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"So we finish 36 holes and I'm standing there waiting for my money and Saddam makes like he is going to stiff me. I go 'hey Saddam, how about something for the effort.' Saddam says "I will not be tipping you today, but I will promote you to a two-star caddy. So, I got that going for me."
So this jerk Geraldo Rivera keeps asking me these questions, he's really getting on my nerves, so when he's not looking, I stick my hand down the crack of my non-showered in 3 months ass, turn back to him, tell him I must report back to Abdul and wish him well, giving him the "stink palm" before I leave.
"I'm glad you asked. You see, I used to run the electric cattle prod in one of Saddam's torture dungeons for infidels and traitors back in the 90's until I got this wicked case of Carpal Tunnel. No matter what I do, I can't really stick a guy hard in the groin without some serious numbness up to my elbow for days. My doctor tells me it is going to be expensive to the get the surgery. So, under your new regime, can I claim worker's comp on an injury sustained in a prior regime? Should I talk to my HMO or a lawyer, what do you think, Bob? Is this going to cost me out-of-pocket or is there coverage? And don't give me that damn AFLAC Goose imitation again or I'll kick your pasty white ass."