I don't care" means exactly the opposite. Going ahead after this phrase has been uttered is usually good for at least one night on the couch.

  7. #7
    Cyburbian HomerJ's avatar
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    I feel like I am getting some incredibly valuable insight from this thread.

    This actually reminds me of being back in high school. My oldest sister would fight my parents tooth and nail and usually just get in even more trouble than when she started. As the youngest, I was far more sneaky and my usual path to success was to immediately admit fault for anything, apologize (even if I didn't think I did anything wrong), and put out the fire before it gets out of control. It would drive my parents crazy too, how do you scold your kid when he's beating you to the punch?


    However, there were two ace-in-the-hole coded phrases my dad would use that I had no counter against:

    1.) I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed...

    2.) Have fun last night?

    Translation:

    1.) I'm trying to stay calm but I am seriously contemplating killing you and hiding the body.

    2.) You're a dead man.
    Last edited by HomerJ; 31 Oct 2011 at 3:16 PM.
    Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    "Do you mind if I play golf on Thanksgiving morning?" or Mothers Day, etc.

    Translation: "We've already got a tee time and you're perfectly capable of getting the turkey in the oven."

    My mom's most dreaded phrase:

    "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

    Translation: " I already know exactly what you and your friends were up to last night so you'd better not lie or it'll just make it way worse for you."

  9. #9
    Cyburbian dw914er's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    I cringe whenever I hear my wife utter the phrase “we need to talk”.
    What's funny is that my girlfriend just sent that message to me a few minutes ago. I hate that phrase.

  10. #10
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    "I'm tired" is coded for "I told you you shouldn't have ordered your dinner with extra onions."
    Children in the back seat can cause accidents - and vice versa.

  11. #11
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    There are a host of coded phrases that use the proverbial "we." Like:
    "We really need to fix the roof" or "Should we get that yardwork done this weekend?"

    I usually get a good chuckle by replying something like "Yes, 'we' do" or "we'll get right on that" (which works well when you are the only two in the room)

    I also like "I'll just have a bite of yours" which really means "I can't decide what to order so you better get two or I'm going to eat half of your meal"

    When my wife says "we need to talk" I sometimes reply "you wanna talk some MORE?!" which works when the mood is right and not when it isn't (I usually just get a glare). But the line comes from the Jungle Book (something we watched about a gazillion times with our oldest son), so its good for softening the edge. Usually.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Plus
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    to think I am missing out on all of this by being single.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Tarf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    to think I am missing out on all of this by being single.

    Funny, I had the opposite reaction
    In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. (Douglas Adams)

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Fat Cat's avatar
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    Fat Cat

    "Bless their little heart" isnt bad either

  15. #15
    Cyburbian mike gurnee's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    to think I am missing out on all of this by being single.
    happens at work as well as at home: "WE have a problem...and here is what YOU are going to do about it."

  16. #16
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    to think I am missing out on all of this by being single.

    I miss out on it and I'm married! I just won't play that game...

    And there are certain movies my wife refuses to watch, like Fight Club. So, conveniently, I got one of my favorite lines from that movie:

    "This conversation... is over."
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  17. #17
    Cyburbian Emeritus Bear Up North's avatar
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    Here's one from just about any workplace.....

    "You gotta minute?"

    Translation: Come into my office so I can fire you.



    Bear
    Occupy Cyburbia!

  18. #18
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Bear Up North View post
    Here's one from just about any workplace.....

    "You gotta minute?"

    Translation: Come into my office so I can fire you.



    Bear
    Also "Come see me when you've got a minute." does not mean when it's convenient for you, it means NOW.

    and

    "Would you mind closing the door." is rarely good.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  19. #19
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Ah hah, so I see I am not the only one who frequently encounters the use of a plural personal pronoun (we) in the place of the singular (I).

    My better half, as many of you know, comes from another culture and country. English is not her mother language. I thought perhaps she just hadn't grasped the difference between "we" and "I." But I see it is also a problem English-speakers have, as well

    So when my wife says "we need to get our son to get off the computer," I've been waiting to see what "we" are going to do, but no coordinated plan is suggested as a followup to this pronouncement. After a while, when I see that "we" aren't going to do anything, then "I" get off my duff and get the lad off the computer. Then "we" are happy and I can get back to whatever I was doing before "we" had to do something.

    That way maybe later in the evening "we" (used in the proper context) might be having sex.

    Perhaps we should just be thankful that our spouses seek these muted messages, rather than what they are probably thinking - like giving us a kick in our happy place or smothering us with a pillow while we sleep.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  20. #20
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Us men also have codes. Like when she asks how was it at the bar? And I answer, oh it was kinda boring....I only had a couple of beers. I really mean, it was a blast and I probably drank more than I should have.!!
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  21. #21
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Hahaha! I am so guilty of using "we" in place of "you". It must be something our mothers teach us. It is the gentler, softer way of telling someone what to do, without coming across as bossy. This technique also gets the job done without having to break the unspoken understanding that I wear the pants.

    What else...

    Ah. Random statements about the condition of the room that appear to not be directed at anyone, such as "It is hot in here" or "I really dislike the overhead lighting". These casual observations about a space typically result in your loved one fixing the problem for you.

    Being married rules!
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