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A Eulogy Fit for a Fish Named Nimby Jr.

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
13,138
Points
54
FROM DVD: To make Tuesday worse my betta fish Nimby Jr. died today. I knew he was going, but it had to be today. Does anyone know any good words to say for his eulogy?





He swam a good life.
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,897
Points
57
"Fish gotta swim, not ride bicycles and carry a big stick."

"In the deep recesses of a man's soul is the fish...and that fish was him."

"His favorite pastime was swimming, not surprising for a fish, and he did it like a natural."

"A face made for selfies, a heart made for love."

"I will miss his fishy non sequiturs about life, the universe and everything."

"Vogon was his favourite language to translate for me."

"Fish is as fish does. Water to water. Flush to flush. Godspeed old chap."
 
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DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
14,948
Points
51
These are great sentiments that Nimby would have loved. Now I must tell my wife why I'm going to spend some money on more fish. I'm thinking a couple tetras and some guppies. And now I'm thinking is there a mourning period for fish death before you get more fish? I mean like Bubba said, fish die. They do that.
 

arcplans

As Featured in "High Times"
Messages
6,656
Points
32

We are here to honor a fish, a fish that was a winner, let me tell you, that fish, all he did was win. Beautiful fish. That fish, all he knew was winning, and was not a loser, like that loser fish gimpy guppie, that fish, wow, what a loser right? Am i right? Gimpy Guppie. that fish is not mentally stable. Did i tell you, I passed that test with flying colors. Fish, woman, camera man, TV. No one, in this history of that test, did it fast than me. And the doctors asked me, Mr. Trump, why are you so smart, and I said, I am just the best, top shape, best shape. Way better shape than Gimpy Guppie. That Gimpy, can't even swim right, all he does is kneels, look at that son of a bitch kneels? Get him out of there. Loser. That's what he is. Loser. So let's remember Yippie Jr, best fish. He was no coward, not as good as me, but hey, he was alright.
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
14,948
Points
51
I like that he couldn't even get Nimby's name right. Ends up calling him Yippie like he's some kind of Chihuahua or something. Classic tRump.
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
14,948
Points
51
So Nimby knew it was time to get out of the neighborhood. With all those yuppie Guppies moving in and those bottom feeding Cory Cats. Yep, the neighborhood went to hell. If only there was a way to keep our aquarium suburbs safe.
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
13,138
Points
54
With apologies to the original:



Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Betta Fish Nimby, Jr....What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. DVD: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. DVD: Look, matey, I know a dead fishy when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable fish, that Betta, idn'it, ay? Beautiful coloring!

Mr. DVD: The coloring don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. DVD: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Nimby Jr! I've got a lovely fresh nibble for you if you show...

(owner hits the fish bowl)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. DVD: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the bowl!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. DVD: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. DVD: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO Nimby Jr!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes fish out of the bowl and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. DVD: Now that's what I call a dead fishy.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. DVD: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Betta fish stun easily, major.

Mr. DVD: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That fish is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged swim.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for Kansas.

Mr. DVD: PININ' for KANSAS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he float flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Betta fish prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable fish, id'nit, squire? Lovely coloring!

Mr. DVD: 'E's passed on! This fish is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-FISHY!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Betta fish.

Mr. DVD: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: (pause) I got a guppy.
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
14,948
Points
51
Well I never wanted to be a pet shop owner anyway. I always wanted to be a...planner!!! Leaping from plan to plan, the plat, the use permit, the rezoning.
 
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