Surely someone has, by now, written a PhD Dissertation on the subject of the Migratory Patterns of the Snowbird. If so, however, I haven't seen it, although I confess to not having searched very far. Snowbirds, as you know, are those of the human specie who have the wherewithal and the inclination to flee the ice and snow of their northern nesting places to take up temporary residence in warmer climes. When migrating, they travel in caravans, not gypsy caravans, Dodge and Plymouth Caravans - towing their Jaguars.

From the heavily populated cities of the northeastern seaboard (Boston, Hartford, New York, Philadelphia), most snowbirds hug the coast and generally roost on, or within a few miles of, the ocean on the eastern side of the Florida Peninsula. Interesting enough there are some European snowbirds who also visit this part of the world in the winter months of the northern hemisphere. But those from Canterbury, England are seldom seen in the same places as those from Uppsala, Sweden. They do, however, have one thing in common, their heads swivel, ever on the alert for native predators.

Snowbirds from the eastern Great Lakes region (Pittsburgh, Erie, Cleveland, Buffalo, Detroit, Toledo) may be found mostly on the western side of that very southern, and warm, State. Snowbirds from the western Great Lakes region (Chicago, Milwaukee, Minneapolis) have trouble making up their minds between the western coast of Florida, and Las Cruces, New Mexico. Some Fake snowbirds from that region go to Sedona, AZ, joining other fake Snowbirds from Bergen County, NJ, and Westchester County, NY, who go to Sedona because it is "in" don't you know. Fake Snowbirds are readily distinguished from Real Snowbirds in that they wear khaki shorts, with black shoes and over the calf black socks. Ugly. Ugly.

You begin, I'm sure, to sense that the migratory patterns of the snowbirds are far from simple. You're absolutely right. They are, in fact, surprisingly complicated. For example, the Snowbirds from Olde Lyme, CT, can be found in Rockledge, FL. Why is that, you ask? Good question. Cultural ornithologists speculate that Rockledge FL was actually settled in the late 1920's by Olde Lyme Snowbirds, led by Jonathan T. Rockledge, a retired Cadillac dealer, who had turned to speculation in land development as a hobby to keep him busy and out of the hot sun. The settlement was first called New Olde Lyme, but when very old JT passed away the city council, in a sentimental town ceremony, renamed it Rockledge in honor of the man who had made them all rich, selling underwater lots to unwary snowbirds from Long Island, and Rhode Island.

Eventually, of course, a significant number of Rockledge snowbirds stopped migrating and decided to stay in Rockledge year around. And when this happened, a curious thing occurred. They no longer thought of themselves as snowbirds. They raised their children in Rockledge without teaching them the lifestyle values of the original snowbirds, And, in fact, their very own children now consider snowbirds as those miserable, rich, migrating nuisances who come along in November and fill up the supermarket aisles with their false gay chatter, and loud voices, and garish costumes. Even the snowbirds from Olde Lyme, CT, are not particularly welcome any more, despite the annual celebration of JT Rockledge Day, on the third Thursday of February.