The snarky responses to Facebook posts I *want* to make

[Dan]

Although I've been on Facebook for years, I just started following my feed about a month or so ago. I've noticed some trends: it seems like so many try to out-God and out-Jesus each other. A lot of blind Obama hatred and gun love. The spirit of the glurge your aunt used to send you lives on in Facebook.

There's some things I"d like to say in response to some posts, but I'd rather not piss off any of my friends, former classmates, or coworkers. Instead, I'll post my snarky responses here, away from their eyes.



Good idea! Nothing puts me to sleep better than a run through 1 Chronicles. Adam, Sheth, Enosh, Kenan, Mahalaleel, Jered, Henoch, Methuselah, Lamech, Noah, Shem, Ham, and Japheth. The sons of Japheth; Gomer, and Magog, and Madai, and Javan, and Tubal, and Meshech, and Tiras. And the sons of Gomer; Ashchenaz, and Riphath, and Togarmah. And the sons of Javan; Elishah, and Tarshish, Kittim, and Dodanim. The sons of Ham; Cush, and Mizraim, Put, and Canaan. And the sons of Cush; Seba, and Havilah, and Sabta, and Raamah, and Sabtecha. And the sons of Raamah; Sheba, and Dedan. And Cush begat Nimrod: he began to be mighty upon the earth. And Mizraim begat Ludim, and Anamim, and Lehabim, and Naphtuhim, And Pathrusim, and Casluhim, (of whom came the Philistines,) and Caphthorim. And Canaan begat Zidon his firstborn, and Heth ...

[TerraSapient]

I don't see any of those types of posts on my FB feed. I delete people who post stuff like that and let them know why if I feel close enough to them to bother with an explanation. That kind of dribble drives me crazy and I have no tolerance for it.

[Raf]

I don't see any of those types of posts on my FB feed. I delete people who post stuff like that and let them know why if I feel close enough to them to bother with an explanation. That kind of dribble drives me crazy and I have no tolerance for it.

would explain why you haven't liked any of my posts

[TerraSapient]

would explain why you haven't liked any of my posts

not you turkey!

[kjel]

I don't see any of those types of posts on my FB feed. I delete people who post stuff like that and let them know why if I feel close enough to them to bother with an explanation. That kind of dribble drives me crazy and I have no tolerance for it.

Unfortunately one of RT's grandmothers is one of those people, otherwise she's quite likable. I hid her from my feed.

[Linda_D]

Unfortunately one of RT's grandmothers is one of those people, otherwise she's quite likable. I hid her from my feed.

This is the problem for me as I'm pretty much the most liberal-minded person among my family and close friends. They're good people, but many of their attitudes are, to put it kindly, backward. Part of it is age, part of it is culture, part of it is lack of experience outside the cocoon of their part of WNY or Redneck Heaven, ie western Southern Tier and NW PA where 98% of the people are white and 99% are Christian. They can't even fathom that there are good people out there who aren't just like themselves, and they sure as heck don't understand how people who aren't US-born, white or Christian could possibly be offended by some of the stuff they spout. Some times I feel like William Faulkner who loved his native Mississippi despite its obvious flaws.

[kjel]

This is the problem for me as I'm pretty much the most liberal-minded person among my family and close friends. They're good people, but many of their attitudes are, to put it kindly, backward. Part of it is age, part of it is culture, part of it is lack of experience outside the cocoon of their part of WNY or Redneck Heaven, ie western Southern Tier and NW PA where 98% of the people are white and 99% are Christian. They can't even fathom that there are good people out there who aren't just like themselves, and they sure as heck don't understand how people who aren't US-born, white or Christian could possibly be offended by some of the stuff they spout. Some times I feel like William Faulkner who loved his native Mississippi despite its obvious flaws.

Fully agreed. I am sure that quite a bit of what post offends her sensibilities too: marriage equality, social welfare, gun control, environmental issues, sending good wishes to all on non-Christian holidays, income inequality, etc.

[Dan]

I don't see any of those types of posts on my FB feed. I delete people who post stuff like that and let them know why if I feel close enough to them to bother with an explanation. That kind of dribble drives me crazy and I have no tolerance for it.

I attended a racially integrated urban high school. I hope this isn't seen as politically incorrect, but most of the religious posts in my feed come from African-American classmates.

[TerraSapient]

I attended a racially integrated urban high school. I hope this isn't seen as politically incorrect, but most of the religious posts in my feed come from African-American classmates.

Well there is your problem right there! You have friends from high school on your newsfeed!

In all seriousness though, I guard my social media sites pretty rigorously and delete any and all posts that I think are offensive or that will offend my other friends. I'm a censorship dictator on FB and G+. I also have no problem simply deleting someone. I have never had to delete someone that I interact with regularly outside of social media outlets (except a few people I am related to by marriage - none of which made it past my scrutiny and are still on my friends' list). It is usually the people that I knew from high school or some old job or something that end up on the naughty list.

[imaplanner]

I am still not on facebook

[Seabishop]

I've often wanted to create a sockpuppet facebook account in the name of "Jesus" or "God" so I can thank these people for their constant posts.

[Rygor]

I've often wanted to create a sockpuppet facebook account in the name of "Jesus" or "God" so I can thank these people for their constant posts.

I'm sure it's been done, but yes, it would be fun. Even better would be to create one as Satan.

[Brocktoon]

I don't mind the Jesus freak posts or the Obama is communist/Muslim/foreign born destroyer of the US posts since they are easy to spot and to scroll past. I hate my Facebook friends that are always trying to prove how smart they are or how everyone in the real world thinks they are awesome. Their posts are always a trap because the other times its a funny post or an update that I want to read.

[mgk920]

One that I'd like to do, but won't for real is "What is this novel and interesting concept of which you speak, 'wonderful wife', and how can I get one to spend the holidays with?".



Mike

[TerraSapient]

I hate my Facebook friends that are always trying to prove how smart they are or how everyone in the real world thinks they are awesome. Their posts are always a trap because the other times its a funny post or an update that I want to read.

Hahahahaha! Yes! Those people are fun. And so are the people who document ever moment of their life. I have a lot of friends who feel the need to post 3,742 pictures of every single thing they do. They are the culprits who also put of no less than 12 pictures of me at a party or something every few months and I have to yell at them again and again to take them down. I do not post pictures of myself in a bikini drinking beer on the internet for a reason. Do not do it for me.

This is particularly annoying for those of us who have professional lives as those pictures get circulated beyond your control, or worse end up as an advertisement for some company against your will.

[Brocktoon]

Hahahahaha! Yes! Those people are fun. And so are the people who document ever moment of their life. I have a lot of friends who feel the need to post 3,742 pictures of every single thing they do. They are the culprits who also put of no less than 12 pictures of me at a party or something every few months and I have to yell at them again and again to take them down. I do not post pictures of myself in a bikini drinking beer on the internet for a reason. Do not do it for me.

This is particularly annoying for those of us who have professional lives as those pictures get circulated beyond your control, or worse end up as an advertisement for some company against your will.

Sounds like we need to be friends on Facebook if your friends are posting party/bikini pictures.

Do you frineds post several pictures of food they are about to eat at restaurants? Nothing is worse than being at a nice restaurant and then a flash goes off because someone has to take a picture of their 42oz veal porterhouse and pommes frites that were fried in duck fat. The next time someone posts a picture of a meal I am gonig to start asking them to post a second picture of the meal 12 hours after they ate it.

[jsk1983]

Sounds like we need to be friends on Facebook if your friends are posting party/bikini pictures.

Do you frineds post several pictures of food they are about to eat at restaurants? Nothing is worse than being at a nice restaurant and then a flash goes off because someone has to take a picture of their 42oz veal porterhouse and pommes frites that were fried in duck fat. The next time someone posts a picture of a meal I am gonig to start asking them to post a second picture of the meal 12 hours after they ate it.

Guilty of posting food pictures, though not excessively.

[TerraSapient]

Sounds like we need to be friends on Facebook if your friends are posting party/bikini pictures.

They do this kind of obnoxious thing all the time. 99% of the time, the photos they take should not be posted on the internet. They should be burned. They are fans of putting up pictures they know will embarrass people. Which, considering some of the new privacy laws out there like the one instagram just passed stating all your photos are now their intellectual property and they can use them in advertisements, can be pretty damaging.

Do you frineds post several pictures of food they are about to eat at restaurants? Nothing is worse than being at a nice restaurant and then a flash goes off because someone has to take a picture of their 42oz veal porterhouse and pommes frites that were fried in duck fat. The next time someone posts a picture of a meal I am gonig to start asking them to post a second picture of the meal 12 hours after they ate it.

[Seabishop]

I'm sure it's been done, but yes, it would be fun. Even better would be to create one as Satan.

I'm guessing Satan would type backwards - kind of like the way he speaks backwards on Judas Priest records.

[Mastiff]

Since these are on Facebook, we can link them directly, right Dan?

[Linda_D]

This is a comment about something nasty stuff posted by one of my FACEBOOK "friends" who regularly "shares" RW spam with the rest of us.

Oh for god sakes give it up. You lost get over it. Nowhere in the Constitution does it say the President must be a white man. You just wish it did.

[kjel]

This is a comment about something nasty stuff posted by one of my FACEBOOK "friends" who regularly "shares" RW spam with the rest of us.

I actually posted that on someone's wall before defriending them.

[Dan]

This just appeared in my feed.

• Have you stopped beating your wife?
• I like Hanukkah Harry, so I just closed the browser window.
• Santa is looking a bit stressed out this year..

[kms]

I always keep scrolling. I have no idea how God answered prayers before the internet was created.

[Big Owl]

When people post "I am cleaning up my friends list..." I just save them the trouble and unfriend them. It helps me and them.