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Another sign I'm getting old

Dan

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I'm in my late 30s, sort of straddling the line between youth and middle age. My lifestyle really isn't that much different than someone who is a few years out of college or grad schoo, and I really don't really feel old

Still, though, I was given a harsh reminder of my age when, looking through female profiles on match.com, about half of the women have ... old lady hair! Half of the thirtysomething women online have hairstyles that wouldn't be out-of-place on a twenty-something hottie, but about 50% now possess a coif that I would have found on someone my mother's age, if not older, when I was in high school. We're talking hair that's short and frosted, piled up in a beehive or bouffant, or some other style that screams "old!" to my eyes. Women my age are starting to look like Peggy Hill! Why?
 

el Guapo

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Damn you're old.

Sorry Dan, but someday you'll be at a high school football game scoping on the cheerleaders and feel slighty pervy because of the age difference. It happens to all us old farts. When you start scoping the cheerleader's moms you have hit middle age Dude.

Wait until the first smart ass girl at the check out calls you Gramps. WTF? I'm only 40 - I guess in her world I would already have six grandkids and be shopping for some icy ring finger bling at the Zales with my baby's momma.

PS - Don't forget to get screened for prostate cancer soon, and there is no shame in asking your doctor about Lavitra.

I love teasing the guys 5 years younger than me. :)
 

Chet

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I had a similar "damn I'm old" moment this weekend. I ran into an old college roommate that I hadnt seen since graduation - 14 years ago.
 

Big Easy King

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Dan said:
We're talking hair that's short and frosted, piled up in a beehive or bouffant, or some other style that screams "old!" to my eyes. Women my age are starting to look like Peggy Hill! Why?
Hmmm...I wonder if that's the new style. 8-!

EG, you're a trip! :-D
 

nerudite

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I figured out a few weeks ago that as of this month (in about three weeks), I will be in the planning biz for 15 years. I never thought I was going to make past 10 years when I first started. Time flies!!!
 

otterpop

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el Guapo said:
Sorry Dan, but someday you'll be at a high school football game scoping on the cheerleaders and feel slighty pervy because of the age difference. It happens to all us old farts. When you start scoping the cheerleader's moms you have hit middle age Dude.
I sort of know what you mean. I liked 15-year-old girls when I was 15 and I still think they are awfully pretty. I guess the major difference between then and now is as pretty as I think they are, it isn't worth going to jail.

As I have gotten older, the age range for female desirablity has changed dramatically. It went up slightly on the lower end but really moved out there on the upper end. Partly because I am older and partly because more and more women look hot nowadays into their middle age! God bless them.
 
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My hair doesn't look anything like that and I get told it is one of my finest assets. :-D So I cannot enlighten you as to why a woman would do that to herself. :-D

I don't really feel "old" and I think you and I are only a few months apart in age. I think when people feel "old" they partly feel, um, "stuck" in some way?? Or something like that.

I guess all the unexpected male attention is part of why I don't feel "old". :) It is sort of interesting to see how I feel about the attentions of men of various ages -- and that age, per se, isn't necessarily The Issue.

Um, I still say you are shopping in the wrong department. :)
 

JNA

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That my sister turns 40 this year;
or
next year is College 25th reunion;
or
2 years away from 30th HS class reunion;
or
I am ordering progressive lens sunglasses. :-0
 
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JNA said:
I am ordering progressive lens sunglasses. :-0
lol. Now THAT is something that makes me feel old! I got bifocals for my 35th birthday and last year when I got new glasses, the woman fitting my glasses kept saying to her trainee "God, she is REALLY young to be wearing bifocals" -- over and over and over and over. All I could think was "I am glad they didn't do this to me when I got them 3 years ago. SHEESH."
 

Gedunker

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Dan, I know what you mean and it doesn't ever get any better. Suddenly, some women your age realize they are old and they go with it, instead of being something they can't be. It'll happen to all of them sooner or later, but some will go down fighting (and looking too much like TammyFayeBaker IMO). Just like it happens to us -- I had a really nice head of hair then WHAM! I've got to darn near shave my head so I don't look like I'm trying to comb it over. (What's up with men with hairpieces, anyway?)

I know, O! Great Leader, because I'm older than you (25th HS reunion last year).
 

Zoning Goddess

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Well, Dan, when women reach a certain age (which may be different for each of us), we realize we would look totally ridiculous with 20-something hair. Most of us are taught (by our mamas, of course) that as you age, your hair should become shorter and lighter. Of course, that doesn't mean going for a beehive, either, maybe that is just a culture thing.

Women go thru a similar realization when they realize the men in their age group have receeding hairlines. Or no hairline at all.
 

JNA

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Zoning Goddess said:
men in their age group have receeding hairlines. Or no hairline at all.
Sounding like a zoning code: Age appropriate thinning hair. B-)
 

Cardinal

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I used to think that 23 was the perfect age for a woman. Now I look at the ones in their twenties and wonder if most of them are too young for me. Still, some of the ones pushing forty are beginning to look a bit "mature." At least I still have a full head of thick hair.
 

Tom R

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age

I'll be nitting the ole double nickle next month. The only thing that really bothers me (other than my back) is losing relatives. I just have to accept the role as the somewhat excentric old f**t at work who is useful because of his experience.
 
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Three years ago, my brother was dating a 35 year old, and I thought that was a tad old for him (he was 23). Several boyfriends later, his newest boyfriend is 37. And I didn't think that was so old anymore, I guess since I'm going to be 30 next year.

Also - a lot of women cut their hair off when they have kids. I'm trying really hard to resist the temptation.
 

Seabishop

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Hi Dan, I was just thinking if you're free maybe we can check out that new Harry Potter movie Friday night. ;-)


In a way, the older you get the more you can weed out the people who will gain 200 lbs. or look like your mom/dad upon reaching adulthood. When your're young almost everyone is attractive.
 

Queen B

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OK this is the deal.
I agree with the thing about women going shorter and lighter.
There are a few reasons for that. Lighter because we are going lighter anyway. I personally think that silvering hair is beautiful but just about the time I get all the color out of mine so the gray really shows, I get pressure from all sides that I need to go get something done to it because it makes me look to old. Then of course once you color it you have to continue, point two. Long hair takes two boxes of color and nobody wants to pay for that every three weeks. Then the real reason the hair gets shorter, we just get plain tired of screwing with it!!! You mess and dink with this crap day in and day out for lets say thirty years or so and see if you would cut it off or put it up yourself.

Hair styles that are "IN" right now really look crappy. That is the whole point of them. See how messed up you can make your hair and put stuff in it to keep it that way. I hate the longer in the front thing, that has got to be one of the most crazy do's I have ever seen. Hair dressers don't seem happy unless they can leave hair dangling in your face.

PLEASE take no offense to my comments, they are soley the responsibility of the woman writing them. Each "sister" should make there own personal choice about how they best feel and cut their hair to suit.

I had a really hard time a few years back when I really wanted to go with a super short "do" but thought it a sign of being old. Dan, hang in there, it won't be to many years and all the girls will be doing their hair up like that and it will be all the rage.
 

SW MI Planner

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Downtown said:
Also - a lot of women cut their hair off when they have kids. I'm trying really hard to resist the temptation.
Mine was short before and during my pregnancy, and now I'm growing it out! I use far less hair products and I can just throw it up quickly.
 
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A lot of the kids that I babysat as a young teenager are now graduating from high shcool and college (graduate school at that). I've seen them grow up yet somehow I don't feel as old as I should compared to them. I'm only 32 and I still feel that I can relate to most teenagers and those in their 20's.
 

Dan

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It's not really so much the short hair that bothers me -- I kinda' dig it when it's done right -- but the hair that's piled on high, like what you might see on old women and Peggy Hill.

A few examples from 30-something women on match.com. (I'm going to delete the images in a few days.) Re-visiting the profiles, I have to take back my earlier assessment; about 70% of women in their 30s seem to have longer hair, and the rest are shorter. About half of those with short hair have old lady hair; the rest are styles that wouldn't seem too out-of-place on someone younger. The longer hair styles aren't as trendy as you wold see on someone in their 20s, but most aren't out-to-date. You might see an example of 1980s big hair, or 1970s-era feathered hair, but nothing resembling what you might see dyed in blue and sitting in the front pew of a Lutheran church in Wisconsin.

Still, when I see women my age wearing hairstyles that you might otherwise encounter on women I would expect to be much older, given my frame of reference, I can't help but feel a bit older.
 

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That last one had my mom's hair - which she has had since she was in her 20's. Maybe in that case, it is a Hair Type issue. That really curly, can't do anything else with, hair.

The first one looked like Bank Manager hair.

And 1970s feathered hair is coming back. sigh. f-ing jessica simpson!
 

mendelman

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Dan,

the first woman is pretty good looking, except she desperately needs to pull herself out of 1993....yikes :-D (Downtown - I like your description, but I would modify it to be "Bank Branch Manager" :-D )

The other two....well....let's say....no.
 

SW MI Planner

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mendelman said:
the first woman is pretty good looking, except she desperately needs to pull herself out of 1993....yikes :-D (Downtown - I like your description, but I would modify it to be "Bank Branch Manager"
That's so funny you say that. I have a picture taken of my sister and I back in 1993, and my hair is EXACTLY like that. I'll see if I can't find a picture at home.
 

Budgie

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... when there are professional baseball players born 13 years after you.
 
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I had my hair REALLY short when I was in GIS school. I was in class 36 to 40 hours a week and did about 20 hours of school work a week. I had two kids with me for part of the time. I was on about 8 different drugs, trying to keep breathing. I didn't have time to fuss with my hair.

I don't think I would ever do something like Match.com in part because I really do not like to be judged for my looks. The men who want me because they think I am "beautiful", without really knowing anything else about me, are pretty offensive, in my book. I told one such guy to "stop wasting your time -- I am not what you are looking for". His reply was "I have seen your picture. You are exactly what I am looking for." My reply to that was to the effect that there are women who do what he is looking for. They usually charge cash up front. And, I reiterated: Stop wasting your time. And MINE. (I think he was about 22. That might explain how shallow he was.)

When I did 20 months of drug withdrawal, I often chatted with whomever happened to show up online because it was 3 a.m., I was miserable, and I couldn't sleep. As long as they weren't too obnoxious, I was up for conversation with almost anyone, about almost anything. It beat feeling sorry for myself. For some reason, it was only men that contacted me via IM. (All my online women friends use e-mail.) The ones who showed up to talk and enjoyed the conversation, generally continued to hang around. Eventually, it would come up in conversation that I expect to get divorced. They would inevitably make it clear at that point that, really, I was quite an attractive woman and they would like to be more than "just friends". And that never offended me, even if the feeling was NOT mutual.

And then there were the guys who showed up and, within about 5 minutes, wanted to basically know 2 things: 1) How big are your boobs? and 2) Wanna meet somewhere in the next 15 minutes and get naked??? That was generally the last time I spoke to such a person.

So, I think I probably would never utilize a service like Match.com because I would feel that it was a polite version of the previous paragraph. People on Match.com are looking to get Hooked Up. That is their reason for being there. And I would feel like I was in a Meat Market. I know my personal views on that are extreme. And I know Match.com has led to a number of marriages and it works for some folks. But, for me, it wouldn't. A lot of men think I am beautiful. A lot of men would like to get hooked up with me for that reason, without knowing anything else about me. And I would rather be celibate than sleep with a guy who is treating me like nothing but a piece of meat.

And a lot of people don't know how to take pictures, so I think it is hard to really judge what a person "looks" like from homemade pics on the Internet. And I think women dress more consertively when they feel insecure. I would guess that many of the folks on Match.com feel insecure about being there and being sized up by strangers, etc. A woman on Match.com is probably a "career woman" who feels she has to throw herself into her career because the romance thing ain't really happening. She may not feel she can afford to be too "sexy" because it would interfere with her job and she also may feel that she cannot invest too much in that aspect of her identity because, well, she doesn't FEEL all that "hot". I mean, the romance thing isn't really happening. And it can feel really bad to feel like you are "trying too hard" and no one wants you.

A lot of "attractive" people are attractive precisely because they got involved with someone and began to feel sexy and attractive and confident and no longer much cared how they were being judged. And that allowed them to blossom. My husband was the biggest nerd with the worst clothes when we met. After we got involved, I took him shopping and took him for a decent hair cut, etc. I know that looks matter socially. But I genuinely don't judge a man on the "looks" thing too much. There are a lot of factors in how a person "looks". And if it is successful and you find True Love and get married and live happily ever after, you are both going to be old and gray before its over.

I am SO tempted to post pics of me as a scrawny teenager. I have been married 19 1/2 years and got hooked up as a scrawny 17 year old. I don't look anything like that anymore. And Hair?? That changes a lot quicker and more frequently than weight. So, when this marriage ends, I will bet the same way I did last time: On someone I can TALK to. If he can't dress, hey, what will that matter in bed? If he wants to know how to dress better, I can help. If he doesn't care and it isn't a problem for his career, hey, he will fit right in with my 17 year old who likes orange clothes and hates cutting his hair and has glasses with red frames and the only pair of shoes he owns is sandals...and the list goes on. Nerds R Us. ;-) 8-! :-D :p

Sorry for the length. No criticism or offense intended. Just Pontificating over breakfast. :) :) :-} :-D
 

BiteMeElmo

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Planderella said:
A lot of the kids that I babysat as a young teenager are now graduating from high shcool and college (graduate school at that). I've seen them grow up yet somehow I don't feel as old as I should compared to them. I'm only 32 and I still feel that I can relate to most teenagers and those in their 20's.
I think this is a phenomenon of "our" generation. I'm 35, and I can still usually find something on MTV that I like. I wear my hair in a way that some would say is more suited for someone younger than me. Many of my friends are younger than me by 5 years or more. Because we are the first MTV generation, we are also probably one of the first generations to bring youthful thinking into middle age. I love it. I never wanted to, nor do I ever want to be, someone who seems "old" in their ways or thinking. What good is there in it?

Sometimes my kids call me weird for acting child-like (not childish). To me it's fun, and deep down, I think it's part of the reason people usually tell me I look like I'm in my mid 20's.

All that being said, I do find myself doing "old" things and feeling old sometimes though. Some of them do remind me that time marches on. Things like:

Starting a sentence with "When I was your age..." (especially when the person is less than 10 years younger than me)
Using Dadspeak on my kids ("How many times have I told you to turn this light off!?!")
Hearing some of my favorite songs on "Oldies" stations (songs that were new when I was younger).
Admiring professional athletes that are younger than me.
 
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I'm already having issues with turning 30 in August. My issues are based on that I haven't done a lot of the things I wanted to do before I turned 30. I guess I'll just have to deal with it.
 

ludes98

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the north omaha star said:
I'm already having issues with turning 30 in August. My issues are based on that I haven't done a lot of the things I wanted to do before I turned 30. I guess I'll just have to deal with it.
Ditto. Time runs out. I am however going to be a daddy before I turn 30 so I did meet that personal goal. I didn't want to 60 when they graduate from college. ;-)
 

Plannerbabs

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Not me. 30's closing in fast, and while on the one hand I've done more than I thought I ever would, especially academically, there's also a whole slew of stuff, mostly impossible dreams formed when I was 16, that have just not happened. I'm not living in Paris, or London, for that matter, only published one short story, have not had a kid yet, etc etc. But then, somehow, that's ok. Wonder if denial/acceptance is part of getting older? "Ah, it never would have happened anyway. Oh well. Time for the Metamucil." B-)
 

Glasshouse

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More signs of getting old

When your kid says "screw you dad" for the first time.

When your employees go 'clubin' and nobody wants to take the old guy (you)

When the grey hair isn't just on your head.

When a street kid tells you "it aint nuttin but a thing"....and you start looking for it.

When the word 'thong' represents footwear.

When you find your mind stuck on the song "Who let the dogs out....woof... woof woof" most puzzeling

When someone ask your employee "Is that your dad?"

Bob
 

Gedunker

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ludes98 said:
I didn't want to 60 when they graduate from college. ;-)
Well, let's see. I'm 43 today, will be 44 in August. My youngest is 4 today and will be 5 in October (but won't start kindergarten until Fall '05 because of Indiana's arcane educational laws). That means there is roughly 40 years between me and my little sweety. Presuming she graduates summa cum laude ;-) from Dartmouth College with the class of 2022, I'll be 62! 8-!

On the one hand, I'm perfectly comfortable with this because I am more mature (so I can live with the quirks/duties/joys/heartaches that parenthood brings) and I am in a far better position economically to support Dartmouth College's likely $100k semester tuition for the class of '22. :-D

On the other hand, I'm sure that at the commencement I'll hear one of her friends say something like "It's great your grandparents are here, but where are your mom and dad?" |-)
 

Jen

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I know several gals who are pushing 40 or older who still wear their hair long, like they have their whole lives. The main reason they wear it that way is because a significant other likes it that way. My own hair never would grow past a certain length and would make my face look longer and thinner than it was so I wore it simply. SHoulder length with wispy bangs. Easy and no fuss. Now my two daughters have the same type of hair as me. straight as a pin, thin and blonde and I really didn't want to have the same hairstyle as them so I went a little shorter and layered. Is it old ladyish? I would say no, at least my neck isn't being shaved and i don't have a pincurl permanent and it is not laquered in place.
 

PlannerGirl

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Humm I am over 30 now and feel like I get younger every day :-D

But Dan I dont agree with the finding younger folks hot, hell even when I was in college I dated older. Men and women in their late 30s up to early 50s just seem to look good. No more baby faces, I like hair on a man so hoepfuly they grew some and filled out some. Women after their late 20s early 30s seem more comfortable with themselves, men are not playing the same player games (well ok some are but you can spot those with the Porche quick).

I love getting older and the knowlage that comes with it. Sure l have some grey in the hair, there are lumps and bumps I dont exactly love but hell Im still going strong and looking forward to enjoying getting "younger" for many many years.
 

yaff

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PlannerGirl said:
Humm I am over 30 now and feel like I get younger every day :-D

But Dan I dont agree with the finding younger folks hot, hell even when I was in college I dated older. Men and women in their late 30s up to early 50s just seem to look good. No more baby faces, I like hair on a man so hoepfuly they grew some and filled out some. Women after their late 20s early 30s seem more comfortable with themselves, men are not playing the same player games (well ok some are but you can spot those with the Porche quick).

I love getting older and the knowlage that comes with it. Sure l have some grey in the hair, there are lumps and bumps I dont exactly love but hell Im still going strong and looking forward to enjoying getting "younger" for many many years.
PG-
Amen Sister!!!!
 

freewaytincan

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otterpop said:
The middle one looks like she got a poodle cut from a dog groomer.
Ha ha ha! This makes me LOL, I might say.

I hate short hair like that! Women need to stop being lazy like that! Geez. Glad I'm only 18, though now that HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN THIS COMING SCHOOL YEAR were born in freakin' 1990. Nooo!!! I remember 1990! Now I feel old. But not as old as you. Never. Not yet, anyway. Sucks for you guys. I still have my life!
 
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freewaytincan said:
I hate short hair like that! Women need to stop being lazy like that! Geez.
Most women are not lazy. If you read books like "The Second Shift", what you find is that women are more time pressured than men, generally speaking. For many women, something's gotta give and when they, as individuals, decide that men aren't worth investing the extra time and effort in, they sometimes decide that catering to the personal tastes of men in areas like hair-length is the thing that must give.

I am really not into man-bashing. I generally like men. But I do get offended when men start talking about a woman's looks in a way that implies that her whole life is supposed to revolve around looking like a pin-up girl for his personal pleasure as if she has nothing else going on in her life. Such things take a whole lot of time, money, and effort -- as well as expertise in what styles and so forth work with her particular hair, bone structure, natural coloring, etc (I wanted to be an image consultant at one time :-D ). If some man is willing to make me a Kept Woman and hire a maid and a cook and give me an unlimited expense account for my clothing and trips to places like spas and hair salons, THEN I might be happy to spend all my time and effort looking like a Playboy Bunny. Otherwise, I have kids to raise, groceries to buy, a business to launch, meals to cook, and a zillion other things that I am responsible for that no one else around here can really do in the manner in which it needs to be done. And MOST women could say something similar.

You are young, freeway. You don't have much in the way of responsibility. When folks get older and have responsibilities, "laziness" is not usually the reason they let some things go. No offense intended. But your comments are on the offensive side and I suspect you don't mean them to be. You aren't that much older than my son and you sound a little like him at the moment. :-D

EDIT: I also want to add that getting older doesn't have to "suck". I agree with PG and Yaff. And I have had a lot of guys in their 20's hit on me. When I say they are "too young for me", they pretty universally tell me that they prefer older women because older women are better in bed, in their opinion. But I am a total hypocrit: I have real problems taking a guy in his 20's seriously when he hits on me. But I have no problem taking older men seriously when they express interest. (They don't usually 'hit on me' -- they aren't so blunt. :) And I like that.)
 
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freewaytincan said:
Ha ha ha! This makes me LOL, I might say.

I hate short hair like that! Women need to stop being lazy like that! Geez. Glad I'm only 18, though now that HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN THIS COMING SCHOOL YEAR were born in freakin' 1990. Nooo!!! I remember 1990! Now I feel old. But not as old as you. Never. Not yet, anyway. Sucks for you guys. I still have my life!
IF and/or when you get older, you'll realize just how stupid you were at 18.
 

donk

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You go do a presentation at a high school and want to ask the students "Your parent's let you wear that in public?"
 

Zoning Goddess

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When:

You're looking forward to menopause (god, just let it END!)

The first time your kid says "Mommmmmmmmm" while looking totally mortified at something you said/did

You want to look good for you, not for some "criteria" someone else has established

You are appalled by women wearing dresses without hose to work because you were taught (OK, maybe this is a southern thing) that a lady never, ever does that. (Yes, no panty hose makes more sense in FL than almost anywhere else, but I just can't do it). Ditto for open toed/slingback shoes.
 
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to paraphrase someone whose name I don't recall: You stop wondering what other people think of you and start wondering what you think of them.
 

tsc

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Maybe it is the region you are looking in...they all look very conservative. But... at least they have hair, unlike many of the men those women are scanning through at match.com ;)
 

michaelskis

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Thank you… now I feel Young! (I am 25) I am in the middle age where I feel young and old all at the same time. I feel old when I go out to the bar, have a few drinks and realize it is not even 1 am and I am tired, or when I notice a girl with an amazing body at the dance club back home, and my sister informs me that it is the little girl who she use to baby sit and she is 18… (last time I go to a bar that has an 18 or older night) But I think that the biggest was when I had an ex girlfriend got married and then start having kids. That was a bit of a wake up call that I am getting older.

On the other hand, working in the office, and the next youngest person is almost a decade older than I am makes me feel young.

Oh and my hair has been short most my life… it was a little on the long side in the early 80’s but I was 5 so that is ok…
 
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