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Fictitious Top 40 Hits From Today and Yesteryear

Dan

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1980 was 40 years ago. That means songs like "Funkytown", "Another Brick in the Wall", "Brass in Pocket", and "Fire Lake" are as old today as songs like "Throw Hitler Under the A-Train", "Liver and Onion Pie Oh My", "The Horn on My Packard Goes Beep Beep Beep", and "Make it Snappy Sonny Boy" were to me during my first year in high school.

Also, Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself.
 

Maister

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Moderator note:

split from RTDNTOTO

Dan said:
songs like "Funkytown", "Another Brick in the Wall", "Brass in Pocket", and "Fire Lake" are as old today as songs like "Throw Hitler Under the A-Train", "Liver and Onion Pie Oh My", "The Horn on My Packard Goes Beep Beep Beep", and "Make it Snappy Sonny Boy" were to me during my first year in high school.
And the classic "A Nickel For a Shoe Shine."

Keep in mind that acid rock from the 1960's turns 60 in a few short years. Who can forget hits from then like "The End of Existence" by Electric Poodle Banana or "Inner Voyage; Outer You" by Sid Kumquat and the Quiche
 
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Maister

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I'm partial to hits from the 80's. You know, ones like "Do Another Line, Make Another Short Sale" or inspirational power ballads like "Pumped Up On You"
 

Wannaplan?

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Trickle Down Your Leg by the Air Supply Sliders was one of my favorites.

My brother liked the Red Red Slime remake by the Mifepristones.
 

Dan

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More from the Billboard Top 50 of 1940:
  • Bing Crosby: A Carton of Smokes for You
  • Andrews Sisters: Ding Ding Dong Dong
  • Bing Crosby: My Sweetie in East Saint Louie
  • Andrews Sisters: Sunday Under the Old Apple Tree
  • Bing Crosby: I Bought My House With Pennies From Heaven
  • Bing Crosby: Khaki Wacky Dame
  • Bing Crosby: Sauerkraut and Soda Pop
  • Andrews Sisters: Chugga Chugga Woo Woo
  • Bing Crosby: Put Some Pep in Your Step
  • Tennessee Ernie Ford: Just a recording of cracking whips, horse hooves running over dirt, and screaming "Yah! Heyeh!" for ten minutes
  • Bing Crosby: Peoria Paper Boy
  • Woodie Guthrie: Pinkerton Man
  • Andrews Sisters: Tick Tock Tick Tock
  • Frank Sinatra: That Broad's a Hand Holder
  • Bing Crosby: Saaaay, Now See Here
 

Maister

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More from the Billboard Top 50 of 1940:
....
Tennessee Ernie Ford: Just a recording of cracking whips, horse hooves running over dirt, and screaming "Yah! Heyeh!" for ten minutes
.....
Coffee spit!!! :roflmao:
 
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Dan

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From the UK Top 40 chart of June 1975:
  • Vicar's Beard: The Orbs of Laurelindorenan (13:20)
  • Pentacle: Giant's Bane (16:12)
  • Methuselah: The Fourteen Brides of Aberthwyne (22:43)
  • Curious Fox: Laboratory of the Dwarf Alchemist (14:37)
  • Luthien: Stone of Erech (19:32)
  • Electric Platypus: The Chartulary of St. John of Pontefract (20:30)
  • Intelligenzquotient: Fermat's Conundrum (23:41)
  • Camera Obscura: The Court of Ozymandias (18:54)
  • Constellatium: Ordnance Survey Maps of Dunwich and Other Sunken Lands (15:04)
  • The Lyonesse Philosopher's Guild: The Third Testament of Isambard Kingdom Brunel (31:12)
  • The Lyonesse Philosopher's Guild: The Fourth Testament of Isambard Kingdom Brunel (44:59)
  • Seven Sided Cube: Teatime and Mead at Withered Heath (16:32)
  • Genius: Archimedes at the Oracle of Delphi (18:35)
  • Hadrian: Motorway to Bedegraine (27:15)
  • Orange Toad: Shipping Forecast for MIddle Earth (19:46)
prog_rock.jpg
Left to right: Nigel Humphreys, Reginald Hughes, Ian Oldfield, and Rupert Hunter-Smith of The Lyonesse Philosopher's Guild.

prog_rock_2.jpg
Left to right: Simon Tidwell, Graham Davies, Cecil Harrington-Jones, and Oliver Piddlesworth of Pentacle.
 

Maister

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From the UK Top 40 chart of June 1975:
  • Vicar's Beard: The Orbs of Laurelindorenan (13:20)
  • Pentacle: Giant's Bane (16:12)
  • Methuselah: The Fourteen Brides of Aberthwyne (22:43)
  • Curious Fox: Laboratory of the Dwarf Alchemist (14:37)
  • Luthien: Stone of Erech (19:32)
  • Electric Platypus: The Chartulary of St. John of Pontefract (20:30)
  • Intelligenzquotient: Fermat's Conundrum (23:41)
  • Camera Obscura: The Court of Ozymandias (18:54)
  • Constellatium: Ordnance Survey Maps of Dunwich and Other Sunken Lands (15:04)
  • The Lyonesse Philosopher's Guild: The Third Testament of Isambard Kingdom Brunel (31:12)
  • The Lyonesse Philosopher's Guild: The Fourth Testament of Isambard Kingdom Brunel (44:59)
  • Seven Sided Cube: Teatime and Mead at Withered Heath (16:32)
  • Genius: Archimedes at the Oracle of Delphi (18:35)
  • Hadrian: Motorway to Bedegraine (27:15)
  • Orange Toad: Shipping Forecast for MIddle Earth (19:46)
View attachment 47773
Left to right: Nigel Humphreys, Reginald Hughes, Ian Oldfield, and Rupert Hunter-Smith of The Lyonesse Philosopher's Guild.

View attachment 47774
Left to right: Simon Tidwell, Graham Davies, Cecil Harrington-Jones, and Oliver Piddlesworth of Pentacle.
Masterful! You do realize, however, that displaying that level of familiarity and understanding of the peculiarities of that particular genre, may unintentionally convey something about the author. Oliver Piddlesworth, indeed!
(nice observation with the song lengths too)
Notably missing from the list is
Chancellery: Boadicea's Lament (22:04)
 

Dan

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Chancellery: Boadicea's Lament (22:04)
So underrated. Along with these little-known but much beloved classics:
  • Astrolabe: Serpent of the Northern Vale (17:32)
  • Interstellar Otter: Forge of Damocles (21:30)
  • Hawtrey Oldershaw Farris & Shuttlesworth: The Very Last Days of the Seven Foot Gauge (13:55)
  • Difference Engine Trust: Kings and Queens of the Endless Void (22:12)
  • Tiny Leviathan: Ruins of the Cambridgeshire Hundreds (19:57)
 

Maister

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So underrated. Along with these little-known but much beloved classics:
  • Astrolabe: Serpent of the Northern Vale (17:32)
  • Interstellar Otter: Forge of Damocles (21:30)
  • Hawtrey Oldershaw Farris & Shuttlesworth: The Very Last Days of the Seven Foot Gauge (13:55)
  • Difference Engine Trust: Kings and Queens of the Endless Void (22:12)
  • Tiny Leviathan: Ruins of the Cambridgeshire Hundreds (19:57)
Not to mention:

Stolid Patriarch: The Fall of the Westernesse (14:19)
Arcana: Heimdall's Sigil (12:40)
Broca's Fissure: Supplication to Vesta (20:22) [featuring the original Broca's lineup, with founders Ian North and Colin Thompson before North split and formed 'Lute Seminar']
 
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Dan

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Broca's Fissure: Supplication to Vesta (20:22) [featuring the original Broca's lineup, with founders Ian North and Colin Thompson before North split and formed 'Lute Seminar']
Lute Seminar? Was that the band with Nigel Rowley, Nigel Bexley-Smith, and Nigel Fletcher?

riddle_of_the_knave.jpg
 

Maister

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Lute Seminar? Was that the band with Nigel Rowley, Nigel Bexley-Smith, and Nigel Fletcher?

View attachment 47777
Yes, but the 'three Nigels' actually constituted the band's lineup when they recorded their second album, "The Lady of the Lake." Nigel Bexley-Smith, was by then the only original band member remaining that was involved in "Riddle of the Knave," as Ian North, Allistaire Longstreet, and Wallace Jenkins had quit "Lute Seminar" and formed yet another group, "Tesseract." I'm sure you recognize that name, as they recorded The Celtic Persephone (19:34) which of course topped the UK charts for a record 12 weeks the following year. I recently watched an old video of them on YouTube doing a concert that year at Bletchley-on-Thames. You should check it out sometime.
 

Dan

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Yes, but the 'three Nigels' actually constituted the band's lineup when they recorded their second album, "The Lady of the Lake." Nigel Bexley-Smith, was by then the only original band member remaining that was involved in "Riddle of the Knave," as Ian North, Allistaire Longstreet, and Wallace Jenkins had quit "Lute Seminar" and formed yet another group, "Tesseract."
Sometimes life imitates art.

As I remember, two of the Nigels of Lute Seminar, Nigel Rowley and Nigel Fletcher, would break away and join two former members of Legendarium, Nigel Middleton and Nigel Hawthorne, to form the greatest collection of Nigels ever known to British progressive rock. The four Nigels collectively would collectively call themselves Paradigm. They would go on to produce one of the most groundbreaking albums of the genre, In Search of Forgotten Time. It was a two record album with three songs, Temporal Disorder (34:21), McTaggart's Arguments, (36:19) and Lost in a Sea of Time (72:50). Because it was so long, Lost in a Sea of Time was on the two B-sides, and needed two turntables to play as one coherent song. The album went platinum in the UK, but sold only five copies in the United States.

.1578957007384.jpeg
 

Maister

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It seemed all too likely that the laws of probability would catch up with us in this case, given how....very plausible this all sounds.
Dan said:
The album went platinum in the UK, but sold only five copies in the United States.
Yes, I own one of those copies. I briefly considered selling it on ebay for around $800, but no, it's too precious for me to part with.
 

Dan

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Yes, I own one of those copies. I briefly considered selling it on ebay for around $800, but no, it's too precious for me to part with.
Better sell it now if you want to get $800 for it. Rumor is there's millions of copies of the US version of the album buried in a landfill outside of Clovis, New Mexico.

It's amazing how much the music scene in the UK changed in just a few short years. Here's a selection of the UK top 40 from September 1979:
  • The Mingers: Sod Off
  • The Strike: Riot in Leeds
  • The Punts: **** the Queen
  • The Punts: **** the Queen Mum
  • The Punts: **** Thatcher
  • The Defects: Bugger Off
  • The Bollocks: Oi Oi Oi Oi
  • The Munters: Bloody Awful
  • The Rage: Pissed and Pissing Blood
  • The Piles: Council Housing
  • The Despots: Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy!
  • The Spikes: Watney's Red Barrel
 

Dan

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And now, the real old time deal.

Chicago IL Tribune 1917 - 8899 pdf.jpg

You know, When I See You, I See Red White and Blue could be a bro country hit. By some musician named Blake, Aiden, Wyatt, Austin, Duke, or Dirk.

truuuuuuch.jpg
 

DVD

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I prefer some of the great hits like I've Got Something in My Pocket for You.
 

Maister

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Speaking of bro country, who liked Luke White's "Drinking in My F-150" or Arkansas Louisiana Line's big hit "Pound This Bud Like A Prom Queen"
 

mendelman

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I love this thread as I spent many a day in my late teens/early twenties obessively listening to 1970s Yes and Rush.

My parents always talk about the major hit played at most of the late period sock hops, especially in 1959 - The Hot Rod by The Ricketts playing that venerable St. Louis sound.
 

Planit

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"I Wish They Made a Gun Rack To Fit in My Camaro" by Austin Blake.

Such a sad tear jerking song that really makes you think about what's important in life.
 
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