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Thread: The NEVERENDING cheating thread

  1. #51
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    I agree with everything dobopoq said. I don't think he's a misogynist. I think many of you are either extremely naive or choose to stick your head in the sand.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  2. #52
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    btrage:

    I think when we are slapped with the realization we have not truly evolved from our cave man like world, it's well, a slap in the face

    I think it also stings to us middle aged women that don't want to be middle aged, don't want to stop being wanted, etc, have stayed with a guy while he was working his way up in his career (oh and she helped him with that with herfamily status, btw) only to be set aside for a newer model

    the good news is middle aged women that find themselves here and leave the marriage often have a better life if they re enter or continue onward in their career and find new relationships later on that are based on the principles they were looking for - this is anectdotal information on my part actually - in some cases, this does not happen I know - we have a ways to go

  3. #53
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    Article written by a woman...

    Affairs/cheating are a product of our evolution, and are based on things we desire biologically and emotionally. Granted, there are always going to be people who cheat because they're just bad people, this is more for those who are in otherwise successful relationships and the reasons why they would have an affair.

    http://www.cnn.com/2012/11/17/opinio...html?hpt=hp_c1

    Gradually, women came to see success, prosperity and status as only attainable through the achievements of men, while men became accustomed to receiving love and admiration for possessing skills, resources, and knowledge to which women did not have access. Women began to equate admiration with attraction; men began to equate being looked up to with being sexually potent. For 150 years, romance novels and the mass media have reinforced this confusion.

    I think this pattern helps explain why so few women are tempted by the adoration of younger acolytes but often fall for superiors or mentors, while many otherwise happily married men become so intoxicated by admiration that they risk their careers and families for its temporary rush. President Bill Clinton couldn't resist the hero-worship of a White House intern. Then-House Speaker Newt Gingrich carried on an affair with an admiring female aide while trying to impeach Clinton for lying about a similar indiscretion.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  4. #54
    Cyburbian Rygor's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    I agree with everything dobopoq said. I don't think he's a misogynist. I think many of you are either extremely naive or choose to stick your head in the sand.
    This. He seems to be very well read on the subject of gender differences and issues and comes off as generally having a pretty objective viewpoint. I can see why some might take offense, but I don't think he's attacking anyone in particular with his rants. Granted, he is generalizing so what he states will not apply in all cases. There are always exceptions to the rules.
    "When life gives you lemons, just say 'No thanks'." - Henry Rollins

  5. #55
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by btrage View post
    I agree with everything dobopoq said. I don't think he's a misogynist. I think many of you are either extremely naive or choose to stick your head in the sand.
    I agree with the much of what was said. Whether we like to admit it or not we are programmed to find the most attractive mate. That is NOT an excuse for an affair though so please don't burn me at the stake. A relationship like a marriage is a very complicated thing. I don't feel qualified to conjecture what Petraeus' or Broadwell's marriages were like. What I think is that they spent way too much time together tempting fate and fate happened as it usually does and well, now we are seeing the outcome.

    I believe that both parties were wrong to begin with in terms of the affair and I think that all parties have been wrong in how they have handled the suppression of the affair and this three ring circus that has happened as a result.

    I feel badly for Petraeus' wife and Broadwell's husband.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  6. #56
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zoning Goddess View post
    You are a misogynist,I am sure.
    I am almost positive you are a misandrist. In fact, I am sure of it. Any mention or relection on relationships turns you into a fire-breathing man hating insult machine. You should probably seek help.
    Children in the back seat can cause accidents - and vice versa.

  7. #57
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning....
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  8. #58
    Super Moderator luckless pedestrian's avatar
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    I thought we were trying to keep this intellectual!

  9. #59
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Moderator note:
    imaplanner...ZG. Stop. Before we go any further down that road.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  10. #60
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    I think this is another case of the difference between how we would like people to behave and how they actually do. I am not trying to excuse affairs or anything like that, but statistically speaking, plenty of people have them and that number does not seem to have changed much over time.

    I also think the reasons people cheat are probably quite varied and diverse and not the cut-and-dried "well, he/she is just a heartless jerk who doesn't respect their spouse." We are hardwired for desire, afterall (as witnessed by the ever-expanding world of pron) and so we should not be so surprised when people act on temptation.

    Would I be hurt if my spouse cheated on me? Absolutely. Would I categorically divorce them as a result? Probably not. Its a complicated thing and the circumstances would dictate my response. If they were just tired of me and looking for a replacement, that doesn't seem like a relationship I want to stay in. If it was about something else or did not impact the commitment my spouse feels for me and our family, that's worth a discussion and working through it.

    A lot of this has to do with the premium we put on sex and I think that is something that likely varies a bit from culture to culture. I'm not saying that there are places where this kind of behavior doesn't hurt people, but I do think there are places where having relations with someone other than your spouse is not seen as the categoric end to a relationship.

    My two cents.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  11. #61
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Moderator note:
    imaplanner...ZG. Stop. Before we go any further down that road.
    OK. I resign. Done.

  12. #62
    Cyburbian Fat Cat's avatar
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    Fat Cat

    We all have the option of choice
    Justification of improper choices are just excuses

  13. #63
    NIMBY asshatterer Plus Richmond Jake's avatar
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    Put the lock on this thread. I regret starting it as I didn't foresee it getting this much traction.

  14. #64
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Richmond Jake View post
    Put the lock on this thread. I regret starting it as I didn't foresee it getting this much traction.
    Moderator note:
    not a bad idea
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

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