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Thread: the neighbor show....

  1. #1
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    the neighbor show....

    Over the weekend, Hailyn wandered out of the kitchen, looked out the picture window in the front room and says casually "Show's on." Evie walks over as she says "Which episode is it?" to which Hailyn replies "It's the one where he backs all the cars in." and Evie says "I never get tired of this one."

    They are of course talking about my neighbor, let's call him "Woody". Woody has OCD to the point where he stands in his gutter when it rains and shovels any debris being carried down into a bucket before it can get caught in the storm drain grate. He will spend three or four hours wandering around his yard with a leaf blower, blowing individual twigs and things around. The driveway must have all three cars backed in and in their set places, etc. My kids watch him like a t.v. show. Backing the cars in takes a long time. He has to get out, move it a little further back. Check it. Move it up a little. It's sad, and I'm evil, but it's fascinating to watch. He can do all of this because he doesn't work. His wife works a lot and never seems to speak to him when she arrives home and he is vacuuming the lawn.



    So how about it? Do you have any good neighbor shows that you like to watch? I wish I had a good-looking neighbor who was an obsessive tanner, but all I've got is Woody.....
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  2. #2
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ursus View post
    I wish I had a good-looking neighbor who was an obsessive tanner, but all I've got is Woody.....
    Even if your wish was granted, you'd still have a Woody.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  3. #3
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    Most of my neighbors are in their 80s and generally pretty quiet but do have the idiosyncrasies. I do live next door to the neighborhood weirdo, but besides talking entirely too much and having shrubs in his front yard that he has let grown about 10 feet tall and block the view from his house entirely, he doesn't really do too much that's too weird.

    My neighbor behind me, who is closer to 90 was an architect and designed his house and all the landscaping and it really is nice and still likes to do all of own yard work outside... with no shirt... and some very short old man shorts.

    The woman across from, who is also closer to 90, sits on a chair in the entrance to her garage all day, everyday, regardless of the weather.

    The one last neighbor of mine is a girl in her late 20s who lives at a house owned by her employer (she is a nanny and housekeeper for an author who built a bigger house down the street). She's very attractive and the house has an awesome in ground pool. I think I've seen her tanning once and swimming once in the two years that she's been there.

    Not really one of my neighbors, but over the past month or so I've noticed that an attractive woman in her late 30s a couple streets over likes to do yoga and warm up stretches before running each morning in her driveway in some very skimpy outfits. I've altered my running routes accordingly.

    There used to be a woman my age (early 30s) a few houses down from me who liked to do all of her yard work in a small pair of shorts and tube top. I haven't seen her out in a few weeks... maybe I should go check on her?
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  4. #4
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post

    There used to be a woman my age (early 30s) a few houses down from me who liked to do all of her yard work in a small pair of shorts and tube top. I haven't seen her out in a few weeks... maybe I should go check on her?
    It's your civic duty, and the neighborly thing to do.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  5. #5
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ursus View post
    It's your civic duty, and the neighborly thing to do.
    And we'll need documentary proof that you fulfilled your civic duty, preferably pictures.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  6. #6
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Ah yes, The Neighbor Show. The longest running show in syndication. Predates television, radio, and, well, probably cuneiform for that matter.

    For quite a while we had 'Hee Haw' playing next door, but when they moved out and the new neighbors moved in, things have taken on much more of a 'Dragnet' character - which is not a change for the better in my opinion. Used to be entertaining seeing something like how the neighbors jury rigged a garden hose to function as a drainpipe, but overhearing/subjected to late night shouting matches and midnight visits by the cops is getting old real fast.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  7. #7
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    I'm now renting a place in a small townhouse complex. (I still own my old house, but it's a six hour drive away, making commuting from there kind of difficult.) I'm the only townie who lives there; all the other residents are Cornell students, mostly well-off grads. I'm also the only resident there who lives alone; everybody else is coupled up or has roommates. I'm also the only resident who is older than 30. To them, I probably am the Neighbor Show.

    When I moved to the Cleveland area a while ago, I rented a house for abut a year before I bought a place of my own. On the street where I rented, my neighbors were very suspicious of me, and few were friendly. One of the friendly neighbors fessed up; it was because they thought I was ... this.



    Single, late 30s, living alone, in a detached house, in the suburbs ... that made me a potential kiddy diddler in their eyes.
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    I've reported before about my neighbor with a blower addition. I've even seen him with a blower in each hand walking throught he yard, carport, driveway and patio. He has blown off the driveway right after a rain storm to get the leaves and twigs off. His wife has the same obsession. UGH!

    They are in their late 50s/early 60s, on the 'heavy side' and not something you want to look at either. The rest of our neighbors are fairly quiet.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  9. #9
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Being that I live in a historic district with very large homes, all but one other house within a block of me is broken into apartments. The occupants range from young professionals to college students.

    The house right next door has an uncovered 2nd floor deck above the 1st floor porch. (See photo below) For two summers in a row now, the occupants are very attractive female college students who realize the joys of laying out in the sun in bikinis. On my days off, the boys and I make a point to eat lunch on the porch… which is on the side of the house facing the neighbor’s deck.

    On the other side, we have a guy who I think was a rodie for a heavy metal band at one point, but now does nothing. He is in his late 40, long black and grey hair, and every shirt he owns is a classic rock band and is one of several shades of black. Recently he got a Doberman Pincher puppy and every morning you will find him in the back yard with a leash in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Then around 1pm, he is in the back yard with the dog, a cigarette and a beer.



    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post

    Single, late 30s, living alone, in a detached house, in the suburbs ... that made me a potential kiddy diddler in their eyes.
    A what?
    "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. Time makes more converts than reason." - Thomas Paine Common Sense.

  10. #10
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Having been the head of household for the past five years, all maintenance fell on my shoulders. In a neighborhood where there is hardly even any men outside working (or even outside for that matter), I fear that I am probably *that* neighbor. Nothing too bad, but I'm sure some of it has been a source of amusement to my neighbors.

  11. #11
    Cyburbian TOFB's avatar
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    The four lovely coeds who live across the street from us have been remarkably shy, unfortunately.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    A what?
    Let me translate that into Michigan for you....

    Your parish priest. I had 2 of my parish priests defrocked and one of the high school teachers! Hopefully I am not in the center of the bell curve! My brother used to joke that he was going to sue the archdiocese because he was never molested and it made him feel unworthy.

    One summer I had a house full of hotties living across from me who worked at the local car wash. Unfortunately I was in my late 20's and they were just our of high school so they wanted nothing to do with me!
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  13. #13
    Cyburbian stroskey's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by TOFB View post
    The four lovely coeds who live across the street from us have been remarkably shy, unfortunately.
    let us decide. pics!
    I burned down the church to atone for my transgressions.

  14. #14
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ursus View post
    So how about it? Do you have any good neighbor shows that you like to watch? I wish I had a good-looking neighbor who was an obsessive tanner, but all I've got is Woody.....
    Thankfully I have a corner unit on the 5th floor which is one story higher than the neighboring building so all I look at it their rooftop from my living room and I look at the hills from the bedroom. However, my neighbor below me must have quite the show on a regular basis because Mary Jane is a frequent visitor
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  15. #15
    Cyburbian Rygor's avatar
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    I'm lucky in that most of my neighbors seem to be relatively normal. A young couple (early 30's) with two young kids on one side and an older couple in their 50's on the other. The 50-something year old guys does have a rather large collection of crosses in his backyard and religiously swims laps in the dead heat of the afternoon on a daily basis (and his dog barks every time he comes up out of the water to turn around), but in Arizona that's pretty normal.

    I did have some crazy, Deliverance-type redneck neighbors at one time at my old house in Illinois. They were renting and the house quickly went from nice looking 70's split level to "boat in the driveway filled with garbage and beater Camaro parked on the front lawn" hellhole. I was not pleased. The dad had apparently been in and out of jail and basically did nothing except sit in a foldup chair on the front lawn drinking beer and yelling obscenities at his punk kid. They had a dog briefly. They locked him in the garage (unheated and uninsulated) even in the middle of winter when it was sub-zero when they'd be gone for a few days. He'd bark non-stop. I called the cops on them for that one and I believe they gave the dog up. There's much, much more. It finally got so bad I sent a mildly threatening letter to our former neighbors who were renting the house to them and told them what had happened, that I had called the cops 3 times on them, and that I would turn them in for not having their house registered as a rental property if they didn't get them out of there by a certain time. It worked, and a month or so later they were gone and they fixed the house back up. Apparently word got out that I had gotten rid of them because I showed up at the next block party and got a standing ovation when I walked in.
    "When life gives you lemons, just say 'No thanks'." - Henry Rollins

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ofos View post
    Even if your wish was granted, you'd still have a Woody.
    Post of the day! Of course!

    Me, not so many interesting neighbors. Cheating spouses, two adjacent renters (one in Massachusetts, one in FL) playing Christmas tunes year round, but nothing like OCD parking. No "show". I have been deprived.

  17. #17
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    Post of the day! Of course!

    Me, not so many interesting neighbors. Cheating spouses, two adjacent renters (one in Massachusetts, one in FL) playing Christmas tunes year round, but nothing like OCD parking. No "show". I have been deprived.
    You have the RJ show
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  18. #18
    Zoning Lord Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kjel View post
    You have the RJ show
    It's not a show--more like a private exhibition. We have an exceptionally private pool deck.
    ______________

    EDIT: I still think our neighbors' daughter is a stripper. NTTAWWT.

  19. #19
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Richmond Jake View post
    It's not a show--more like a private exhibition.
    You mean privates exhibition don't you, Woody?
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  20. #20
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Woody sounds fun! I could watch him for hours too I think.

    We just met our first neighbor last night. A cute old man stopped by to let us know that we were doing an excellent job on the house and that the new windows make the house look stunning. I, of course, was painting and had just had an accident with the coconut husk trim color and, therefore, was covered with dark brown paint - head to toe. Also, I was wearing my "work shirt" which I claimed for renovation projects last week since I was tired of destroying so much clothing. It is kind of smelly and dirty. I also had on sweat pants with holes in them and paint all over them.

    I bet I made a great first impression.
    Ahihihi
    Occupy Your Brain!

  21. #21
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by TerraSapient View post
    I bet I made a great first impression.
    Ahihihi
    You've never made anything but a great first impression in your life.

    Yesterday was the "Woody Show" episode my daughters call "The War On Dirt". We were leaving to take an hour drive up to Silver Lake (gorgeous) and hike a bit. Woody was raking a patch of dirt under his aspens. No flowers, no ground cover, just dirt that we assume he is preparing for planting of some kind. It's about 6 square feet of dirt. We left, drove, hiked, picnicked and returned. About 4 hours in all. He was still raking that patch of dirt. Rake, pat-pat-pat, pull out a twig and place in the bucket of infamy, rake, pat-pat-pat.

    I had to tell my daughters I would have to disown them if they followed through with their plan to sneak over late at night and put a bunch of twigs in that dirt. Cruel. Funny. But cruel. I forbade them.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    I have 5 very "talented" college co-eds next door to me, and they work at the local collegiate hangout with the low-cut booty shorts...

    100% bootylicious. Even my son flashes his dimples at them.. yea.. he knows.

    Across the street is a suspected meth house, next to our neighbors whom have a daughter. Kitty corner is another house filled with 3 co-eds. Meh.

    Friday nights during the school year are quite the drunken show. Sometimes it reminds me of that This American Life episode where they visit Penn State. It can get pretty bad in our downtown neighborhood.
    follow me on the twitter @rcplans

  23. #23
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    After I got done running this morning, I was walking around the front yard while cooling down and before I knew it, I was unconsciously picking up all the little twigs I came across and pulling out each individual strand of crabgrass that I found. For some reason I thought of this thread and wondered if I am the neighbor show?
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  24. #24
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    I had no idea there were so many peeping toms on this site...

  25. #25
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by WSU MUP Student View post
    After I got done running this morning, I was walking around the front yard while cooling down and before I knew it, I was unconsciously picking up all the little twigs I came across and pulling out each individual strand of crabgrass that I found. For some reason I thought of this thread and wondered if I am the neighbor show?
    You were for just a few minutes anyway!

    Quote Originally posted by luckless pedestrian View post
    I had no idea there were so many peeping toms on this site...
    They're not just on this site, LP. They're everywhere. Somebody's probably watching you....right now......
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

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