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City Mottos: Make up your own.

Super Amputee Cat

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2,134
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We all know that many cities, officially or unofficially, have their own motto's, such as New York "The City So Nice, They Named it Twice" or Philadelphia "City of Brotherly Love".

But how about coming up with some new mottos that, while they may be less than complimentary of the town in question, are at least honest?

Here are a few that I have come up with:

Detroit: "See it while it's still there"
San Francisco: "50,000 gay guys and a straight guy named Stanley"
Toledo: "If it's significant - it's demolished"
Chicago: "Putting the NOISe in ILLINOIS"
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
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10,624
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34
Des Plaines : At Least We're not Gary

Milwaukee : Chicago's Third Airport

Madison : Nine square miles surrounded by Reality
 

H

Cyburbian
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2,850
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24
Atlanta: “look out here we come”

Miami: “we wont tell if you don’t”

Knoxville: “if you make fun of us, we will punch you”

Oxford Ms. “Stop moving here!”

That is one for every city I have lived in.
 

Dan

Dear Leader
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Chet said:
Madison : Nine square miles surrounded by Reality
Hey, that's Boulder's city motto!

Cheektowaga, New York - "Na zdrowie!"

Winter Garden, Florida - "Where the houses are mobile, and the cars aren't"

Buffalo, New York - "Will the last one leaving for Charlotte please turn off the lights?"

Detroit, Michigan - "The Motor City, know what I'm sayin'?"

Las Cruces, New Mexico - "Red or green?"

Fort Worth, Texas - "As seen on COPS"

(Any city in the northern half of Michigan, including the UP) - "Lock and load!"

Denver, Colorado - "Birthplace of smooth jazz"

El Paso, Texas - "Chinga tu madre, vete al infierno, la me culo, y usted pedazo de mierda"

Highlands Ranch, Colorado - "Where all the houses are the same color as their occupants .. beige"

Greenwood Village, Colorado - "Interactively and seamlessly supplying scalable, robust paradigms in order to proactively create world-class, resource-leveling, synergistic e-business solutions for Global 2000 clients"

Gary, Indiana - "At least we're not East St. Louis"

St. Cloud, Minnesota - "ELCA or Missouri?"
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
19,716
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46
Reading PA – It’s like DC, Philly, and NYC without any of the good stuff.

Lancaster PA – Amish Paradise

Detroit - It was good enough for Ford, why not you?

Toledo - Under Construction

LA – Drive 3 hours one way and see the other end of town

GAY Michigan – The bar is around the corner

Hell Michigan – Congratulations we froze over
 

Jeff

Cyburbian
Messages
4,161
Points
27
Philadelphia - "We haven't won a championship in anything since 1983."
 

SGB

Cyburbian
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3,388
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Chet said:
Madison : Nine square miles surrounded by Reality

Originally posted by Dan
Hey, that's Boulder's city motto!
Sorry guys. I'm certain that Ithaca, NY has the copyright on that motto already. And it's ten square miles!

;)
 

donk

Cyburbian
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6,970
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For the city I work in

The %%%%%%% 20 years beind the times and proud of it.
The @@@@@@@ walmart's whores.

That smell, is the smell of money. (paper mill town)
 
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Seabishop

Cyburbian
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3,838
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25
Boston – Don’t bother, dude, you can’t afford it

Providence – Welcome to Providence, please slip “campaign contribution” under desk

Manchester, NH – City of Segway Human Transporters

New Orleans – We're not kiddin' girls actually show their boobs for plastic beads!

Houston – Whatever, man . . . really, anywhere

Portland, OR – Ask us why we’re better than your city

New Haven, CT – Yale! . . . and some other areas you’d be better off ignoring

Seattle – the City that inspired a generation of heroin addicted, suicidal musicians
 

Bangorian

Member
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198
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7
Here's some for where I've lived:

Hillsdale, MI: Just another sleepy little redneck town.

Lansing, MI: Closing up shop since 1972!

Beacon, NY: Too far from Manhattan and too close to Newburgh

Bath, ME: Mass-holes go home!
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
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Alpena, MI - No, we're not Traverse City, we're on the other side of the state.

Ann Arbor, MI - Where people can think they are still hippies

Flint MI - Please, Don't leave us General Motors!!!!

Detroit MI - Think Rome, Italy, circa 1200 AD

Ypsilanti MI - Ann Arbor's low-rent neighborhood.

Chicago IL - Capital of young family flight.

Schaumburg IL - Your dreams fulfilled in Edge City, USA!!

Elgin IL - We're really not as bad as everyone makes us out to be!
 
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SGB

Cyburbian
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3,388
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And now, a word from a more regional perspective:

_____________ County, NY: We're not sure where it is, either.
 

tsc

Cyburbian
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1,905
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SGB said:
Sorry guys. I'm certain that Ithaca, NY has the copyright on that motto already. And it's ten square miles!

;)
Ithacans think of it as a possitive thing... because the reality of Central NY... is just depressing!!
 

lowlyplanner

Cyburbian
Messages
69
Points
4
Jacksonville, FL - It's a nice place to live, but you wouldn't want to visit there.

Gainesville, FL - Known far and wide for our hydroponic agriculture and chemical engineering programs.
 

Richmond Jake

You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!
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18,309
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44
Santa Cruz, CA = "We're like Berkeley but without a sense of humor." or "We take ourselves way to seriously."
 

Seabishop

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3,838
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Calgary – Come see our cowboy shtick after the snow melts in July

Miami – We got some really good sh$t my man, real f’ing pure

Provincetown, MA – The real City of Brotherly Love
or No Mom, we're all just friends, really.

Bangkok – We love you long time

Hong Kong – This is density, you suburban pansies!

Hanoi – That wasn’t chicken

Nashville, TN – Home of 50,000 Shania Twain-wannabe waitresses

Austin - What are we doing in Texas?

Montreal - We understand you, we're just rude

Anchorage, AK – We don’t know why we're up here either
 

Big Easy King

Cyburbian
Messages
1,361
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23
New Orleans - "Our street potholes will ruin your car!"

Philadelphia - "Where you get a free side of heart attack with
every cheesesteak sandwich."
 

biscuit

Cyburbian
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3,904
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Greenville, SC - Bob Jones + Yuppies = White Republican paradise.

Charleston, SC - Come for the history, stay for the booze.

Myrtle Beach - Please pick up your standard issue "wife-beater" upon entering city limits.

Richmond, VA - Lee may have surrendered, but we didn't!

Venice, Italy - Open sewers never looked so pretty.
 

El Feo

Cyburbian
Messages
674
Points
19
Columbia, SC - 2 to 4 Hours from Places You'd Rather Be

Detroit - The men who made us famous all lived in the suburbs - that's all you need to know!

Hilton Head, SC - NO, we DON'T have any freakin' Dunkin Donuts around here. But I'm sure they do back in Pennsylvania!
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
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El Feo said:
Detroit - The men who made us famous all lived in the suburbs - that's all you need to know!
The Above, Slightly Modified:

Detroit - The men who made us famous all eventually moved to the suburbs - that's all you need to know!
 

steveanne

Member
Messages
176
Points
7
Chet said:
Des Plaines : At Least We're not Gary



Yowch!!!!

How can you say that about "The City of Destiny?" Heh heh.

Just because I stop for 4 different trains on 4 different sets of tracks on my way home from work? And because I can't hear myself think when the 711 United Flight from O'Hare to Las Vegas flies over my house?

It's not like Des Plaines is Hamilton, Ontario or anything.


So... with that,
Hamilton, Ontario: "Put your nose-plugs on, eh?"
Kenosha, Wisconsin: The lie and say "I'm from Chicago" City
Celebration, FL: Disney presents "Pleasantville"
Clermont, FL: "Where Senior Citizens Die."
Erie, PA: Largest Rest Area Between Buffalo and Cleveland. (Besides Angola, NY - but we're working on it!)
Los Angeles: "City Nicknames Are Sooooo Last Week"
Niagara Falls, NY: "Puh-lease set up business in the Rainbow Center"
Green Bay, WI: The "What's a Crate and Barrell?" City
Chicago, IL: "The Suburb Killer" (Des Plaines and Elk Grove - we're looking at you next)
Macon, GA: The "we've had banjos banned" State. Come visit!
Sault Ste. Marie: "Just like Canada, except more expensive!"
 
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Gedunker

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East St. Louis, Ill: "At least we're not Newark, NJ"

Indianapolis, IN: "You say 'Nap Town' one more time and we'll drop the Midwestern nice stuff, butthead!"

Louisville, KY: "We really ARE more than bourbon, cigarettes and horse racing. We got HOOTERS."

Cincinnati, OH: "Home of Ken Griffey, Jr. For now."
 

El Feo

Cyburbian
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674
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Gedunker said:
Louisville, KY: "We really ARE more than bourbon, cigarettes and horse racing. We got HOOTERS."
Slight modification:

Louisville, KY: "We have bourbon, cigarettes, and horse racing, and Hooters. Now send us an NBA franchise."
 

Seabishop

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3,838
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Sorry, I can't stop.

Berlin – Welcome to Berlin, non-Aryans please take exit 4B and visit our new welcome center.

Birmingham, AL – We’ll do it but we won’t like it.
OR We talk like this to piss you off

Salt Lake City – The rumors are true, come kick it Mormon style with your 3 hot wives

Bilboa, Spain – We know, we know - you want directions to the stupid museum.

Palm Beach, FL – Population 100,000, or is it 200,000? – we’ve screwed that up too

Norfolk, VA – You can trust us with your wives when you’re out at sea, really.

Las Vegas – Yup, its legal

Boston – So this one time me and my boy Murph were goin’ back to Southie after poundin’ em down somethin’ fierce at O’Flannigans. Then these wicked hot chicks sit right next to us. So he’s all like “whatsup baby” and they just ignore him. So he’s all like “aaaah, that’s wicked pissah!” and then the retahd pukes all over the T just as we get out.

OR - Our politicians can outdrink your politicians

OR simply - Yankees Suck

Phoenix – We’re like Paris but without the beauty, culture or drinking water, and with scorpions and 120 degree heat

Reading, PA - At least we’re not . . . ah, F$#% it.
 

michaelskis

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Seabishop said:

Reading, PA - At least we’re not . . . ah, F$#% it.
Amen to that.

Houghton, Mi – Oh look, it is snowing… again… in June!

York, PA – Our fore fathers signed something, then partied their ass off!

Escanaba, Mi – Just like Traverse City, but with no Tourists!

Philly – OK, OK, this stadium won’t have a court house in it.
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
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Reading, PA - We're not all crack whores. (sorry crack whores)
 

biscuit

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Atlanta - More than just an airport!
OR
Atlanta - What 100,000 Confederate soldiors died trying to prevent. (to paraphrase John Shelton Reed)

Charleston, WV - Hillbillies and chemical plants...Oooo, that smell.

Martinsburg, WV - Patiently waiting for Virginia to take us back.

Pigeon Forge, TN - Like Branson, MO only without the high culture.
 

Gedunker

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El Feo said:
Slight modification:

Louisville, KY: "We have bourbon, cigarettes, and horse racing, and Hooters. Now send us an NBA franchise."
Or, at least, another ECHL franchise (sorry, IceHawks)!
 

Big Easy King

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In addition to my aforementioned ones, here are a few more:

Tampa, FL - "Stop calling us Tampa Bay, Damnit!"

Boston - "The curse of Babe Ruth SUCKS!!!"

New York - "Pimps Up, Ho's Down."
 

Dan

Dear Leader
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Newark, New Jersey - "At least we're not Camden"

Las Cruces, New Mexico (#2) - "So far from heaven, so close to El Paso"

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma - "Meth like Mom used to make"

Olathe, Kansas - "Tree City USA. Look ... there it is!"



Boulder, Colorado - "Quattuor viginti" *

[size=-1]* Bonus points for those who understand what the Latin means.[/size]
 

donk

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After dealing with a bigoted moron client

M@@@@@@@i Putting the white, back in white trash.
 

Rumpy Tunanator

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Buffalo, NY- "Yes we have Summer, now quit asking if it snows 10 months out of the year"

Niagara Falls, NY- "If you dropped a nuclear bomb on us we'd still look the same"

Pittsburgh, PA- "Yingze can tell were a little to close to West Virginia"

L.A. CA- "Home of the longest elevated parking lot system"
 

H

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lowlyplanner said:
Huston, how dare you.

I'll be in G'ville tomorrow to watch the Gators whomp up on the Vols...
we'll see!

I am on my way there now (in about 5 minutes)! see ya in the swamp! (I'll be the one wearing orange and singing "rocky top" ;)

EDIT: You will see the real life version of my avatar (Smokey) on the field tomorrow!
 

Richmond Jake

You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!
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44
Spokane WA - We're not as chic, cosmopolitan, sophicated, or attractive as Seattle, but we've had a World's Fair too, damn it!!!
 

Plannerbabs

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Gedunker said:

Indianapolis, IN: "You say 'Nap Town' one more time and we'll drop the Midwestern nice stuff, butthead!"
"Just because we're the Crossroads of America doesn't mean you shouldn't stop....hey....wait....come back!"
 

B'lieve

Cyburbian
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219
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9
Baltimore--"We have Sheppard Pratt, Shock Trauma, and a supermax for a reason"
OR
"Welcome to da Crab Caputull of Amurica, make yerself at hayome."

Camden, NJ--"Come see the Aquarium and...uh...uhmm...give me a minute...nooo you don't want to go there!...i'm thinkin, i'm thinkin..."
 

Cardinal

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10,080
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Des Plaines - The S's are not silent.
Des Moines - Yes they are.
Little Rock - Bill ain't from here no more (thank god).
John Day, OR - We make El Guapo look like a damn commie!
 

Super Amputee Cat

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Here are a few more that I made up:



  • Orlando: “Nothing Built Before 1970”

    Gary: “East Till You Smell It, North Till You Step In It”

    Fargo: “Steve Bushemi Was Here!”

    Youngstown: ‘Do One Thing, Do It Good’” We’re the Murder
    Capital of the U. S!”

    Racine: “More F.I.B’s than Packer fans”

    Buffalo: “What Bills?”

    Phoenix: “No Rising, Just Ashes”

    Jersey City. “By the time you finish reading this, ten more people will leave”

    Denver: “Columbine, Jon Benet and Latte”

    Brownsville: “80,000 Mexicans and a Couple of Canadians”

    Livonia: “In twenty years, we’ll be bigger than Detroit”

    Portland: “Treehuggers, whale lovers and granolies”

    Omaha: “Marlin Perkins is Dead”

    L. A. "To Protect and to Serve...whites only"

    Eden, NC: "Sounds better than Leaksville, eh?"

    Texarana, TX: "The good side of Texarcana"

    Texarcana, AR: "We should've been called Arkantex"

    Plano: "Call I-800-Suicide"

    St. Louis: "A million miles from East St. Louis"

    Coeur d' Alene, ID: "Population 90,000 not including the skinheads"

    Las Vegas: "1,000,000 losers every day"
 

Michele Zone

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Dan said:

Boulder, Colorado - "Quattuor viginti" *

[size=-1]* Bonus points for those who understand what the Latin means.[/size]
4 and 20 ??

but I don't get how that is a motto for Boulder.
 

Michele Zone

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Columbus GA: Yeah, we are bounded on 3 sides, but we can sprawl northward and live around the airport. (If we keep going, we might be the next suburb of Atlanta.)

Phenix City AL: We are not a suburb of Columbus GA. It is mere coincidence that we prefer Eastern Standard Time to Central Standard Time.

Ft. Valley GA: No, there has never been a military base here. It was supposed to be Fox Valley but some idiot miswrote it on a map or somethingt and it stuck.

Ft. Riley KS: When Custer left, he said "Don't do anything until I get back" and we are still following those orders.

Kennewick WA: It is only a rumor that our name means "land of sickness". You must have had respiratory problems before you arrived.

Nolanville, TX: We resent being called "A Speed Trap". We have a right to be fiercely vigilant on our 4 1/2 feet of Interstate.

Augusta GA: 400,000 people just waiting to be fried when the nuclear power plant in the next state blows, so that is why we don't bother to upgrade our outdated sewer system.

Richland WA: No, really, they are working on the sewers. HazMat suits are routine for such work. It has nothing to do with the nuclear power plant.

Ft. Irwin CA: Don't drink the water -- and do not watch the movie Erin Brockovitch.

Baker CA: I wouldn't say we are in the middle of nowhere. It is mere coincidence that the lunch crowd are all in uniform and haven't bathed recently.

Barstow CA: It really IS an outlet mall. The high prices and tourist buses full of victims...er, customers is mere coincidence.
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
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Chicago: Look at our new stadium! Bears, who?

Detroit: Our infrastructure is a shambles, our neighborhoods are a wreck, but we're still the Motor City!

Bridgeport, CT: The armpit of the south Connecticut coast.

NYC: 16,000,000,000,000 aspiring actors can't be wrong

Seaside, FL: No, we're not just a resort town, we're a real place, Duany said so.

Mackinaw City/Island, MI: We have Fudge!!!!!!!!
 

Cirrus

Cyburbian
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303
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4:20 is slang for marijuana.

Let me describe the smoking culture of Boulder for you. Cigarettes are bad. They're illegal in all restaurants and public places, and anyone who smokes one is likely to get lots of disapproving looks.

Marijuana, however, is good. 90% of the population (not just the students, that includes old people, such as most of the city council) smokes it. We even have a holiday. On April 20th at 4:20 pm thousands gather in one of the larger quads on campus and collectively light up. You can smell it for miles. It's pretty disgusting.
 

Cirrus

Cyburbian
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303
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11
Oh, and I'm not joking about the city council. Our mayor has a great story. In the 1960s he was a hippy headed to California. While in Boulder he ran out of gas and had to stop. He never left. Now he's the mayor.

The honorable Will Toor, mayor of Boulder:
 
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