I wish….

[michaelskis]

Over the weekend I ran into an old friend who I had not seen in a while. While talking, he reminded me of a conversation that we had about a year and a half ago. He said that he wished he lived in a warm area of the country, and I simply responded with a “Well, why don’t you?” He gave a series of excuses at the time, but over the next few weeks he thought about it more and moved to AZ and now loves it. He credits my question as the thing that got him thinking why not?

It has me thinking about why people don’t do what they want to do? Yes, there are some real reasons that someone might not be able to move, to have kids, to get a new job, or find a new place to live, but I wonder if people just give up there and don’t actually find a way to get past those limitations. Sometimes it just takes a leap of faith, other times it takes some serious planning.

What is something that you once wished for that you were able to achieve? What do you ‘wish’ for now and what is holding you back from achieving it?

[Hink]

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl if I did, I would call her....

[Maister]

What do you ‘wish’ for now and what is holding you back from achieving it?

Haven't we had this thread several times before? In any event, I suspect the answer for most people - if they are to be honest - would lie along the lines of priorities. For instance, someone on one level might wish to doink Anne Hathaway. But most people, however, are unwilling to break up their existing families and relationships, and spend the time necessary stalking her around Beverly Hills in order to bag their quarry. Then once they've achieved their goal they discover the downside of what it really means to be hooked up with a celebrity and all the paparazzi and glitz.

What is something that you once wished for that you were able to achieve?

Once upon a time I thought to myself 'wouldn't it be cool to be a Marine'? So I set my life in that direction and achieved my aim......Boy, did I ever not understand what I was getting into at the time. See the quotes in my sig line for my bumper sticker life philosophy ever since that time.

[Blide]

In any event, I suspect the answer for most people - if they are to be honest - would lie along the lines of priorities.

I think another part of it is people tend to be pretty risk adverse. Why take a risk when there's a chance you'll be worse off than when you started? I've begun to see that line of thinking as a trap that I refuse to fall into at this point in my life. I'd rather not settle until I'm content with where I am at.

[Linda_D]

I think that too often people are afraid of trying to get what they really want. I'm NOT talking about unrealistic goals like being 5'4" and wanting to be a super model or an NBA star, but achievable goals. Part of it is personality, and part of it is how you were raised. My mother was a risk-adverse person who wasn't adventurous, but my Dad was very much a dreamer who always encouraged us to go after what we wanted because the circumstances in his own life -- coming to adulthood in the Great Depression and then fighting in WW II -- limited many of his life choices. He wouldn't hem his children in that same way if he could help it.

Consequently, I've always been a person who's been goal-oriented and very determined to get what I wanted -- when those things were important to me. This was true even as a kid. When I was four, my two best friends, who were 2 years older than me, graduated to 2 wheelers while I was still in training wheels because I had the bike only a week or two. I insisted that my Dad take off the training wheels so I could learn to ride with 2 wheels. In a couple of days and a bunch of bumps and bruises later, I was tearing around the neighborhood on two wheels with my friends. My Dad could have said "no, you're too young" or "no, it's too dangerous", but he didn't. He took off the training wheels and let me try.

If you've never been allowed or encouraged to try new or difficult things, you aren't likely to think you can do it, so you stay in your rut, frequently miserable and possibly embittered, but you can't see yourself really doing/being anything else. I think this is especially true for many women, although less so now for younger middle class women, than it was for my generation.

[TerraSapient]

Honestly, most people don't go after other things they want because they are already comfortable. It takes motivation to make big leaps. Comfort and contentment do not motivate people to change, and if you are comfortable and content, why change?

That plus the point about priorities (no matter how roundabout and strange it was ) and the need to compromise with others adequately sums the situation up.

For example, I want to live in the Alps or somewhere that snow falls by the foot.. by the foot each day! I want snow covering every surface for at least 6 months of the year. MW wants to live on a tropical beach the rest of her life without ever having to remember what a chill feels like. Our love for each other leads us to compromise on a place where summer and winter both happen, though the climate is probably not one either of us would define as ideal.

[kjel]

Honestly, most people don't go after other things they want because they are already comfortable. It takes motivation to make big leaps. Comfort and contentment do not motivate people to change, and if you are comfortable and content, why change?

That plus the point about priorities (no matter how roundabout and strange it was ) and the need to compromise with others adequately sums the situation up.

For example, I want to live in the Alps or somewhere that snow falls by the foot.. by the foot each day! I want snow covering every surface for at least 6 months of the year. MW wants to live on a tropical beach the rest of her life without ever having to remember what a chill feels like. Our love for each other leads us to compromise on a place where summer and winter both happen, though the climate is probably not one either of us would define as ideal.

In that vein....because life is generally not just all about you. I've done a lot of pursuing dreams but always taken into consideration my daughter and other obligations. Many times she was along for the ride but she's thankful for many of my decisions.

[Blide]

It takes motivation to make big leaps. Comfort and contentment do not motivate people to change, and if you are comfortable and content, why change?

I've met numerous people who just seem resigned rather than content. That's the group of people I kind of wonder about. Sure, some have family or other obligations but many don't. It's just kind of interesting to me why someone would stay in a situation they don't like while not wanting to take any risks to get out of it.

[michaelskis]

I've met numerous people who just seem resigned rather than content. That's the group of people I kind of wonder about. Sure, some have family or other obligations but many don't. It's just kind of interesting to me why someone would stay in a situation they don't like while not wanting to take any risks to get out of it.

Sad thing is the idea is nothing new. In 1854, Thoreau stated:

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.

I think the only difference is it is no longer quiet. Instead people are more then willing to express how much their lives suck, (even though they don't) but I personally believe that there are very few that are willing to do anything about it.

[Linda_D]

I've met numerous people who just seem resigned rather than content. That's the group of people I kind of wonder about. Sure, some have family or other obligations but many don't. It's just kind of interesting to me why someone would stay in a situation they don't like while not wanting to take any risks to get out of it.

I agree. I classify personal relationships pretty much as "things you can't change" in that who you love, who you care about, etc are so important that those are worth compromising. You also can't control those kinds of feelings: you can't choose to love person A rather than person B ... it's just chemistry or kismet or whatever. Sometimes, in some instances, people are forced to break those ties or walk away because there are problems but with a lot of other stuff that people can realistically change, too many just bump along quite unhappily.

[Blide]

Related to that. I think some people let their families restrict them far more than they probably should. I've seen some people who've passed on some amazing opportunities simply because they didn't want to leave home. I think those are the types of situations that can lead to regret later in life.

Most of the people I work with were all born and raised in the area which admittedly is a pretty foreign concept to me. Both my parents were the kids that left home so we were never particularly close to any other family members. Unsurprisingly I'm the same way so am willing to go wherever to pursue an opportunity.

[Coragus]

Ooh, this sounds like fun. Not feeling bitter or anyting, but I wish . . .

. . . that I had not had the MRI on my head in September that found nothing wrong but the insurance company still rejected paying for AFTER preauthorizing it
. . . that I had taken a few more science classes in college and found something other than Geography
. . . that I could take back a few decisions involving that girlfriend from college
. . . that the NHL lockout would end so's I could have attended the outdoor game at The Big House this year
. . . that I would have told Mrs. Me to shove it when choosing between the job I was offered in KC and the one in Kentucky
. . . that I hadn't had to have chosen between KC and KY in the first place
. . . that I hadn't gone over to my brother's house on my birthday three years ago and gone through the crap fallout that resulted. That was the day after Christmas, and I'll be in the same room with his wife for the first time since then.
. . . that my wife had NOT GOTTEN the stupid cat we got this summer!