I would like to throw my oh so SPIKEY hat into the ring in an attempt to gain the Presidency of this great nation. I promise to bring everyone together, to bring the various peoples of this great nation into one big tent, poised for action and ready to show thier ANGER!
Yes my fellow citizens, I promise to lead in such a way that all Americans will do thier duty. I promise to infuriate EVERY ethnic group, race, special interest group, lobbying organisation, grass roots movement, corporation, and kindly grandparent in the entire NATION! I PROMISE not to forget anyone, and I will truly show my benign gift of leadership to any group that fails to be offended.
I will leave no person uneffected by the changes I will bring! Everyone will get what they want with a twist. In the end you will all be unifed. If for no other reason than HATE! When I have finally unified the NATION, we will begin on the rest of the world.
At least, life will be interesting for all, if not happy. See you at the Polls next November. Remember, a vote for uncertainty is a vote for an interesting political life.