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Thread: Where do you make friends?

  1. #1
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Where do you make friends?

    The wife and I had an interesting discussion the other day about where we met our friends and it dawned on me that just about all of my friends come from a very limited area. Mostly neighborhood and work related. There are still some college friends that I keep in touch with and a core group of friends from HS. It was the same with her.

    At one point, people would meet their ‘friends’ at their 3rd place. But absent the 3rd place in today’s society, are we limiting our friends to other factors?

    What about you. Where did you meet your friends? Do most of your friends share the same values as you do? (religious, ethical, political, social, and economic)
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  2. #2
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    I've made very few friends since high school and college. I have a multitude of acquaintances, but making new friends is too time consuming now that I have a family.

    Neighbors and work would be where I make friends, since I don't go to church and I have very few hobbies. Also new friends through current friends.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  3. #3
    Cyburbian TerraSapient's avatar
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    MW and I rely on public social events, such as wine tastings or gallery openings, or social groups you can join through social media, like the LGBT families group we found in our local area that has monthly outings.

    We find that if we seek out events that greatly interest us, chances are there are other people there that think similarly to the way we think. The rest is just a matter of being open enough and brave enough to strike up conversations.

    We have established a good number of friendly relationships with other humanoids in this fashion.
    Occupy Your Brain!

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    Cyburbian Plus
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  5. #5
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Wow, I thought more people in here had friends...
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  6. #6
    moderator in moderation Suburb Repairman's avatar
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    I've got only a couple of friends that have lasted since high school, and a few more from college. We have more couple friends now that are the result of my wife's book club (they discuss books while the husbands go watch a game at a bar or something). I've made some new friends through that group. I have season tickets to Texas State games as well, and have become friends with the folks that sit around me. And of course neighborhood friends and work friends. We've also made some friends at the trivia night at one of the local bars.

    "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

    - Herman Göring at the Nuremburg trials (thoughts on democracy)

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
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    For someone is viewed as a bit aloof and standoffish, I have my share of friends. They come from church, work/professionsal, the Y, several groups I'm a part of.
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

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    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    There are a bunch of people that I am friendly with....

    and there are a few people that I am truly friends with.

    Most of my oldest friends don't live anywhere near me.

    I am old, I am tired. I work full time plus with an irregular schedule. I am poor. I have a baby. I have a kid in college. Socializing takes time and money. Neither of which I have in excess.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  9. #9
    Cyburbian ColoGI's avatar
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    This is a fairly well-studied topic and the general findings are we make more friends when young and less as we age.

    I make friends fairly easily, but for me, now, it is work then functions with my wife. Every once in a while I'll meet someone on the bike or via some function with the bicycle. I have zero friends that are parents of our daughter, as we live in a conservative area and I have no clue where the people are around here I have things in common with.
    -------
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  10. #10
    Cyburbian WSU MUP Student's avatar
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    I don't go out of my way to make friends... I don't really have enough time for the ones I already have! I still hang out with quite a few of the folks I went to high school with, made zero friends in undergrad, made one friend during six years in the Marine Corps (well, one friend that I still keep in contact with other than Facebook) and then when I got to grad school I seemed to make about 10 really good friends almost instantly. Maybe it's because we all had similar enough interests to be studying the same things that we became friends so quickly. I've been out of grad school almost five years and see (or talk to) most all of them on a weekly basis. I haven't made any new friends since then.

    I do go to church on occasion but there are very few families in our congregation that are our age. I've met some guys at my gym who I run with in the mornings on occasion but they are quite a bit older than me and I wouldn't consider them friends. I am on a bowling league with a bunch of folks who are between about 22 and 45 (and a few outliers) and I am Facebook friends with some of them and will chat with them at the bowling alley but besides the ones who were my friends before bowling, I don't see them outside of Wednesday nights in the fall and winter.

    Over the past few years I've also somehow managed to integrate my group of grad school friends with my group of high school friends pretty seamlessly. It is not uncommon for a couple of the folks I met in grad school to go to the bar or to a party or concert with some of my high school friends even though none of them knew each other just a few years ago.

    Of my close circle of friends, we have everything from orthodox Jews to a few evangelical Christians. There are a couple of homosexuals and a couple devout Roman Catholics. There are some that are politically very conservative and some that are very liberal.
    "Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost." - 1980 Republican presidential candidate Ronald Reagan

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Linda_D's avatar
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    I've met most of my friends through my jobs, my neighborhoods, and/or my dogs. I've always walked my dogs in parks (I've bought my last two houses because of their proximity to the parks where I walked my dogs!)
    If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. -- John F. Kennedy, January 20, 1961

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Rygor's avatar
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    I've met my friends in a variety of places, but the majority were friendships founded on shared interests. I have my pool of high school and college friends and a couple Army buddies I still keep in touch with, but also made friends from swim team, other planners/co-workers (including Cyburbians), automotive groups and forums I've been part of, the gym and various exercise forums, etc. I made some through Meetup events when I was going often when I first arrived in Arizona and just wanted to meet new people. A few here and there were made from just random encounters at places, but very few.
    "When life gives you lemons, just say 'No thanks'." - Henry Rollins

  13. #13
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by ColoGI View post
    This is a fairly well-studied topic and the general findings are we make more friends when young and less as we age.

    I make friends fairly easily, but for me, now, it is work then functions with my wife. Every once in a while I'll meet someone on the bike or via some function with the bicycle. I have zero friends that are parents of our daughter, as we live in a conservative area and I have no clue where the people are around here I have things in common with.
    I will have to read up on it regarding the age thing. I think your correct, but I wonder why. I also have the same situation with my two boys. We are not friends with any of their parents and I live in a VERY liberal area (Urban Historic District with diverse population next to the CBD)
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Fat Cat's avatar
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    Fat Cat

    Having lived and worked in a few states besides the one that I grew up in, I have made friends with people that I have met at work, various civic organzations, sports organizations and Church, not to mention the usual organizations that you belong to when your children are growing up. I have had a few close friends that I have stayed in touch with even though we live in different parts of the country. My friends from the military that live in different areas try to get together at least once a year on the Marine Corps Birthday. Both Mrs Katt and I are very outgoing people and make friends quite easily, most of the people that we are friends with have different background, jobs and political outlooks which I think gives us a different prospective on things and makes us think.
    It is a lot easier to stay in touch now with facebook.

  15. #15
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    I tend to make new friends through activities I enjoy. I've made some friends through the local music scene and from hanging out and talking beer at the local breweries. In general though I have a small core group of people I enjoy hanging out with. I do notice as i get older people my age become more involved with and isolated due to family obligations (just hanving the kids is a big obligation that keeps people I may want to hang out with busy).
    Children in the back seat can cause accidents - and vice versa.

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Work, church, golf, soccer, brewpubs, are where my core of friends come into play
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

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    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    I don't make friends. I make enemies. They are just a whole lot easier to keep.

    Where do I make enemies? Everywhere! I cut a wide and bitter swath throughout the day. You can follow where I've been by the destructive trail of hurt feelings, crushed dreams and broken promises. If I haven't made at least one person cry, then I am just off my game.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  18. #18
    maudit anglais
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    Quote Originally posted by ColoGI View post
    I have zero friends that are parents of our daughter
    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    I also have the same situation with my two boys. We are not friends with any of their parents
    I'm confused...who are the parents of your children? You're not friends with your partner or do your children have different biological parents and you're just not friends with them?

  19. #19
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Tranplanner View post
    I'm confused...who are the parents of your children? You're not friends with your partner or do your children have different biological parents and you're just not friends with them?
    Nice
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  20. #20
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    Wow, I thought more people in here had friends...
    Well you asked where we make friends. I have lots of friends, they're just mostly long term friends I've had since high school and college.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  21. #21
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    Well you asked where we make friends. I have lots of friends, they're just mostly long term friends I've had since high school and college.
    I meet lots of new people that I think are great, etc. but I rarely think "Now that guy and his wife, we need to have them over" or "I want to get to know person x better..." I just don't. I guess I have less need for "friends" in that sense than I used to. I DO though, still feel a need to remain connected to good friends I made in HS and college years, and to family.


    I'd love to have dinner with a lot of you guys and probably have a great time but Geography is an unforgiving mistress.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  22. #22
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    What are these things "friends" of which you speak?
    RJ is the KING of . The One

  23. #23
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    I knew a guy named Friend in school but he was more of an acquaintance.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  24. #24
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    I will have to read up on it regarding the age thing. I think your correct, but I wonder why. I also have the same situation with my two boys. We are not friends with any of their parents and I live in a VERY liberal area (Urban Historic District with diverse population next to the CBD)
    LOL I suppose that might be true based on West Michigan standards!

    I have moved to one of the most narrow minded politically right parts of metro Detroit. I never even thought that a place like this could exist, but when I look at the voting records it amazes me.

    Needless to say I don't have many neighbors for friends.
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

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