Urban planning community

+ Reply to thread
Results 1 to 24 of 24

Thread: If I only knew then what I know now.

  1. #1
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
    Registered
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Someplace between yesterday and tomorrow.
    Posts
    12,570

    If I only knew then what I know now.

    Life is an experience and the greatest teacher ever. However, sometimes with particular bits of information, we might have made different choices in life. For example, I was quiet and shy when I was in high school because I feared having conversations with people I didn’t know all that well and worried what people thought of me. In college I over compensated and was a jerk. I would get into verbal battles (and some not so verbal) in an attempt to tear people down to make myself feel better. This on some levels continued up until a few years ago. (Maister can agree and sometimes the old me would come out and I was not a nice person...) But neither extreme made me happy and I was in and out of relationships without finding a stable situation. So I immerged myself into information that would make a better person because I had finally realized that the only person that I could change was me.

    Looking back on things, I think my life would have been much more fun if I had taken the principles that I know live by and had them when I was in both high school and college. I know that I would have made many different decisions. Now that I am a dad of two little boys, (one that has the same Choleric / Melancholy personality as I have), I want to make sure that they at least have the same information that I wish I would have had when I was their age.

    What information do you wish you would have had when you were younger? Do you or did you work with a mentor that helped you learn many of life’s lessons early on? What are you doing to help younger generations learn from your mistakes?
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  2. #2
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Northern Utah
    Posts
    3,914
    Interesting question! Thinking about it, I guess I don't really wish I'd had different information, I just wish I had believed more in the information I was given! I remember knowing that I wasn't everybody's idea of perfect. I also remember my parents telling me that people would respond to me if I would show them who I was, and that even if they didn't I shouldn't let that keep me from being who I was....

    I hear myself saying the same things to my kids (especially Madam President) and I know that she hears me and wants to believe...but that it's hard to. It's hard to believe the things well-meaning people tell you because your life as a kid is full of other people who don't mean well and you actually probably spend more time with them.

    I wish I had believed more in myself. Hell, come to think of it, I wish I believed more in myself right now. Old habits die hard.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  3. #3
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
    Registered
    May 2005
    Location
    Metro Detroit
    Posts
    6,420
    If I was slighly more confident, I would've got laid quite a bit more.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2005
    Location
    In a 480 square foot ex baseball nacho stand
    Posts
    7,252
    In a few cases there are things I would have done differently if I could go back witht he knowledge I have today, about myself and others. However the stubborness in our human nature will not let us always take the advice we receive. I have found myself telling my 9yo girl the things that might happen if she decides to do X. However she would go right on and do whatever only coming to realize the daddy was right. I also remember telling my nephew one time a few years ago that if he kept acting the way he did, someone was going to haul off and slug him. Guess what, a boy at school did haul off and slug him all because he kept running his mouth.

    I think you even said it best when you said 'experience is the greatest teacher ever'. I will continue to give my girl advice and guide her along the path of life. Sometimes she will listen and other times she won't. Do beat yourself up too hard when your boys decide to go with what they think is best instead of listening to you.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  5. #5
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
    Registered
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Someplace between yesterday and tomorrow.
    Posts
    12,570
    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    Don't beat yourself up too hard when your boys decide to go with what they think is best instead of listening to you.
    I realize that in many ways, it is better to provide information and guidance and let them experience the consequences of their choices. It is kind of like using a GPS, it will tell you where to go, but you still need to drive the car.

    On the other hand, we to limit exposure to people and environments that would be detrimental to them, but still make sure that he realizes that those people and environments exists. For example, one of the cousins was a very bad influence on my oldest in the past. We limit the time he is aloud to interact with him, and now when he does, he is able to understand the difference between doing the right thing and the wrong thing.

    In the past I wished I understood the difference between Character and Integrity. In short, integrity is not doing the wrong thing, but character is doing the right thing. For example, I remember a other kids teasing a kid when I was in high school. Since I was not teasing him, I had integrity, but because I did not do something to stop the teasing, I did not have character. I want my kids to have character and understand that sometimes not doing something to stop is wrong might be just as bad as doing the wrong thing itself.
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  6. #6
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
    Registered
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Jukin' City
    Posts
    16,581
    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    ....... ...... What are you doing to help younger generations learn from your mistakes?
    What are these things called "mistakes" of which you speak?

  7. #7
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
    Registered
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Down by Dun Ringill
    Posts
    5,998
    Blog entries
    6
    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    What information do you wish you would have had when you were younger. . .
    To know to buy Apple and Microsoft stock when it became public. The winning lottery numbers for the second Wednesday of January 1990. That a certain woman was going to go back to her ex-husband, so don't be a putz.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  8. #8
    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
    Registered
    Jun 2003
    Location
    at the neighboring pub
    Posts
    5,330
    A person is the sum of their experiences. It's an overused & oft-adapted quote, but it explains how I feel.

    I don't have regrets or wish I would've known something 'back then' because had I known that, I would have missed out on an experience that has shaped me into what I am today. I value my negative experiences as much as my positive experiences.

    It is probably worth noting that I was renowned for ignoring the advice of my parents & older brothers growing up.

    Of course I would love to have had "cheater" knowledge about lottery numbers, etc., but I'm pretty sure that is not what you were asking.

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

  9. #9
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
    Registered
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Slightly Off-Center
    Posts
    8,259
    Knowing what I know now would only have caused me to make other mistakes. I have enough "life experience" as it is.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  10. #10
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
    Registered
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Someplace between yesterday and tomorrow.
    Posts
    12,570
    Quote Originally posted by Richmond Jake View post
    What are these things called "mistakes" of which you speak?
    You mean to tell me you have never had a bad bottle of wine?
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  11. #11
    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
    Registered
    Jun 2003
    Location
    at the neighboring pub
    Posts
    5,330
    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    You mean to tell me you have never had a bad bottle of wine?
    No such thing. There are good bottles of wine, and then there are bottles of wine that you simply drink quickly!

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

  12. #12
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Where the weak are killed and eaten.
    Posts
    6,247
    Quote Originally posted by Suburb Repairman View post
    No such thing. There are good bottles of wine, and then there are bottles of wine that you simply drink quickly!
    Obviously you've never had a bottle of Cadillac Club Nature Boy, made with fine egg particles. Even us Mad Dog drinkers in high school wanted nothing to do with buy a second bottle of that stuff! That was cheap.
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  13. #13
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
    Registered
    May 2003
    Location
    Staff meeting
    Posts
    8,267
    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    If I was slighly more confident, I would've got laid quite a bit more.
    Amen, brother!
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

    Six seasons and a movie!

  14. #14
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
    Registered
    Feb 2004
    Location
    on my 15 minute break
    Posts
    18,075
    Quote Originally posted by mendelman View post
    Amen, brother!
    Tell me about it. I think back on it now and there were at least two instances where women were sending out signals that they were quite willing and I didn't pick up on them at all.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  15. #15
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
    Registered
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Northern Utah
    Posts
    3,914
    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    If I was slighly more confident, I would've got laid quite a bit more.
    Quote Originally posted by mendelman View post
    Amen, brother!
    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Tell me about it. I think back on it now and there were at least two instances where women were sending out signals that they were quite willing and I didn't pick up on them at all.
    I had the same thought, but then, think it through. Would that have made you a better person? You can't see the potential outcomes of those "instances" and I maintain you're better off if you lacked the confidence to have been a real pig. If I had had confidence, I know I would have been a real pig, and I'm now glad I wasn't.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  16. #16
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
    Registered
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    9,028
    Blog entries
    2
    Quote Originally posted by ursus View post
    I had the same thought, but then, think it through. Would that have made you a better person? You can't see the potential outcomes of those "instances" and I maintain you're better off if you lacked the confidence to have been a real pig. If I had had confidence, I know I would have been a real pig, and I'm now glad I wasn't.
    Yes... yes it would have made me better...
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  17. #17
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
    Registered
    May 2003
    Location
    Staff meeting
    Posts
    8,267
    Quote Originally posted by zman View post
    Yes... yes it would have made me better...
    Right on, zman. I'm not talking about being a douchebag, man-whore....but 50%-200% more "getting laid" would have been nice and not "ruined" me.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

    Six seasons and a movie!

  18. #18
    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
    Registered
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Dixie
    Posts
    6,002
    Quote Originally posted by ofos View post
    Knowing what I know now would only have caused me to make other mistakes. I have enough "life experience" as it is.
    I agree completely and could not have said it better myself.
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

  19. #19
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
    Registered
    May 2005
    Location
    Metro Detroit
    Posts
    6,420
    Quote Originally posted by ursus View post
    I had the same thought, but then, think it through. Would that have made you a better person? You can't see the potential outcomes of those "instances" and I maintain you're better off if you lacked the confidence to have been a real pig. If I had had confidence, I know I would have been a real pig, and I'm now glad I wasn't.
    Quote Originally posted by zman View post
    Yes... yes it would have made me better...
    Quote Originally posted by mendelman View post
    Right on, zman. I'm not talking about being a douchebag, man-whore....but 50%-200% more "getting laid" would have been nice and not "ruined" me.
    Just think of all those wonderful evenings I could've provided to those ladies, if only I would've been more confident. I truly did them a disservice.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  20. #20
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
    Registered
    Feb 2004
    Location
    on my 15 minute break
    Posts
    18,075
    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Just think of all those wonderful evenings I could've provided to those ladies, if only I would've been more confident. I truly did them a disservice.
    Yes, it seems several of us are regretting not learning the lessons of generosity better in our youth.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Coragus's avatar
    Registered
    May 2002
    Location
    Kzoo
    Posts
    1,080
    I've been having a lot of "issues" for a few months now, and it's all come together with a sudden awareness of how the general theme of my life has been to follow the path of least resistence rather than what I really wanted. If I could go back 20 years to the summer of my high school graduation, I would follow my passions and desire much more intently. I don't know what my career would be, but I know my family life would be significantly different.
    Back home just in time for hockey season!

  22. #22
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
    Registered
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Down by Dun Ringill
    Posts
    5,998
    Blog entries
    6
    Quote Originally posted by mendelman View post
    Amen, brother!
    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Tell me about it. I think back on it now and there were at least two instances where women were sending out signals that they were quite willing and I didn't pick up on them at all.
    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    If I was slighly more confident, I would've got laid quite a bit more.
    Quote Originally posted by mendelman View post
    Right on, zman. I'm not talking about being a douchebag, man-whore....but 50%-200% more "getting laid" would have been nice and not "ruined" me.
    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Yes, it seems several of us are regretting not learning the lessons of generosity better in our youth.
    Ah, yes, the regret of nookie not taken.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  23. #23
    Cyburbian zman's avatar
    Registered
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    9,028
    Blog entries
    2
    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Just think of all those wonderful evenings I could've provided to those ladies, if only I would've been more confident. I truly did them a disservice.
    See, Dude, you understand....
    You get all squeezed up inside/Like the days were carved in stone/You get all wired up inside/And it's bad to be alone

    You can go out, you can take a ride/And when you get out on your own/You get all smoothed out inside/And it's good to be alone
    -Peart

  24. #24
    Cyburbian safege's avatar
    Registered
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Golden Valley MN
    Posts
    713
    That the worst economy is the wealth inequality economy.
    Psychotics are consistently inconsistent. The essence of sanity is to be inconsistently inconsistent.
    -Larry Wall

+ Reply to thread

More at Cyburbia

  1. Replies: 16
    Last post: 21 Dec 2012, 1:52 PM
  2. U.S. - Dakota War - Who Knew?
    Friday Afternoon Club
    Replies: 1
    Last post: 29 Jan 2012, 11:06 AM
  3. Replies: 33
    Last post: 29 Jun 2007, 10:47 AM
  4. Knew it could not last
    Friday Afternoon Club
    Replies: 11
    Last post: 03 Dec 2004, 6:49 PM
  5. You knew it would happen
    Friday Afternoon Club
    Replies: 4
    Last post: 11 Apr 2003, 10:26 AM