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Thread: Good general rules

  1. #1
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Good general rules

    - if you think it ain't broke, enjoy your blissful ignorance while you can.

    - if she smokes she pokes

    - the more people involved in making a decision the longer it will take to make

    - don't drink that last half inch of unfiltered yeasty brew in the bottom of the bottle

    - the more urban the area they live in, the higher the probability that the owner of that Ford F-150 is going to be an overcompensating prick

    - if you have to ask how much you probably can't afford it

    - few people are more annoying or more zealous than a reformed [fill in the blank]

    - everyone has an Uncle Charlie who smoked a box of cigars, drank a pint of whisky every day, and lived to be 93
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  2. #2

    Advice from the Garfield cartoon in todays newspaper

    (fill in the blank here) always raise the creepy factor, the Garfield cartoon John was going on a date and he told Garfield in case there was a conversation lull he had hand puppets for entertainment. And Garfield thought, that will raise the creepy factor. And it got me about all the things that raise the creepy factor.

    So, clown paintings always raise the creepy factor.

  3. #3
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by christinejosephine View post
    (fill in the blank here) always raise the creepy factor, the Garfield cartoon John was going on a date and he told Garfield in case there was a conversation lull he had hand puppets for entertainment. And Garfield thought, that will raise the creepy factor. And it got me about all the things that raise the creepy factor.

    So, clown paintings always raise the creepy factor.
    I would venture to say that ANY clown whatsoever raises the creepy factor.

    But maybe that's just because I was super frightened by the Stephen King book It when I was younger.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  4. #4
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    I would venture to say that ANY clown whatsoever raises the creepy factor.

    But maybe that's just because I was super frightened by the Stephen King book It when I was younger.
    I agree completely, clowns or anything with masks freak me out.

    My advice - treat others as you would want to be treated.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian jsk1983's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    I would venture to say that ANY clown whatsoever raises the creepy factor.

    But maybe that's just because I was super frightened by the Stephen King book It when I was younger.
    Either that or John Wayne Gacy.

  6. #6
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by jsk1983 View post
    Either that or John Wayne Gacy.
    I just felt a shiver go down my spine.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  7. #7

    This is my thing but over neatly knotting your sweater around your neck

    In Europe people sometimes where sweaters around their neck and some people overly fold the knot like a pair of socks. Overly neatly knotting your sweater negates the coolness of wearing it around your neck in the first place. So sweater sleeve knots raise the creepy factor.

    I like the general advice Maister wrote overall especially we all have an uncle charlie who broke all the health rules and did fine because i eat one chip and i look like i just finished a weekend of crack;

    anyhoo, another general advice? lets see, don't invest in a new roof if you are going to resell soon, because it doesn't add any value to your house and its expensive. spend the money on a good paint job.

    c

  8. #8
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    - when someone turns down two consecutive invitations it most likely means they want nothing to do with you

    - anyone trying to SELL you advice on how to live a happy life is not to be trusted

    - the minister/priest/parson/clergyperson over for dinner wishes you'd just act like your normal selves and not try to impress anyone with your piety

    - an old dog barking gives counsel

    - agreeing to take care of one chore while on vacation increases the odds exponentially that you will also perform a second...third...fourth chore
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  9. #9
    Cyburbian hilldweller's avatar
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    There's a reason it's called a tramp stamp

  10. #10
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    - anyone trying to SELL you advice on how to live a happy life is not to be trusted
    - Anyone trying to SELL you advice in general is not to be trusted. People give advice. They sell platitudes.
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Plus Salmissra's avatar
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    The reward for a job well done is more work, so be careful how brightly you outshine your coworker(s).

    If the offer isn't in writing, signed and notarized, then it isn't worth the paper it's printed on and you should seriously think twice (or more!) before signing your part.

    Get on good terms with the security people in the building.

    When telling you coworker that their stinky fish lunch smells enough to make you nauseous, be polite and don't cuss.

    Be careful what you wish for - you might get it.

    Never let them see you sweat.

    Smile - it makes others wonder what you know that they don't know.
    "We do not need any other Tutankhamun's tomb with all its treasures. We need context. We need understanding. We need knowledge of historical events to tie them together. We don't know much. Of course we know a lot, but it is context that's missing, not treasures." - Werner Herzog, in Archaeology, March/April 2011

  12. #12
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Don't squat with your spurs on.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  13. #13
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Advice from my Wyoming bred father:

    On hard work to be done....

    "You got ONE boy helping you, you've got half a man. When you got TWO boys helping you, you've got nothing."

    On trusting yourself.....

    "What makes you think what's in your head right now is worth less than what was in the head of some other guy some other time?"

    And finally, long before Jack Sparrow said it, my dad in not as many words....

    "All that matters RIGHT NOW is what you CAN do and what you CAN'T. The rest of it's meaningless babbling."
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  14. #14
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    (stolen shamelessly from MASH)
    - Never insult seven men if you're only carrying a six shooter

    - An action can almost always be either the result of selfish motives or selfless/noble motives; the actual motive is typically the former, but it's usually best to publicly ascribe it to the latter
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  15. #15
    Cyburbian dvdneal's avatar
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    good looking women are always driving the other direction (I'm sure that applys to men also)

    if something is a good deal, it's too good to be true

    never play leap frog with a unicorn

    blame it on the last guy

    And for Uncle Charlie, I smoke a box of cigars about once a month and I'm doing fine (I'm not as old as Uncle Charlie)
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  16. #16
    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Don't ask a woman if she is pregnant - unless she is actually in labor.

    Be very careful about taking advice from anyone who has a tattoo above his shoulders.

    Always buy the band candy and Girl Scout cookies. Kids need the reinforcement for taking a chance and, hey, you get candy and cookies.


    * NOTE: I do not have a tattoo above my shoulders.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  17. #17
    Advice from my father:

    ~Always buy the best and you will never be disappointed.

    ~Volunteer for nothing.

    (I heeded one and not the other. Dad was correct, I would say.)

    Advice from my mother:

    ~Never love anything that can't love you back.

    ~This, too, shall pass.

    (The first is harder than you might think.)
    On pitching to Stan Musial:
    "Once he timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy."
    Warren Spahn

  18. #18

    Davida's Harp

    All beginnings are hard. Chaim Potock

  19. #19
    Cyburbian
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    a woman's heart is a damn precious thing
    ___

    here's a little note from a friend i'll share...

    my father always told me what to do
    he said study hard and go to a good school
    graduate get a job and a house on your own
    well i took that path as far as it led
    but woke up every morning with a heart that was dead
    so i turned around and gave back the key
    and woke up the next morning and could finally breathe

    ...yup, wasting away here at the desk it seems.

  20. #20
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Big Owl's avatar
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    My grand-pappy shared this bit of wisdom with me...

    "if you aren't in bed by midnight come home anyways"

    "Always carry a knife with two blades, one to do the dirty work and one do the clean work and remember which is which"

    "think about the outcomes before you breed" -> I initially thought this just applied to livestock.

    Other rules I respect and abide by.

    for males.. a urinal is reassurance that you chose the correct restroom

    Play the cards you're dealt

    when in doubt dress up not down.

    honesty is the best policy

    When a two year old hands you a fake phone, answer it

    one of my favorites by Kenny Rogers

    "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run."

  22. #22
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    You can't teach children anything after 7pm (that's a Wahday original)

    If it seems too good to be true, it probably is (I find his to be true most of the time. Apparently so does Dvdneal))

    Very little in life can't wait until tomorrow

    You can get people to agree to a lot by first telling them they know more than you (ie "you probably know more about this than I do, but...")

    A lie gets halfway around the world before Truth can get its boots on (Samuel Clemens)
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  23. #23
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Never buy a TV from an out of breath guy on a street corner.

    If you can't spot the sucker at the poker table in 10 minutes, you are the sucker.

    Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  24. #24
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Mastiff View post
    If you can't spot the sucker at the poker table in 10 minutes, you are the sucker.
    Heard that one on sports talk radio this a.m. Coincidence?
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  25. #25
    Cyburbian hilldweller's avatar
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    Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.
    Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
    Act like you've been there before.
    If your going to play in TX then you've got to have a fiddle in the band

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