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Thread: Planner Heaven

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    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Planner Heaven

    Pet owners sometimes speak about the "Rainbow Bridge" dogs cross to get into Doggie Heaven, a massive dog park where they play, sleep, eat, sniff butts, dig, and wait until their former owners arrive in the afterworld.

    What would a "planner heaven" be like? Would there be an area for old fart planners who died in the 1980s or 1990s,with mile after mile of PUDs and "planned communities" bearing windy nature trails, big buffers between pods of even slightly different densities, recreation centers, and shed-style houses that they considered ideal? Would there be a place for European planners that consisted solely of high-rise apartment towers surrounded by parkland? Would New Urbanists be calibrating SmartCodes and holding wonderfully productive charrettes in anticipation of the arrival of Andres himself?
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  2. #2
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Pet owners sometimes speak about the "Rainbow Bridge" dogs cross to get into Doggie Heaven, a massive dog park where dogs wait until their former owners arrive in the afterworld.

    What would a "planner heaven" be like? Would there be an area for old fart planners who died in the 1980s or 1990s,with mile after mile of PUDs and "planned communities" bearing windy nature trails, big buffers between pods of even slightly different densities, recreation centers, and shed-style houses that they considered ideal? Would there be a place for European planners that consisted solely of high-rise apartment towers surrounded by parkland? Would New Urbanists be calibrating SmartCodes and holding wonderfully productive charrettes in anticipation of the arrival of Andres himself?
    For me, Planner Heaven would be a Cross between Vienna Austria, 1920's New York, modern day Chicago, modern day Rome, 1940's Detroit, and futuristic London as shown (with technology) in the movie The Golden Compass. It would have classical architecture with great public transit system, a sense and depth of history, with latest technology. It would be mixed use and everything a person could need would be within walking distance and parks to socialize every few blocks. There would be collections of historic homes with small yards and tall apartment buildings all within viewing distance of each other, and all of the buildings would be free of rot or decay. It would be clean and not include drunk homeless people asking for money. And no, there would not be any Duany.
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  3. #3
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Planner heaven would consist of a large ivory tower overlooking the surrounding countryside. As far as the eye could see, and even beyond, all of nature and and all of mankind's work would be in perfect harmony. And...the tower dungeon would always be filled with politicians and developers.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

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    Cyburbian Plus dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ofos View post
    Planner heaven would consist of a large ivory tower overlooking the surrounding countryside. As far as the eye could see, and even beyond, all of nature and and all of mankind's work would be in perfect harmony. And...the tower dungeon would always be filled with politicians and developers.
    Hee hee. That was one of the first things I envisioned in my PH.

  5. #5
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    You know how Heaven is currently cordoned off into various Sections..... one for the Baptists, Mormons, Catholics, etc.? I suspect Planner Heaven is a particular subsection with its own cordoned areas: part of it you'll find dominated by enormous monolithic brutalist public housing tracts...and othe sections endless single family tracts with easy highway access and large suburban malls with ample parking....there'll be a tiny NU section as well where there's a delightful 'downtown' area - built in the middle of some farm fields (kinda like Earth - never really thought of that before.....)

    I mentioned in a similar thread earlier that in Heaven, Planning Commission meetings were over and done in the course of 5 minutes - everyone agrees with the staff reports unanimously and are always adopted with all suggested conditions.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

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    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    In Planner's Heaven, the water, the air, the land, deer, moose, bighorn sheep, otters, foxes, bears and wildcats would all come to the public hearings and have their say. They would afforded equal say and equal rights regarding all development.

    The governing body would be immune to influence from developers. They would be horrified that someone would want to skirt the regulations. And if the developers did not live up to their commitments, they would be publicly humilitated.

    And of course, in Planner Heaven, planners would be the celebrities. The media would raptly cover what we said, who we dated and married, and what we wore. And our salaries would be the envy of millions.

    But, of course, were I to get to Heaven, I wouldn't want to go to Planner Heaven. Just give me a spot in Heaven where my house is comfortably set back from a river, with a nice view of the mountains. A place where I could float the river (Class II - IV rapids) and Anne Hathaway would be my shuttle bunny. After a day on the river she would greet me in a bikini and have an icy-cold Molson and a crawfish boil waiting for me. Ahh, that sounds like Heaven to me.

    Don't think that would be her version of Heaven, though.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Cardinal's avatar
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    Thank you, but I think Doggie Heaven will work nicely for me.
    Anyone want to adopt a dog?

  8. #8
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    I think I'd prefer hell over a heaven full of Planners.

    In large quantities, we can become quite annoying.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    What would Planner Hell be like? Being stuck walking through a Kunstleresque "clusterf&^*" of Jiffy Lubes and Taco Bells for all eternity?

  10. #10
    Cyburbian boiker's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    You know how Heaven is currently cordoned off into various Sections..... one for the Baptists, Mormons, Catholics, etc.? I suspect Planner Heaven is a particular subsection with its own cordoned areas: part of it you'll find dominated by enormous monolithic brutalist public housing tracts...and othe sections endless single family tracts with easy highway access and large suburban malls with ample parking....there'll be a tiny NU section as well where there's a delightful 'downtown' area - built in the middle of some farm fields (kinda like Earth - never really thought of that before.....)

    I mentioned in a similar thread earlier that in Heaven, Planning Commission meetings were over and done in the course of 5 minutes - everyone agrees with the staff reports unanimously and are always adopted with all suggested conditions.
    Heaven is euclidian zoned. hmm. I was hoping for a more traditional developed afterlife.
    Dude, I'm cheesing so hard right now.

  11. #11
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by boiker View post
    Heaven is euclidian zoned. hmm. I was hoping for a more traditional developed afterlife.
    Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, boiker, but heaven is the ultimate gated community (rim shot). After all, you wouldn't want any of those seraphim sleeping under your porch or chucking empty holy water vials over your hedges, do you?
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  12. #12
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    I think I'd prefer hell over a heaven full of Planners.

    In large quantities, we can become quite annoying.
    I second this observation - having spent much of last week at a planning conference. I don't know if the rest of you have heard this but apparently Smart Growth is a really good idea. And by default, apparently, all other ideas are really dumb.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

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