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Thread: Interracial Relationships

  1. #1
    Cyburbian oulevin's avatar
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    Interracial Relationships

    This sounds like a serious topic, but it needn't be. The string of matchmaking threads got me think about one of my theories. As an Asian-American, I find myself leaning to Caucasians. While I haven't really examined why that is, it's made me think of what it takes to make such an interracial relationship last.

    My theory has been that two people of different races, ethnicities, classes, interests, religions, personalities, and backgrounds can make it work as long as they share the same values. I know that the aforementioned factors shape our values, but we are all individuals. What do you all think? Do you agree?

  2. #2
    Cyburbian nerudite's avatar
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    I think you are right that it is values that count. My family was pretty wealthy, had nice stuff, lived in the hills in L.A., staunch Republicans. My parents are both cynical, were not close to their children, paid way too much attention to money, and didn't get along with the rest of their families well. This is my upbringing, but not my values.

    I date mostly blue collar guys (present boyfriend included) who are on the liberal side of the political spectrum. My current boyfriend was born and raised in Nova Scotia in a very rural, poor community. There were times of relative prosperity in his childhood, but most of his childhood was spent in poor living conditions with little or no money (trailer in the backwoods, no running water (only a well) and an outhouse. Quite different from my upbringing in the 5200 s.f. house with a tennis court. But his strong family values, views on cooperation in the household, dreams of the future, are pretty much on par with mine. And he's been the best-matched boyfriend for me so far.

    So I think you are totally right oulevin.

  3. #3
    Cyburbian el Guapo's avatar
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    As Spike Lee would say, I've got Curry Fever.

    As a current member of an IRM, I can say that it is all about values. I was not attracted to her because she was a different race. It was because she was smart and we had similar life goals.

  4. #4
    Cyburbian nerudite's avatar
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    Oh yeah... interracial. Heh... I started on the wrong track with my first post. I've dated a Korean guy, an Afghani guy, and a few black dudes... the only difference in values was between the Afghani and I, which lead to a bitter break up.

  5. #5
          Downtown's avatar
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    Oulevin, I'll agree. And while I don't have much experience with Interracial Relationships, I think the success of any relationship is dependant upon shared values. Occasionally cultural or religious differences will pop up that can break a couple up, but I guess these also fall under the "shared values" umbrella.

  6. #6
    Cyburbian Jeff's avatar
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    You know what...to me its just not even an issue. I'm predicting that by the time my sone grows up it'll be even less of an issue everywhere. Racial tolerance/compatibility (whatever you want to call it) seems to be really making some strides for the better...at least how this cracker sees it

  7. #7
    Cyburbian
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    [irony] I only date Arian, just because we're superior, all of those animals that think that are humans are just filthy, and I wouldn't want my perfect Arian Genes to be mixed with such immpurity....[/irony]


    I'm sorry.. Race? I prefer to judge individually, and as far as I care, all humans here have more or less the same genetics (of course there are diferences, but only to make us unique)
    I wouldn't mind dating an Indian, American Indian, Mapuche, Italian, African, Chinese, etc... As long as there is chemistry and no big conflict, it's ok for me...

    PS: I am as arian as Hitler (Not arian, of course :P)

  8. #8
    Cyburbian Greenescapist's avatar
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    I've always found myself attracted to Asian women - especially Indians. I have curry fever, too, I guess. I agree with what everyone has said about shared values being the glue that can hold interracial relationships together.

    It's interesting how much peoples' families (vis a vis religion) can stand in the way of these relationships, though. One of my best friends is an Indian-American man, who grew up in NJ. His girlfriend when they were in med school was a 2nd generation American immigrant from Greece. They were together for two years and were pretty deeply in love, but their relationship was always clandestine; neither family would hear of either one dating outside their respective religion.

  9. #9
    Cyburbian Tom R's avatar
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    DWM

    I come from the end of the generation when inter-racial relationships were shocking and taboo and illegal in some states. So I have to admit to some subliminal baggage on the subject that I try my best to overcome on an intellectual basis. I'm not perfect and to a point I was raised that way. One thing, the better I get to know someone of another race, the less the issue of race becomes. The trouble is that it is difficult for me to get to know people of other races. There seems to be a wall of distrust and suspicion that is hard to get over. (I think that this is one aspect that sexual attraction can overcome.) I'm envious of the younger generation where interracial relations doesn't seem to be such a hangup.
    WALSTIB

  10. #10
    Cyburbian Planderella's avatar
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    I don't have a problem with it, but I do have a problem with those who exclusively date one or prefer one over the other for stereotypical reasons..............

    "I only date Asian or Caucasian women because they are generally more docile."
    "I don't date African-American women because they are too bossy."
    "I don't date Asian men because they have small peckers"

    So on and so forth.
    "A witty woman is a treasure, a witty beauty is a power!"

  11. #11
    Originally posted by Planderella
    "I don't date Asian men because they have small peckers"
    So on and so forth.
    Oh my! ROTFL!

    I don't like the "dating for the stereotype personality" aspect either, however I can see how people would are attracted to physical traits that are associated with a particular race, such as darker skin...dark hair, etc.

    I have a friend that claims that women of a certain race (which shall remain anonymous) have a part of their anatomy that is differently "constructed" than others. I think he is out to lunch.
    "I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

    - Homer Simpson

  12. #12
    Cyburbian michaelskis's avatar
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    people are people

    I do not care what a girls race, or ethnic back ground is. If she has a good personality, looks attractive, and has the qualities I look for in a women. Then I don't think anything of it to ask her out.
    Not my monkey, not my circus. - Old Polish Proverb

  13. #13
    Cyburbian biscuit's avatar
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    Originally posted by jtfortin
    I have a friend that claims that women of a certain race (which shall remain anonymous) have a part of their anatomy that is differently "constructed" than others. I think he is out to lunch.
    What? Is it something about the way they smile?



    Your friend should be so lucky as to find out first hand...that he's an idiot. There is no difference. Sounds like a BS G.I. story to me

  14. #14
    Cyburbian Seabishop's avatar
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    Originally posted by jtfortin
    Oh my! ROTFL!

    I don't like the "dating for the stereotype personality" aspect either, however I can see how people would are attracted to physical traits that are associated with a particular race, such as darker skin...dark hair, etc.

    I have a friend that claims that women of a certain race (which shall remain anonymous) have a part of their anatomy that is differently "constructed" than others. I think he is out to lunch.
    Did he have a bad experience with a "woman" at some overseas bar?

  15. #15
    Originally posted by Seabishop
    Did he have a bad experience with a "woman" at some overseas bar?
    Nope - a good experience in the dorms at College.
    "I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

    - Homer Simpson

  16. #16
    Cyburbian oulevin's avatar
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    Good to read that shared values seems to be key. To those who say it's not an issue, I reply that it depends: how strong the cultural influence is on the partners, and what kind of area they come from. Minorities who have loose ties to their ethnicity in terms of folkways, friends, food, and physical features (alliteration not intended )will undoubtedly find it easier to accept and find comfort in members of the majority race (and vice versa). Also, in the heavily urbanized areas where minorities are not just African-American but diverse ethnic (Italian, Jewish, Armenian, Greek, Filipino, Cuban), and makeup a notable portion of the city, acceptance is much easier. It is more difficult in those rural or other homogeneous communities where minorities really are tokens.

  17. #17
    Cyburbian Tom R's avatar
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    sex

    I have a friend that claims that women of a certain race (which shall remain anonymous) have a part of their anatomy that is differently "constructed" than others. I think he is out to lunch. [/B][/QUOTE]

    Turn them upside down and they all look alike.
    WALSTIB

  18. #18
    Cyburbian Jeff's avatar
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    Theres like some african tribes that chop them off....

  19. #19
    I dated South American girl and wow, we had serious differences -BUT! that's not because of race -that had everything to do with cross cultural issues. Perceptions and expectations, etc... We shared very similar values.

  20. #20

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    I'm an African-American guy who dated 6-8 other women while in college (white and Hispanic), but not afterwards. That's probably because my interaction with those of other backgrounds became more limited after college, and I think that's the case for most everyone (outside of work).

    Incidentally, also while in college I was told by a white student that blacks could "run faster and jump higher" because we had another muscle in our thighs -- he even tried to show me where it was on my leg!

    C'mon -- there are no such anatomical differences.

    BTW -- I'm the slowest black guy you'll ever find. I ran a blistering 6.4 in the 40 once.

  21. #21
    Cyburbian Jeff's avatar
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    Originally posted by pete-rock
    I'm an African-American guy who dated 6-8 other women while in college

    At once...?

  22. #22
    Cyburbian Greenescapist's avatar
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    Mike,

    Are you trying to show some interracial relationship with your new avatar. Looks like a back cat (or is a dog?) is taking that fluffy white dog to town! Funny image.

  23. #23
    Cyburbian Queen B's avatar
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    This is a delicate topic.
    Personally I have never dated interracially. However my mother and my daughter have.
    My first basic rule has always been that I don't care what two adults do. I have grown up during times of incredible prejudice and I do believe that it effects children. My daughter has married two different hispanic men and has had two sons.
    The first is as blonde with the whitest skin like his mother, he is bilingual which I believe will serve him well in his future. He has always had hipanic sitters and relatives take care of him. I believe he will be at ease in a hispanic work place and that being white looking and male and spanish speaking he will easily get any supervisor position available.
    Where as the younger son is hispanic looking, a real cutie, his complexion is a little darker than his brothers. He will also be biligual but I think it will be interesting to see the differences in the way people react to the two boys.
    Recently my daughter has been dating a black man. The only words of wisdom that I gave her was that she already had two children from two different fathers and that if she decided to have a child with this man, would she evaluate whether she thought the relationship would be long lasting and that he would be involved in raising the baby with her as a couple.
    Just an aside, her previous husbands did not speak english when their relationships started. I think that she didn't really find out how they really were until after they got married.
    It is all a matter of perspective!!!

  24. #24
    BANNED
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    I have dated a couple guys from a different race and I really think that race should have nothing to do with anything. What attracts me is still valid (height, face, demeanor and personality). Race is only an issue for me when someone else questions mine.
    One of the worst experiences of my life: I had a half white/black friend in high school. I was driving her home one day and these black students came out of nowhere and yelled at her that "she needed to act her color". What is that? I was appalled! If that's not perpetuating racial strife, I don't know what is.

    It seems as if there is a "loyalty to their culture/heritage" that people feel strongly about. Does this mean that people can't grow outiside of that?

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