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Thread: Dear Ms Manners: you're NOT welcome lists

  1. #1
    Chairman of the bored Maister's avatar
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    Dear Ms Manners: you're NOT welcome lists

    http://thelook.today.com/_news/2013/...riticism?lite=

    So, do you think sending 'you're not welcome' notices to weddings is a cruelty or a kindness?
    People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

  2. #2
    Cyburbian beach_bum's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Maister View post
    http://thelook.today.com/_news/2013/...riticism?lite=

    So, do you think sending 'you're not welcome' notices to weddings is a cruelty or a kindness?
    They are your friends, why have someone else do it for you, says a lot about your friendship. I kind of understand the 'b-list' stuff in certain circumstances, like, you have a huge amount of family far away and you aren't sure they will make the trip, but your venue will only hold so many. If you go to each of your friends that is on your b-list and just be honest with them I dont think most would be offended. Honestly-calling a b-list is somewhat offensive...
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  3. #3
    OH....IO Hink's avatar
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    Seems like a real douchy thing to do. I probably wouldn't have wanted to go if you feel the need to send me that. My guess is that I already find you to be a douche and want nothing to do with you. Thanks for the email though, hope you are doing well.
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  4. #4
    Cyburbian dvdneal's avatar
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    It sounds like you could solve the whole thing by being old fashioned and writing invitations instead of doing the facebook invite everyone party. Then the people who didn't get an invite know they're not coming. Kids these days...
    I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian terraplnr's avatar
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    A friend of mine had a small destination wedding and then after they got home, had a party at the beach for everyone to come. Seems like a good solution to me.

  6. #6
    Cyburbian
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    Cruel.

    Don't constantly yammer about your wedding plans if your not inviting every e-connection you have.

    If you don't receive an invitation in any form, you aren't invited. Assume that you aren't invited, and don't be offended it you aren't.

  7. #7
    Cyburbian dandy_warhol's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by kms View post
    Cruel.

    Don't constantly yammer about your wedding plans if your not inviting every e-connection you have.

    If you don't receive an invitation in any form, you aren't invited. Assume that you aren't invited, and don't be offended it you aren't.
    Precisely.
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

  8. #8
    Cyburbian imaplanner's avatar
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    What about the people who thought they were your friends who didn't even receive a not welcome letter!
    Children in the back seat can cause accidents - and vice versa.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian dandy_warhol's avatar
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    I'm more annoyed by people who I've sent wedding gifts to (or baby gifts) and never received a thank you note in return. I would like some type of acknowledgement that my gift arrived.
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

  10. #10
    Cyburbian btrage's avatar
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    There have been a few weddings where I wasn't sure if I was going to be invited. When I wasn't, it wasn't a big deal. I understand how weddings can get.

    But to proactively send out a "You're Not Invited" message is pretty cruel, because it confirms that they were thinking of you, but don't think highly enough of you to extend an invite.
    "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

  11. #11
    Cyburbian Plus Zoning Goddess's avatar
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    I'm guessing this is a proactive way to forestall the inevitable calls from clueless people saying they haven't gotten their invitation yet. Unfortunately, it could also hurt others who aren't clueless and would never be tacky enough to harass the bride and groom about an invite. Something about being purposely excluded is worse than just not being invited.

    I see a lot more in news/advice columns of people trying to gracefully get out of going to weddings, generally destination weddings (or destination bridal showers) that they just can't afford. "My granddaughter from Chicago is getting married in France. I live on Social Security and a small pension and just can't afford to go. She'll be so upset with me!' Or "Sure, I agreed to be in the wedding party IN OUR HOME TOWN But now they've moved it to Jamaica and I'm paying off student loans and have been in 5 other weddings this year!"

  12. #12
    Super Moderator kjel's avatar
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    I think it's rude and tacky. Most people understand that weddings are generally expensive and there is a pecking order to invites so there's no need to state the obvious. There have been numerous occasions where I have not been invited to the wedding but still sent a gift and/or card acknowledging the wedding.
    "He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

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