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2/17/04 4pm (or so) question from Michaelskis!

michaelskis

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OK OK I know I am running late… (I was reading the City Code) Maister reminded me of the time

Today’s 4pm question is from a friend of mine who I was speaking with about meeting people, (she said that a woman can not meet a good man in a bar) It works well along with JNL’s pick up line question.


This is a two-part question; what is a good way to meet a possible romantic or significant other, and if you are married, or have been, how did you meet that person?
 

boiker

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meet through a common interest that does not involve drinking.

i.e. meet someone at a sporting event, church, a museum, co-ed sport activities. Something you enjoy.

This way, you'll immediately have a common interest and hopefull good conversation will follow.

my wife, met her in H.S. on the track team. We've been together almost 6 years and married 2.5 yrs.
 

Maister

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michaelskis said:
OK OK I know I am running late… (I was reading the City Code) Maister reminded me of the time

Today’s 4pm question is from a friend of mine who I was speaking with about meeting people, (she said that a woman can not meet a good man in a bar) It works well along with JNL’s pick up line question.


This is a two-part question; what is a good way to meet a possible romantic or significant other, and if you are married, or have been, how did you meet that person?
I first met the future Mrs. Maister at a cross-town rival high school debate tournement. I'll just say this - I won that particular debate with her, but have lost every other one since....
 

Seabishop

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I agree with Boiker. Bars seem like horrible places to meet women. (I don't really know, I was with my wife since before I was drinking age).

I met my wife when we were college students working at a local WalMart-type department store. We were actually very good friends before we started dating. She was/is 4 years older than me which seemed like a big deal back then.
 

JNL

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I met my fiance at a friends party (now ex-fiance but we were together 5 years and remain friends). I decided to go at the last minute so was wearing my oldest jeans, a grey sweatshirt and no makeup. Was really bored with the girl talk so I wandered over to where 2 guys (1 I vaguely new from school) were looking through the CDs and used a CD they were looking at to strike up a conversation. I got talking to one of them and it turned out we knew a few of the same people and were planning to go to the same party the next night, but he needed an invite so I got his number so I could sort one out for him. So we met up the next night and the rest is history :)
 

yaff

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I met the Mr. when we were both working on a political campaign together. We both attended a reception at the state party convention. He was sitting at a table with a chess board. I sat down and played him a game of chess (he won ;-) ).
 

PlannerByDay

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I met the Future Ms. PlannerByDay online.

We have an amazing amount in common and frequented the same resturants and bars before we met so it was suprising we never hooked up sooner and it some silly online service for us to discover one another.

Before this one, I've met women in bars or local parks doing activities I enjoy.
 

Budgie

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I met my wife (of nearly 12 years and soon to be ex, I signed my first piece of paperwork today) our freshman year in college. She lived on the dorm floor above mine and we had a lot in common, being military brats and all. I didn't see her much during our sophmore and junior year (mainly because I was going out with her psychotic ex-roomate (a whole nother story)). We started spending lots of time together during our senior year and got married right after she graduated. Our son came along 9 months later (honeymoon baby).

I have no idea where I could met someone who's compatible. Perhaps at a halfway house or something.
 

Cardinal

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While I meet women through an outdoor club I belog to, I don't tend to date them. I never meet anyone in the profession who is dating material. Most of my friends have given up on trying to set me up with anyone at this point. What is left? Like Dan, I'm online.
 

JNL

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I think all the dates I have been on have been with friends of friends, or friends of friends of friends, that I met at parties or other social gatherings. So, go to all the social events you can!
 

mendelman

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I met Mrs. Mendelman through her roommate.

Her roommate and I were in a study abroad program. After I graduated undergrad, I went straight to grad at the same school. I needed an apartment, so the roommate told me of the open studio in their building. I moved in and since all my friends were gone, I started hanging out alot with them in their apratment.

My wife and I spent that entire Fall semester of her senior of undergrad and my 1st yr of grad becoming good friends. Well, come the new year in 2001 we started dating and then were engaged by Aug 01 and then married in Aug 02.

It was great and destined, but I wouldn't recommend you actively try to move into the building of someone you fancy. It worked for me, but may not be advisable in a different situation.

Other than the way it happened for me, I agree with the others that mutual activities in clubs or groups is probably a great method.
 

Zoning Goddess

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I met the ex-Mr. Goddess thru his sister who is a friend of mine. She and I are still friends, but I don't think she'd ever set me up with anyone again!

Last couple guys I dated I met at work and at my son's Cub Scout meetings.
 

BiteMeElmo

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I originally met the woman who would later become my ex-wife at a bar. The marriage ended in a huge mess, so maybe that speaks of the depth of bar meetings.

I met nerudite in an IRC chat room, back before they were full of bots and pervs. Despite the horror stories that the news jumps all over, I think the internet is a great way to meet a mate. Over time we learned that we share a lot in common, and are well matched, before we even laid eyes on each other. The time frame of this happening was actually over the course of years and entailed us going from acquaintances, to friends, to mates, but the point is, it worked out. The long distance aspect of it sucked, but we made it work as best we could. Some people are fortunate enough to not have to make it work for as long as we did, and that's lucky for them.

Since we are in the group that could be considered the first generation of adults to hook up online, and it worked out so very well, I am quite proud of it.
 

Lee Nellis

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Met my ex through the personals (before the Internet). Despite our divorce, I think that is one way to try in a society where "natural" meetings are so rare. And I think the Internet makes it more likely to work. Just take your time! We were both terribly lonely, the match was close (but not close enough), and we married way too soon, then spent years trying desperately to prove that it wasn't the mistake we both knew it was.

My present partner found me, albeit accidentally (she asked me to comment on her master's thesis), found me again after wondering if I was dead (hey, I was going through a difficult time), waited while I demonstrated a total lack of competence in picking people to date, then finally took me in hand. Even after all that, we spent a year in a long distance ($500 phone bills) trial before we tied the knot. We just celebrated the third anniversary and it has been more than worth all the waiting.
 
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I met my husband at age 16 in typing class, where he picked an argument with me about the pronunciation of some word. Years later, he admitted that he did it to have an excuse to talk to me, cuz he thought I was pretty. I think we ended up taking chemistry and/or physics togther as well. We could talk to each other and this fits with the whole "people marry people of similar IQ stuff": I had the highest SAT score in our graduating class but the verbal portion of his SAT score is a good bit higher than mine. So, who else could we comfortably just talk with in our graduating class? Pretty much "nobody".

Purely by coincidence, my sister had suggested I try D&D. I can't tell you how I found a hang-out for gamers. I got dropped off there and joined the group. Future hubby was not there that day and I don't think I knew he played, even though we were friends, because he is such an introvert. The next weekend, lo and behold, there he was. I had several distinct social circles, that "never the twain shall meet" and he was the only person who was a part of 2 of my disparate social circles. I think it was "inevitable" that we would eventually hook up. (Then he joined the army, I was shocked to discover that he is an extreme introvert and does NOT want people invading his privacy by coming to his home and, once I quit gaming, we never again had any mutual friends... and you can see where that "inevitably" led as well. Oh Well.)
 
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michaelskis

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*Just to let everyone know... I was not asking where can I meet a women, I just wanted to know where all of you met your (insert title of there person here)

I have meet a few women on line.. but I met the most women when I was going to college, in classes, student gov, the ski hill, and other places like that.

but alas... I am not in college...
 
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michaelskis said:
but alas... I am not in college...
Err, didn't you also inquire once about whether or not to get a Master's degree? Or something like that? Sounds like you have an all new motivation for hitting the books.
 

michaelskis

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Michele Zone said:
Err, didn't you also inquire once about whether or not to get a Master's degree?
I have to wait till next year (2005) before I can get in instate status back so work will pay for it.
 
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H

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I met my wife in drivers ed class during college (it was for insurance reduction). :-D

So a classroom would be a good place I guess. One is never too old for a class either. One can take spanish at night school or take a ceramics class. But one must be interested in the subject or one will be obvious and "fail".

Good luck.

:-D
 

kms

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My husband and I met at a bar; we were with a group of friends who brought along friends. We've been married 18 years.
 

michaelskis

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kms said:
My husband and I met at a bar; we were with a group of friends who brought along friends. We've been married 18 years.
You are my hero, and give so many of us hope!
 

Rem

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I met Mrs Rem when I was 13, at high school. I spent 5 years teasing and baiting and playing jokes on her (she liked me too) before we started going out (once we left high school). We were serious for about 7 more years, through Uni and travelling, before marrying 16 years ago.

Our family moved around while I was growing up and the school we met at was my 5th (and last), so I would recommend school as a good place to pick up chicks but you have to be prepared to try a few different schools. ;)
 

Queen B

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I met King B at a conference, then we went to the bar...with friends.
Then we saw each other again in a few months at another conference.
We had a mutual friend that said all he ever talked about was computers.
I took that as a challenge to see what else he would talk about.
And we went to another bar...with friends.
Then a couple of months later I got a computer and got on line and had to dig quite a bit to get an email address but once I did.
How do you real in a computer guy???? Internet.
 

Planner Groupie

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I met my ex through some mutual friends. We went to a party together. At first we both thought the other was snobbish and didn't like eachother. I ended up kissing him and 1 yr later we were married. 2 1/2 yrs after that, we are on the road to divorce.

Met NHPlanner through personals. We were both going through very similar situations and started off as support friends. Things have obviously blossomed from there and I thank every day that he is in my life.
 

NHPlanner

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Planner Groupie said:
Met NHPlanner through personals. We were both going through very similar situations and started off as support friends. Things have obviously blossomed from there and I thank every day that he is in my life.
No need for me to restate how I met Planner Groupie. ;)

I met my ex-wife online.....spent several months talking through e-mails before we met in person. Got married 2 1/2 years later, divorced a little more than a year after our wedding. Learned a lot about what works and doesn't work in a relationship, and vowed never to make the same mistakes again.
 

biscuit

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The future Mrs. Biscuit and I first met back in college when we were both in the same urban design studio course, but alas, love didn't happen at first sight. She claims that she thought I was cute and that she tried her best to flirt with me. But I really didn't pay her any attention becuase I was after this other girl who was also in our class.

I met her again about a year later when one of her good friends picked me up in a beach bar. I started a relationship with her friend and begain to spend more time in their circle of friends. Soon it seemed that I was spending as much time with my future fiancee as I was my girlfriend, although nothing ever happened between the two of us.

Fast forward a few months to the fall of 1999. The entire coast has to evacuate becuase of an oncoming class 5 hurricane (Floyd). I along with the girlfirend, the future fiance and about five other friends took off for my parents house in the foothills - where we end up staying a better part of a week. While there one afternoon we decide to go horseback riding, and even though she has never been on a horse before, my future Mrs. decided to go with me.... while the girlfriend stayed at the house to do her hair. It was there on horseback that afternoon that I decided that I really liked this girl.

Anyway, to wrap up this long tale, about a month later I'm in the process of breaking up with the girlfriend - an idea she didn't like. We go out for the future Mrs. 21st birthday and by 3:30 in the morning it's just me and her at the bar. She then turned and asked if I liked her. I responded yes, paid the tab, left the bar and gave her a long kiss there on the street.

Fast forward another 4 and a half years... we're still together and getting married this June.
 
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JNL

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Rem said:
I met Mrs Rem when I was 13, at high school. I spent 5 years teasing and baiting and playing jokes on her (she liked me too) before we started going out (once we left high school). We were serious for about 7 more years, through Uni and travelling, before marrying 16 years ago.
Wow that is pretty cool. Nice to hear a happy story :)
 

JNL

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biscuit said:
Fast forward another 4 and a half years... we're still together and getting married this June.
So that's the story behind that 'friend' of yours you mentioned in another thread :)
 

biscuit

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JNL said:
So that's the story behind that 'friend' of yours you mentioned in another thread :)
Yep that's the (abridged) story of my good 'friend' and his betrothed.

a nice little aside...
My ex-girlfriend would get really jealous of the future Mrs. beacuse we would set around and talk about nothing but architecture and urbanism. So I guess you can say that I have city planning to thank for my relationship.
 

JNL

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biscuit - I'm always talking about CPTED with my current, shall we say 'best prospect'... maybe a good sign?

(this is not the guy who is seeing someone else, mentioned in a recent thread)
 

biscuit

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JNL said:
biscuit - I'm always talking about CPTED with my current, shall we say 'best prospect'... maybe a good sign?

(this is not the guy who is seeing someone else, mentioned in a recent thread)
I'd take it as a good sign. You have a common interest that helps you relate to each other easier, plus it can make conversation flow smoother. This guy can be a friend and drinking buddy that can easily morph into something else. ;-)

So tell us about this current prospect. After all, you know well and good that you need to gauge the infinite wisdom of the Throbbing Brain before it's safe to pursue this fellow.
 

JNL

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Ok here goes... met him on a 1-week CPTED course in December. We were the only young people there, plus I thought he was cute, so we ended up chatting quite often, hanging out at breaks etc. I was feeling a bit emotionally scarred at the time and did not even think of him as a prospect, just a really nice guy who was easy to talk to and has a good sense of humour.

On the last day of the course this woman asked me 'So what's going to happen with you and Mr Surfer' and I was like 'What? What do you mean?' and she said 'Well you look really cute together, will you stay in touch?'. (Oh yeah, he lives in the South Island about 1.5hours flight away :-\ ). And then when I had to leave a bit early I suddenly realised I hoped I would see more of him.

So we started emailing as I have been giving him quite a bit of help and information with a CPTED/crime mapping project he is involved in. And then, on Sunday he was passing through Wellington, so I picked him up from the airport and we had lunch and did a bit of site-seeing, then I dropped him back at the airport. Hugged goodbye. Turns out he used to be a swim coach so is giving me tips (via email) on my swimming.

He surfs, swims, runs, kayaks, mountain bikes, and does triathlons 8-!

I find him really easy to talk to, no awkwardness, and I like that he is a WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) kind of person, no BS, just easy-going, funny, and intelligent. And so far just a friend. But he is moving back to my island next month, though will still be 5+ hours drive away. Oh yeah, turns out we both like Incubus so are going to go to their concert in March together! :)

Wow this is a long post for me, but since you asked, biscuit.... :-D

Over to the Throbbing Brain
 

Rumpy Tunanator

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Met at bar over heated game of video game bowling. Will it lead to marriage, I don't know yet, better get out the magic 8 ball;)
 

biscuit

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JNL said:
I find him really easy to talk to, no awkwardness, and I like that he is a WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) kind of person, no BS, just easy-going, funny, and intelligent. And so far just a friend. But he is moving back to my island next month, though will still be 5+ hours drive away. Oh yeah, turns out we both like Incubus so are going to go to their concert in March together! :)

Wow this is a long post for me, but since you asked, biscuit.... :-D

Over to the Throbbing Brain
Well, sounds to me that you already have the hots for this guy. Why not give it a (casual) shot and see what happens. Pehaps he might be a good excuse to start making more weekend roadtrips.
 

JNL

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I like him so much I'm scared to make a move in case... well, in case I stuff it up somehow! But I think he likes me too, as a friend at least. However... I have a date with Mr Attached tonight who has been texting me poetry!

Text messaging on cell phones is huge here, it's become part of the dating ritual. Meet someone, ask for their number, exchange a few text messages, and then maybe arrange a date. Everyone texts. Apparently it's not so common in the US of A?
 

ludes98

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JNL said:
Apparently it's not so common in the US of A?
My wife and I used to text message more, but it isn't that common among my group of friends. Maybe it is more popular with the HS crowd. In the US it is an additional fee per month or per message for many service plans. The radio feature like Nextel has is growing in popularity here though.
 
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Bear Up North

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This is probably the only post to Michaelski's question that involves as many marriages as the Pittsburgh Steelers have Super Bowl wins.....four (4).

Met first wife, Cynthia, in late 1960's, in a bar. Married about three (3) years. Son Mathew Simon is the result (?). Left me because she "wanted to experiment". (Hey, it was the late 1960's and early 1970's....that's what people did.) She felt guilty and arranged for me to date.....Donna.

Donna and I were married for fifteen (15) years. Eventually we grew apart and went our separate ways, on somewhat friendly terms.

Then, along came Carole, often referred to by my present wife, as "The Bitch". I met her in a bar (The Turtle Club). We were married for one (1) year.

Twelve (12) years ago I met my present wife.....Kathy. I met her in the Turtle Club, too. This June we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary. This one (1) is working. We give each other a lot of support.....she has MS and will take a drug for it the rest of her life and I am going thru chemotherapy. We have fun together. We have a lot in common and a lot not in common.....allowing some "time" for each of us to wander to other things. Me, city planning (fake) and the internet and too much time at work.....Kathy loves to walk and shop.

The Turtle Club, on the Ottawa River in Toledo, closed a few years ago. My friends say, "Bear, the Turtle is closed. No more wives are available."

I'm glad.

Bear
 
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