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Thread: Lit's git our PAYBACK on!

  1. #1
    Cyburbian terraplnr's avatar
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    Lit's git our PAYBACK on!

    There is someone in my life that I wish I could just punch in the face and then never have to interact with again. Given that I can't do that, what are some more legal and healthy methods of diffusing anger? This person's face on a dart board? Feel free to offer creative options.

  2. #2
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Moderator note:
    split from RTDNTOTO. Dang, an antisocial behaviors-related thread and LP is on vacation? Tsk tsk


    terraplnr, you've come to the right place to pose this question. Some of the leading authorities in the world on this topic are among our ranks.

    Here's a starter..... did you know you can hire robo-caller services to call any number you like with a short message at five minute intervals for only pennies a call?
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Raf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by terraplnr View post
    There is someone in my life that I wish I could just punch in the face and then never have to interact with again. Given that I can't do that, what are some more legal and healthy methods of diffusing anger? This person's face on a dart board? Feel free to offer creative options.
    Craiglist Ad.. Casual Encounters, in either the M4M, MW4M, M4T, etc. you get the drift. Slap his email on there with an ad, or better yet, post as a W4M, of him (as a her) let the hilarity ensue.
    follow me on the twitter @rcplans

  4. #4
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Here was another memorable blast form the past:


    Quote Originally posted by dandy warhol
    The office maintenance person just microwaved scallops with garlic. That odor does not mix well with morning sickness.
    Quote Originally posted by kms
    Go to where he eats, tell him how good his lunch smells, then [hurl] in his waste basket. He'll never be able to eat that combination again.
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  5. #5
    Cyburbian dvdneal's avatar
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    Find some crappy online or trade school. Can I recommend motorcycle mechanics institute? or some other learn at home course. Your favorite charity is another good candidate. Fill out an interest card with his name and address and he will get a letter at least once a month about going to that place. Also works well with emails, but I like to keep the post office busy.

    The classic send a pizza to his house.

    Let the local Jehovah Witnesses know you have a friend that is interested.

    I do happen to like Raf's idea about craigslist.

    At one of my old offices we used to call the rehab clinic and while it was ringing transfer it to someone else. Everyone would answer at the same time and confusion would begin.

    If they're in the office, tape one prong of a favorite electrical device and plug it back in. Scotch tape is good enough. It will take hours to figure out why the thing won't work.
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  6. #6
    Cyburbian dw914er's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by dvdneal View post
    Find some crappy online or trade school. Can I recommend motorcycle mechanics institute? or some other learn at home course. Your favorite charity is another good candidate. Fill out an interest card with his name and address and he will get a letter at least once a month about going to that place. Also works well with emails, but I like to keep the post office busy.
    There are a bunch of free lifestyle-based catalogs that you could sign them up for. Getting daily junkmail for random things like cat clothes, wedding dresses, baby stuff, Macy's, etc will be annoying and difficult to stop.
    And that concludes staff’s presentation...

  7. #7
    Cyburbian ursus's avatar
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    Use their name as a euphemism in your family for poop. It's surprisingly satisfying, simple, and the whole family can enjoy it as an activity. It also is what I call a "legacy" revenge, because it keeps on giving long after your anger has turned to simple, lasting, glorious distaste.

    In my house, it's called "dropping Bruce".
    "...I would never try to tick Hink off. He kinda intimidates me. He's quite butch, you know." - Maister

  8. #8
    Cyburbian
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    Hmmmm. Hmmmmmm. I might be in a place where I can be the most help. Literally.

    How about gift certificates to restaurants in questionable neighborhoods? Or gift cards to restaurants that have the most citations from the health department? I might know some restaurant inspectors.

    Fill out survey cards for those who might be interested in entering ministry.

    Sign this person up to volunteer for some kind of charity. Enter those contest surveys for gym and timeshare memberships.

    Leave phone messages with his number for every home improvement service that's advertised on telephone poles.

    Have females call his partner's phone asking for him.

    Oh, to have a thug at my disposal.....

    Buy a dog and name him after this person. Occasionally you'll be able to say something like "There goes Jimmy licking his butt again."

    Remember, a life well-lived is the best revenge. But have fun dreaming. Bwhahahahaha.
    Last edited by kms; 13 May 2014 at 6:13 PM. Reason: Following up ursus.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian HomerJ's avatar
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    I vote that you superglue bologna under their chair.

    Meh, you only live once. Punch this person in the face anyway (I'm having one of those days)
    Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Plus
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    Get a picture of them,
    then order from http://www.justtoiletpaper.com/customnew.shtml
    so
    every time you use it - just think they can kiss your @$$ and flush them away.
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

  11. #11
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    Write stuff in their lawn with roundup or some super fertilizer.

    Flood their lawn with seeds of native growing weeds.

    Put their garden hose in a dryer vent and turn it on full blast

    If you have access into the home, put dead fish in the heating ducts

    Put a political bumper sticker from an candidate of opposing belief

    Have a truck delivery of manure dumped on their driveway

    Seed bomb their vegetable garden

    Put up yard sale signs with their address

    Make reservations in their name with seating for 20 to all the nice resturants

    Jack up their car and turn it 90 degrees in the driveway

    Spray down their car with hot water in the middle of the winter

    Build inappropriate snow people doing inappropriate things on their front lawn

    Post a Craig's list add for a free motorcycle telling people to just show up

    Subscribe to all of the free magazines with their address

    Send away for more information (with their contact info) for inappropriate products

    Post a banner on their front lawn saying get well soon for an unlikely medical procedure (sex change comes to mind)

    If you see them at a bar, find the scariest looking guy with a woman in the bar, and send her a drink... But from your opponent

    Unplug their garage door opener
    Invest in the things today, that provide the returns tomorrow.

  12. #12
    Cyburbian The One's avatar
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    Oh yeah......

    Ahhh.....remind me NOT to piss any of you off......

    Get appointed to a board or commission that they need to go in front of.....then tell everyone he/she tried to bribe you.....

    Hire a couple of guys from the Home Depot parking lot to remove all plants and grass from the property between 9AM and 2PM. Use cash and have an out of state third party negotiate the price....

    Collect neighborhood animal waste every week and deposit all of it on said lawn all at once.
    Skilled Adoxographer

  13. #13
    Cyburbian Planit's avatar
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    Put gum in the keyhole of their door lock

    Potato in the tailpipe of their car

    Put a Building Condemned sign on their house

    Send flowers from a "Secret Admirer"

    Create some official looking letterhead from the Health Dept. & - well let your imagination run with that one

    Fireworks @ 3:00 am

    Flaming bag of poop (or 'Bruce' as ursus calls it) routine at the front door
    "Whatever beer I'm drinking, is better than the one I'm not." DMLW
    "Budweiser sells a product they reflectively insist on calling beer." John Oliver

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Plus Whose Yur Planner's avatar
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    Egg their car on a hot day

    Egg their house on a hot day

    If you can get to their gas cap, remove it and pour four or sugar

    Slightly OT, a while back, in the median of the interstate south of Indianapolis, on an embankment, someone grass killer to spell tits. It was great.
    When did I go from Luke Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

  15. #15
    Cyburbian dvdneal's avatar
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    Some added minor office pranks
    Put a small sticky note under the mouse so the laser won't work.
    Change letters on the keyboard or make the letter disappear - especially letters in his name or the company name.
    Change the desktop background to something embarrassing.
    Classic stuff like turning drawers upside down if the desk allows it.
    Glue a drawer shut
    Put something behind the filing cabinet drawer so it won't close all the way - especially fun when you can't open the other drawers.
    Take one wheel off his chair.
    Email gay pron from an anonymous address.
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  16. #16
    Cyburbian terraplnr's avatar
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    Oh yeah I came to the right place! Thank you all. The laughs alone have been helpful.

    kms I might need your help with on the ground reconnaissance in the future... hehehe...

  17. #17
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    If you can access their computer, change the homepage to one of those porn sites that keeps opening more porn sites. Works best with the computer illiterate.

    Also, go into the sound files and change the "ding" .wav to the one from the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally.

    Oh! If you know they're going away on vacation, turn on all their outside spigots.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  18. #18
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    Post a personal ad on Craig's List putting their email address in the ad. Make sure you put it in the M4M, W4W, and Casual Encounters.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

  19. #19
    Cyburbian Plus
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    AIB today's Sally Forth cartoon
    http://comicskingdom.com/sally-forth/2014-05-14

    Reset their phone ringtone/phone message to the Godzilla Roar

    and here it is
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORSvf8eVa0g
    Oddball
    Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?
    Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here?
    Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    From Kelly's Heroes (1970)


    Are you sure you're not hurt ?
    No. Just some parts wake up faster than others.
    Broke parts take a little longer, though.
    From Electric Horseman (1979)

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