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Birth order

What is your birth order

  • First born, it is good to be the king

    Votes: 40 36.4%
  • Last born, I just love the attention

    Votes: 32 29.1%
  • Poor abused middle child

    Votes: 14 12.7%
  • I am an only child

    Votes: 11 10.0%
  • I don't quite fit with the choices, so I am splain'n below

    Votes: 13 11.8%

  • Total voters
    110
  • Poll closed .

Salmissra

Cyburbian
Messages
6,287
Points
35
Youngest of 2.5

Up until 6th grade I was the youngest of 2, both girls. Then my parents adopted, and I became youngest of 3, all girls. My earliest memories have the traditional two-parent, two-kids-and-a-dog rosy glow to them. Ever since the 6th grade, I've been waiting for that rosy glow to return. . .




I married an only child, so now I am the only daughter on that side! It's turning out to be pretty cool. On my side, it's all girls - I have 6 female cousins, 0 male cousins.
 

GeogPlanner

Cyburbian
Messages
1,431
Points
25
First of Two

One of Two...the first couple of posts made me think of the Borg.
bush_borg.jpg

First Born
 

boiker

Cyburbian
Messages
3,887
Points
26
me.. first born - failing perfectionist, wanting to accomplish too much to quick in order to impress all.

my brother... second born - lax rules, although very self responsible

my brother.. last born - lax(er) rules, not self accountable, lacking drive and desire.
 

SkeLeton

Cyburbian
Messages
4,837
Points
26
As I mentioned early last year.... (JNA... the dead thread reviver)
I'm the youngest of 2.... only 25 months and 9 days apart... :)
 

Jaxspra

Cyburbian
Messages
3,514
Points
24
first born of two....brother is two years younger...parents tougher on me than him for sure...
 

Budgie

Cyburbian
Messages
5,262
Points
30
I am the oldest of two boys. My brother is only 15 months younger.

I have an 11 year old son and twin daughters who just turned 6. One of the girls was technically born 2 minutes before the other and she likes to point out this fact. It's odd that when I list my kids I list them in exact birth order even though there is only 2 minutes between the twins.
 

Bear Up North

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
9,323
Points
31
Poor, abused, middle child. All three (3) of us were males.

Wait a second.....we weren't poor. We did OK. I wasn't abused. Things were normal and nice. Dang shrink got me all mixed up.

Bear
 

noj

Cyburbian
Messages
516
Points
16
I'm the last of three boys. I did feel a bit sorry for my mum sometimes!
 

zman

Cyburbian
Messages
9,244
Points
33
I am the spoiled, only child who has to have it his way!!!!;-)

Actually, being an only child and really not having cousin or anything my age near me, I tend to get along with people who are older rather than people my age. Don't get me wrong, I have a ton of friends around my age, but I tend to not do a lot of things folks my age do. (Like play video games)

I don't know, it is hard to explain, it was really evident with my girlfriend though. When visiting her family in Idaho, I tend to stick around my folks and their friends while they are talking, and she gets bored with that really quickly. Oh well.



But, once again, I digress....
 

Ass. Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
355
Points
12
nerudite said:
I'm the oldest of two. And I must recognize, there was quite a disparity in rules and attention. Everything was very strict for me, and a breeze with my younger brother.
I agree completely! I had to do everything from making dinner, cleaning the house, doing dishes (every night), doing everyone's laundry, folding, and putting away - AND I had the strictest curfew of anyone I have EVER known. I would get grounded for a month if I was even 5 minutes late - even if I called first! Plus, if the clothes I wanted were brand-name - I had to get a job and buy them myself.

Everything at home was an absolute breeze for my sister.
 

zman

Cyburbian
Messages
9,244
Points
33
Ass. Planner said:
I agree completely! I had to do everything from making dinner, cleaning the house, doing dishes (every night), doing everyone's laundry, folding, and putting away - AND I had the strictest curfew of anyone I have EVER known. I would get grounded for a month if I was even 5 minutes late - even if I called first! Plus, if the clothes I wanted were brand-name - I had to get a job and buy them myself.

Everything at home was an absolute breeze for my sister.

I see this same trend with my girlfriend and her little brother.
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
30,148
Points
74
Birth Order

For years there were wife’s tales and folklore about how people’s personalities are influenced during their formative years based on their birth order. About 100 years ago the idea was introduced into mainstream psychological circles and the debate has ranged ever since. A large number of psychologists buy into the notion but the view is far from universal and there are studies that both sides claim prove or disprove the theory.

In a nutshell, our personality attributes are allegedly as follows based on birth order:
First born – high self confidence, anxious, responsible, jealous, competitive, goal-oriented achievers
Middle – feels perpetually out of the spotlight, ignored, insecure, diplomatic, even-tempered, highly adaptable
Youngest – charming, entertaining, low expectations, selfish, manipulative, dependent
Only children – tendencies towards introversion and okay with being a ‘loner’, confident, mature early, sometimes spoiled, highly independent.

Sometimes gaps in time/age can make middle or youngest children take on attributes of other birth order children (first born or onlies). Also, twins are supposed to pose exceptions to the rules.

What birth order are you? Do you think there’s any merit to the idea that birth order influences personality traits or do you think it’s a bunch of malarky?
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
15,531
Points
60
I am the youngest of 3. We are spanned (oldest to youngest) over 7 years.

I married an oldest child of 4 though. It's been a good match.
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
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Moderator
Messages
30,148
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74
I thought we had done this before.
But I am Game.
Oldest
I thought there may have been something about this before too, but I ran a quick search on 'birth order' and didn't come up with anything obvious. If there was a thread on this before, it's been years, so let's keep this one going unless someone can find an old one to merge it into.
 

dandy_warhol

Cyburbian
Messages
10,199
Points
52
i'm the youngest of three. my bro is 8 years older, my sister is 5 years older. so during high school i was pretty much an only child, which worked out well for me. :)
 

ofos

Vintage Cyburbian
Messages
8,278
Points
28
Youngest of 2, but typically tell others that my brother was an only child.
Married to an oldest of 3.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,634
Points
44
I am the only child as is my daughter :D
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
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Messages
30,148
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74
I am the only child as is my daughter :D

So do you agree with the birth order traits? Mrs. Maister and I recently had a discussion about adopting another child and one of the reasons she gave me why we should was that she did NOT want our son to be an only child (....."oh how terrible it must be to grow up as an only child, so alone in the world, so resentful towards one's parents for not providing them a sibling, laying such a heavy obligation to be solely responsible for the care of parents when they are elderly......")

I didn't buy it, but maybe you'll set me straight.
 
Last edited:

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
26,673
Points
70
Oldest of four over a seven yr span.

Sometimes I find it kinda funny in a :-o way when I say: "My little sister is older than you"
- she will be 43 in Sept.
 

luckless pedestrian

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,317
Points
55
I'm the youngest of 3 - my brother is 4 years older and my sister is 5 years older

It's funny, as scared I was about having the third child, I am really glad I did - it breaks it up a little

and I do exhibit many traits of the baby of the family for certain, and some not so wonderful :-$:-o but what's funny now is I am the one that takes care of my parent's emotional needs now that my 85 yo Dad is sick and my 80 yo Mom is dealing with it all - so the dynamic can change as you get older -
 

cch

Cyburbian
Messages
1,436
Points
20
I am the youngest, by 3 minutes. My brother and I are twins, but he definitely has first child traits while I think I have middle child traits.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
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Moderator
Messages
12,634
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44
So do you agree with the birth order traits? Mrs. Maister and I recently had a discussion about adopting another child and one of the reasons she gave me why we should was that she did NOT want our son to be an only child.....oh how terrible it must be to grow up as an only child, so alone in the world, so resentful towards one's parents for not providing them a sibling, laying such a heavy obligation to be solely responsible for the care of parents when they are elderly......

I didn't buy it, but maybe you'll set me straight.

I don't feel like I was denied anything by being an only child. I never felt alone or resentful that I didn't have a brother or sister. There were many kids in the neighborhood to play with and my mom made sure that I never thought that I was the center of the universe. The argument that one child is solely responsible for elderly parents is bunk IMO because I know many families with numerous children where one takes up the majority burden of care. I don't feel like I am the least bit alone...besides there is no way to predict adult sibling relationships.
 

Tide

Cyburbian
Messages
2,719
Points
24
Oldest of 3, only boy.

Order is: Me , sister #1 2.1 years younger, sister #2 5.5 years younger

I am surprised how many youngests are on this board. I would expect a lot of oldests to be planners.
 

Mud Princess

Cyburbian
Messages
4,895
Points
27
I'm the youngest of two, but my sister is >6 years older. As children, the age difference was a big deal; we never went to the same school, and didn't really become friends until adulthood.

I'm married to the youngest of three -- similar to dandy_warhol, his siblings are 8 and 5 years older. He tells me that he learned a lot from them growing up about what not to do! :-o

Although I believe that birth order can impact personality, I think it's one of many factors that influence who we become. There are lots of exceptions to the personality "types" that you describe.
 

zman

Cyburbian
Messages
9,244
Points
33
I don't feel like I was denied anything by being an only child. I never felt alone or resentful that I didn't have a brother or sister. There were many kids in the neighborhood to play with and my mom made sure that I never thought that I was the center of the universe. The argument that one child is solely responsible for elderly parents is bunk IMO because I know many families with numerous children where one takes up the majority burden of care. I don't feel like I am the least bit alone...besides there is no way to predict adult sibling relationships.

Good answer back. I am not easily offended, but I am wondering about Maister's remarks and wondering how is it bad to be an only child? :-o

Why is it to be avoided like the plague?
 

wahday

Cyburbian
Messages
3,959
Points
23
My brother, my only sibling, is 11 years older than me. The dynamic was always a lot different from what I observed with my friends. In some ways I have attributes of the youngest, but in others I see a mix of traits from the only child and even the middle child. Also, my brother has often been sort of a cross between a parent and a sibling and I think that has had an impact on things as well.

Overall, I think these traits can be misleading because people change and respond to their early life experiences in complex ways as they grow up (which, I guess, is part of the appeal of the High School Reunion). I certainly don't have many of the personality characteristics that I did when I was in Middle School. I was a shy kid, especially when it came to speaking or performing before a group. Now I relish public speaking, presentations, playing music and, perhaps someday, acting. I used to be a lot more introverted and self-focused (dare I say selfish?) as a kid what with no others in the household to share the parents' attention with. Now I am much more considerate of other people's positions and situations. I think few would call me selfish (though perhaps some other colorful terms might apply...)

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out with my two kids who are 5 years apart. We were definitely concerned about having an only child, not that they are so horrible (my dad is one. Which makes me wonder...), but I do think there is value in having to share the spotlight with others. Its been good for our son, I think, to share attention with his sister. Plus, he has developed some real compassion for others through it all and is a great big brother - sweet, loving, protective. Granted, his sister is only a year and a half. Still, he has come a long way.
 

Brocktoon

Cyburbian
Messages
3,725
Points
22
I am the oldest and I have a younger brother who is 17 months my junior and my half brother is 15 years younger.

My wife is an only child.

We both tend to fit into the first born category. These descriptions seem like horoscopes.
 

Maister

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30,148
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74
Good answer back. I am not easily offended, but I am wondering about Maister's remarks and wondering how is it bad to be an only child? :-o

Why is it to be avoided like the plague?
I posed this very question to the missus and she said she thought it would be a very lonely existence growing up as an only child. When I suggested nothing prevents our son from making friends, she stated 'there is a difference between friends and family relations'. Since neither of us grew up as only children, we had no referrent in terms of growing up in that environment. Hence, I pose the question to people who actually DID grow up under such circumstances.

The idea that only children would be inordinately lonely seems pretty unlikely to me, but that's the argument I've been presented with.
 

zman

Cyburbian
Messages
9,244
Points
33
I posed this very question to the missus and she said she thought it would be a very lonely existence growing up as an only child. When I suggested nothing prevents our son from making friends, she stated 'there is a difference between friends and family relations'. Since neither of us grew up as only children, we had no referrent in terms of growing up in that environment. Hence, I pose the question to people who actually DID grow up under such circumstances.

The idea that only children would be inordinately lonely seems pretty unlikely to me, but that's the argument I've been presented with.

Okay, my stance on the issue.

I grew up as an only child. Most of the kids in my suburban Denver area were older (at least the ones near my house). All my like-aged cousins lived outside of the Colorado and the US and I rarely saw them.
Yes, I was alone most of the time, but never lonesome. I made friends and would see them often, but at family events, I was always with the adults. (Never heard of a "kids table"). I find now, that because of my upbringing, I am able to make friends with a myriad of people from all walks of life. While sometimes I hate customer service in my Planning job, the people with whom I work say that I handle many different types of people of different ages and capacities in a different way. I am able to conform my help and assistance of others to their level and really relate to them.
As a consequence, I have a little trouble relating to kids but I do like kids and hope to have children of my own one day.
I think that my upbringing made me more independent and responsible. Though there exist times when I am selfish and narcissistic (sp?), I would not have had it any other way. But I feel that I am mature enough (growing up around adults mostly) that I can quell those tendencies and function in a tactful manner.

DISCLAIMER: My folks did not do this by choice. I am somewhat of a miracle babay as my folks tried to have more numerous times but always miscarried.
 

Whose Yur Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
12,006
Points
46
I am the oldest of 3, with 2 sisters. There is a 3 year gap between me and my middle sister and a 7 year gap between me and the youngest.
 

Suburb Repairman

moderator in moderation
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Moderator
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7,452
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36
I am the youngest of three boys. However, I've taken on some attributes of a first-born and only child because 9 years separate me from my nearest older brother. My oldest brother has me beat by 13 years. I married an oldest of two, and I'd say she has many of those characteristics.
 

Richmond Jake

You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!
Messages
18,300
Points
44
I'm the third of four. One sister, two brothers. Seven years between my oldest brother and me.
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
14,255
Points
57
i'm the youngest of three. my bro is 8 years older, my sister is 5 years older. so during high school i was pretty much an only child, which worked out well for me. :)

Very similar here. I'm the youngest of three, but my two brothers are 5 and 6 years older (and they are 14 months apart).

I don't agree with the analysis of the birth order with my two brothers. It's alomost reversed for them.

Ms. P is number 3 of 4 and Wee P is an only, but she has been around her 3 older cousins almost daily (so we'll see about her).
 

Big Owl

Cyburbian
Messages
2,856
Points
36
I am the middle of three...:)

I was reading on-line about some of the characteristics associated with birth order and one item caught my attention about how where there is a sibling group of three that the 1st and 3rd born often pair up against the middle child. Did anyone experience this? I did from time to time, at some periods more noticeable others more so as adults though but i would imagine that the difference in age plays a large factor, as there is a four year separation from fist to last for us.
 

johnelsden1

Member
Messages
416
Points
13
Birth Order

I was raised as an only child, but I did have a half-sister from my Dad's first marriage (his wife died in the 40's) who is 19 years older who got married when I was 3.

I was over-protected, but never lonely-my mom's parents and siblings lived right across the street, so it was spoil city! I was an introvert until later in life, but today (I am 53) I find it easy to make friends and love working with people to help them solve problems.

Been married twice, first time at age 35, and this time our fifth anniversary is this year. So it seems I've had a sort of normal existence for being only!
 

RandomPlanner

Cyburbian
Messages
1,830
Points
28
I am the youngest of two, but even now when you ask about my childhood, the parents will say "the girls were 10" or "the girls were 12". If the girls were 10, then she was 12 and I was 8 -- and somehow we met in the middle and were always treated as equals. Until somewhere in our teen years, when I surpassed her and became 'the responsible one' and assumed older because of it. :r:
 

natski

Cyburbian
Messages
2,579
Points
22
I am the eldest- but i share that with my twim brother.

Technically though i am the eldest eldest cause i was born first.

It has its good points and its bad points- cant complain too much i suppose
 
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