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Thread: I am loving ur masculineness

  1. #1
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    I am loving ur masculineness

    Every day, I get a strange, spammy email, either in textspeak or Russian-flavored English, trying to solicit my romantic attention in some way. Let me share them with you in this thread ...

    How r you doing! I'm Kareen.
    To start with, I've to that u definitely look beautiful on profile photos, I would regret forever if I didn't write and send this letter to you.
    So, u attracted me and I'd like know you a bit better. So, u already know my name, what else to add, I'm blonde, my eyes are big and they r dark green, I keep my figure. I actually think that u're very attractive person and to ensure that I'm not kidding, Iwill attach some exclusive shots to my next letter, do you like the idea?)
    What u think about it all?)
    Hello my bunny! I am attracted by virile men, who know what they desire in this life and surely discovered the way to reach it.

    I'm Darja. I am almost faultless and it is not difficult for me to do that things that somebody ask me to do. I can be trustful and naive.
    My personal page: (something spammy and probably loaded with malware)

    I like to be active and I like different trainings in the fitness club! I like yoga so much! I like to run near the sea shore! Regards.
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  2. #2
    Cyburbian mike gurnee's avatar
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    Some time ago I signed up with My Space. The romantic solicitations became somewhat boring, so I changed my profile to show my age as 85. Then I started getting items from "Horny Grandmoms Seeking Mature Men". Uh, I am no longer on My Space.

  3. #3
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    I find it amazing how good spiders are getting at pulling your information.... it is really scary, but at the same time, pretty amazing.
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  4. #4
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    A challenge: can someone devise completely original text in the style described above (I have it on good authority Dan can do a wickedly convincing 'Nigerian prince' imitation)?
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  5. #5
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    I like that Darja is both trustful AND naive. What a perfect combination! Me? I'm comforting and obtuse. A match made in heaven...
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  6. #6
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    "Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women," General Jack D. Ripper
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  7. #7
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Just in ...

    Are you noble and tender man? Are you looking a loving wife? I'm very beautiful lady. I 'm waiting for you to live chat. See all the information with photos and video in my profile: (spammy Web site) Maybe, you dream about me?
    Dear dan, You are my destiny. I love you and I always will. Writing this love letter is specially my way to express my feeling of love for you. I know I am not perfect, but I do have goals in my life. I am a honest, sincere, and true girl, and I have a lot of love to give if you are willing to be on the receiving end (spammy site) Always and Forever Yours, Violetta.
    Hello my dear friend! I want to be next to my soul mate and he should be a real man! I want to share my life with my second part and it means that we should share so many things!

    My name is Bogdana. I prefer to have a healthy and active lifestyle. I like coziness and comfort at my place.
    My videos and photos: (spammy site) I like reading, traveling, communicating with people, riding horse, dancing, yoga, ski, swimming, and many other things that make my mood better.
    If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive.
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  8. #8
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    I get private messages like that on Facebook - ugh

  9. #9
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    Dear LP,

    Are you a lonely woman in need of manly man? I am big macho manly man looking to cuddle with beautiful american woman such as you are. Please to write back or else my heart will be forever broken and sadly.
    Children in the back seat can cause accidents - and vice versa.

  10. #10
    Cyburbian hilldweller's avatar
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    Ah yes, fake internet sluts. Every week or so I'll get similarly weird emails in response to a craigslist personal I posted like 8 years ago or so.

  11. #11
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    This just in.

    Hi, Leon

    I want to be Beloved Woman, because I have never been in love, I have never
    felt romantic feelings, and I have never had crazy romantic days and nights.
    I want to be Beloved Woman, because I want to present to my future Beloved
    Man the best romantic days and nights, I want to be The One into His Life.
    I want to be Beloved Wife, because I am tired to get up into lonely and cold
    bed, I am tired to cook only for myself and I need someone to take care with
    all my passionate and loving heart.
    I want to be Beloved Wife, because I want to take care of you, I want to be
    yours The Best Friend into this life and to give to you support and True
    love forever.
    I want to be Caring and Loving Mother, because every True love needs
    Continuation. Do you agree with me?
    If my letter touched your heart, and if you want to be Beloved Man, Husband
    and Father, my address is here (URL of some .ru Web site)
    and you can leave here your message.

    The best of luck
    Elen
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  12. #12
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    I came home to this.

    Hi, my gentleman

    I see a small house, a garden, the children are running and laughing, you
    hug my shoulders tenderly and whisper something funny and naughty in my
    ears, we laugh and smile... Our friends drive up to our house and cry
    something gladly...
    Each morning we wake up in one bed and first of all I see the morning light
    and then I see you and the new day starts gladly and I understand that I am
    happy because I will see you every morning...
    These are the pictures I imagine when I think about the happy life
    together... If you want to build love and if you like me, please write to
    me, I will be waiting... (URL in the Ukraine)

    Waiting for your letter
    Lenusik D.
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  13. #13
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    I came home to this.
    You are a wild and crazy guy.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  14. #14
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    I came home to this.
    So, should we raise funds to buy you a ticket for Russia?
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  15. #15
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    And today ....

    Hello dear dan, do you remember how we communicated with you?
    Long ago you could not see, I am Olga - with Russia, do you remember me?

    "Come to my page - let's talk, I'm waiting!
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  16. #16
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    And today ....
    How could you, Dan? How could you make Olga wait so after having....communicated...with her long ago!?
    Your conscience is telling you that you owe it to both she and Russia to write her. Listen to your conscience!
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  17. #17
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Our friends drive up to our house and cry
    something gladly...
    I know this is exactly what I do each time I drive up to my friends' houses when they have sunshine and kids in the yard playing. We all laugh and cry together. True hallmark moments.
    Occupy Your Brain!

  18. #18
    Cyburbian Bubba's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dan View post
    Hello dear dan, do you remember how we communicated with you?
    Long ago you could not see, I am Olga - with Russia, do you remember me?

    "Come to my page - let's talk, I'm waiting!
    Yeah...I got that one yesterday...Olga sure does get around, it seems.
    I found you a new motto from a sign hanging on their wall…"Drink coffee: do stupid things faster and with more energy"

  19. #19
    Cyburbian Cardinal's avatar
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    Hey, I just got done speaking with a real, live Russian girl working at the hotel I am in. Not bad. Not bad at al. Maybe you should give it a chance.
    Anyone want to adopt a dog?

  20. #20
    Cyburbian Otis's avatar
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    I heard from Olga over the weekend. Unfortunately, she communicated with me on my work email (how many times have I told her not to do that?) so I missed her until I checked my spam filter this morning. I was feeling left out, so this is a real ego boost for me, masculinity-wise.

  21. #21
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Today, from "Elena" ...

    Good day, my gentleman

    As for me, I see love like a little child who needs care and love every moment, every free minute. And every partner into romantic relations has equal rights. Do you agree with me? The love life depends on everybody and if it is killed and people are not together, they are both guilty. As for me I am here not to kill love, but to give the birth to it. I have a romantic soul and every day I wait that my second half will find me. But I can't find my soul mate here, in routine life. But I always think that romantic correspondence is very interesting and it can be the beginning of romantic story. You live so far, but I feel you as you live at the next street. I hope that letters from you will open me your heart, your soul and you will be glad to get acquainted with such pretty lady like me. As for me, I am ready to get the birth to the true love between you and me. There are coordinates where you can find me very easy http://scam.scam.scam.ua and don't be late with your reply, I am here and I am waiting.

    Bye

    Elena D.
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  22. #22
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    From Russia, with love.

    Hi, how are you? My name is Ekaterina

    In agency for acquaintance to me have informed that you are looking for a serious relationship.

    I'm looking for it too. Maybe we would get to know each other better? Please write me your letter if you interested in me.

    Im 27 years old.

    My email somethingspammy @ mail.ru I'll wait... My kisses

    Ekaterina
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  23. #23
    Cyburbia Administrator Dan's avatar
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    Ekaterina is making to feel the lonely muchly please!

    Hello again! How are you? Yesterday I wrote to you the letter and sent a photo. But I have not received your answer. You do not want to have dialogue with me to learn me better? I very much would want to learn you better, and to get acquainted with you. But if you do not want to do it, I am sorry for anxiety.

    Ekaterina
    Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

  24. #24
    Corn Burning Fool giff57's avatar
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    In my inbox this AM:

    Hi, my name is Ofelia.
    I'm looking for fun in here, I mean I need somebody to spend time together.
    I am fond of such things as playing some music on guitar, dancing, watching action TV shows, I also really like skin diving!
    I enjoy having sex with men who can turn me on.. I'm pretty sure that you're not against sex, r u?)
    Anyway, write me back. It is interesting to see what u got on ur mind)
    “As soon as public service ceases to be the chief business of the citizens, and they would rather serve with their money than with their persons, the State is not far from its fall”
    Jean-Jacques Rousseau

  25. #25
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    This just landed in my gmail spam folder:

    RJ I am glad, that the case was gave to me to write to you the letter! Whether we can get
    acquainted with you more close? I am not assured in true relations while people
    do not investigate each other more close. Today I shall not speak about me directly
    in details. I wish to receive your answer then we can investigate each other more close.
    Write to me on my personal e-mail address
    I send you my photo. Angelina
    I'm confident the photo was not Angelina.

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