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Thread: C&W Lyrics

  1. #1
    Cyburbian Floridays's avatar
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    C&W Lyrics

    Does anyone ever listen to country & western music? I don't very often...probably because of lyrics such as these:

    "I'm messed up in Mexico, living on refried dreams."

    Heard that one on the way to work this morning. Sheesh.

    Any others to share?

  2. #2
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    Honey, you ain't much fun since I stopped drinkin'

  3. #3
    Cyburbian Plus PlannerGirl's avatar
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    hey i love country

    I love country-and Guap you cant argue that these are some of the best lyrics ever written for our boys...

    Lee Greenwood-

    If tomorrow all the things were gone
    I'd worked for all my life,
    And I had to start again
    With just my children and my wife,
    I'd thank my lucky stars
    To be livin' here today.
    Cause the flag still stands for freedom
    And they can't take that away.

    And I'm proud to be an American
    Where at least I know I'm free
    And I won't forget the men who died
    Who gave that right to me
    And I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today
    Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
    God bless the USA

    From the lakes of Minnesota
    To the hills of Tennessee
    Across the plains of Texas
    From sea to shining sea
    From Detroit down to Houston
    And New York to LA
    Well there's pride in every American heart
    And its time we stand and say

    That I'm proud to be an American
    Where at least I know I'm free
    And I won't forget the men who died
    Who gave that right to me
    And I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today
    Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
    God bless the USA

    And I'm proud to be an American
    Where at least I know I'm free
    And I won't forget the men who died
    Who gave that right to me
    And I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today
    Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
    God bless the USA
    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO- HOO what a ride!'"

  4. #4
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    Oh, I actually like some/most country. I love the new Shania Twain video: Tron - meets Blade Runner in Nashville circa 3204.

  5. #5
    Cyburbian statler's avatar
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    A few I can think of:
    "Old enough to know better, still too young to care" ( I still think that's kind of clever so I'll leave it alone.)
    "Two of a kind, working on a full house" (Ugh)


    A great parody of old time C&W songs was done by (of all people) a rap group, The Bloodhound Gang. It's called A Lap Dance Is So Much Better...

    If you can download the MP3 it's well worth it.

    **WARNING** The lyrics are quite perverse and not for the faint of heart. (But incredibly funny!)
    "So, if a city has a personality, maybe it also has a soul. Maybe it dreams." -Gaiman
    ArchBoston

  6. #6
    Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator NHPlanner's avatar
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    Originally posted by El Guapo
    Oh, I actually like some/most country. I love the new Shania Twain video: Tron - meets Blade Runner in Nashville circa 3204.
    I for the most part cannot stand country, but I sure do like that new video. :p One heck of a clothing designer Ms. Twain has.
    "Growth is inevitable and desirable, but destruction of community character is not. The question is not whether your part of the world is going to change. The question is how." -- Edward T. McMahon, The Conservation Fund

  7. #7
    Moving at my own pace....... Planderella's avatar
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    I actually like the Dixie Chicks. Their song "White Trash Wedding" is absolutely HILARIOUS!!!!!

  8. #8
    Cyburbian
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    And the timeless classic:

    "She broke my heart, so I broke her jaw".

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    A really bad one with good intentions is that "We the people matter, we the people vote" song by Billy Ray Cyrus. At least that "refried beans" one tried to say something clever. Country now is just pure pop with southern accents.

  10. #10
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    She got the gold mine, I got the shaft.

    I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal.

    I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here

    If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.

    You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.

    If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.


    And you just have to try:

    http://www.outofservice.com/country/



    Here was mine:

    I met her in a nightmare in September;
    I can still recall that creepy smile she wore;
    She was crawlin' through the prairie by the off-ramp,
    and I knew it was a raven, nothing more;
    Her rabbi said I'd pick my nose forever;
    She said to me that Rolaids made her high;
    But who'd have thought she'd yodel with a robot;
    You'd think at least that she'd have said goodbye.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  11. #11
    Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator NHPlanner's avatar
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    Great link Mastiff...

    My lyrics were as follows:

    I met her outside Fresno with Merv Griffin;
    I can still recall the neon sign she wore;
    She was drownin' in the quicksand near Poughkeepsie,
    and I knew they'd hate her guts in Baltimore;
    A Klingon said I'd play 'Go Fish' forever;
    She said to me she liked 'Spy vs. Spy';
    But who'd have thought she'd boogie while in labor;
    I guess I was too smashed to say goodbye.
    "Growth is inevitable and desirable, but destruction of community character is not. The question is not whether your part of the world is going to change. The question is how." -- Edward T. McMahon, The Conservation Fund

  12. #12
    If the lyrics are half as funny as these titles I don't think I could stand it:



    "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On the Bedpost Overnight?"

    "Don't Cry On My Shoulders Cause Your Rustin' My Spurs"

    "Drop-kick me, Jesus, through the Goal posts of Life."

    "Here's a Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares."

    "How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?"

    "How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?"

    "I Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral."

    "I Can't Love Your Body if Your Heart's Not In It"

    "I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling."

    "I Fell In A Pile Of You, And Got Love All Over Me"

    "I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart."

    "I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine"

    "I Meant Every Word That He Said"

    "I Wanna Whip Your Cow"

    "I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out of Town."

    "I Would Have Writ You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yecch!"

    "I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win"

    "I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me than a Frontal Lobotomy."

    "I'll Get Over You, as Soon as You Get Out From Under Him"

    "I'm Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate our Home."

    "I'm Just A Bug On The WIndshield of Life."

    "I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here"

    "I've Got Four On the Floor and a Fifth Under The Seat"

    "I've Got Tears in My Ears From Lying on My Back in My Bed 'n' Cryin' Over You."

    "If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You"

    "If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?"

    "If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?"

    "If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low"

    "If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love"

    "If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will"

    "It Takes Me All Night Long To Do, What I Used To Do, All Night Long"

    "Learning to Live Again is Killing Me."

    "May The Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose"

    "My Every Day Silver Is Plastic"

    "My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus"

    "My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him"

    "Oh, I've Got Hair Oil on My Ears, and My Glasses are Slipping Down, but Baby I Can See Through You."

    "Oh, Lord! It's Hard to be Humble When You're Perfect in Every Way"

    "Please Bypass This Heart"

    "She Got the Gold Mine, and I Got the Shaft"

    "She Got the Ring, I Got the Finger."

    "She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty"

    "She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without."

    "Swing Wide Your Gate of Love"

    "Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone"

    "There Ain't No Waste in My Baby's Love Canal"

    "They May Put me in Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face from Breakin' Out."

    "When the Phone Don't Ring, Baby, you'll Know it's me."

    "You Can't Deal Me All the Aces and Expect Me Not to Play."

    "You Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd"

    "You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat."

    "You're Ruining my Bad Reputation."

    "You're The Reason Our Baby's So Ugly"

    "I'm Just a Rabbit in the Headlights of Your Love"

    "Tennis Must be Your Racket Because Love Means Nothing to You"
    A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones that need the advice.
    --Bill Cosby

  13. #13
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    Truth is stranger than fiction.

    I met her in a jail cell in September;
    I can still recall that creepy smile she wore;
    She was crawlin' through the prairie with a wetback,
    and I knew I'd have to scrape her off the floor;
    My hamster thought I'd hate her dog forever;
    She said to me our love would never die;
    But who'd have thought she'd wind up on a surfboard;
    She fell beneath the wheels and cried goodbye.


    Wow. These were the vows at my wedding - word for word! Note the Richard Gere, Western Kansas and racist undertones. Again, just like my wedding!

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Habanero's avatar
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    I met her on probation all hunched over;
    I can still recall that purple dress she wore;
    She was slurpin' up linguini in her muu-muu,
    and I knew she'd bought her dentures in a store;
    I told her shrink I'd stay a dwarf forever;
    She said to me her brother's name was Hy;
    But who'd have thought she'd run off on a surfboard;
    I watched her melt away and sobbed goodbye.


    sweeeet, especially considering I have a giant fear of little people-
    When Jesus said "love your enemies", he probably didn't mean kill them.

  15. #15
    Corn Burning Fool giff57's avatar
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    I met her on the highway poppin' uppers;
    I can still recall the Stassin pin she wore;
    She was smellin' kind of funny but I loved her,
    and I knew it was a raven, nothing more;
    I told her shrink I'd play 'Go Fish' forever;
    She said to me she loved my one blue eye;


    I refuse to get old enough to enjoy country. "She thinks my tractors sexy" and "John Deere Green" are particularly stupid.

  16. #16
    Cyburbian Floridays's avatar
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    How about a new contest? We could write our own C&W lyrics that revolve around the planning profession. Any takers?

  17. #17
    Cyburbian mike gurnee's avatar
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    I watch all the Shania Twain and Faith Hill videos. Someone told me they sing country, but I never noticed.

  18. #18
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    A copy of Faith Hill's Breathe video (the juiced-up version - not the PG one) should be saved for future generations by some institute. It was just about the sexiest thing this "All Hat - No Cattle" cowboy has ever seen. Who cares how you categorize it! Thank you Faith for your offering to all men.

  19. #19
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    Originally posted by Floridays
    How about a new contest? We could write our own C&W lyrics that revolve around the planning profession. Any takers?
    Any country song cannot be from the point of the view of the beaurocratic planner but must be by the downtrodden land owner. I've still got to work the words "crying" and "beer" in there somehow but something like this might do . . . ahem . . .

    (verse)
    Pappy left me this land, when I was seventeen,
    Settled down on the farm, and nothing came for free
    Now that I am old, and I can barely see,
    This land that I own, is all thatís left for me,
    Then one day some slick kid, with his shirt and tie,
    Tells me I canít get my share, and I can't subdivide

    (chorus)
    Where have all my rights gone? I didnít see them go. Now Iím packing my bags, to go down to Mexico.



    Have this sung by a hunk with a cowboy hat and you've got yourself a #1 single.

  20. #20
    Cyburbian donk's avatar
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    I only really like 2 C&W artists, Hoyt Axton and John Prine.

    Hoyt Axton wrote Jeremiah was a bullfrog and snowblind friend. He does a killer version of the War of 1812 song(In 1814 we took a little trip...) and has a funny song about politicians.

    John Prine, with odes to dear abbey, onomatopoeias, Vietnam vet junkies, carpenters, scared service men and the cuckold he is right up there for favourite artists.

    i really don't like "new country"

    As for songs it would have to include trailer parks, derelict trucks, the man keeping me down and how the town won't let me keep my horse in my garage.
    Too lazy to beat myself up for being to lazy to beat myself up for being too lazy to... well you get the point....

  21. #21
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    David Allen Coe

    About the only one I really like. I met him a couple times, and he's fun to be around...

    His dirty songs are just a riot.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  22. #22
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    Re: David Allen Coe

    Originally posted by Mastiff
    About the only one I really like. I met him a couple times, and he's fun to be around...

    His dirty songs are just a riot.
    He's not too kindly towards minorities in his work. I had a barracks mate play that stuff back in the day. I got in to a fist fight over it's being played once. I lost. But he quit playin it. He's not a nice guy - DAC. Sorry, but you know what I am talking about.

  23. #23
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Re: Re: David Allen Coe

    Originally posted by El Guapo


    He's not too kindly towards minorities in his work. I had a barracks mate play that stuff back in the day. I got in to a fist fight over it's being played once. I lost. But he quit playin it. He's not a nice guy - DAC. Sorry, but you know what I am talking about.
    Indeed. But he isn't as bad in person...
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

  24. #24
    Cyburbian Jeff's avatar
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    Re: C&W Lyrics

    Originally posted by Floridays
    Does anyone ever listen to country & western music? I don't very often...probably because of lyrics such as these:

    "I'm messed up in Mexico, living on refried dreams."

    When I used to live in 29 Palms, CA...we would always play that song before going to TJs (Tijuana for all you Canadiens)....

    Of course rewriting the song to say....

    I'm F***ed up in Mexico, living on beer and beans.

  25. #25
    Gunfighter Mastiff's avatar
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    Re: Re: C&W Lyrics

    Originally posted by Mike DeVuono


    When I used to live in 29 Palms, CA...we would always play that song before going to TJs (Tijuana for all you Canadiens)....

    Of course rewriting the song to say....

    I'm F***ed up in Mexico, living on beer and beans.
    What were you doing in 29 stumps? You a Marine?
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    C'mon and get me you twist of fate
    I'm standing right here Mr. Destiny
    If you want to talk well then I'll relate
    If you don't so what cause you don't scare me

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