• Cyburbia is a friendly big tent, where we share our experiences and thoughts about urban planning practice, planning adjacent topics, and whatever else comes to mind. No ads, no spam, no echo chambers. Create your FREE Cyburbia ID, and join us today! You can also register through your Reddit, Facebook, Google, Twitter, or Microsoft account.

Behind the Planning - Cyburbia

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,984
Points
29
Here is your chance to express yourself in a pop culture and smarty pants way. Post a line or two of dialog that one might hear if the "Behind the Music" staff was doing the Behind the Planning expose on Cyburbia. Of course, this should be fictional and be sure to make it clear if you are using the narrator’s voice or if you are presenting the words of a fellow Cyburbian.
 

Budgie

Cyburbian
Messages
5,270
Points
30
Dan to interviewer, "Sometimes I get concerned that Rumpy Tuna and Budgie will do something really stupid, like get stinking drunk and decide to urinate on a Buffalo police car".

EG --- nodding in the corner.

EG to interviewer, "Yeah, it's just a good thing they live along ways from eachother or else they would alert the liberal media to our lions den of moral depravity and drag others into the spotlight. We don't want to be on the cover of the Inquirer. Our mission has evolved into protecting the not so innocent. The rumors of wild sex parties filled with Cyburbinites are not entirely true -- there have been known weekend rendezous between small groups (4 to 10), but nothing really outrageous by our standards."
 
Messages
5,353
Points
31
Prior to Cyburbia, Planderella was a conscientious employee who had a flair for meticulous detail and professionalism. Her descent into slackdom began with a simple quest for planning information. Within weeks she was addicted to Cyburbia and descended even further when she joined the underbelly of Cyburbia as a moderator. Breaking the addiction hasn't been easy for Planderella, but she's taking it one day at a time. "I finally realized that post count does not make you supreme in the grand scheme of things. I'm really learning to pace myself, participate in more intellectually engaging threads, and to not to look to Cyburbia for answers to ALL of life's questions."
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
30
Planderella said:
"I finally realized that post count does not make you supreme in the grand scheme of things. I'm really learning to pace myself, participate in more intellectually engaging threads, and to not to look to Cyburbia for answers to ALL of life's questions"
Burn the blasphemer. ;)

(Nice)
 
Last edited:

Repo Man

Cyburbian
Messages
2,550
Points
25
"After the first couple of polls, Cyburbanites were hooked. Polls were popping up everywhere. At first people controlled themselves, but the addiction was too strong. People would wake up and need to post a poll to get going in the morning and another to sleep at night. Cyburbia was becoming a cult and its members couldn't make any decisions in the personal or planning life without consulting Cyburbia poll results. It got so bad that Dan checked everyone into rehab and banned polls from Cyburbia, but I hear that some members are going to other message boards to post polls to feed their additcion."
 

Budgie

Cyburbian
Messages
5,270
Points
30
"The addictive power of the forum began to take on a consciousness and persona all it's own. Like Gaia where Earth itself is a living breathing being, Cyburbia awoke with it's own spiritual energy and knowledge made up of it's individual parts (the Cyburbanites). This consciousness became affectionately referred to as the "Thobing Brain", which was fed and refed by the addicted masses. The power of the "Thobing Brain" began to control human lives. As decades passed the preminence of the "Thobing Brain" over the hearts and souls of the masses, led to an uprising known as "The Second American Revolution".
 

Duke Of Dystopia

Cyburbian
Messages
2,713
Points
24
Narrator:

It would seem that the twisted nature of the Cyburbanites stems from thier inherant Schizophrenia and sexual addiction. In one conversation, the Throbing Brain will support the cause of the limp wristed, in others they make the Michigan Malitia seem like harmless boyscouts with pellet guns. All the while, the littered remains of dead kittens can be found strewn about the western hemisphere and further.
 

Repo Man

Cyburbian
Messages
2,550
Points
25
"Don't get me started on the kitten killing. The ritualistic kitten killing. Its kind of sad when you look back at it. Thousands of kittens killed by this... cult and for what? For a few seconds of pleasure, it is really disturbing."
 

Habanero

Cyburbian
Messages
3,241
Points
27
Monkies? Well of course everything is better with a monkey. We just never thought *bleeeeep* would be caught with one. I mean, kittens are one thing, but save the monkies!
 

Budgie

Cyburbian
Messages
5,270
Points
30
Repo Man said:
"Don't get me started on the kitten killing. The ritualistic kitten killing. Its kind of sad when you look back at it. Thousands of kittens killed by this... cult and for what? For a few seconds of pleasure, it is really disturbing."
Narrator:

"Dispite the enlightenment of some (like Repo Man), the ritualistic killing of kittens took on Aztecian aspects and scale. All to feed the "Throbing Brain". Years later cult creator, (we will only identify him as Dan) would recall . . ."
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
Dan Tasman, former Cyburbia Administrator, June 2006.

"At first things were working smoothly, lots of helpful discussion about ideal menu board signage, you know, the interesting stuff. After a few months though things started spiralling out of control. Every post was about hot chicks and there was a new self-pleasuring reference every day – gangsta rappers were lurking here to pick up new slang. The final straw was the last ever cyburbia poll, “What would you rather have in your neighborhood: a Walmart, a Starbucks, an abortion clinic, a Catholic church, a mosque, an NRA rifle range, Howard Dean campaign offices, or a lesbian bar.” My server started smoking and it was all over.

I finally got that dream job as zoning enforcement officer for Cheektowaga. I’ve cleaned up the lawns somewhat but for some reason the locals don’t like me so much, der. As for the other adminstrators, El Guapo’s taken a job as a reporter for the alternative weekly Kansas City Contrarian. His pieces about the extent of gun culture in rural Kansas are shocking (did you know they use guns to kill animals?). Chet’s doing well for himself in the development world. Chet Towers II will be breaking ground soon in Gary. The life sized sculpture of him wasn't really welcomed by the public but what choice did they have?

Living in the city can be weird sometimes though. There seems to be quite a drug problem. Like the other day when some strange homeless guy pounded on my door screaming that he was some sort of bishop and he needed his fix. Happens a lot. . . lots of junkies. . . "
 

Budgie

Cyburbian
Messages
5,270
Points
30
Habanero said:
Monkies? Well of course everything is better with a monkey. We just never thought *bleeeeep* would be caught with one. I mean, kittens are one thing, but save the monkies!
Narrator:

"The vorocious appetite required larger amounts of raw meat. It was not until the cult member known as "The Irish One" stole monkeys from the San Diego zoo, that the liberal media began to suspect ritualistic sacrafice. Dan recalls a conversation with a representative of the national PETA" . . .
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,984
Points
29
Narrarator:
But those were not the darkest days, another, far more pervese and debilitating addiction was taking hold of the members. This is the first time a board member has agreed to to talk about their secret addiction.

el Guapo
I mean...at first everyone, including our fans and city councils just looked the other way, I mean who is going to be the first to come out and say “Hey guys, I have a problem. I am fascinated with Lesbians! I just can get enough of that whole lesbian culture.” Hip-hop was America's current drug of choice, and Cyburbia was already a decade ahead perfecting the lesbian worship cult. But going public…I mean it is just not something you admit to your fellow Cyburbians, let alone the staff of Planning Magazine. You post a reference here and there; you mention you have an Indigo Girls CD. You post a photo of your Volvo, you work Rugby into conversations. You know. It just creeps up on everyone slowly. You see it around; you just don’t come out and say it.

Then one day you wake up and the entire membership, except for the real lesbians of course, is naked and covered with catnip on the floor of a cheap hotel room in Chicago, rugby is on the TV and this huge feeling of shame washes over you. I looked across the pile of flannel and lipstick at MikeD and just started convulsing, saying what have I done?…I’m a republican for God’s sake…how?…why?…what will the other planners think?…can I cover this up?...will the real lesbians reject me? You know that was when I knew I had gone as far to the bottom as possible.

We discovered Rumpy Tuna's lifeless body in the back of a Subaru Forester that same morning. He had freebased, and eventually overdosed that night on a combination of a bootleg mp3 of a KD Lang version of "Going to the River" recorded at Lilith Fair, '98, menthol Pal Malls, trail mix and Zima. He was drawn to the flannel-side like a moth to a flame. He burned too bright, our Rumpy...(Narrator: eG tries to control his sobs here for a minute, then resumes the interview)

That’s when Dan suggested we check into a delesboification program offered by the Christian Coalition in a retreat in West Virginia. Well, they we used to reprogramming actual lesbians, hetero guys deep in a lesbian fascination cult was out of their league. They just didn’t know what to do with us. Therefore, we spent 30 days picking on the really uptight members of the staff. By the way, we met Rush Limbaugh there. That was cool.

Overall, rehab was a wash. After rehab, we decided as a board to try to get clean. It has been a struggle, and there have been setbacks…I’m not going to kid anyone. It’s more addictive than kitty killing. It’s a killer. But I think we will make it.

Narrarator: Dark days indeed.
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
Pat Armstrong, President of the Greater Cleveland Lesbian Association

"As a lesbian advocacy group we held great interest in Cyburbia . . . These guys were hilarious, I mean, they just didn't get it. We're gay women! That means we don't like men! We're not just hot chicks out looking for guys to watch and join. If for some reason they support us in all our glory we appreciate it, but I think they had the wrong idea . . . maybe it was Maxim or something, but it was probably just that they spent too much time writing those detailed adult entertainment codes."
 

Duke Of Dystopia

Cyburbian
Messages
2,713
Points
24
CAC (Coalition Against Cyburbia)

CAC leader Phallus Gag-Mee

We at CAC believe in the right to free association, but this Cyburbia cult went to far. They were out to deliberatly corupt the youth of the world, not just the United States. They ran a "Cultural FAQ" that was designed to indoctrinate new followers. It was not just the creation of thier insideous leader DAN, it was a group project.

Together, they indoctrinated new recruits to the proper behavior and discussion methods of the cult. They even created new language for thier own perverse amusement. Most heanous of all was the emphasis place on slacking!

If they had remained in operation, they surely would have corrupted Western Civilazation as we now know it today.
 

SkeLeton

Cyburbian
Messages
4,853
Points
26
Narrator:
So how did you get hooked with this site, even though you're not a professional planner?

Name censored to protect the innocent
Well, it was December of 2002 and I was quite bored, so I searched for sites regarding my interests and landed here in Cyburbia. I lurked for a while and later joined the site on the early days of January. I was quite welcomed, even though I wasn't even aiming for urban planning at the time.

Narrator:
So is Cyburbia an addiction?

********
Deffinately, I'm so hooked up that I even started to get on weekends!

:)
 

Michele Zone

BANNED
Messages
7,657
Points
29
Duke Of Dystopia said:
They even created new language for thier own perverse amusement.

If they had remained in operation, they surely would have corrupted Western Civilazation as we now know it today.
Narrator: Following that interview, we dug yet deeper and discovered that this Cult of Psychoburbia was not stamped out soon enough. In a forum completely unrelated to planning, we found the following Poll (not only is the Poll addiction spreading but note the 4th choice, a clear indication of corruption by the PsychoBabble of PsychoBurbia):

Opinions on our esteemed (???) list member, Michele, and Should I Stay or Should I Go:
1) Michele is the life of the party -- if she goes, I go
2) Pain in the butt to read ALL of my really long e-mails but you like me anyway
3) Get the heck out of here and quit hogging all our band width
4) Michele? Who is this "Michele" of which you speak?
5) I don't care if she stays or goes since my spam guard keeps her blow-hard e-mails out of my inbox anyway!!!
 

The Irish One

Member
Messages
2,267
Points
25
Narrator: How did you get involved with Cyburbia?

TIO: Jerry was dead and Phil was under the knife getting a new liver. It just sort of happened.
 

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
25,074
Points
54
Duke Of Dystopia said:
They indoctrinated new recruits to the proper behavior and discussion methods of the cult. They even created new language for thier own perverse amusement. Most heanous of all was the emphasis place on __1____

If they had remained in operation, they surely would have corrupted ___2 __as we now know it today.
Fill in the blank
1. membership in the Clube, Bicycle riding, ...

2. The Town Next Door tm, the APA/AICP, History, Geography....
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,853
Points
39
Dan: "The beginning of the end? We published the Men of Cyburbia calendar and discovered all the women posters were heterosexual. Bummer..."
 

Doitnow

Cyburbian
Messages
500
Points
16
Q: Now about this cyburbia thing which you keep talking about!! How did you get involved.
A. It was once while checking my old mails that i saw the one with subject:Archives. On opening it I saw that this was actually a jpeg link to the snap of a nude woman with great looking.... u know what :p, that i had always kept in my mailbox. Just to brighten up my long and serious sessions of net surfing at times. Well I maybe a planner guys but I am human too. U know!
SO one thing led to another and one link to another and I landed into this group of extreme guys which called their club called cyburbia( u can call it the cyberbia ;-) ).
Now my internet sessions are peppered with sneak peeks into this erotically entertaining, seful and funny cyber group.( You know what I mean?)

To be continued...
+++++++++=================+++++++++++++

Thanks TIO for the plot
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,624
Points
34
Jeff said:
....and this one time there was this guy named APM...
*Chet in the inteview, chain smoking Marlboro Reds from the hard pack, lighting matches with his teeth*

Yes I remember the APM well... Then he had to go into the Cyburbanite Protection ProgramTM along whihc a slew of others that realized their world wide anonymity - much less their job security - was at risk. APM is still with us to this day bless the lord, and APM still posts occassionally, and lurks from time to time. But of course I could never tell that his real name is *BLEEP*. Oh *BLEEP* did I just say that? You can edit that out, right? I mean we dont want *BLEEP* City Hall finding out that *BLEEP* is the AntiPlannerMovement! Oh *BLEEP* someone stop the *BLEEP*ing camera!
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,624
Points
34
Zoning Goddess said:
Dan: "The beginning of the end? We published the Men of Cyburbia calendar and discovered all the women posters were heterosexual. Bummer..."
El Guapo snorts and replies. "Yeah and who guessed that *BLEEP* wasnt!"
 

Michele Zone

BANNED
Messages
7,657
Points
29
Chet said:
*Chet in the inteview, chain smoking Marlboro Reds from the hard pack, lighting matches with his teeth*

Yes I remember the APM well... Then he had to go into the Cyburbanite Protection ProgramTM along whihc a slew of others that realized their world wide anonymity - much less their job security - was at risk. APM is still with us to this day bless the lord, and APM still posts occassionally, and lurks from time to time. But of course I could never tell that his real name is *BLEEP*. Oh *BLEEP* did I just say that? You can edit that out, right? I mean we dont want *BLEEP* City Hall finding out that *BLEEP* is the AntiPlannerMovement! Oh *BLEEP* someone stop the *BLEEP*ing camera!
[pure BS] And they let this CHET person Moderate? (where is the emoticon with raised eyebrows when you need it?)[/pure BS]
 

Rumpy Tunanator

Cyburbian
Messages
4,473
Points
25
el Guapo said:
el Guapo
We discovered Rumpy Tuna's lifeless body in the back of a Subaru Forester that same morning. He had freebased, and eventually overdosed that night on a combination of a bootleg mp3 of a KD Lang version of "Going to the River" recorded at Lilith Fair, '98, menthol Pal Malls, trail mix and Zima. He was drawn to the flannel-side like a moth to a flame. He burned too bright, our Rumpy...(Narrator: eG tries to control his sobs here for a minute, then resumes the interview).
Chet It was a morality tale of some sorts. That kid wasn't right in the head. He was killing more kittens than me at the time, and he lived with his woman. All I had was foxy bowling at the time, and let me tell you it wasn't foxy 99.9% of the time.

Narrator Yes, foxy bowling, but what kind of visious cycle would fuel an upcoming Tuna to take this direction in life? Only kitten killing and time would tell.

Rumpy Tunanator (the tuna formally known as Rumpy Tuna) For a while there, I didn't know what was going on. Vodka, gasoline, bourbon, gasoline. Everything was moving so quickly that I hit it like a brick wall. A few weeks later I crawled out of my grave and realized that life was hitting rock bottom again, from here on it was nothing but up (as he recalls seeing Dudley Moore in "On the Rocks").

El Guapo Yeah, we should have probally checked for his pulse before we buried him.....but I had target practice and God only knows that the gun toting Rumpy wouldn't have wanted me to be late.

Narrator He had been left for dead, but Tunas always fight back.

Rumpy Tunanator It was a time for reflection and possibly self intervention. After I got all of the worms out of my mouth, I think I actually accomplished some work during that period (if that seems at all possible). The rock business actually picked up once I got back to the street corner. Things were flying off the shelf once again. People asked what happened to me, saying the rock they were getting was of
low quality
. I told them "Life is like a vegatarian with the runs. You become a salad shooter at that point" or whatever that means.

Dan And this is the same guy designing Donald Duck "ride them" toys outside your local supermarket (or Walmart-Super Center)

Rumpy Tunanator I always wondered where I was going in life, but somewhere down the line, Budgie made me confused. Always talking about some magical device called a Segway. Sounded to me like a hoover-board out of the movie "Back to the Future". Still I thought, that guy knows his brew, he's allright. I only thought this until I realized his favorite movie was Clockwork Orange. From that point on I thought I would become re-sensitized. Boy, was I wrong, I feel more desensitized as the days go on. Shout out to myself: rock on, and get your private circumstances in order, because......(it seems like you might be sleeping on that couch until the lease expires).

Narrator Yes, we may never understand him, but one thing is for certain. Rumpy Tunanator has issues....
 

Budgie

Cyburbian
Messages
5,270
Points
30
Rumpy Tunanator said:
El Guapo Yeah, we should have probally checked for his pulse before we buried him.....but I had target practice and God only knows that the gun toting Rumpy wouldn't have wanted me to be late.

Narrator He had been left for dead, but Tunas always fight back.

Rumpy Tunanator It was a time for reflection and possibly self intervention. After I got all of the worms out of my mouth, I think I actually accomplished some work during that period (if that seems at all possible).
Rumpy -- you're killing me, and "My Name Is Mud". Your post was perhaps the greatest I've every read.

"This doesn't mean we'll be taking long showers together -- comprende" - - Gunny Sergeant Tom Highway.
 

Rumpy Tunanator

Cyburbian
Messages
4,473
Points
25
Budgie said:
Rumpy -- you're killing me, and "My Name Is Mud". Your post was perhaps the greatest I've every read.

"This doesn't mean we'll be taking long showers together -- comprende" - - Gunny Sergeant Tom Highway.
Dude your killing me, WTF, I'm lost.
 

Budgie

Cyburbian
Messages
5,270
Points
30
Rumpy Tunanator said:
Dude your killing me, WTF, I'm lost.
Can someone else explain? Do I really appear that incoherent? Can anyone follow what I'm saying here? I bet EG can.
 
Top