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Best Applicant "Excuse"
- Thread starter BKM
- Start date
sisterceleste
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 1,519
- Points
- 22
Daughter at 15 getting caught sneaking back into the house at 4 a.m...."I must have been sleep walking". Grounded for a long time.BKM said:
Zoning Goddess
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 13,843
- Points
- 40
Long-ago boyfriend: "Those marks? Uh, it got caught in the zipper."
Oh, you wanted applicant excuses? Well, I'll have to think on that one.
Oh, you wanted applicant excuses? Well, I'll have to think on that one.
Zoning Goddess
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 13,843
- Points
- 40
"We had to cut down all the trees without a permit because crackheads were having sex on the property and I wanted the Sheriff's deputies to be able to see what was going on."
- Messages
- 10,156
- Points
- 45
We have two different wetland buffers in town, one for named wetlands (100') and another for unnamed wetlands greater than 1/2 acre in size (50'). Our named wetlands are listed, and we have generalized maps showing their locations using the old National Wetlands Inventory maps.
A subdivision application just came in a couple of weeks ago, and a named wetland was involved.....the applicant's wetland scientist delineated the edge of the wetlands, and the applicant scanned in the NWI boundary (right in the middle of the delineated wetlands), showed the 100' buffer, then a 50' at the edge of wetlands. (The ordinance clearly calls for the boundaries to be delineated by a certified wetland scientist in the field)
When I asked the project engineer why the named wetland boundary was some 200+' into the contiguous wetlands, and not shown as the boundary the wetland scientist delineated, he replied...
"Well, that would mean I'd lose 3 lots."
A subdivision application just came in a couple of weeks ago, and a named wetland was involved.....the applicant's wetland scientist delineated the edge of the wetlands, and the applicant scanned in the NWI boundary (right in the middle of the delineated wetlands), showed the 100' buffer, then a 50' at the edge of wetlands. (The ordinance clearly calls for the boundaries to be delineated by a certified wetland scientist in the field)
When I asked the project engineer why the named wetland boundary was some 200+' into the contiguous wetlands, and not shown as the boundary the wetland scientist delineated, he replied...
"Well, that would mean I'd lose 3 lots."
mike gurnee
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 3,065
- Points
- 32
But my realtor said...
Planderella
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 5,344
- Points
- 31
"Councilman Joe Blow said I could have it."
The One
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 8,286
- Points
- 31
Excuses
"I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to God!" See Also Blues Brothers Movie :-}
"I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to God!" See Also Blues Brothers Movie :-}
- Messages
- 19,552
- Points
- 71
From my New Mexico years: "No ingles! No ingles!" Also, "But they allow it in El Paso!"
I also liked the one I got from a car dealer in those years. "The auto companies won't let us put different brand names on the same sign, or the new car and used car divisions of the dealerships on the same sign. We must have separate freestanding signs for Chevrolet, Buick, Cadillac, Mazda, GMC, Volvo and the used car section!"
When I was in Florida, it seemed that every junked car in a certain neighborhood didn't belong to the property owner, but instead their "cousin."
Another Florida one, from an elder of a church with an illegal off-site directional sign, in all seriousness: "We need to point the way to the church, so people can find us if there's a hurricane, so they can come here and pray for their lives."
Seems like every other surveyor who comes in with a lot split needs to have it done yesterday, because "they're closing on the property tomorrow" or "the lock on their interest rate expires tomorrow."
I also liked the one I got from a car dealer in those years. "The auto companies won't let us put different brand names on the same sign, or the new car and used car divisions of the dealerships on the same sign. We must have separate freestanding signs for Chevrolet, Buick, Cadillac, Mazda, GMC, Volvo and the used car section!"
When I was in Florida, it seemed that every junked car in a certain neighborhood didn't belong to the property owner, but instead their "cousin."
Another Florida one, from an elder of a church with an illegal off-site directional sign, in all seriousness: "We need to point the way to the church, so people can find us if there's a hurricane, so they can come here and pray for their lives."
Seems like every other surveyor who comes in with a lot split needs to have it done yesterday, because "they're closing on the property tomorrow" or "the lock on their interest rate expires tomorrow."
Big Easy King
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 1,358
- Points
- 23
Back when I was with the City Planning Commission
"You must recommend approval. Our subdivision is unique to any community...it's gated." :-{
"You must recommend approval. Our subdivision is unique to any community...it's gated." :-{
discusion was why applicant was not meeting the required setbacks from a residentail property line
"well, see that's a street and my street setback is only 20 feet so I meet the setback"
"are you going to have access to the residential street?"
"we're going to have a 6' wall"
"so no access but you want to consider that frontage?"
"um, yeah, that's what we have it set back 20' feet"
"okay, then you're going to have to take down that wall as you have to take on a half street of retention"
"nevermind"
"well, see that's a street and my street setback is only 20 feet so I meet the setback"
"are you going to have access to the residential street?"
"we're going to have a 6' wall"
"so no access but you want to consider that frontage?"
"um, yeah, that's what we have it set back 20' feet"
"okay, then you're going to have to take down that wall as you have to take on a half street of retention"
"nevermind"
otterpop
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 6,655
- Points
- 28
Off Topic, but . . .
A fellow I have been working with is developing a RV park and restaurant/bar with his existing hotel operation. Last summer, while the Forest Service was flying around checking hot spots in area forests, they flew over his property and saw a rather large field of marijuana. They notified the sheriff and when they arrive my Applicant had an ATV loaded down with pot plants.
As a County planner I might have thought all was okay, but, at the time of his arrest, he hadn't yet turned in his Five Year Weed Management Plan.
A fellow I have been working with is developing a RV park and restaurant/bar with his existing hotel operation. Last summer, while the Forest Service was flying around checking hot spots in area forests, they flew over his property and saw a rather large field of marijuana. They notified the sheriff and when they arrive my Applicant had an ATV loaded down with pot plants.
As a County planner I might have thought all was okay, but, at the time of his arrest, he hadn't yet turned in his Five Year Weed Management Plan.
boiker
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 3,887
- Points
- 26
Gedunker said:
yes.. all the time... they usually continue.. "why didn't anyone tell me?"
"It my own d@mn property and I don't need the city to tell me how to take care of it"
Applications? "i see what your doing, the city just wants the application because they need the moeny. I already know my addition will fit zoning, you told me the setbacks."
michaelskis
Cyburbian
- Messages
- 21,216
- Points
- 61
Not an application question, but when I was in college a guy who sat by me in a poly sci class told the teacher that he did not have his paper done, because it caught on fire after dropping a joint on it.
The funny thing was he was telling the truth.
The funny thing was he was telling the truth.
BKM said:
Not sure if this an excuse exactly, but had a woman complaining about a proposed commercial development going in between her back yard and a busy street, where there is now only woods:
"...but with those trees gone, when my teenage daughter climbs up the ladder to our pool, I don't want everyone driving down [street] to see her body!".
Went on to explain to the Planning Commission that her daughter is 'amply endowed' and she would feel self-conscious with all those drivers gawking at her if the trees were gone.
Deb