The Soul's Midnight

[ursus]

I've been moving cars with 60+ tons of raisins or canned fruit all over the place....

Oh Ursus I'm also glad to be back......not a great deal of intellectual interaction on the rails.....

:

I think trains and the rail in general are mysterious and romantic (in a manly romantic sense, classic romantic not "oh kiss me I love you romantic) but sort of powerful symbolically and iconic. Maybe working with the whole system takes that away. Not for me, though. One of my favorite memories is my grandparents house on Layton Ave. in Salt Lake. The train tracks ran right behind their house. When we'd visit, we'd wait for the windows to start to rumble...you felt it more than saw it or heard it...and we knew a train was coming. Out the back door, past the apricot tree and out toward the fence where the giant cottonwoods were hemming in the back yard and beyond that the tracks. These were all freight trains back then. No passengers. Big yellow engines, UP. Always blew the horn coming through town like that, approaching a big street crossing a few blocks from my grandparents' house. It sounded like the world was ending in thunder when the trains came by and the best part was the caboose back then. Always a guy standing on the platform waving to us as it went out of sight.

Trains. When I hear one (only late at night anymore) I feel like I'm the only person in the world except for that train out there in the dark and the guy who just blew the horn and the guy on the caboose platform, waving to nobody in the middle of the night while the train thunders past Layton Avenue, maybe six short miles from where I'm sitting right now. Trains out there in the dark, like thunder and half-memories and sun and shade and power and speed and going to somewhere I'll never go...but like to think about.

Yeah, I think you could do worse than trains. But then I'm a hopeless dreamer as I'm told by persons more grounded.

Tuck yourselves in, Cyburbia. And listen for the trains. - ursus

[luckless pedestrian]

Long ride back with coffee so I am awake but exhausted ugh...

My Dad worked in the railroad and I cod hear his train come in or at least I thought I could when I was a kid -earned to ah poker in the caboose and I used to get to beep the horn - loved growing up in the rails for sure

[The One]

I think trains and the rail in general are mysterious and romantic (in a manly romantic sense, classic romantic not "oh kiss me I love you romantic) but sort of powerful symbolically and iconic. Maybe working with the whole system takes that away. Not for me, though. One of my favorite memories is my grandparents house on Layton Ave. in Salt Lake. The train tracks ran right behind their house. When we'd visit, we'd wait for the windows to start to rumble...you felt it more than saw it or heard it...and we knew a train was coming. Out the back door, past the apricot tree and out toward the fence where the giant cottonwoods were hemming in the back yard and beyond that the tracks. These were all freight trains back then. No passengers. Big yellow engines, UP. Always blew the horn coming through town like that, approaching a big street crossing a few blocks from my grandparents' house. It sounded like the world was ending in thunder when the trains came by and the best part was the caboose back then. Always a guy standing on the platform waving to us as it went out of sight.

Trains. When I hear one (only late at night anymore) I feel like I'm the only person in the world except for that train out there in the dark and the guy who just blew the horn and the guy on the caboose platform, waving to nobody in the middle of the night while the train thunders past Layton Avenue, maybe six short miles from where I'm sitting right now. Trains out there in the dark, like thunder and half-memories and sun and shade and power and speed and going to somewhere I'll never go...but like to think about.

Yeah, I think you could do worse than trains. But then I'm a hopeless dreamer as I'm told by persons more grounded.

Tuck yourselves in, Cyburbia. And listen for the trains. - ursus

My old time conductor made a very big deal out of waving to kids......and the hookers walking the streets next to the tracks. Every once in a while we get a special "wave" back

[btrage]

I was up until almost 2 AM last night/this morning. Nothing major on my mind though. Just watching the Wings dispose of the Ducks.

[ofos]

This juxtaposition of Soul's Midnight and trains got me thinking about Soul Train with Don Cornelius. Now I can't get that Souuuuuuuuul Train! out of my head.

[Tide]

This juxtaposition of Soul's Midnight and trains got me thinking about Soul Train with Don Cornelius. Now I can't get that Souuuuuuuuul Train! out of my head.

Or you could have gone with Midnight Train (to Georgia) Wooo Wooo!

[Seana]

When Moon's at full- 'Tis Thou- I say-
My lips just hold the name-
When crescent- Thou art worn- I note-
But there- the Golden Same.

-Emily Dickinson

[btrage]

Lately, I've been filling the Soul's Midnight with Sons of Anarchy episodes.

[ursus]

My wife is away and I can't sleep. Sitting in the messy kitchen. I'd like to lie and tell you it's clean but it's a wreck. The other morning I should have been cleaning up but instead I talked to my daughter for an hour and a half about weddings of all things. She asked a casual question about wedding breakfasts or something and I blathered on and on forever. Did you know that I wrote a piano piece for my wedding? I did. My daughter didn't know that. She knows the piece, but didn't realize I'd written it for her mom. She didn't have to tell me how lame it is that the same guy that would write that song for a woman now hides from that woman like a baby, lies to her to avoid conflict and assumes that her response to everything I say will be anger or disgust.

Partly, I wanted to defend myself. "IT's not like we're even the same people anymore!" I wanted to yell. But when your kid is right they're right. Yes, I'm not the same anymore. I don't spend a lot of time mooning around at the piano, thinking about my wife. But she doesn't hang on the things I'm going to say anymore either. She doesn't look at me the same way. I guess in fairness, I don't look at her the same way. So this was bothering me a little bit going into the weekend.....but then it happened that I was sitting in the church parking lot, not wanting to go in....

In the parking lot I saw a young couple talking. He was talking, and she'd laugh. It was sunny, she kept touching the sleeve of his jacket...one foot moving from toe to heel, smiling away. And he was really into whatever he was saying, very intense and apparently hilarious and convincing all at once. They seemed on the verge of a kiss for ten minutes (yes, pathetically I couldn't turn away - trust me there was nothing as transfixing as these two on TV). I sat there watching them and wondering what it was like to be them, trying to remember what THAT feels like....I guess wishing I was them or we were them somehow. But you know, I guess we've been them, and it's time to embrace and enjoy what we are now. Why can't I do that? I'm still the guy who wrote something beautiful, and whether she believes it or not she's still the girl who made me feel so much I'd write it.

Long way to say I miss her this week. My girls wouldn't believe that, but I do miss her. I'm not sure what anything in our relationship means anymore. I guess this is just life in your forties, huh? Things go right, things go wrong, you think you've learned to let go and the next thing you know you're holding on like grim death to something that feels radioactive, like you just have to keep it. Rambling helps me sleep. Now that this is off my chest.....I think I will clean this kitchen up. - ursus

[Maister]

Wow, ursus, some of those observations hit close to home. Don't all marriages start in a whirlwind of powerful emotion and eventually evolve over time to some degree into a domestic management endeavor? I often wonder why our emotional responses fade over time. We are consumed with grief when a loved one dies, but over time the sadness subsides and we return to our 'normal' emotional states, and only experience pain when we dwell on recollections. Isn't the same true of positive emotions?

[kms]

Being crazy in love is great, but it wears off to everyday, business-of-being-married-and-having-a-family love. That's dull compared to the kind of love that brought you to that point. My marriage didn't survive this stage. I think that there's a payoff of you can get past the disillusioned time. I also think that most married people have these feelings at some time in the marriages.

[btrage]

My wife is away and I can't sleep. Sitting in the messy kitchen. I'd like to lie and tell you it's clean but it's a wreck. The other morning I should have been cleaning up but instead I talked to my daughter for an hour and a half about weddings of all things. She asked a casual question about wedding breakfasts or something and I blathered on and on forever. Did you know that I wrote a piano piece for my wedding? I did. My daughter didn't know that. She knows the piece, but didn't realize I'd written it for her mom. She didn't have to tell me how lame it is that the same guy that would write that song for a woman now hides from that woman like a baby, lies to her to avoid conflict and assumes that her response to everything I say will be anger or disgust.

Partly, I wanted to defend myself. "IT's not like we're even the same people anymore!" I wanted to yell. But when your kid is right they're right. Yes, I'm not the same anymore. I don't spend a lot of time mooning around at the piano, thinking about my wife. But she doesn't hang on the things I'm going to say anymore either. She doesn't look at me the same way. I guess in fairness, I don't look at her the same way. So this was bothering me a little bit going into the weekend.....but then it happened that I was sitting in the church parking lot, not wanting to go in....

In the parking lot I saw a young couple talking. He was talking, and she'd laugh. It was sunny, she kept touching the sleeve of his jacket...one foot moving from toe to heel, smiling away. And he was really into whatever he was saying, very intense and apparently hilarious and convincing all at once. They seemed on the verge of a kiss for ten minutes (yes, pathetically I couldn't turn away - trust me there was nothing as transfixing as these two on TV). I sat there watching them and wondering what it was like to be them, trying to remember what THAT feels like....I guess wishing I was them or we were them somehow. But you know, I guess we've been them, and it's time to embrace and enjoy what we are now. Why can't I do that? I'm still the guy who wrote something beautiful, and whether she believes it or not she's still the girl who made me feel so much I'd write it.

Long way to say I miss her this week. My girls wouldn't believe that, but I do miss her. I'm not sure what anything in our relationship means anymore. I guess this is just life in your forties, huh? Things go right, things go wrong, you think you've learned to let go and the next thing you know you're holding on like grim death to something that feels radioactive, like you just have to keep it. Rambling helps me sleep. Now that this is off my chest.....I think I will clean this kitchen up. - ursus

People evolve.
Marriages evolve.
Love evolves.
We learn to love one another in different ways.
At least that's the hope.

[otterpop]

Been in "The Soul's Midnight" a lot of late. Naturally a poor sleeper, as it is. Then worries about work, strife between my son and my wife and a sore shoulder are keeping me awake on top of that.

Ursus, You are like a lot of husbands. We know we are getting the better end of the marriage. We feel lucky that we have a spouse that is probably better than we deserve. You shouldn't beat yourself up about it. You are a good man. You are a great father. You are a good husband. You try your best.

[ursus]

Fall arrived. Calendar be-damned, fall comes - to me - with the first cold storm that really feels like it broke summer's back and dusts the peaks with snow. I was driving home tonight looking up at snow and clouds on Francis Peak. Less than a month ago, on our anniversary, my wife and I opted to take Skyline drive out of Bountiful and up over into a neighboring community called Farmington.

Let me see how to describe this drive - it's not bad, just a dirt road. What makes it interesting is that the dirt road is narrow and runs basically along the west face of the peaks between Bountiful and Farmington at about 8-9000 feet. We brilliantly decided to make this drive an hour before sunset. It was beautiful to the summit....then it was only slightly less than terrifying. It got dark, we lost cell connection and basically got lost. I also brilliantly had not a lot of gas in the tank. We took a wrong turn for the second time and ended up on Francis peak: 9548 feet, I'd love to tell you the vertical drops on either side of the road I was on as it dead-ended into the radar facility but it was pitch black outside of my headlights. I think I made a 674 point turn to head back down and finally find the canyon road out and by the time we were done it was 3.5 hours on the road start to finish.

The interesting part: I laughed the entire time with this woman - my wife - and felt like I knew her again. Since then I've screwed up again and made her angry but every night I drive home and look up and see Francis Peak and I remember laughing in the dark while we tried to figure out what the hell to do next (and why we couldn't get cell service 20 yards from the radar station) and I'll be damned if I don't smile.

Goodnight Cyburbia. -ursus

[Seana]

On this early autumn morning, the sky's so clear that you can see all of the "important" things with a naked eye.

Jupiter is showing off. He's dressed like a star and is outshining 'em all.

He hovers so near the waning crescent Moon, it's almost obcene.
(How much nearer will they get, and will I see it?)

Anyway, Mr. Moon's lazily sitting on his ass, as if to say,
"Jupiter, I feel like havin' a beer with Mars next door. This is your chance for your Moment in the Sun."

Jupiter and Moon must somehow rise & set together before High Noon. Mars will follow closely and eek out the last laugh......

......at least until Venus Rises at dusk!

[Planit]

I woke up this morning at 4:00 am just thinking about the days needs. As I let those thoughts escape new thoughts of life and alternatives snuck in. Since the move we have both felt ragged and tired. We have snapped at each other, rolled our eyes, and run in different directions just to get the old house ready for the market (officially went on yesterday) and try to organize and find places for all our stuff in the new house. We've talked about getting a nice leather storage ottoman for the living room and last night I found one while The Girl & I went to get a b-day present for one of her friends. I bought it, brought it home, but it was not appreciated that I went ahead and made the purchase without her (its going back tonight). I was feeling pretty down in the dumps as I tried but failed again.

It's really nice to sit on the back deck at that time of night. Beautiful sky, trees in shadows, faint glow of street light down the block, the neighborhood is asleep (except for me). I confirmed my thoughts that I truly love that girl but we're both completely worn out.

[Duke Of Dystopia]

I didn't know we had an insomniacs thread. That is kind of awesome.

I blame it on the job thing that it is a problem for most. That and human biology. We really are a day species.

I know people who are and have been persecuted by day people. They tend to believe that if you don't wake up until 4-6 hours after the sun is up, you are all manor of unproductive. I have always been a night person and it is becoming more pronounced.

There is little wonder the wee hours of the morning have spawned so many tales of the strange and weird. Even those of us who are night people have to give in to our biology at 4:00 am when thoughts cloud and impressions are warped.

On that note, Art Bell is returning 4 nights a week to XM Radio.

[ursus]

On that note, Art Bell is returning 4 nights a week to XM Radio.

".....from the High Desert....." Glad to know....

[hilldweller]

There is little wonder the wee hours of the morning have spawned so many tales of the strange and weird. Even those of us who are night people have to give in to our biology at 4:00 am when thoughts cloud and impressions are warped.

Is this not the best time to post in Cyburbia?

Also, I really recommend "Eastbound and Down" on HBO

[Duke Of Dystopia]

Is this not the best time to post in Cyburbia? ...

Yes, especially if I were drunk. Alas, this is not to be on this night. It is hard to find peace with a clear head. I give up drinking 5 or 6 nights a week. Life is NOT better for it. To many distractions with the brain revving in neutral.