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Thread: Teh manly man thread

  1. #1
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Teh manly man thread

    Do you prefer a 24 inch or a 30 inch bar chainsaw?

    When hunting kodiak bear in Alaska do you opt for a 1911 .45 at close range or just a plain old 10' spear?

    When trying to lose a State trooper on the highway, would you rather find yourself behind the wheel of an old school Plymouth 'Cuda with 440-6 Barrel V8 or a Porsche 944 Turbo?

    Feel free to discuss any masculine topic you think worthy of mention.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  2. #2
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Craftsman? Okay for children, pregnant women and the elderly.

    Real men use real tools. Real men will get into old bare-knuckle fisticuffs over the superiority of their chosen brand: Snap-On, Mac, Matco and Cornwell. Proto's gone downhill since Stanley got their hands on them.
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  3. #3
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Do you prefer a 24 inch or a 30 inch bar chainsaw?
    Chainsaw? What kind of girly-man are you anyway? A real man uses a saw like this.

    Click image for larger version

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    And that's only after knocking down the trees with his fists. And then, only when his teeth are worn out from chewing the tree into logs.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  4. #4
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    When I went through Marine Corps boot camp at Parris Island, we were forced to go on hours long marches with 100 pound packs in 100º weather with 90% humidity. Occasionally we we would be able to stop to rest our black Cadillacs (that's the technical term for a pair of combat boots for those of you who don't know what the real meaning of "pound sand" is), only to be attacked by fire ants and sandfleas. Parris Island was where the real Marines were made. Not like those Hollywood Marines who spent their boot camp Sundays going to the beach and Padres games.

    I say Parris Island is where the real Marines "were" made because it's not the same today as when I went through. These days the recruits are afforded breaks to update their Twitter accounts and make phone calls to Jodie back home.

    Of course Maister can chime in and he'll remind you that when he went through boot camp, there were no forced marches... but only because you can't really call being kicked 20 miles up a dusty trail a march.

    You civilians don't know how nice you have it.
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  5. #5
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Forced march? In this man's Army, nobody was forced to march. It was all voluntary. That's what they told us. They also told us we had all volunteered.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  6. #6
    Cyburbian Otis's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Do you prefer a 24 inch or a 30 inch bar chainsaw?

    When hunting kodiak bear in Alaska do you opt for a 1911 .45 at close range or just a plain old 10' spear?

    When trying to lose a State trooper on the highway, would you rather find yourself behind the wheel of an old school Plymouth 'Cuda with 440-6 Barrel V8 or a Porsche 944 Turbo?
    Shee-it, boy. You got it all wrong. Chain saw? Hell, a ten-foot misery whip is all you need. The Kodiak bear? I wrassled him. He respects me and now he lives out front of the house, keeps the riff-raff away. And I ain't gonna be tryin' to lose the state trooper, and not in no 'Cuda or girly Porsche. I'll be in my Peterbuilt and he'll be tryin' to stop me. Won't work.

    Now get me a beer.

  7. #7
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    I just killed a snake inside the pool enclosure that must have measured about 6-feet long and weighed 30-pounds. I shot it three times and broke its back in a couple of places with the business end a shovel. There's blood all over the place. Anyway, it was still moving around, sticking its tongue out and spitting at me when I tossed the mortally wounded creature from the end of my shovel over the fence into the neighbor's yard. They can deal with the remains.

    Can Chuck Norris top that?


    EDIT: Some of the blood might be mine. I have noticed the snake bit me on the outside of my right calf. But it doesn't hurt and it's not bleeding much anymore. I don't think I'll need medical attention.
    Last edited by Richmond Jake; 05 May 2012 at 1:34 PM.

  8. #8
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    . . . When hunting kodiak bear in Alaska do you opt for a 1911 .45 at close range or just a plain old 10' spear?
    I don't hunt them anymore. I just go out in the bush, find a particularly fractious-looking bear and arm wrestle him. For the less aggressive ones, I just have a staring contest with them.

    In my very manly rustic cabin I don't have a bearskin rug. I have a bear. He just lies there if he knows what's good for him.

    When I was a baby, I didn't have a rattle. I had a rattlesnake.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  9. #9
    Cyburbian fringe's avatar
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    My Sears chainsaw came with an 18" bar, which I learned the motor was not designed for, and bought a 16" one.

    It is so old (1986) they quit making parts for it yrs ago. Now when I have to repair it I have to invent the pieces. Last time I used some short little bamboo sticks and white lightnin' caulk to make a spacer/bushing for a side cheek cover.

    It has always crunk(sp), but I have to put it on the ground and stand on it with one foot to pull the cord.

    Has been safe to use, but one day a dozen yrs ago I was stepping through a felled treetop cutting off limbs and stepped up into the bar with a knee.

    26 stitches but it did not cut deeply.

  10. #10
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Otis View post
    And I ain't gonna be tryin' to lose the state trooper, and not in no 'Cuda or girly Porsche. I'll be in my Peterbuilt and he'll be tryin' to stop me. Won't work.
    You're going to run from some punk trooper?

    I'm going to tell him he looks cute in his "mount me" hat and steal his car Tweeder style!
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
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    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ofos View post
    Chainsaw? What kind of girly-man are you anyway? A real man uses a saw like this.

    Attachment 4910
    I will share mine with RJ if he ever needs one... (really, I'm the only one who had a "real" saw when we got married...)

    On the other hand, I screamed like the girl I am, and ran inside for the manly man to take care of the snake on the pool deck the other day...

  12. #12
    Cyburbian hilldweller's avatar
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    "Manly" scented candles. I isht you not.
    http://www.masslive.com/business-new...le_scents.html

  13. #13
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by hilldweller View post
    "Manly" scented candles. I isht you not.
    http://www.masslive.com/business-new...le_scents.html
    Pure marketing drivel says I.
    If they wanted to do it Right they would have scents like: 'broken catalytic converter', 'week old [unwashed] bath towel', 'new tires' or 'machine oil' that actually smelled like they claim and none of that sissy patchouli and spices crap!

    If you'll excuse me its time for me to go split some wood.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  14. #14
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Pure marketing drivel says I.
    If they wanted to do it Right they would have scents like: 'broken catalytic converter', 'week old [unwashed] bath towel', 'new tires' or 'machine oil' that actually smelled like they claim and none of that sissy patchouli and spices crap!

    If you'll excuse me its time for me to go split some wood.
    You got that right, Bro! A manly candle would emit a huge flame and clear the room with scent of 'rancid beer fart'.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  15. #15
    Cyburbian Otis's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Mastiff View post
    You're going to run from some punk trooper?

    I'm going to tell him he looks cute in his "mount me" hat and steal his car Tweeder style!
    I ain't runnin' from him. I'm goin' where I'm goin' and he's tryin' to stop me. Like I said, it won't work. I don't need me a Crown Vic, so I ain't stealin' his car. And I'm throwin' away my old boy scout hat before you come visitin' again, that's for sure.

  16. #16
    Cyburbian boiker's avatar
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    I have a beard and use a double-edged razor. If I used a straight razor I'd be a god among men. I'm humble, so I'll stick with Manly Man.
    Dude, I'm cheesing so hard right now.

  17. #17
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    My 6 year-old daughter told me this morning that, in contrast to our dog, my farts don't smell. You can imagine the Crisis of Manliness this has created. So, more beer and brats for me! I've got an image to uphold afterall.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  18. #18
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by wahday View post
    My 6 year-old daughter told me this morning that, in contrast to our dog, my farts don't smell. You can imagine the Crisis of Manliness this has created. So, more beer and brats for me! I've got an image to uphold afterall.
    One word: Sauerkraut.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  19. #19
    Cyburbian hilldweller's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    One word: Sauerkraut.
    Yeah, and let it age in the fridge until it turns a bit brownish in color.

    No excuse me while I go burn stuff in the back yard..

  20. #20
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by wahday View post
    My 6 year-old daughter told me this morning that, in contrast to our dog, my farts don't smell. You can imagine the Crisis of Manliness this has created. So, more beer and brats for me! I've got an image to uphold afterall.
    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    One word: Sauerkraut.
    Quote Originally posted by hilldweller View post
    Yeah, and let it age in the fridge until it turns a bit brownish in color.

    No excuse me while I go burn stuff in the back yard..
    Poor misguided fools! Why do you think they're called "man's best friend?" Because they're loyal and faithful and obedient?

    HELL, NO! It's because you can blame even your rankest fart on the dog and the women will believe you. How they can produce eye watering, room clearing farts without beer, beans, or even sauerkraut is beyond me. Superior genetics, I guess.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    One word: Sauerkraut.
    Three words-hard boiled eggs
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

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