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Thread: What do you do AFTER you've pepper sprayed, tased, and shot someone?

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    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    What do you do AFTER you've pepper sprayed, tased, and shot someone?

    Junior toured the police station last night with his Tiger Cub (6-7 year olds) den. They showed the kids dispatch...any questions kids? [cricket chirps] They visited files and records. Questions? [yawn] here's the briefing room [are we almost done?] This is the chief's office [I have to pee] ... oh yeah, and here's where we keep the body armor, pistols, tasers, and pepper spray [ooh ooh if there's a bad guy trying to get away and you've already sprayed, tasered, and shot him and that didn't work what do you do then?....what if the bad guy is wearing body armor too, do you hafta shoot him in the face?....do you ever hafta run bad guys over with your car?.......when you're shooting at bad guys do you hafta stop the car or do you run after them and shoot them in an alley?....why do you have that jail cell - can't you just shoot the bad guys instead of locking them up?...if you have that loud siren thing going won't the bad guys hear you coming and get away - why don't you sneak up and shoot them instead?] Ah, the minds of 7 year old boys......I was a little mortified, but the cop running the tour seemed completely unfazed - guess those kinda questions are par for the course. Even after advising for the fourth time that they almost never have to use a firearm.
    Last edited by Maister; 28 Nov 2012 at 9:28 AM.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  2. #2
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    You run away as fast as you can because that person is obviously a zombie.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  3. #3
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Simple, you use a multipurpose tool... the mighty garden spade.

    First, you hit them over the head to take them down, then you put the point in the center of their neck and jump on it with both feet to assure a clean slice though the wind pipe and the spinal cord. Finally, you use the shovel to hide the evidence by digging the footings for the concrete pad under your new gazebo.
    "I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which, was that you can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love." - Jim Carrey

  4. #4
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by michaelskis View post
    Simple, you use a multipurpose tool... the mighty garden spade.

    First, you hit them over the head to take them down, then you put the point in the center of their neck and jump on it with both feet to assure a clean slice though the wind pipe and the spinal cord. Finally, you use the shovel to hide the evidence by digging the footings for the concrete pad under your new gazebo.
    If that response had been given last night, I have the feeling it would have been received by serious/thoughtful expressions and nods of assent (and perhaps a carefully formed follow up question 'should you wait for them to stop wriggling first before putting the sack over their head?....)
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  5. #5
    Cyburbian ofos's avatar
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    Reminds me of bayonet training in boot camp. One of the brighter lights asked the DI, "If your bayonet gets stuck in a guy, should you fire your weapon to free it up?" The DI responded, "Why the hell are you fighting with a bayonet if you've still got ammo left?"
    “Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

  6. #6
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    So after the outing we're driving back and Junior asks "daddy, have you ever had the police shoot at you?" No, I responded. He quickly followed up with "Did they ever use a taser on you?" Nope. "How about pepper spray?" Nuh uh. Long pause, and then he asks with a tone of disappointment evident in his voice "Have they at least written you a ticket?"
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  7. #7
    Cyburbian Tide's avatar
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    Just tell your son only the fat cops shoot people because they don't want to run.
    @GigCityPlanner

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    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    If that response had been given last night, I have the feeling it would have been received by serious/thoughtful expressions and nods of assent (and perhaps a carefully formed follow up question 'should you wait for them to stop wriggling first before putting the sack over their head?....)
    The simple response is "what sack? You want them to see the shovel." Besides, the quivering helps to compact the soil, thus providing for a more stable base for the gazebo foundation.
    "I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which, was that you can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love." - Jim Carrey

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    Cyburbian DetroitPlanner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    So after the outing we're driving back and Junior asks "daddy, have you ever had the police shoot at you?" No, I responded. He quickly followed up with "Did they ever use a taser on you?" Nope. "How about pepper spray?" Nuh uh. Long pause, and then he asks with a tone of disappointment evident in his voice "Have they at least written you a ticket?"
    Your answer should have been "they did send the dogs after me though, but I used karate to scare them off!"
    We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes - Fr Gabriel Richard 1805

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    Cyburbian Plus dandy_warhol's avatar
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    The simple answer is you kick them. With a steel-toed boot. In the skull.
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

  11. #11
    Cyburbian wahday's avatar
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    Having known a number of police officers over the years, I would say that many of them are still 7 years old on the inside....Which isn't to say they aren't good officers. Just guys who get excited by weapons.
    The purpose of life is a life of purpose

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    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Thing is, I have no idea where kids (my son at least) got the idea that a typical day for a police officer involves lots of shoot outs with crooks. Based on their questions last night, though, I get the impression they all pretty much think cops barely have time to reload between hoodlums' bansai charges.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

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    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    So after the outing we're driving back and Junior asks "daddy, have you ever had the police shoot at you?" No, I responded. He quickly followed up with "Did they ever use a taser on you?" Nope. "How about pepper spray?" Nuh uh. Long pause, and then he asks with a tone of disappointment evident in his voice "Have they at least written you a ticket?"
    Not sure if you are setting a good or a bad example, in Junior's eyes. In the loose cannon vs the steady rule taker, you have to ask yourself - are you Mel Gibson or Danny Glover?

    Regardless of which path Junior takes in the future, keep in mind the college fund can also be used for bail money and attorney fees. It is just education of a different sort. It is an issue I wrestle with myself. Am I saving for college or bail money?
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

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    Cyburbian Coragus's avatar
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    According to numerous secretly shot videos of these incidents, the proper response is to handcuff the victim and start kicking.
    Maintaining enthusiasm in the face of crushing apathy.

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    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    Thing is, I have no idea where kids (my son at least) got the idea that a typical day for a police officer involves lots of shoot outs with crooks. Based on their questions last night, though, I get the impression they all pretty much think cops barely have time to reload between hoodlums' bansai charges.
    According to my dad, it's about 90% mundane, boring stuff and 10% heart attack inducing chaos when something goes to@#$%.
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

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    State Troopers sound like they have some of the worst jobs around here here. Writing tickets and processing all the accidents on state maintained roads is essentially all they do. Their biggest danger is just not getting hit or shot while writing a ticket. In this state, their jurisdiction is absolutely massive due to the amount of state maintained roads here but their numbers are few thanks to budget cuts. This is good news for speeders though since it causes speed traps to be relatively rare.

    Truth be told, I'd hate to have a job where my chief purpose is to piss people off in the name of "safety." Granted planners piss off their fair share of people but not in the same way Troopers do.

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    Cyburbian otterpop's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Blide View post
    . . .Truth be told, I'd hate to have a job where my chief purpose is to piss people off in the name of "safety." Granted planners piss off their fair share of people but not in the same way Troopers do.
    At least the cops get issued pepper spray, tasers and guns, then piss people off. I have to rely on appeasing people with my charm and good looks.

    I worked in a borough in Alaska. Six months into the job I learned the guy I replaced quit because someone took a shot at him while he was investigating a zoning violation. I also had a guy named Mr. Rogers who yelled at me for a couple minutes straight because I busted him because his neighbors objected to him running an unlicensed campground in a residential neighborhood. The borough manager, one of the neighbors, was tired of people taking a whizz in her bushes.
    "I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

    ~ Otterpop ~

  18. #18
    Cyburbian terraplnr's avatar
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    This thread cracked me up because I'm sure my son thinks the same things about police officers!


    Quote Originally posted by Blide View post
    State Troopers sound like they have some of the worst jobs around here here. Writing tickets and processing all the accidents on state maintained roads is essentially all they do. Their biggest danger is just not getting hit or shot while writing a ticket. In this state, their jurisdiction is absolutely massive due to the amount of state maintained roads here but their numbers are few thanks to budget cuts. This is good news for speeders though since it causes speed traps to be relatively rare.

    Truth be told, I'd hate to have a job where my chief purpose is to piss people off in the name of "safety." Granted planners piss off their fair share of people but not in the same way Troopers do.
    Off topic, but it irks me to no end when the state troopers disregard the traffic laws when they aren't chasing someone (by speeding, not using a turn signal, following too closely, etc.). They do it ALL THE TIME here, and I live close to a State Trooper station so I see them on the freeway all the time. One more reason they piss people off. If I have to follow the rules, so should they. Ok sorry, back to the original question... I suggest either a grenade or a lawnmower/weed whacker, whichever is closer at hand.

  19. #19
    Cyburbian dw914er's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Blide View post
    Truth be told, I'd hate to have a job where my chief purpose is to piss people off in the name of "safety." Granted planners piss off their fair share of people but not in the same way Troopers do.
    They certainly have a negative contact based career. Writing tickets and visiting accidents rarely puts them in situation with someone that is in a good mood. That said, I would love to work for our Highway Patrol. I've had a bit of insight into their duties, and, as a result, I genuinely respect their role.

    Oh, and I'd run. Run fast! When I read the title, I thought of "Jeepers, Creeper" though.
    Last edited by dw914er; 28 Nov 2012 at 7:23 PM.
    And that concludes staff’s presentation...

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