Ok, well you surely have seen the election results by now. I know that most of you are feeling some pain, feeling confused and wondering if you will survive in the camps.* I know that most of you can’t recall the last time there was a Republican plurality, and you are wondering if all the trash you have been talking since Clinton’s election will come back to haunt you. Well, of course it will. But el Guapo is here to help his liberal planner pals.
The top 10 ways to survive as the new political minority.
10. Take your hat off when someone mentions Ronald Reagan and get a distant look upon your face.
9. You don’t have to listen, but at least know the call letters, show times and the dial number of your local Rush Limbaugh Affiliate.
8. Learn your assault rifles. Know the differences between an AK and an AR.
7. Start lowering your cars’ miles-per-gallon claims in casual conversation.
6. Slip in to conversations phrases like “our redeemer” and “when the rapture comes.”
5. If you own a hybrid car talk about your desire to “swap in a Big Block Dodge Hemi.”
4. Tell folks you are working as a planner now so that you will be able to defeat those commie symps when you switch careers to being a developer. And you can’t wait until you can be the real you.
3. Propose drilling in ANWR when people ask you what’s on your mind.
2. Stock up on camouflage clothing.
1. Replace that rainbow sticker on your Jetta with a “Friend of the NRA” sticker.
Just kidding. Its all going to be alright. For bTurk Let’s go to our happy places now.
*this is a play off of the frequent comparison of conservatives to the NAZI party of Germany (1933-1945).