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Thread: Lets all help write Vancity's transportation paper

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Vancity's avatar
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    Lets all help write Vancity's transportation paper

    Someone write my transportation paper for me.
    I don't feel like it.

  2. #2
    Cyburbian Plus dvdneal's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Vancity View post
    Someone write my transportation paper for me.
    I don't feel like it.
    Cars go vroom. If there are a lot of cars that's called traffic. Sometimes there are accidents. Bicycles prevent a lot of this. The End.

    Made it through the 4th and only burnt my thumb a little on one of those giant sparklers. They don't light, until they do and they make sure to nip you every time.
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  3. #3
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dvdneal View post
    Cars go vroom. If there are a lot of cars that's called traffic. Sometimes there are accidents. Bicycles prevent a lot of this. The End.
    Moderator note:
    split from RTDNTOTO


    C'mon this is a college paper and that means you have to go into more detail and also have to include supporting cites.

    Something more like this:

    Transportation

    by Vancity

    There are lots of ways to get around. You can travel by car, train, planes or boats. That's how lots of people travel around. Some people, however, travel by submarine, hot air balloon or bicycles. Oh, and you can always walk (unless you don't have the use of your legs, in which case you can travel by wheelchair, or if you're in a hospital you can be rushed around on those tables they call "crash carts" that you see in all those hospital drama shows on tv 1). The main thing, though, is that when you have to get around you use transportation. Oh, and I almost forgot one of the coolest modes of transportation ever is those riverboats that Mike Fink used on Davy Crocket. You don't see many riverboats like those anymore but you can still ride on them at Disneyworld! The End.

    1 Grays Anatomy, Episode 97, August 11, 2013


    Maybe others here might have other helpful suggestions. Some of us actually went to college and graduated you know.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  4. #4
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Quote Originally posted by Vancity View post
    Someone write my transportation paper for me.
    I don't feel like it.
    Greenways and Rail to Trails are good.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Since you're in Alberta you can always write about how fossil fuels are going to destroy the world, but I don't think that will go over too well.

    Here are a couple of ideas that may be of interest:

    An assessment of Transportation Control Measures and Transportation Demand Management in dealing with spots of congestion.

    The impact of the Transportation Enhancement Program (now known as the Transportation Alternatives Program) on Cities/a City in the United States.
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  6. #6
    Cyburbian Plus dvdneal's avatar
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    Sorry I forgot to site my sources, I was never good at that. How do you site the window of my office and my daily commute anyway.

    I think you need to add a little history to the paper.
    A long time ago everyone walked or used horses. Horses were able to pull carts and wagons.
    Also, hipsters who were afraid of horses invented bikes. To be ironic they put a big wheel in front and a small one in back which made the thing really hard to ride.
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  7. #7
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dvdneal View post
    Sorry I forgot to site my sources, I was never good at that. How do you site the window of my office and my daily commute anyway.

    I think you need to add a little history to the paper.
    A long time ago everyone walked or used horses. Horses were able to pull carts and wagons.
    Also, hipsters who were afraid of horses invented bikes. To be ironic they put a big wheel in front and a small one in back which made the thing really hard to ride.
    Everyone should add a sentence. Why don't we use this as the starting template and then we can each in turn add improvements thereby giving the impression of great erudition!

    Transportation

    by Vancity

    There are lots of ways to get around. You can travel by car, train, planes or boats. That's how lots of people travel around. Some people, however, travel by submarine, hot air balloon or bicycles. Oh, and you can always walk (unless you don't have the use of your legs, in which case you can travel by wheelchair, or if you're in a hospital you can be rushed around on those tables they call "crash carts" that you see in all those hospital drama shows on tv 1). The main thing, though, is that when you have to get around you use transportation. Oh, and I almost forgot one of the coolest modes of transportation ever is those riverboats that Mike Fink used on Davy Crocket. You don't see many riverboats like those anymore but you can still ride on them at Disneyworld! A long time ago everyone walked or used horses. Horses were able to pull carts and wagons. Also, hipsters who were afraid of horses invented bikes. To be ironic they put a big wheel in front and a small one in back which made the thing really hard to ride........
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Had a commissioner actually say this in a BOC meeting:

    "Folks it's easy. 50 houses gives you at least 100 cars. Cars are roughly 20 feet long. Put them on the road and that's a half-mile of traffic congestion."

    So there you have it. Clean, simple and easily explained. I'm sure he won't mind if you use this transportation planning tidbit of wisdom.
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Quote Originally posted by Planit View post
    Had a commissioner actually say this in a BOC meeting:

    "Folks it's easy. 50 houses gives you at least 100 cars. Cars are roughly 20 feet long. Put them on the road and that's a half-mile of traffic congestion."

    So there you have it. Clean, simple and easily explained. I'm sure he won't mind if you use this transportation planning tidbit of wisdom.
    You can't pave your way out of congestion.

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Linda_D's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Everyone should add a sentence. Why don't we use this as the starting template and then we can each in turn add improvements thereby giving the impression of great erudition!

    Transportation

    by Vancity

    There are lots of ways to get around. You can travel by car, train, planes or boats. That's how lots of people travel around. Some people, however, travel by submarine, hot air balloon or bicycles. Oh, and you can always walk (unless you don't have the use of your legs, in which case you can travel by wheelchair, or if you're in a hospital you can be rushed around on those tables they call "crash carts" that you see in all those hospital drama shows on tv 1). The main thing, though, is that when you have to get around you use transportation. Oh, and I almost forgot one of the coolest modes of transportation ever is those riverboats that Mike Fink used on Davy Crocket. You don't see many riverboats like those anymore but you can still ride on them at Disneyworld! A long time ago everyone walked or used horses. Horses were able to pull carts and wagons. Also, hipsters who were afraid of horses invented bikes. To be ironic they put a big wheel in front and a small one in back which made the thing really hard to ride........
    My contribution:
    Paving city streets with bricks and country roads with asphalt made bicycling much easier as both eliminated mudholes.

    Vancity's report now reads ...

    Transportation

    by Vancity

    There are lots of ways to get around. You can travel by car, train, planes or boats. That's how lots of people travel around. Some people, however, travel by submarine, hot air balloon or bicycles. Oh, and you can always walk (unless you don't have the use of your legs, in which case you can travel by wheelchair, or if you're in a hospital you can be rushed around on those tables they call "crash carts" that you see in all those hospital drama shows on tv 1). The main thing, though, is that when you have to get around you use transportation. Oh, and I almost forgot one of the coolest modes of transportation ever is those riverboats that Mike Fink used on Davy Crocket. You don't see many riverboats like those anymore but you can still ride on them at Disneyworld! A long time ago everyone walked or used horses. Horses were able to pull carts and wagons. Also, hipsters who were afraid of horses invented bikes. To be ironic they put a big wheel in front and a small one in back which made the thing really hard to ride. Paving city streets with bricks and country roads with asphalt made bicycling much easier as both eliminated mudholes....
    If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. -- John F. Kennedy, January 20, 1961

  11. #11
    Cyburbian The One's avatar
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    Ok

    Just throw a couple of these in there and tell them you figured out a way to equate fluid dynamics and associated equations with traffic movements:



    and

    “The way of acquiescence leads to moral and spiritual suicide. The way of violence leads to bitterness in the survivors and brutality in the destroyers. But, the way of non-violence leads to redemption and the creation of the beloved community.”
    Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
    - See more at: http://www.thekingcenter.org/king-ph....r7W02j3S.dpuf

  12. #12
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by JNA View post
    You can't pave your way out of congestion.
    Sure you can, but it is impossible to maintain all of that infrastructure. You would still need lights or big-ass roundabouts some six lanes wide!
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  13. #13
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    My addition...

    Transportation

    by Vancity

    There are lots of ways to get around. You can travel by car, train, planes or boats. That's how lots of people travel around. Some people, however, travel by submarine, hot air balloon or bicycles. Oh, and you can always walk (unless you don't have the use of your legs, in which case you can travel by wheelchair, or if you're in a hospital you can be rushed around on those tables they call "crash carts" that you see in all those hospital drama shows on tv 1). The main thing, though, is that when you have to get around you use transportation. Oh, and I almost forgot one of the coolest modes of transportation ever is those riverboats that Mike Fink used on Davy Crocket. You don't see many riverboats like those anymore but you can still ride on them at Disneyworld! A long time ago everyone walked or used horses. Horses were able to pull carts and wagons. Also, hipsters who were afraid of horses invented bikes. To be ironic they put a big wheel in front and a small one in back which made the thing really hard to ride. Paving city streets with bricks and country roads with asphalt made bicycling much easier as both eliminated mudholes....

    Cities today need to plan for and anticipate the transportation of tomorrow. While many urban centers are investing their dollars in “multimodal” streets that accommodate cars, buses, pedestrians and bikes (both the crazy big wheeled ones and those more modern types where both wheels are the same size. Oh, and also those ones where you lay down. Those be crazy, yo! I wouldn’t want to ride through traffic like that, but its not my funeral...) I am putting my money on teleportation. “Beam me up Scotty” and all that. Then we can do away with roads altogether! But be careful with your groceries – you may find that when you rematerialize in your kitchen that your bananas and kimchi have crossed DNA and you are now holding a large container of fermented nanners. Nobody wants that.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  14. #14
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Oooh, including formulae. That's a sure way to up your marks at least a full grade higher. Plus, remember your profs probably don't know the first thing about mathematics so the odds of them calling you out on that kinda bs is minimal. Another thing you might want to do is to throw in a latin phrase or two. That's what serious intellectuals did in years past and it's sure to still be in style within academic circles. So now your paper can read like this

    Quote Originally posted by Vancity
    Transportation

    by Vancity

    There are lots of ways to get around. You can travel by car, train, planes or boats. That's how lots of people travel around. Some people, however, travel by submarine, hot air balloon or bicycles. Oh, and you can always walk (unless you don't have the use of your legs, in which case you can travel by wheelchair, or if you're in a hospital you can be rushed around on those tables they call "crash carts" that you see in all those hospital drama shows on tv 1). The main thing, though, is that when you have to get around you use transportation. Oh, and I almost forgot one of the coolest modes of transportation ever is those riverboats that Mike Fink used on Davy Crocket. You don't see many riverboats like those anymore but you can still ride on them at Disneyworld! A long time ago everyone walked or used horses. Horses were able to pull carts and wagons. Also, hipsters who were afraid of horses invented bikes. To be ironic they put a big wheel in front and a small one in back which made the thing really hard to ride. Paving city streets with bricks and country roads with asphalt made bicycling much easier as both eliminated mudholes. Speaking of liquid filled mudholes, many have wondered at how the turbidity of a solution enters into predictions of rush hour peak traffic demands near highway off-ramps. I have independently devised a foolproof method in which to model such predictions based upon the following formulae:


    and

    .

    As you can see, this will clear up much of the confusion which has plagued transportation planners for decades. Or as the stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius once remarked, "Caveat emptor hic haec hoc."

    Cities today need to plan for and anticipate the transportation of tomorrow. While many urban centers are investing their dollars in “multimodal” streets that accommodate cars, buses, pedestrians and bikes (both the crazy big wheeled ones and those more modern types where both wheels are the same size. Oh, and also those ones where you lay down. Those be crazy, yo! I wouldn’t want to ride through traffic like that, but its not my funeral...) I am putting my money on teleportation. “Beam me up Scotty” and all that. Then we can do away with roads altogether! But be careful with your groceries – you may find that when you rematerialize in your kitchen that your bananas and kimchi have crossed DNA and you are now holding a large container of fermented nanners. Nobody wants that.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  15. #15
    Cyburbian Plus dvdneal's avatar
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    You have to come up with some kind of original thought that is complete crap supported by your paper, so might I add this:

    As city populations continue to grow because we breed like rabbits, especially them damn Americans, more compact forms of transportation will be necessary. In the same way that 100 cars can create 0.8 km (0.5 miles) of congestion, the future increase use of the freaky laying down bicycles will create congestion in bike lanes. To help mitigate (you have to use big words like mitigate) cities may consider congestion pricing on bikes related to the number of wheels per rider or by the length of the bike. This way a unicycle will be charged less along with tandem bikes.
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Don't forget to include

    Discussion of this classic Simpson's episode Marge vs The Monorail http://www.snpp.com/episodes/9F10.html

    Peak Volume & Time demand modelling of social trips to

  17. #17
    Cyburbian Vancity's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by DetroitPlanner View post
    Since you're in Alberta you can always write about how fossil fuels are going to destroy the world, but I don't think that will go over too well.

    Here are a couple of ideas that may be of interest:

    An assessment of Transportation Control Measures and Transportation Demand Management in dealing with spots of congestion.

    The impact of the Transportation Enhancement Program (now known as the Transportation Alternatives Program) on Cities/a City in the United States.
    Okay, whoa whoa whoa.
    I don't have much time here.. but I have to address this immediately, AS IT IS AN OUTRAGE! I am NOT from Alberta SIR! Nor am I in Alberta, nor do I ever wish to be in Alberta. I am from British Columbia. The two are not to be confused!
    ... stinky Albertans..



    Secondly, my school crazy left-wing, writing about fossil fuels destroying the world is always the way to go.

    Okay back to my paper on how provincial government scumbags always mess up our well-to-do local transit plans with their overbloated 'gateway' projects.
    Oh and DetroitPlanner, as far as your actual suggestions, its kind of funny, I have gone for the topic of TDM for both my papers this term


    I'll get to the rest of you later.

    Also, you're all crazy and its awesome. Where is that student who was asking what planners are like the other day? Just send them this thread, hah.
    Last edited by Vancity; 07 Jul 2014 at 7:41 PM.

  18. #18
    Cyburbian Linda_D's avatar
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    Well, to be truthful, not all of us are planners.

    Look at the bright side about Alberta: it would be much worse to actually be in Alberta than to be mistakenly thought to be in Alberta ... unless, of course, you were a cowgirl or hockey player.
    If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. -- John F. Kennedy, January 20, 1961

  19. #19
    Cyburbian Cardinal's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Linda_D View post
    Well, to be truthful, not all of us are planners.

    Look at the bright side about Alberta: it would be much worse to actually be in Alberta than to be mistakenly thought to be in Alberta ... unless, of course, you were a cowgirl or hockey player.
    But to be fair, Alberta also has places like Banff, Jasperr, and Watertonn Lakess.
    Anyone want to adopt a dog?

  20. #20
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Vancity View post
    Okay, whoa whoa whoa.
    I don't have much time here.. but I have to address this immediately, AS IT IS AN OUTRAGE! I am NOT from Alberta SIR! Nor am I in Alberta, nor do I ever wish to be in Alberta. I am from British Columbia. The two are not to be confused!
    ... stinky Albertans..
    LOL EXCUSE ME! The only places in BC I've ever been to are the parks in the Rockies (Banff, Jasper, Kootenay, Yoho & the place with the hot springs which may be part of the last two or its own park). I traveled to them from Waterton. From my perspective BC is the pretty part of AB. Never been to the fancy part of BC (Vancouver, Victoria) as I have heard stories about rampant drug fiends roaming the streets. We Detroit folks are scared of it and would rather deal with the grizzlies. Besides, everything outside of SW Ontario is where they hunt the baby seals and polar bears! I've watched enough CBC's Rick Mercer 'talking to Americans' to know that!
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Plus dvdneal's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by DetroitPlanner View post
    as I have heard stories about rampant drug fiends roaming the streets.
    I believe in Canada they call those mayors.
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  22. #22
    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Cardinal View post
    But to be fair, Alberta also has places like Banff, Jasperr, and Watertonn Lakess.
    Banff and Jasper are also in BC.
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

  23. #23
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dvdneal View post
    I believe in Canada they call those mayors.
    Only in Ontario! In BC they are called "Washingtonians." Though as of today, they are expecting a significant drop in tourism...
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

  24. #24
    Cyburbian Vancity's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Cardinal View post
    But to be fair, Alberta also has places like Banff, Jasperr, and Watertonn Lakess.
    This is a fair point

    Quote Originally posted by DetroitPlanner View post
    From my perspective BC is the pretty part of AB
    That is like saying California is the pretty part of Nevada.
    Different governments, different provinces, different places!

    Quote Originally posted by DetroitPlanner View post
    I have heard stories about rampant drug fiends roaming the streets
    They're totally harmless. Our crime rates are super low.

    Quote Originally posted by dvdneal View post
    I believe in Canada they call those mayors.
    HAH!..Zinger. I think Rob Ford might be in American news more often than he is in Canadian news.

    Quote Originally posted by DetroitPlanner View post
    Besides, everything outside of SW Ontario is where they hunt the baby seals and polar bears! I've watched enough CBC's Rick Mercer 'talking to Americans' to know that!
    Also a fair point.



    Back to the paper, you guys finished yet!?

  25. #25
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Done? Not yet.

    Transportation

    by Vancity

    There are lots of ways to get around. You can travel by car, train, planes or boats. That's how lots of people travel around. Some people, however, travel by submarine, hot air balloon or bicycles. Oh, and you can always walk (unless you don't have the use of your legs, in which case you can travel by wheelchair, or if you're in a hospital you can be rushed around on those tables they call "crash carts" that you see in all those hospital drama shows on tv 1). The main thing, though, is that when you have to get around you use transportation. Oh, and I almost forgot one of the coolest modes of transportation ever is those riverboats that Mike Fink used on Davy Crocket. You don't see many riverboats like those anymore but you can still ride on them at Disneyworld! A long time ago everyone walked or used horses. Horses were able to pull carts and wagons. Also, hipsters who were afraid of horses invented bikes. To be ironic they put a big wheel in front and a small one in back which made the thing really hard to ride. Paving city streets with bricks and country roads with asphalt made bicycling much easier as both eliminated mudholes. Speaking of liquid filled mudholes, many have wondered at how the turbidity of a solution enters into predictions of rush hour peak traffic demands near highway off-ramps. I have independently devised a foolproof method in which to model such predictions based upon the following formulae:


    and

    .

    As you can see, this will clear up much of the confusion which has plagued transportation planners for decades. Or as the stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius once remarked, "Caveat emptor hic haec hoc."

    Cities today need to plan for and anticipate the transportation of tomorrow. While many urban centers are investing their dollars in “multimodal” streets that accommodate cars, buses, pedestrians and bikes (both the crazy big wheeled ones and those more modern types where both wheels are the same size. Oh, and also those ones where you lay down. Those be crazy, yo! I wouldn’t want to ride through traffic like that, but its not my funeral...) I am putting my money on teleportation. “Beam me up Scotty” and all that. Then we can do away with roads altogether! But be careful with your groceries – you may find that when you rematerialize in your kitchen that your bananas and kimchi have crossed DNA and you are now holding a large container of fermented nanners. Nobody wants that.

    In these uncertain times many find themselves craving the sort of bedrock stability the past has to offer. Because of this many communities in the future will likely embrace a return to more traditional modes of transportation. The palanquin is almost certain to make a comeback
    as it consumes nothing in the way of fossil fuels, requires minimal infrastructural support to capitalize upon its utility, and will do much to increase employment among the peasant class.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

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