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Ask El Guapo

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,078
Points
33
Ann Landers is dead.

Who will we turn to?

El Guapo!

He has enlightened us with his understanding of women, relationships, photoshop, the internet and armaments. I propose a new feature. Ask El Guapo!
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,078
Points
33
I'll go first.

El Guapo,

Recently, a friend of mine was on a long drive with his (now ex) girlfriend. Several hours into the drive she said "I was hoping that we could really talk during this drive." My friend considered turning up the radio but instead relied "Okay, go ahead." This apparently was not the response she wanted, and she hit him with the old "What are you thinking?" line. Women value honesty so he answered that he was thinking the car was getting good gas mileage on this trip. For some reason this, too, displeased her. He racked his brain and added that 1) northern Michigan was flatter than he had expected, 2) that they might make it to St. Catherine's by dinner time, and 3) that we were lucky to have such good weather. None of these were discussions she wanted to continue. He had left out his other thought, that the blond in the blue bikini next to them at the beach earlier that day had been really hot, but was pretty sure it would not be well received. Needless to say, the reminder of the drive was tense.

My friend was wondering what he should have said. Did she want to talk sports? politics? Should he have mentioned the blond? If she wanted to talk, why didn't she just go ahead and talk instead of asking him to do the talking?
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
Remember - Always Remember - she is probing you with that question - looking for weaknesses in your shields. (Sorry, but when a Star Trek reference is appropriate I will not hesitate to use it) Women only do the let's talk thing when something is bothering them or they want an answer from you on a question that you have no clue they want answered.

That question is a hard one to answer on the fly for most men. That is why the modern man harkens back to his Boy Scout days by always being prepared. Have at least three answers prepared and ready at all times. Mix them up. Never use the same one twice. Repeat only if you have developed new variants on the core answers.

Keep these in the back of your mind. They should be something along the lines of the following:

1. "Honey I was just thinking how wonderful my life is now that you are in it." Then start discussing your early relationship and how your love has grown even larger than you thought possible.

2. "I was trying to figure out how we can {insert something she wants to do} on our budget. Sure, I may have to give up {something you want to do but know she will never let you do, or something you can't afford} because I want to see you happy."

3. "I was thinking that I have never been so emotionally connected to someone in my life. I just feel we are so in tune with each other. Thanks for being who you are; the woman that completes me and allows me to communicate at the soul-level."


Avoid the following answers:
"I was thinking I miss my ex's nipples."
"I was wondering if your Bridesmaid was large with my child the day of our wedding."
"I think I might be curious about other men, namely your brother Seth."
"I think OJ was innocent - Behatch."

Michael, I hope this helps.

If anyone has a question about the appropriate weapon/ordnance to use on a particular target/nation please post your question here.

NEXT
 
Messages
5,353
Points
31
Flirts

El Guapo,

Why do married men flirt with single women, particularly those who do not encourage such behavior from these men?

Signed,

Single but Certainly NOT Desperate
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
You are not going to like the answer.

Genetics – remember men are hardwired by a million years of evolution to be distributors of little packets of genetic information. Nature demands this genetic information be available to as many as possible. Today’s modern man attracts a mate several ways –through the use of physical prowess, the accumulation of goods or by putting a spin on the female’s brain by using charms. Mostly through combinations of the aforementioned techniques is he allowed to donate his sequencing codes to posterity.

Anyway you slice it the genetic goal of all men is to deliver the goods intact to the target and then move on to a newer, more exciting target. Preferably one with young healthy features. You don’t get genetic points for hanging out with the old lady and watching a video. Incidentally, this is why men make better gunners, bombers and missile launchers – genetics – we like hitting multiple targets. Straiffing is the term.

So, when a modern man is flirting he has no choice – he is wired that way. Please be understanding and know that his remaining faithful to his mate goes against millions of years of evolutionary principles and that he is making a great effort by spending more than a week with her. Reassure him that many young girls would be glad to receive his data.

And cut the guy some slack, its not like he gave her a phone number.
 
Messages
3,690
Points
27
pointless lying

Dear El Guapo -

Why do some contractors, engineers and architects feel compelled to lie about a facet of their project? Do they think that we aren't going to bust their lame ass? I just don't get this.
 
Messages
5,353
Points
31
Re: pointless lying

KMateja said:
Dear El Guapo -

Why do some contractors, engineers and architects feel compelled to lie about a facet of their project? Do they think that we aren't going to bust their lame ass? I just don't get this.
And to piggback off of this question, please include married men who lie about their marital status! Thank you. :)
 
Messages
3,690
Points
27
bturk: "I smoke after sex. Any advice? "

You mean, like out your ears? Yes. I can see how that would be a problem. :)
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
Liars, damn liars, and Developers

Neither the contractor, engineer, architect or married man think they are lying. They all think they are telling the truth in the moment as it is called for. This is called situational ethics. Plus, they think they have right on their side in these situations. After all the development related types are paying your wages (I love hearing that one) and the married man is just cutting through the complications and distilling his relationship status to that of unattached – in order to better serve you. Thus they are saving you time by telling you what they think you want to hear. The fault is clearly yours. If you were not putting out the “lie to me big boy” vibe they wouldn’t feel the need to make up stories to tell you. They would much prefer to give you a straight answer to all of your inquires. Shame on you ladies for forcing men to lie.
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
Bturk

After sex my suggestion is a lipton raspberry diet iced tea on the rocks and a Marlboro Red or two. If it was really great sex - Perhaps a Camel unfiltered and a PowerAid.

Stay away from weed and crack and tomato juice after sex.


While in the military I was in a unit where certain uncouth members wore a t-shirt that said: Bomb Disposal - We leave a smoking hole. I, of course, never sported such a garment.
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
Planderella

I'm sensing a theme - care to share? Our counselors are standing by.


Doesn't anyone have an ordnance related question?
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,624
Points
33
Dear Planderella and KMateja

No ruining the set-ups!
 
Messages
3,690
Points
27
Dear Hot Psycho Guy, Rod

Didn't mean to ruin the bump, set, spike groove that you and E.G. got going!

Kel
 

PlannerGirl

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
6,377
Points
28
El Guapo,

Do us young whipper snapper planners HAVE to turn in to old stuffed shirts? Are we doomed to be old and crabby with many red pens sticking out our pocket protectors.

*ducks and hides*
D
 
Messages
5,353
Points
31
Re: Planderella

El Guapo said:
I'm sensing a theme - care to share? Our counselors are standing by.


Doesn't anyone have an ordnance related question?
No thanks El Guapo.......everyone now knows that I'm a Married Man Magnet which has harlot implications. This does not set well with me as I was raised as a VERY GOOD Catholic girl in a proper Southern setting. **ducking for inevitable lightning strike as I type this**
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
Re: Re: Planderella

Planderella said:


No thanks El Guapo.......everyone now knows that I'm a Married Man Magnet which has harlot implications. This does not set well with me as I was raised as a VERY GOOD Catholic girl in a proper Southern setting. **ducking for inevitable lightning strike as I type this**
I'm very proud of you for keeping your morals intact. I hope you find happiness with a nice bachelor.

I was looking for a nice catholic redheaded farm girl when I met my Hindu academic wife. Life can sideswipe you when you least expect it.

I know there is someone wonderful out there for you. :) Remember - Jesus loves the kittens, so don't harm them.
 
Messages
5,353
Points
31
**Wiping tears of (fill in the blank with preferred emotion)**
Thank you El Guapo for sharing your infinite wisdom and profound spirituality with mere mortals such as myself. :)
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
PlannerGirl said:
El Guapo,

Do us young whipper snapper planners HAVE to turn in to old stuffed shirts? Are we doomed to be old and crabby with many red pens sticking out our pocket protectors.

*ducks and hides*
D
PlannerGirl, Looking into my crystal ball - I see....
I'm not sure you will ever become a cranky old anything. You are destined to move to a secluded spot on the shore facing the Great Barrier Reef with a planner from Florida. There I sense happy water dogs and a wicked fast internet connection hooked up to a server the size of a can of ale. Strangely the kitten population in the area thrives. I see a man with a grin and an FAICP tattoo cleaning fish and bitching about the built environment.
 

Bullwinkle

Cyburbian
Messages
176
Points
7
office crisis

Oh Great One -

I have a question for you that has grave implications for my career happiness, and one that I feel you are uniquely qualified to answer. My boss and I disagree, and I need you to help mediate our dispute. Hunting season is fast approaching, and an age-old question has arisen: What is the best all-around rifle caliber for western big game?

I believe that the answer is the venerable 30-'06. It is a great round for everything from antelope to whitetails, mule deer to elk. With proper shot placement and a heavy premium bullet, it is perfectly adequate for moose or bear.

My boss, the City Manager, believes that the only correct answer is the .270 Winchester. He feels that the flatter trajectory makes it a more versatile caliber. I disagree and believe that it is too light for anything bigger than deer.

Please share your wisdom.
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
Now that is a good question.

Bull, between the two cartridges you mention I am tempted to go with the 30-06. That bad boy has the knock down power necessary to dispatch game cleanly and humanely. However, I believe that it is dependent upon the hunter’s relationship to recoil that determines the cartridge they should use. We are all built differently and can take different amounts of punishment. If you can handle the recoil of a large bore–flat shooting rifle without flinching then use that cannon. If however, you know that you might flinch when using a big bore then you owe it to the animal you are hunting to use a less powerful cartridge and to get significantly closer before you shoot. If you can’t put ten rounds into a 300 meter 8” bull without flinching on the last few rounds then it is time to go down a notch in power. The smallest load I would use for big game would be 7mm magnum.

Yours truly shoots a .308 Win 185 grain Nosler boat tail for the big 'uns loaded hot. The recoil is around 26 Newtons. The recoil is so high because the gun is so light. Less than 6 lbs. It is a lightened Enfield Mark 4 Carbine. With significant relief cuts and a special stock. It knocks the lights out of most things bear sized and on down.

Also practice at different distances - Know your rifle-cartidge combination. Practice will ensure a clean kill in nearly all situations. I hope this helped.

Shoot what you can – can what you shoot.

See the recoil chart below

Cartridge (Wb@MV) Rifle Weight Recoil energy Recoil velocity
.17 HMR (17 at 2550) 7.5 0.2 n/a
.22 LR (40 at 1165) 4.0 0.2 n/a
.22 WMR (40 at 1910) 6.75 0.4 n/a
.22 Hornet (45 at 2800) 7.5 1.3 3.3
.222 Rem. (50 at 3200) 7.5 3.0 5.1
.222 Rem. Mag. (55 at 3200) 8.5 3.3 n/a
.223 Rem. (55 at 3200) 7.0 4.1 n/a
.223 Rem. (55 at 3200) 8.0 3.0 5.0
.223 Rem. (62 at 3025) 7.0 4.4 n/a
.22-250 Rem. (55 at 3600) 8.5 4.7 6.0
.220 Swift (55 at 3700) 8.5 4.6 n/a
5.6x50 Mag. (60 at 3300) 7.5 4.0 5.9
5.6x52R (70 at 2800) 7.5 3.7 5.7
5.6x57 RWS (60 at 3800) 7.5 6.9 7.7
6mm PPC (85 at 2800) 7.5 5.3 n/a
6mm-223 (75 at 2950) 7.5 4.6 n/a
.243 Win. (75 at 3400) 8.0 7.9 8.0
.243 Win. (85 at 3200) 7.5 9.1 n/a
.243 Win. (95 at 3100) 7.25 9.4 n/a
.243 Win. (100 at 2960) 7.25 10.2 9.5
.243 Win. (100 at 2960) 8.0 8.4 n/a
6mm Rem. (75 at 3500) 8.0 8.1 8.1
6mm Rem. (85 at 3325) 7.5 10.0 n/a
6mm Rem. (100 at 3100) 8.0 10.0 9.0
6mm Rem. (100 at 3100) 9.0 8.9 n/a
.240 Wby. Mag. (87 at 3500) 7.5 11.7 10.0
.240 Wby. Mag. (90 at 3500) 8.0 10.8 9.3
.240 Wby. Mag. (100 at 3400) 9.0 10.6 8.7
.25-20 Win. (86 at 1750) 6.5 2.0 n/a
.25-35 Win. (117 at 2300) 7.0 6.3 7.6
.250 Sav. (87 at 3000) 7.5 7.8 n/a
.257 Rob. (100 at 3000) 7.5 9.3 8.9
.257 Rob. (117 at 2650) 8.0 9.0 n/a
.25-06 Rem. (75 at 3600) 8.5 9.2 n/a
.25-06 Rem. (100 at 3230) 8.0 11.0 9.4
.25-06 Rem. (120 at 3000) 8.0 12.5 10.0
.257 Wby. Mag. (100 at 3600) 9.5 12.9 9.4
.257 Wby. Mag. (117 at 3335) 9.5 16.1 n/a
.257 Wby. Mag. (120 at 3200) 9.5 13.6 9.6
.257 Wby. Mag. (120 at 3300) 9.5 14.7 10.0
6.5x50 Arisaka (140 at 2600) 8.0 10.0 n/a
6.5x52 M-C (140 at 2200) 8.0 7.8 n/a
6.5x54 M-S (140 at 2400) 7.5 11.1 9.7
6.5x55 Swede (129 at 2750) 7.5 11.9 n/a
6.5x55 Swede (140 at 2645) 8.0 11.0 9.4
6.5x57 (129 at 2800) 8.0 12.1 n/a
6.5x57 (140 at 2700) 8.0 12.5 10.0
.260 Rem. (120 at 2890) 7.5 10.9 n/a
.260 Rem. (129 at 2850) 7.5 12.8 n/a
.260 Rem. (140 at 2750) 7.5 13.6 10.8
6.5mm Rem. Mag. (120 at 3100) 7.5 16.8 n/a
6.5mm Rem. Mag. (140 at 2900) 8.0 14.7 10.9
6.5x68S (120 at 3300) 8.0 17.7 n/a
6.5x68S (140 at 2990) 8.5 16.8 11.3
.264 Win. Mag. (129 at 3300) 8.5 18.2 n/a
.264 Win. Mag. (140 at 3200) 8.5 19.2 12.1
.270 Win. (130 at 3140) 8.0 16.5 n/a
.270 Win. (140 at 3000) 8.0 17.1 11.7
.270 Win. (150 at 2900) 8.0 17.0 11.7
.270 WSM (130 at 3235) 8.0 17.5 n/a
.270 WSM (140 at 3135) 8.0 20.5 n/a
.270 Wby. Mag. (130 at 3300) 9.5 16.0 10.4
.270 Wby. Mag. (140 at 3300) 8.5 26.6 n/a
.270 Wby. Mag. (150 at 3245) 9.5 20.9 n/a
7-30 Waters (120 at 2700) 7.0 10.0 9.6
7x57 Mauser (139 at 2800) 8.0 14.0 10.6
7x57 Mauser (160 at 2600) 8.0 14.3 n/a
7mm-08 Rem. (120 at 3000) 8.0 13.8 n/a
7mm-08 Rem. (140 at 2860) 7.5 13.5 10.8
7mm-08 Rem. (160 at 2700) 8.0 14.8 n/a
.284 Win (150 at 2860) 7.5 17.4 n/a
7x64 (140 at 3000) 8.0 16.4 11.5
7x64 (154 at 2850) 8.0 17.9 n/a
7x65R (175 at 2600) 8.0 17.1 11.7
.280 Rem. (140 at 3000) 8.0 17.2 11.8
.280 Rem. (150 at 2900) 8.0 17.4 11.8
7mm Rem. SAUM (150 at 3015) 8.0 18.3 n/a
7mm WSM (140 at 3055) 8.0 20.9 n/a
7mm WSM (160 at 2795) 8.0 22.4 n/a
7mm Rem. Mag. (140 at 3150) 8.0 22.7 13.5
7mm Rem. Mag. (150 at 3100) 8.5 19.8 12.3
7mm Rem. Mag. (160 at 2950) 8.5 22.6 n/a
7mm Wby. Mag. (154 at 3200) 9.5 20.6 11.8
7mm STW (140 at 3400) 8.5 23.2 n/a
7mm STW (160 at 3185) 8.5 27.9 14.6
7mm Ultra Mag. (140 at 3425) 8.5 25.3 n/a
7mm Ultra Mag. (160 at 3200) 8.5 29.4 n/a
.30 Carbine (110 at 1990) 7.0 3.5 5.7
.30-30 Win. (150 at 2400) 7.5 10.6 9.5
.30-30 Win. (170 at 2200) 7.5 11.0 9.7
.30-40 Krag (180 at 2430) 8.0 16.6 n/a
.300 Sav. (150 at 2630) 7.5 14.8 n/a
.300 Sav. (180 at 2350) 7.5 15.2 11.4
.307 Win. (150 at 2600) 7.5 13.7 10.9
.307 Win. (180 at 2500) 7.5 18.0 n/a
7.5x55 Swiss (180 at 2566) 8.0 16.5 n/a
.308 Win. (150 at 2600) 7.5 14.0 n/a
.308 Win. (150 at 2800) 7.5 15.9 11.7
.308 Win. (165 at 2700) 7.5 17.9 n/a
.308 Win. (180 at 2610) 7.5 18.6 12.6
.308 Win. (180 at 2610) 8.0 17.5 11.9
.308 Win. (200 at 2450) 8.0 20.4 n/a
.30-06 Spfd. (150 at 2910) 7.5 21.7 n/a
.30-06 Spfd. (150 at 2900) 8.0 17.5 11.9
.30-06 Spfd. (165 at 2900) 8.0 22.5 n/a
.30-06 Spfd. (180 at 2700) 8.0 20.3 12.8
.30-06 Spfd. (220 at 2600) 8.0 25.5 14.3
.300 Rem. SAUM (165 at 3031) 8.0 22.4 n/a
.300 WSM (150 at 3290) 7.5 32.5 n/a
.300 WSM (180 at 2860) 8.0 26.1 n/a
.300 Norma Mag. (180 at 3000) 8.5 25.9 14.0
.300 Win. Mag. (150 at 3300) 8.5 27.5 n/a
.300 Win. Mag. (165 at 3100) 8.5 25.1 13.8
.300 Win. Mag. (180 at 2920) 8.0 26.5 n/a
.300 H&H Mag. (180 at 2920) 8.5 23.1 13.2
.300 Wby. Mag. (180 at 3200) 9.5 27.7 13.7
.300 Ultra Mag. (180 at 3218) 8.5 34.6 n/a
.30-378 Wby. Mag. (180 at 3450) 9.75 51.4 n/a
7.62x39 Soviet (125 at 2350) 7.0 6.9 8.0
.303 British (150 at 2700) 7.5 14.2 11.0
.303 British (174 at 2400) 9.0 13.0 9.6
.303 British (180 at 2420) 8.0 15.4 11.1
7.65x53 (180 at 2500) 8.0 15.4 n/a
.32-20 Win. (100 at 1984) 6.5 3.3 n/a
.32 Spec. (170 at 2200) 7.5 11.5 9.9
8x57J Mauser (170 at 2360) 8.0 12.9 n/a
8x57JS Mauser (150 at 2900) 8.0 17.1 11.7
8x68S (150 at 3300) 8.5 25.3 13.9
8x68S (220 at 2800) 8.5 30.0 n/a
8mm Rem. Mag. (200 at 2900) 8.5 32.9 15.8
.338-06 (200 at 2800) 8.0 23.9 13.9
.338 Win. Mag. (200 at 3000) 8.5 31.2 15.4
.338 Win. Mag. (225 at 2800) 9.0 29.7 14.6
.338 Win. Mag. (250 at 2700) 8.5 33.9 16.0
.338 Ultra Mag. (250 at 2860) 8.5 43.1 n/a
.340 Wby. Mag. (250 at 2900) 9.5 37.8 16.0
.338-378 Wby. Mag. (225 at 3180) 9.75 64.3 n/a
.348 Win. (200 at 2510) 8.0 23.7 n/a
.357 Mag. (rifle, 158 at 1700) 7.5 4.5 6.2
.357 Mag. (rifle, 180 at 1381) 7.5 3.9 n/a
.35 Rem. (200 at 2050) 7.5 13.5 10.8
.356 Win. (200 at 2400) 7.5 17.5 n/a
.358 Win. (200 at 2520) 8.0 21.3 n/a
.35 Whelen (200 at 2675) 8.0 22.6 13.5
.35 Whelen (250 at 2400) 8.0 26.1 n/a
.350 Rem. Mag. (180 at 2900) 7.5 24.5 n/a
.350 Rem. Mag. (200 at 2700) 8.0 24.2 14.0
.350 Rem. Mag. (250 at 2480) 8.5 26.8 n/a
.358 Norma Mag. (250 at 2800) 8.5 35.3 16.4
9.3x62 (270 at 2550) 8.5 33.3 n/a
9.3x74R (270 at 2300) 8.5 27.6 n/a
.375 Win. (220 at 2100) 7.5 15.6 11.6
.375 H&H Mag. (270 at 2690) 9.0 36.1 16.1
.375 H&H Mag. (300 at 2550) 9.0 42.3 17.4
.375 Wby. Mag. (300 at 2700) 9.5 46.2 17.7
.375 Ultra Mag. (300 at 2800) 8.75 53.2 n/a
.376 Steyr (270 at 2550) 9.0 30.1 n/a
.378 Wby. Mag. (300 at 2900) 10.5 52.4 17.9
.38-55 Win. (255 at 1415) 7.0 9.5 n/a
.450/.400-3" (400 at 2150) 9.0 51.0 n/a
.404 Jeffery (400 at 2170) 10.25 41.0 16.1
.405 Win. (300 at 2115) 8.0 27.6 n/a
.405 Win. (300 at 2232) 8.0 30.0 n/a
.416 Rigby (400 at 2350) 10.25 57.2 19.0
.416 Rem. Mag. (400 at 2400) 10.0 52.9 18.5
.416 Wby. Mag. (400 at 2700) 10.5 81.6 n/a
.44-40 Win. (rifle, 200 at 1200) 7.0 3.4 n/a
.44 Mag. (rifle, 240 at 1760) 7.5 11.2 9.8
.444 Marlin (240 at 2400) 7.5 23.3 14.2
.444 Marlin (265 at 2200) 8.5 25.8 n/a
.444 Marlin (300 at 2100) 8.5 25.8 14.0
.450 Marlin (350 at 2000) 7.0 38.7 18.9
.450 Marlin (350 at 2000) 8.0 33.8 16.5
.45-70 (300 at 1800) 7.5 24.1 14.4
.45-70 (300 at 1800) 10.0 18.0 10.8
.45-70 (350 at 2100) 10.0 29.5 13.8
.45-70 (405 at 1330) 7.5 23.5 n/a
.45-70 (500 at 1800) 10.0 39.2 15.9
.45-120 Sharps (405 at 1850) 9.0 33.9 n/a
.450 N.E. (465 at 2150) 11.0 55.5 18.0
.458 Win. Mag. (350 at 2470) 10.0 45.2 n/a
.458 Win. Mag. (500 at 2150) 9.5 65.1 21.0
.460 Wby. Mag. (500 at 2650) 10.5 99.9 24.8
.500/.465 N.E. (480 at 2150) 11.0 60.7 n/a
.470 N.E. (500 at 2150) 11.0 69.3 20.1
.50-140 Sharps (515 at 1955) 10.0 67.1 n/a
.500 N.E. (570 at 2150) 12.0 74.5 n/a
.50 BMG (647 at 2980) 30.0 84.5 13.5
.50 BMG (750 at 2700) 30.0 88.7 n/a
.577 N.E. (750 at 2050) 12.0 127.5 n/a
.600 N.E. (900 at 1950) 12.0 154.0 28.8

PS Tell your boss the .270 is a girl's round. ;)
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,078
Points
33
El Guapo,

My country is considering going to war with a smaller country on the other side of the world. We did this dance once before and thought we licked 'em, but apparently did not. What are the best weapons and tactics to use to assert our dominance over this upstart, and make sure he does not annoy us in the future?
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
Good Question

My country is considering going to war with a smaller country on the other side of the world. We did this dance once before and thought we licked 'em, but apparently did not. What are the best weapons and tactics to use to assert our dominance over this upstart, and make sure he does not annoy us in the future?
First question - Are you the United Kingdom, France or West Germany. If so my suggestion is to stockpile plenty of white cloth so that the surrender will be clearly expressed and quick.

Now if you are another country my suggestion is the Special Forces soldier supported by the Marines and the Air Forces. This war should not be a war fought from a distance. This should be a "whites of their eyes" war. The message should be sent that this time it is very personal and the killing needs to be up close and personal. Thus, the bayonet, hand grenade and rifle spring to mind as the ideal weapons to fight your new war with. A war of terror needs to be countered with a war of terror.

Oh, and napalm is always a lovely touch. Try to work some of that in.

As far as tactics go, I'll leave that to the generals. I'm an ordnance guy.
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
GeogPlanner said:
El Guapo,

Why is fast food always served by slow people?
Looking at my list of former jobs? :)

Because involuntary euthanasia is illegal in the states.
 
Messages
3,690
Points
27
El Guapo - Why do some receptionists talk so fast on the phone, so much so that I can't understand them? My hearing is fine (actually, according to my ex-boyfriend, I have "above average" hearing capabilities. but maybe that only applies to muttering), but when I phone a business, often times I will be unable to understand the receptionist and think I've dialed a wrong number. Is it rude to politely ask someone to enunciate?
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
El Guapo - Why do some receptionists talk so fast on the phone, so much so that I can't understand them? My hearing is fine (actually, according to my ex-boyfriend, I have "above average" hearing capabilities. but maybe that only applies to muttering), but when I phone a business, often times I will be unable to understand the receptionist and think I've dialed a wrong number. Is it rude to politely ask someone to enunciate?

Kelly,
That is a problem for just about everyone. So don't feel alone anymore. Sometimes receptionists are not the creative, customer service, people pleasing proactive employees we have come to associate with minimum wage job holders. Many receptionists get receptionist burnout around the third week of employment. Thus they dont put the effort in to enunciation we expect them to.

It is up to you to lighten their load by becoming retarded when talking to them. Ask the same questions over and over all the while geting dumber and more slack- jawed as the conversation progresses. This will brighten their day and give you a sense of inner well being. Everyone wins.

I hope this helps. Tell Dad I love him and I am bringing home a 50 lb bag of tatters and some hairspray Labor Day weekend.
 

giff57

Corn Burning Fool
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
5,393
Points
32
Re: Yeppers

El Guapo said:
And it has a laser sight. Many a garden gnome has suffered from the taste of my hollow point tracer loaded tatter sabots.

Death to Despots and Lawn Art!
My friend built one and was firing it at the bathroom door of the bar he owned. I noticed that the noise and recoil was rather weak. So I suggested adding a little oxygen from a nearby mini torch to liven things up. It worked great, the spud created a nice 1 1/2 inch peephole through the door and covered all six surfaces of the ladies room with mashed taters...... good thing it was unoccupied at the time....
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
29
I too have helped build and design Potato Guns with my father. His uses his to herd the sheep from the back porch or to scare crows and critters from the garden.

His favourite party trick is to coat the potato with a glow stick and shoot them off at night, kind of like fire works.
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
Tracer Receipe.

Cut a standard road flare into half inch lenghts. Hot glue 3-4 matchheads on the flare surface. Auger out the back side of the tatter with a corresponding hole. Coat the outside of the flare with hot glue. Shove it into the tatter hole. Let harden. Ram tatter down the bore. Shoot at night. Tatter tracers. 12-15 to a flare.

We like to use the potato(e) cannon to shoot at jet skiers from the cliffs above as they go by the dock at 40mph and beat it to death. Taint hit one yet, but someday!

Charlie don't have a tatter patch!
 

PlannerGirl

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
6,377
Points
28
Jezz those would have been fun every summer on grand dads farm down in Bama. All we had were maypops and pine cones to lob at each other.

we grew lots of taters -moon shine- so id have had a ready stock of taters

damn it all!
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
29
In the spirit of ask El Guapo here's one

If I use 1/2 copper pipe can I make a radish gun and what caliber would it be compared to the potato gun?
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,624
Points
33
Michael Stumpf said:
Ann Landers is dead.

Who will we turn to?

...and now "Dear Abby" has Alzheimers... What is the world coming to?
 

El Feo

Cyburbian
Messages
674
Points
19
donk said:
In the spirit of ask El Guapo here's one

If I use 1/2 copper pipe can I make a radish gun and what caliber would it be compared to the potato gun?
Not el Guapo, but 1/2" pipe? Isn't that automatically .50 cal.?
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
en pause

So Sorry - El Guapo stepped away to watch a man inspect the house he hopes to buy shortly. That was the best $325 I have ever spent. The man was a great inspector. A credit to his profession.

As to Copper pipe, watch it. The stuff is not the right temper for peak presures. As a child I used to make little gunpowder cannons out of it. It split on me quite a few times. You are better off with iron pipe than copper - via both performance, and price. Also if you are making a bong - stay away from copper - use iron pipe.

Oh and El Feo is correct. "Caliber" is always measured in imperial units. in 100ths of an inch -thus .500" is a .50 cal. Bore is measured in metric units i.e.. that is an 81 mm mortar or that main gun is 120mm.

BTW - If anyone is looking to buy El Guapo a Christmas gift a .50 cal Barrett rifle would be perfect. Hint Hint!
 
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