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Another Dimension of time

Maister

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#1
Super Amputee Cat posted something in another thread that resonated with me. He said:
Super Amputee Cat said:
Both my kids are adults now. That day seems like more than 20 years ago...truly another dimension of time for me.
I get this. There are events in my life that happened long ago - e.g. from childhood or adolescence - that I can recall quite vividly, yet the recollection seems to be entirely removed from my present existence. Almost like I'm remembering something that happened to someone else, because I'm a different being now. Yet the memories are stored in my head.

Does that make sense to you?
 

mendelman

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#2
Yep.

We think back to the first 4.5 years of our marriage before our boys and...wonder.

Being of a very specific age cohort, I like to refer to that time as "In a galaxy far, far away..."
 

Bubba

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#3
Good timing for this thread...I was talking to one of our junior folks this morning - he's renting a house with three college buddies - I was describing my first year out of college and the apartment I rented with a couple of roommates. It was trying talk about something completely removed from the last ~25 years of my life.
 

Maister

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#4
Good timing for this thread...I was talking to one of our junior folks this morning - he's renting a house with three college buddies - I was describing my first year out of college and the apartment I rented with a couple of roommates. It was trying talk about something completely removed from the last ~25 years of my life.
Yes, it's not simply that the events being recalled happened a long time ago, but that the events are oddly alien to you. Almost as if the memory is dealing with another person, an alternate timeline, or is somehow on some level an abstraction.
 
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#5
Sounds like Maister found his hidden peyote stash...



Yes, it's not simply that the events being recalled happened a long time ago, but that the events are oddly alien to you. Almost as if the memory is dealing with another person, an alternate timeline, or is somehow on some level an abstraction.
It's not that at all. It's more that you're realizing that the experiences you "share" with a much younger person are not really shared at all. The world has changed too much. My first apartment was awesome because I got good TV reception with rabbit ears. That means nothing today, even to us older (I didn't say old, just older.... big distinction) folks.
 

mendelman

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#6
Also the distant recent past when Maister only had just entered the CluBBbbbe.

Such halcyon days!
 

Michele Zone

     
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#8
In 2001, I spent about 3.5 months bedridden. During that time, I would regularly hallucinate wordless conversations with The Grim Reaper.

One day, in the vivid wildly colored landscape of my mind, he rode up to me on a big black steed, which was surprising since I had no idea he rode a horse at all. He leaned down and peered intently into my face, then twirled his horse around and trotted off.

I ran after him screaming "Take me with you! Don't leave me here!" I didn't really want to live. I knew that would entail a long, hard recovery.

I don't really care if The Grim Reaper is something real or just a figment of my fevered, ill and doped up mind. He never returned. His departure marked the end of my death watch and I knew it.

My mind works entirely different from how it did prior to those events. I wouldn't know where to begin to explain it.

On top of that, I was diagnosed the month before I turned 36 with a condition with a life expectancy of 36 at that time. Granted, I have a relatively mild form of it and no stats on the life expectancy for the mild form.

I used to joke that being in my 40s with a life expectancy of 36 meant I was the equivalent of an octogenarian. But no one could relate, so I stopped trying to joke about it.

However, my late life diagnosis was very empowering. I have spent 17 years growing healthier. I feel like Merlin: I'm growing younger. At the age of 53, I no longer feel like an octogenarian. I have a lot less pain and a lot fewer physical limitations.

I mostly stopped making that joke too. Although I find it amusing what my long strange journey has done to my relationship to time, trying to comment on it, no matter how tongue-in-cheek, doesn't seem to work very well.
 
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#9
Super Amputee Cat posted something in another thread that resonated with me. He said:


I get this. There are events in my life that happened long ago - e.g. from childhood or adolescence - that I can recall quite vividly, yet the recollection seems to be entirely removed from my present existence. Almost like I'm remembering something that happened to someone else, because I'm a different being now. Yet the memories are stored in my head.

Does that make sense to you?
Yes, Spring - Fall of 2003.
 
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#11
In 2001, I spent about 3.5 months bedridden. During that time, I would regularly hallucinate wordless conversations with The Grim Reaper.

One day, in the vivid wildly colored landscape of my mind, he rode up to me on a big black steed, which was surprising since I had no idea he rode a horse at all. He leaned down and peered intently into my face, then twirled his horse around and trotted off.

I ran after him screaming "Take me with you! Don't leave me here!" I didn't really want to live. I knew that would entail a long, hard recovery.

I don't really care if The Grim Reaper is something real or just a figment of my fevered, ill and doped up mind. He never returned. His departure marked the end of my death watch and I knew it.

My mind works entirely different from how it did prior to those events. I wouldn't know where to begin to explain it.

On top of that, I was diagnosed the month before I turned 36 with a condition with a life expectancy of 36 at that time. Granted, I have a relatively mild form of it and no stats on the life expectancy for the mild form.

I used to joke that being in my 40s with a life expectancy of 36 meant I was the equivalent of an octogenarian. But no one could relate, so I stopped trying to joke about it.

However, my late life diagnosis was very empowering. I have spent 17 years growing healthier. I feel like Merlin: I'm growing younger. At the age of 53, I no longer feel like an octogenarian. I have a lot less pain and a lot fewer physical limitations.

I mostly stopped making that joke too. Although I find it amusing what my long strange journey has done to my relationship to time, trying to comment on it, no matter how tongue-in-cheek, doesn't seem to work very well.
I used to joke, as more than a bit of black humor, about not having died from an asthma attack..................yet. I had a member of HS class die from one. After that, I changed to "that which does not kill you, makes your stranger.
 

JNA

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#12
I am getting closer to retirement age which does not seem that faraway anymore.

I have lived in my current community longer than any other place.

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!
 

Michele Zone

     
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#13
I used to joke, as more than a bit of black humor, about not having died from an asthma attack..................yet. I had a member of HS class die from one. After that, I changed to "that which does not kill you, makes your stranger.
When I still worked at Aflac and was like $50k in debt because of my lengthy medical crisis and divorce, I used to tell people sometimes stuff like "Why don't you take up a collection and get me $50k" as a polite fuck off. You know, to say "Butt out of my life, I'm in over my head and my problems are too big for you to solve either."

I stopped saying that when some guy replied to that with "I don't happen to have that kind of money right now." 8-! I just thought he was a nerd with no life -- you know, like ME (or -- cough -- Dan or RJ -- cough -- now you know what I really think of you;) EDIT: That attempt at humor is possibly dating me. I have no idea who the "leaders" are on this forum anymore in terms of number of posts. I used to be pretty high up there before disappearing for so many years).

I mean, why the hell else would you spend so much goddamned time on a public forum? Yeesh.

I had to do some serious backtracking and it has been all kinds of drama.


I am getting closer to retirement age which does not seem that faraway anymore.

I have lived in my current community longer than any other place.

My sister once told me our parents were so old they had basically outlived all their friends. She was talking basically about their strange relationship to time, kind of like we are here. My parents were very social people and always surrounded by loads of friends and relatives and yadda. My mom is one of twelve kids. My dad was one of five. Having twenty people over for Christmas dinner did not seem strange to them.

Getting old and having everyone move away or die on them was not really something they quite knew how to react to. I remember seeing a photo of Christmas dinner one year with just my parents and like a 25 pound turkey. Mom just did not know how to cook for two people. :thumbsup::balloon:

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!
My Cyburbia handle is actually a Twilight Zone reference. I had made some joke about "The Michele Zone -- kind of like The Twilight Zone, but on laughing gas" on some email list not long before signing up. I needed some planner-ish themed handle on short notice -- so I could sign up sooner than I intended and show my butt by jumping into an argument about homelessness with a bunch of people who had never met me because I had Big Feels -- so I went with Michele Zone, the only thing I could think of. (I then spent the next six months trying to prove I actually did have manners. :a:)

I have had at least one Cyburbian email me and ask me if Zone was my actual last name. For the record: No, it's not.
 
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#14
Super Amputee Cat posted something in another thread that resonated with me. He said:


I get this. There are events in my life that happened long ago - e.g. from childhood or adolescence - that I can recall quite vividly, yet the recollection seems to be entirely removed from my present existence. Almost like I'm remembering something that happened to someone else, because I'm a different being now. Yet the memories are stored in my head.

Does that make sense to you?
Yeah, you pretty much nailed it, except I am referring to a relatively recent event, not from as far back as adolescence. This was when I was 41 years old . Even events that would occur much later, some as late as 2016, already seem so much earlier in many ways. So much horrifying shit has happened in my life since that's its difficult to believe that I was still able to do stuff only two or three years ago that I am totally incapable of doing now. It is complete and total physiological debilitation.

And with each new traumatic event, the time just before that is suddenly elevated in value, even though as I was experiencing it, it may have been miserable too. It's like I have some form of PTSD: Reliving the same horrible event over and over again, trying to change the outcome.

But looking back, no year, before or since, was ever quite like 2006 and that fantastic 20-day trip to the Ozarks and Wisconsin that I took with the kids. For that was the year, for the first time in my life I forged out on my own, deciding where to go on my own without this disapproving gaze of my ex, and exposing my kids to faraway places that they had never before seen. All in a pop-up camper. Truly the events that summer and others that that would take place later in the year have entered into the realm of mythology.

So as each year goes by, it seems more like two, as it all becomes ever so more out of reach. Absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing survives from that time. We might as well be talking about the 1700s, it's that long ago for me physiologically.

Adding to all this misery is that the memories of this and later trips, so sharp for years, is starting to fade. It's like I'm looking at those pictures through a filtered lens and it's all a dream and never really happened. I think I am suffering a from memory disorder known as Retroactive Interference, where newer uglier memories push out the older and happier memories from the past. It's one thing if your short term memory is crap, but when your long-term memory starts to go, then that is horrifying beyond imagination. That's all I have left, is these joyous memories when my kids were young. Now they are adults in college and everything else is long gone. And now I'm starting to lose that too. Sure I can see the pictures, but do I really remember?

Anyway, thanks for recognizing the affliction that has been haunting me for years.
 
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