Most Colorful Co-worker??

[Chet]

OK, we know they're out there -- who's your most colorful co-worker? These are the folks that brighten our days with the unorthadox... Here's mine --

1. Has brought his food dehydrator to work and set it up in his cubicle to monitor the progress of his fish jerky. Fine cuisine, quite odiferous...

2. Has spent break time burning ants with a magnifying glass on the sidewalk in front of City Hall. When out of ants, moves on to bits of dirty kleenex or bark mulch.

3. Drove the department's 4wd pickup into the middle of a turfed park immediately after 5 days of solid rain. Made it about 200 yards before burying it to the floor pan (City logo still prominantly displayed on the sides!) and had to get pulled out by a DPW front end loader.

4. Not learning the lesson from #3, the following winter drove a tractor onto a local lake to work on an island restoration project, and put the front end through an ice fishinerman's vacated hole. DPW drove up, laughed, drove away. $75 for a private tow truck later...

5. Launched the department's jon boat to revisit the island in spring. Didnt put the drain plug in. Ooops...

6. Keeps a turkey skull on his desk - it might even be from this bird:

[Downtown]

Ours is a woman who has brought in a folding lounge chaise so that on her twice daily 15 minute breaks, can go outside and take a nap on the lawn behind the building in the summer, unless it is inclement weather, when she will sleep in the building's side stairwell. In the winter, sets it up in the women's bathroom shower stall. And can often be found there at 3:50 PM, 40 minutes before it is time to go home for the day. She also has a mouth like a sailor. And not a nice sailor like Popeye, a sailor that curses A LOT.

[el Guapo]

PAST:
My all time most colorful co-worker would be “Earnest Jennings the Third” (not III)! Earnest if you are out there I miss you man! Earnest was from Tennessee and liked to play guitar. On lunch breaks he would pick up his guitar and make up songs on the fly. Most songs concerned the obvious character flaws of our co-workers. Earnest would make these observations only while the co-worker was in the room, never behind their back.

His ability to spot a character flaw and weave it in to a Grand ‘Ol Opery, country ballad that would entertain and somehow not offend the subject was captivating. No one ever really got pissed. When he ran out of things to say about the people in the room he would strum his guitar and regale us with tails of young boys and their coming of age encounters with farm animals amongst other bawdy topics. This guy was funny-sick-funny in a sick-within-acceptable-boundaries kind of way.

PRESENT:
Jesus Man. (think of Duffman from the Simpson’s with a Crucifix on his superhero outfit). My holy co-worker never misses a chance to tell us of his devotion to our Lord God Almighty Jesus Christ. Not in a “Hey this is what I’m doing” kind of way, but in a “Hey I’m freaking perfect and you are not” kind of way.

The only problem is that he has been caught more than once surfing internet teenage porn, buying lotto tickets, and gambling on line. But that won’t stop him from frowning if someone says even a mild epithet. He does no work and claims everyone’s successes. King of the brownnoses! He treats his wife and female co-workers like dirt. He is Johnny on the Spot when we have a board meeting and likes to give his unsolicited expert opinion in board meetings – always to the detriment of his co-workers.

He will dress up on occasion and tell the boss he is going to preach at his church over the lunch hour. I wouldn’t mind a true disciple of J.C. who was vocal about it near as much as our textbook Old Testament hypocrite. May he find the afterlife sooner, rather than later.

[Dan]

Are we talking about funny funny, funny offbeat, or funny strange?

I'm reminded of my very first day in graduate school, and my very first class -- PD 540, Future Studies. We did the prerequisite roundtable introductions and stories of our lives. The girl next to me introduced herself, pulled out a sheep doll from her purse, and then introduced the sheep doll to the class. "I like sheep," she concluded bluntry, before sitting down.

When a two hour break began that day, she stopped me in the hall. "Wanna' go smoke some weed?" I hung out with her, but didn't partake. She giggled all the way through PD 691 Planning Coloquium. When everyone reintroduced themselves, and talked about our career goals, she said "I want to be a planner in Boise. I like the word Boise -- it's just fun to say!"

Sherry was weird, but I liked her. She dropped late the next semester. That's too bad, really -- with less kindbud and a prescription for some Adderall, she would have made a fantastic planner. Don't know what happened to her in the end.

After Sherry left, I took her place as the strange one in the eyes of my classmates. Oh well. Instead, I hung out with the architecture students -- they were more interesting, and more down-to-earth actually.

[Red]

Imagine this guy:

Mid-thirties, stringy ponytail, pants hiked up to his ears, cowboy boots, and a hair pick in his back pocket. Now imagine this man sitting twenty feet outside of your office door everyday whistling...not whistling a song or even a made-up melody, but just noise. A short burst of sound here and there. Finally, imagine this chain-smoking hillbilly talking to himself as he works and occasionally letting out an evil little laugh.

Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or slam my door and hope he takes the clue.

[planasaurus]

There were many women in my old office who had to share the bathroom. One woman would always talk to herself while on the shitter, saying things like "come'on, get out of there"... "OK, clean out the system", "Oh yea, relieve me baby", and make grunting noises so loud that everybody in the hallway could hear her.

[Mastiff]

I'm the most colorful, hands down.