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Thread: The NEVERENDING cheating thread

  1. #1
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    The NEVERENDING cheating thread

    Many of you know my background. But how can a married man, a retired four-star general, head of the CIA, a national treasure, make such a huge error in judgement?

    I know this has gone on throughout history, but can't a person just get divorced first before partaking on the honey in the next hive? WTF is wrong with people?



    Disclaimer: I got issues in my brain. Disturbed, and always will be.
    I think that one of the great signs of security is the ability to just walk away.

  2. #2
    Cyburbian
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    Some of you know my background as well, and I agree with RJ on this? What's up with people? What are they looking for, and do you think that they really find what they think they want?

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Born in a barn

    A male relative has decided that it's okay to cheat. "Wifey" (that's what he's started calling her) discovered his explicitly-worded ads on cheater sites. Discussion. He claims that he doesn't want a divorce, but he keeps doing crazy stuff that will find him pushed out the door.

    Unbelievable.

    And no, I do not want to visit for Christmas.

  4. #4
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Related: ZG brought an interesting website to our attention in this thread 6 yrs ago.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  5. #5
    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
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    On the flip side of this, I've always wondered about people who got involved with people they knew were married. For those didn't know the person was married, that one thing. And for guys, I partially understand. But still, there is no future in this relationship. Why waste your time when you could find someone who available.
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

  6. #6
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    I'm looking at this from the other side. If the CIA director can't keep an affair secret, what hope does anyone else have?

    If you have connections, and all the money you would want, why stick around? I would imagine it is different for others who have a family to worry about, but "celebrity" cheaters make no sense. We all expect you to get divorced anyways, why not just follow through, then go get the intern... or in this case the autobiographer?
    A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

  7. #7
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Veloise View post
    A male relative has decided that it's okay to cheat. "Wifey" (that's what he's started calling her) discovered his explicitly-worded ads on cheater sites. Discussion. He claims that he doesn't want a divorce, but he keeps doing crazy stuff that will find him pushed out the door.

    Unbelievable.

    And no, I do not want to visit for Christmas.
    Hey! what is she doing looking up dudes on the internet?
    Good for the goose, good for the gander?
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  8. #8
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Grass is greener on the other side I suppose. Still, that's not an excuse in my book. Want out of the relationship? End it.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  9. #9
    I think some guys do it merely because they can't believe someone wants to have sex with them so they jump at the chance (especially if alcohol is the factor)

  10. #10
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Super Amputee Cat View post
    I think some guys do it merely because they can't believe someone wants to have sex with them so they jump at the chance (especially if alcohol is the factor)
    I think this gets my vote for the main reason this happens. At least as far as men are concerned. I feel glad that I spent some time in life exploring relationships before getting married because at this juncture, I really can't see jeopardizing so much for something that is so fleeting. Though I'm sure it doesn't feel that way at the time. But really, with a career like Patraes', with a wife and family, with national security on the line - why would you think that was in any way a good idea?

    I like a beautiful woman as much as the next heterosexual guy (not that I even think his mistress is all that), but come on - there was no way this was going to end well for the General.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  11. #11
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by wahday View post
    I think this gets my vote for the main reason this happens. At least as far as men are concerned. I feel glad that I spent some time in life exploring relationships before getting married because at this juncture, I really can't see jeopardizing so much for something that is so fleeting. Though I'm sure it doesn't feel that way at the time. But really, with a career like Patraes', with a wife and family, with national security on the line - why would you think that was in any way a good idea?

    I like a beautiful woman as much as the next heterosexual guy (not that I even think his mistress is all that), but come on - there was no way this was going to end well for the General.
    Happy ending turns into a General discharge.
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  12. #12
    Cyburbian Brocktoon's avatar
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    As Chris Rock said, "men are only as faithful as their options."
    "If you don't like change, you're going to like irrelevance even less" General Eric Shinseki

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by DetroitPlanner View post
    Hey! what is she doing looking up dudes on the internet?
    Good for the goose, good for the gander?
    When you find evidence of a "blue dress" incident, and your long-time (20+-year marriage) partner's demeanor changes, you start asking questions. Since "Jack" won't talk to her, "Jill" started asking questions on the web.

    She made a plane reservation (for 1, which is sad) to go see her mother and sibs the week after Xmas. Credit card statement: Mankato, MN. Jack assumes that she's running off to meet some dude found on the webs.
    As it happens, that's the home town of a web travel service. Duh.

    Yesterday it got even worse: Jack arranged to have their kitchen remodeled. Without asking or telling Jill, asking for any input, do you like this tile or that one. But wait, it gets better. She has a day job, and this is their busy season. He told her on Sunday about the pending demo starting...Monday morning...and he needed her to clear stuff out of the way. Assuming that she'll stay home and work on this project.

    Oh, and alcohol is a factor too. She's started attending Al-Anon to get a better handle on this.

    I've told her to talk to an attorney about "estate planning," knowing that the lawyer will get to hear the whole story and help with whatever might come next.

    Jill does not deserve this. It's making me sad, and angry...and relieved that I'm not divorced or in jail for homicide.

    ETA: Jack went onto a discussion forum for her small hometown (where mom still lives) and made a posting referring to her as the "S2BX." (soon to be ex) Without telling her. After finally having a conversation about how he loves her and doesn't want a divorce and wants to grow old with her. And that was after hitting on/propositioning several barmaids, young enough to be his daughter, who are probably trying to be nice and friendly to the customers, and he's mis-reading it because he's a drunk.

    I could just wring his selfish horndog neck.
    Last edited by Veloise; 12 Nov 2012 at 9:34 PM.

  14. #14
    Cyburbian
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    Vel, you gave Jill good advice. Hopefully, she'll realize that she should prepare for the worst, which doesn't mean that the worst thing will happen.

  15. #15
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Hink View post
    I'm looking at this from the other side. If the CIA director can't keep an affair secret, what hope does anyone else have?
    Off-topic:
    I just inappropriately laughed at this...sorry


    Folks, it seems to me for guys it's all about power - as in, I am a big deal around here so I can do this
    For women it seems like it's more something is missing at home - remember she's married too...

  16. #16
    Cyburbian
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    In a biological sense, men seek power and prestige to expand their mating options. Once they obtain that status or power there is an urge to "spend it". I was watching a documentary on the Science Channel last night that said many studies show women are equally as likely to cheat on their husbands, however the more powerful the woman the less likely it becomes because they have sufficient resources so there is no biological need to stray. Women seek powerful men and men seek younger women.

    I think part of it is you mare missing something at home and oftentimes it's easier to go out and get it than work through the problem.

  17. #17
    Cyburbian SW MI Planner's avatar
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    I think it's self esteem and/or power and control on behalf of the person cheating. What I don't understand is the people that will be with someone that is married. But I guess it comes down to the same thing - self esteem and/or power/control.

  18. #18
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Why has dobopoq not cleared this up for us yet? I'm reading words like "power", "sex", "men", "women" and assuming at any moment I'm going to be reading the dobopoq take on this and yet.....it is missing. What the hell? I want my dose of dobopoq on this, please.
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  19. #19
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Dont' nobody be cheatin' round here lemme tell you

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbHH5xZcVvQ
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  20. #20
    Unfrozen Caveman Planner mendelman's avatar
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    My wife doesn't have to worry about me. The logistics and ramficiations of cheating are not worth it.
    I'm sorry. Is my bias showing?

    Let's not be didactic in this profession, because that is a path to disillusion and irrelevancy.

    Six seasons and a movie!

  21. #21
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    I don't think that cheating is anything new, but I think that society has become more accepting of it. Years ago, there was a couple that I knew through a mutual friend. I would always see them together at parties at this friends house and thought that they were together. Turns out they were married to other people and this friend aided them in the cover up. He explained that it was no big deal and that they were happier together than with their spouses. I stopped hanging out with that person all together and later found out that one spouse found out, and contacted the other spouse. They showed up at a party at the friends house and caught the cheaters in the act.

    The cheaters got married a few years later, but it still makes me sick to think that everyone at the party knew about it and did not bother to explain what they were doing was wrong.

    Personally, I think it is a reflection of social decay.
    Invest in the things today, that provide the returns tomorrow.

  22. #22
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    I don't think that cheating is anything new, but I think that society has become more accepting of it. Years ago, there was a couple that I knew through a mutual friend. I would always see them together at parties at this friends house and thought that they were together. Turns out they were married to other people and this friend aided them in the cover up. He explained that it was no big deal and that they were happier together than with their spouses. I stopped hanging out with that person all together and later found out that one spouse found out, and contacted the other spouse. They showed up at a party at the friends house and caught the cheaters in the act.

    The cheaters got married a few years later, but it still makes me sick to think that everyone at the party knew about it and did not bother to explain what they were doing was wrong.

    Personally, I think it is a reflection of social decay.
    I don't think society is more accepting. I think it is happening no more than it used to. It's just much harder to hide today, and women don't put up with it as much. If your husband cheated in the 1950s, nothing happened and no one would know about it. Now, everyone finds out because of our digital world, and divorce would happen.

    Human behavior has not changed much over the last few thousand years.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  23. #23
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    in reading some articles on this, it seems like the portrayal is he was vulnerable, a victim - this is laughable to me - the head of the CIA thwarted by a younger female? really?

    to me, this is 2 people who hung out alone together way too much and over time became attracted and didn't hold back - neither of them are agressors or victims

    and I disagree that it's more accepting either - I agree with btrage - it's not swept under a carpet so quickly now (though how many Congressmen and CEO's out there do it without anyone saying anything) and women were told to shut up about it because they depended on their husbands for care of the household and children and/or were told by their clergy to look the other way - we don't tell women to do this anymore gratefully (though it will be interesting if the spouses stay - her hubby will likely leave but his wife will likely stay is my prediction) - however, women who do leave rarely make out economically

  24. #24
    Cyburbian Veloise's avatar
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    "Kitchen remodel will be done by Weds"

    Jack sent a photo to my phone with that message.

    I replied, "how nice for you (singular)."

    What I didn't reply:

    for all your drunk party friends?

    Is Jill invited?

    Paternalistic much?

    Did you get Jill a binder for your anniversary?

  25. #25
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    People change. One spouse may still love the other but not be as physically attracted to them anymore, or maybe one spouse loses interest in sex. Sometimes it's just a jerk off spouse but sometimes there are real problems with the marriage. A friend of mine got married about ten years ago to a good looking girl who after having a kid has just let herself go to the point of losing all physical attractiveness and she doesn't care. I don't know that I would blame him too much if he were to cheat- if he hasn't already. But he still loves her as a person and especially their daughter.

    The John Edwards thing always bugged me, because clearly John Edwards was a jerk, but also Elizabeth Edwards was sick for so long that she was likely not an able participant in typical marriage behavior. Sometimes medical reasons result in people not being able to be intimate. While my wife was going through treatment for cancer, its was probably a year and a half where we were not able to be as intimate as we both would have liked- and truthfully that was tough for me. I couldn't have imagined cheating because it takes a real scumbag to do something like that when your spouse is sick and when you should be providing even more emotional support - but its certainly not easy going so long without sex.

    For the most part my first inclination is to not just blame the cheater without knowing all the details- most of which I will likely never know. Alot of marriages are still functional but lose the intimacy. Rarely can we as observors ever know the full extent of the marital problems that may have led to cheating. But that doesn't mean that some people are just gross jerk-off cheaters. Just my own two cents.
    Children in the back seat can cause accidents - and vice versa.

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