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Another dating thread

Cardinal

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Last night I scanned the personals on Yahoo and started notice certain things that turned me off to somebody's profile. It got me thinking. What are they ways men or women sabotage their dating prospects?

Here are a few of mine.

* Women with cats. With most of the guys I know, this is a big turn-off. Think of the cat lady on the Simpsons.

* Talking about how much they love to watch sports or go to games. I always wonder if they just say that because they think it is something we want to hear. Hey, all of us guys are not sports freaks. There are better things to do in life.

* Big hair. The 80's are over for most people.

* Lots of make-up. I'm more attracted to women who wear no make-up.

* Saying "recently single," or "just out of a long term relationship," or anything like it. Can you say "baggage?"


On the other hand, there are certain things that make me take notice.

* Pictures with dogs. I sometimes wonder if I want to meet her just to meet her dogs.

* A well-written profile that clearly shows they are literate. It is even better if they can write in a conversational tone.
 

Maister

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Cardinal said:
.
* A well-written profile that clearly shows they are literate. It is even better if they can write in a conversational tone.
Particularly this last item stands out in my mind. It's probably the best insight as to how intelligent an individual you're dealing with (at least to the extent that 200 words on a personal ad will reveal) - granted, this discriminates against smart folks whose talents may be in the mathematical/spatial or other area and not necessarily in the language/communication department, even so it still conveys something important about that individual.
 

Zoning Goddess

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Cardinal said:
* Talking about how much they love to watch sports or go to games. I always wonder if they just say that because they think it is something we want to hear. Hey, all of us guys are not sports freaks. There are better things to do in life.
.
Guys do this, too, when they list their likes: walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, etc.

Oh, and guys, don't even mention NASCAR. Ick.
 

Dan

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Generic profile essays are a huge turn-off, but unfortunately they're my only prospect now, since women with more interesting profiles haven't responded.

What's a generic profile? Something like:

"Can you keep up? I'm a kind, caring woman who works hard and plays hard. I love walks in the park, strolls along a moonlit beach, candlelit dinners, and lying by the fireplace with that special someone while sippng wine. I like going out and staying at home, and being active or just sitting on the couch. I love to laugh! I like to pamper and be pampered. I want a man who knows what he wants. I'm looking for a knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet. Must be honest, kind, tall, generous, athletic, tall, very attractive and tall, and equally comfortable in jeans or a tux. No games!"

There are slight variants, such as the educated romantic ("sipping coffee in the morning while reading the Sunday New York Times and listening to NPR"), but for the most part 70% of the profiles I've read are variants of the checklist of cliches. They tell me absolutely nothing about the person behind the ad, although I have a sneaking suspicion that they'll have sizeable cat collections when they hit their 70s.

Other peeves ...

2) The group pictures, where the ad placer is always with a group of other women, and often hugging somebody. I'd say about half the women online have group shots, and very few identify which ones they are. Makes it tough, since most of the ad placers seem to be with other women who could also fit their descriptions: same hair color, height, age and build.



3) Photos of a female ad placer embraced by another man. Better yet, an image where the ex is obviously cropped out.



4) Fudging the age. This woman claimed to be 30.



5) I don't mind professional photographs; I'm thinking of having some taken myself. I think Glamour Shots are cheesy, though ... especially the standard cowgirl outfit that about half of them use.



6) Grade inflation for what is considered an "average" build.



7) Finally, strippers should never, never use Photoshop with their personal ad profile pictures. Well, the profile never said she was a stripper, but ... c'mon ...

I swear to God, this comes from a real online ad. PM me for the link.







Especially an image to an old boyfriend that says "SO LETS DO IT OK"

 

JNA

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Zoning Goddess said:
Oh, and guys, don't even mention NASCAR. Ick!
Count me as one guy that is proud not knowing much about, let alone follow NASCAR.
 

Wannaplan?

Bounty Hunter
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3,216
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29
Dumbest intro ever, common to many online personal ads:

I can't believe I'm actually doing this and I really don't know what to say. Well here goes. I'm a romantic who loves to...
 

Maister

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Zoning Goddess said:
Oh, and guys, don't even mention NASCAR. Ick.
Admittedly, while mentioning NASCAR might take one out of the running in attracting any Zoning Goddesses (or maybe any literate types) one's way, I'm not sure I wouldn't mention it if it is, in fact, one of your life's greatest pleasures. Statistically, I'll bet you might find most NASCAR fans' personal ads might read:

DWM 35, I am you're knight in shining armor. enjoy NASCAR, long romantic walks, camping, country music, WWF........

However, I know of at least one resident Cyburbian (Michaelskis), who claims to enjoy NASCAR....... and he has all his teeth, is not seen wearing sleeveless black t-shirts, does not appear to have any fixations with automobiles bordering on sexual, doesn't bowl.....and believe me ladies if you saw Michaelskis you would WANT to go out with him (for non-NASCAR related reasons).
 
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Floridays

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Dang, Cardinal...don't be so hard on all of us! I happen to have a cat AND I really DO like sports and going to sporting events. How would you feel if every woman online said that she hated cheese, and there ya are, right in the middle of Wisconsin! :) Give some girls a chance, for cryin out loud!
Dan is right...the scariest part is if you really know what you're getting. Those photos were evidence of that....
 

Maister

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Dan's 100% on target here. We've all secretly noted what he observed. The sorry fact is that while 70% of the ads out there are little more than compilations of the most formulaic, hackneyed cliches, it STILL tells you something - if nothing else than 70% of the people out there are dull and unimaginative......it's a small minority of ads that catch your eye and maybe give one cause to say 'hmmm, here's one with a distinctive personality'.
 

Cardinal

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Floridays said:
Dang, Cardinal...don't be so hard on all of us! I happen to have a cat AND I really DO like sports and going to sporting events. How would you feel if every woman online said that she hated cheese, and there ya are, right in the middle of Wisconsin! :) Give some girls a chance, for cryin out loud!
Dan is right...the scariest part is if you really know what you're getting. Those photos were evidence of that....
Heehee... Well, I suppose its true that there are some womyn out there who enjoy sports (i.e., rugby), but I am referring to the ones who try to come off sounding like they are "one of the guys," and that they would just love to spend an afternoon drinking beer and watching game after game with you. Whether it is true or not, it is a turn-off to me.
 

Dan

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Zoning Goddess said:
Oh, and guys, don't even mention NASCAR. Ick.
I've found that the women that mention NASCAR in their online profiles are usually self-described "country girls," who also mention such things as horses, rural living, line dancing, and how "simple" they are. They also often say that they're looking for a "real man," as opposed to a stereotypical urban metrosexual or those female-to-male post-op transgendered guys that are out there in such abundance. B-) Like the city girls that pull out a checklist of spectator sports, as if they're beer-guzzling superfans, the women who mention NASCAR probably use it as a lure for the good 'ol country boy they're trying to hook.
 

donk

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I too am trying the online thing, mostly for the province I am moving to.

Luck so far, mixed. Two dates(really nice women, 1 definitely not for me, one I'd go out with again, but she said no), a few people who we emailed eachother a half dozen times then nothing, a few no ways and one I wonder about.

My peeves from doing this

1) Pictures - web cam images suck, they are too grainy and of poor quality.
2) People who email you first, then don't reply when you send something back to them.
3) When introductions/wants are laid out like too much of a shopping list.
 

giff57

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If C/W music is mentioned.... and they always write it like that too.
 

ludes98

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Automobile addiction and NASCAR seem to just keep growing in popularity. I used to go to races before NASCAR was as huge as it is today, but I just can't sit in the sun that long and drink beer all day long. If my Prevost were in the RV lot it would be doable. ;) It may be odd for a woman to enjoy cars or worse car racing, but it does sometimes happen. My wife loves to detail her own car and we still hit the local dirt track every once and a while. We aren't the norm though I suppose since none of our friends are interested and we try to keep our auto addiction in the closet.
 

GeogPlanner

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never reply to the ad that says "my friends dared me to do this"
webcam pics in dim light are a big warning sign
insist that someone sends a pic that is at most 6 months old
"Really Just Want Someone To Hang Out With Occasionally And Talk To"
anything "princess" e.g. " italian princess looking for you"
anyone "lonely"
anyone that claims to be a "jersey girl"

but a surefire way to get me interested is to put "irish" in the profile ;-) i'm a sucker for a cute irish girl

...on a more positive note, the current future ex-mrs. geogplanner (just kidding...she is a great girl!) is someone i met on match.com...6 months now...

...and a question...has anyone seen an ex on an online personal (a la pina colda song)?...its been almost 2 years since i last saw my ex and i swear this one profile is her...the pic is too small to really tell...they look similar but different hair styles...
 

Budgie

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I'm going out on a limb here (major helping of sarcasm) BUT ... NASCAR Sucks !!!!!
 

otterpop

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A pretty standard tag line in Montana is "Looking for a cowboy" Yee haa. The perfect man. No money. Dirty and smelly. A man who loves to wear a big hat, high heel shoes, and a scarf. Sort of like my Aunt Tini. Or maybe he is pretend cowboy. Big hat, no cows, as we say.

When I was a boy, I wanted to be a cowboy, and an astronaut and a policeman. If I went to work dressed as an astronaut, they would come get me and lock me up in the loony-bin. If I dressed like a cop, I would get arrested. But if I dress up like a cowboy I'm fine. Western wear is an acceptable way for grown men to play dress up.
 

Maister

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Dan said:
I've found that the women that mention NASCAR in their online profiles are usually self-described "country girls," who also mention such things as horses, rural living, line dancing, and how "simple" they are. They also often say that they're looking for a "real man," as opposed to a stereotypical urban metrosexual or those female-to-male post-op transgendered guys that are out there in such abundance. B-) Like the city girls that pull out a checklist of spectator sports, as if they're beer-guzzling superfans, the women who mention NASCAR probably use it as a lure for the good 'ol country boy they're trying to hook.
...it's comical you can almost tell more about the person posting the ad by what they DON'T tell you - obvious ploys to catch themselves a like-minded good ol' boy

The more I think about it the more I think Dan has actually stumbled onto a piece of Objective Truth (2001 Space Odyssey music in background) due to his personal ad searches. Not only do we find that a huge majority of the personal ads are formulaic in nature....I bet we could probably extend that observation to include nearly every other field of human endeavor. Think about it....music, science, art, literature, urban planning, personal ads.... in every instance you find a small nucleus of people who are actually creating original ideas and the vast majority of other folks copy/use these modes/methods/ideas/forms without so much as adding the slightest variation to the established pattern. The entire content of our culture is little more than mimcry of copies (poor ones at that somethimes) of plagiarized ideas and actions. I'm afraid we're just not as original or clever as we like to think ourselves. There's less friction going with the flow ....
Someone please tell me to shut up already B-) "Dude, this is Cyburbia's Friday afternoon forum and you just posted on the 'another dating thread' thread" (thanks in advance)
 

biscuit

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Maister said:
The more I think about it the more I think Dan has actually stumbled onto a piece of Objective Truth (2001 Space Odyssey music in background) due to his personal ad searches. Not only do we find that a huge majority of the personal ads are formulaic in nature....I bet we could probably extend that observation to include nearly every other field of human endeavor. Think about it....music, science, art, literature, urban planning, personal ads.... in every instance you find a small nucleus of people who are actually creating original ideas and the vast majority of other folks copy/use these modes/methods/ideas/forms without so much as adding the slightest variation to the established pattern. The entire content of our culture is little more than mimcry of copies (poor ones at that somethimes) of plagiarized ideas and actions. I'm afraid we're just not as original or clever as we like to think ourselves. There's less friction going with the flow ....
Someone please tell me to shut up already B-) "Dude, this is Cyburbia's Friday afternoon forum and you just posted on the 'another dating thread' thread" (thanks in advance)

So if I were to agree with your observations on this would that make me a copier of original thought? I'll just have to find some variation on this (new) convention to avoid that. ;-)
 

Dan

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GeogPlanner said:
anything "princess" e.g. " italian princess looking for you"
..
Oh man ... Cleveland and Buffalo are thick with self-proclaimed Italian princesses.

The groups that seem to be the most ethnocentric in online profiles are Italian-Americans, Hispanics and African-Americans.

The girls that go out of their way to say that they're Italian almost always mention their huge families and cooking skills. I never write them, because their list of preferences always limits their ideal match to Catholics only.

Many Hispanic women will pepper their ads with gratuitous Spanish, much like a late-1980s NPR newscast.

The most ethnocentric, though, are black women. Profile titles are often along the lines of "Nubian Queen Seeks Her Ebony Prince" or "Strong Black Woman Seeks a Solid Brother." Another thing those ads have in common are the following three words ...



NO WHITE MEN!


Now, if Kristin or Kirsten or Kiersten from the suburbs put "no black men!" or "white men only" in her ad, she would might as well be pictured wearing her Klan robe or Aryan Nation uniform. The "NO WHITE MEN!" statements, though, should be seen as equally offensive. Just tell the oppressors who write that you're only interested in melanin-rich men, and they'll probably take the hint. No need to get all Queen Latifah on us, sisters of color!
 

Repo Man

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Rumpy Tunanator said:
Are you sure its a womyn? Looks like a maaaaaaaaannnnn;)
That photo would make a great Caption Contest photo....but I am guessing it would get x-rated too quickly.
 

Doitnow

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* Saying "recently single," or "just out of a long term relationship," or anything like it. Can you say "baggage?"
May Mean that they would prefer people with similar backgrounds. I think... :p
 

Dan

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otterpop said:
A pretty standard tag line in Montana is "Looking for a cowboy" Yee haa. The perfect man. No money. Dirty and smelly. A man who loves to wear a big hat, high heel shoes, and a scarf.
That's right. (Spits chew into Coors can.) While cowboys are herdin' and ropin' dogies on the range, they take some time out to get on their G4 iBooks, hook 'em up to Iridium phones, and look at the cowgirls on http://www.westernmatch.com . Lookie here ... Betty Sue in Sheridan says "Wrangler butts drive me nuts!" B-)



I think the sorts of cowboys these women are after are the ones you see roaming the campuses of ag schools; they're part of a traditional farming or ranching family, but not necessarily cowpunchers.
 

Dan

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nerudite said:
Ummmm... Isn't this the lead singer of Def Leppard? He's gotta be older than 30... ;)
I don't think that's him, but Samantha Fox seems to be alive and well.

 

michaelskis

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Maister you punk...

YES I did watch the last 25 laps of the Daytona 500 last Sunday... I do not watch it much, but I am not ashamed to say that I have watched a few races in my time. I do not own a truck, I do not have any NASCAR t-shirts, I do not have any stickers on my car, I don’t listen to country music or drink cheep beer. I do on the other hand, enjoy fancy restraints, driving a good-looking car (with leather interior, and power everything), and spending time in an urban environment. Maister has even accused me of being a bit on the metrosexual side.

I do agree with a lot of people in here that on line personals can be very misleading, average does not mean healthy weight anymore, it means average among most suburban and rural residents. If you search online, check athletic and toned, and slim or slender… it will give more results of what you are looking for.
 

donk

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Considering the animals(donkey and sheep) in my profile pic, cats are fine.

It is when you meet someone and they introduce the cat, before you ask the cat's name that is scary.

I may even get a cat, once I've moved.
 

Lee Nellis

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Also, on second thought, a good word for cowgirls. Few of you guys could even begin to keep up with the ranch women I know.

And if you want to play with stereotypes, watch out. Most truly rural planners are exempt, but urban and suburban planners are terribly easy to stereotype.
 

JNL

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michaelskis said:
I do on the other hand, enjoy fancy restraints...
Ooh michaelskis, naughty! ;)

I like cars and car racing and cats and rugby and beer but I wouldn't choose those things to introduce myself. I like lots of other things too. Wonder what I would write??
 

Habanero

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Ah, you mean you don't like the bait and switch of an old picture? LOL, that's what the lunch/coffee date is for! :p


and, for the record, I have a small addiction to NASCAR. It really started as an excuse to drink beer in the morning during college, but now, it's tradition to wake up and turn it on. It's drama filled, and doesn't take thinking to watch so it's perfect mindless entertainment in the morning. o:)
 

Rumpy Tunanator

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Habanero said:
It really started as an excuse to drink beer in the morning during college, but now, it's tradition to wake up and turn it on.
Come on, you don't need an excuse to drink in the morning;)
 

Habanero

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Rumpy Tunanator said:
Come on, you don't need an excuse to drink in the morning;)
o:) My rule, not before 10 a.m. unless tubing down a river, at the ranch, or watching NASCAR.
 

JNL

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Habanero, what about champagne breakfasts? I can highly recommend bubbles in the morning, especially when you're out with a bunch of friends having a nice brunch :)


Oh look, Rumpy has managed to divert the thread to the subject of alcohol again! ;)
 

Habanero

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JNL said:
Habanero, what about champagne breakfasts? I can highly recommend bubbles in the morning, especially when you're out with a bunch of friends having a nice brunch :)


Oh look, Rumpy has managed to divert the thread to the subject of alcohol again! ;)
Champagne doesn't count, only beer. :-D I have no issues with mimosas or coffee and Baileys, it's just the beer.
 
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nerudite said:
Ummmm... Isn't this the lead singer of Def Leppard? He's gotta be older than 30... ;)
What is sad is that she may actually be 30 and have had a hard life. Her arms are more muscular than that of a lot of pencil-pushing metrosexual males. If you drink and smoke a lot, it ages your skin terribly. Most folks I know who neither drink nor smoke tend to be mistaken for being younger than they are.

And then there is the issue of photo-quality. The same person can be made to look "better" or "worse" depending on the skill of the person handling the camera, without any photoshopping involved. Full sun in your face in the way that picture was done is not going to be very flattering to anyone. (which isn't to say I think she is a Babe who got a raw deal -- just noting that this is true generally)
 

Dan

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Maister said:
The sorry fact is that while 70% of the ads out there are little more than compilations of the most formulaic, hackneyed cliches, it STILL tells you something - if nothing else than 70% of the people out there are dull and unimaginative......it's a small minority of ads that catch your eye and maybe give one cause to say 'hmmm, here's one with a distinctive personality'.
The really sorry fact is that those generic responses still probably get a lot of responses, because users of online dating services are still dominated by men (I think on match.com, it's 60% men), and the traditional role of men as the swooner and women as the swoonee still holds true. If an average-looking woman with an okay profile and an okay picture posted a generic profile, she'd probably be hit with tens, if not HUNDREDS of responses.

So ... I propose a experiment ... The Great Cyburbia Fake Personal Ad. Or ads, whatever. We create several ads ... the generic girl, the whiskey tango girl, the alpha girl, and maybe some male equivalents, throw 'em online, and see who responds.

Michele Zone said:
What is sad is that she may actually be 30 and have had a hard life. Her arms are more muscular than that of a lot of pencil-pushing metrosexual males. If you drink and smoke a lot, it ages your skin terribly. Most folks I know who neither drink nor smoke tend to be mistaken for being younger than they are.
That could be the case, although those would be 30 extremely hard years. Photos in WSM profiles from places like Kansas City, Kansas and Winter Garden, Florida often revealed a hardness of some degree, but you could still roughly guess their age; you mentally compensated for things like frowns and flat, feathered blonde hair with black roots.

Here's a 35 year old KCK girl.



Lemme' show you another alleged age fudger. She claims to be 28.



Not haggard, doesn't look like she hails from rural Appalachia, but ... well, to me, she looks around 42. She's attractive, and there's no visible crow's feet or anything like that, but there's just something about the image that makes her look much older than her claimed age.

I'm surprised nobody commented about the stripper yet. At least I think she's a stripper ... it doesn't look like normal stripper garb, but still, I'm at a loss for another description.

 

nerudite

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Dan said:
I'm surprised nobody commented about the stripper yet. At least I think she's a stripper ... it doesn't look like normal stripper garb, but still, I'm at a loss for another description.
She doesn't scream 'stripper' to me. She's more of a retired Reno showgirl or second rate circus trapeze artist to me. Oh oh... better yet, a combination of the two. It's like she's a retired trapeze artist from the Reno Circus Circus! 8-!

Regarding the other example in the above post... I think she looks pretty young. She just has a 40 y.o. hairdo. It's that frosted blonde and really short look that a lot of mature women have. Or maybe she has it pulled back or something.
 

Rumpy Tunanator

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Dan said:
I'm surprised nobody commented about the stripper yet. At least I think she's a stripper ... it doesn't look like normal stripper garb, but still, I'm at a loss for another description.
Ask and you shall receive;)

Maybe its one of her getups or something maybe in the field of role playing. Some ladies like to play stripper in a private, monogomous relationship, he ehh heh), or maybe she is a stripper with an "I Dream of Genie" look gone bad. Still she could have put some other photos in there, like one with her 7 cats.
 

Dan

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Rumpy Tunanator said:
I think this guy has argued this point without attracting to much negativity;)
http://www.fypl.info/individualssearchingfor.html
Damn, the guy is picky. Let me quote:

  • Concerning the lower leg, I like fairly large, muscular calves tapering to slim, compact ankles.
  • I like generally muscular upper legs, with an outward curve, in profile, along the back of the leg.
  • Rounded, compact buttocks have tremendous appeal to me.
  • I like slender waists.
  • Unlike many males, I prefer smaller breasts, preferably well-rounded. There is some leeway, here, however. If you were somewhat larger breasted than noted, or small breasted, or even almost non-breasted, this would be okay.
  • Of course, like everyone, I like pretty faces.
  • Blond hair or red hair would be a plus, but l must emphasize that hair color isn't that major.
  • To give an overall idea of what I find physically attractive, I would refer again to female athletes and dancers.
Let's compare that to the simple tastes of Sir Mix-A-Lot.

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
 

michaelskis

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JNL said:
Ooh michaelskis, naughty! ;)

I like cars and car racing and cats and rugby and beer but I wouldn't choose those things to introduce myself. I like lots of other things too. Wonder what I would write??

I hate Freudian slips... but hey... they could be fun too... what it should have said was fancy RESTAURANTS... but if you are into that type of thing JNL, well maybe I will have to make a trip over there to visit...
 
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