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Queen B

Cyburbian
Messages
3,178
Points
25
I would like to hear how others have handled this...

So you decide that you want to start a new life.
You and your loved one pick up and leave all the friends you have known and loved.

How do you start those relationships?

How long does this new process take?

Has any one else had problems with this?
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
30
When I moved out here (East Coast) 8 years ago I did not know a soul. Fortunately, I have a hobby (bike racing) that allowed me to meet lots of people that had a common interest and then weeded through them to find ones that could be more then riding buddies.

When I moved to the City I live in now I tried the same approach nothing. When I leave this City there will not be a single person I plan on keeping in touch with.

As for the length of time, depends on what the community you move to is like, I have lived in my city for 4 1/2 years and have no real friends here, and to put things in perspective, I have friends from university that I have only seen once since graduation(8 years ago) that i speak to frequently and think of as really good friends that i could call for a kidney or give my kidney to if needed.
 

PlannerGirl

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
6,377
Points
29
I have moved 2xs where i only knew one person where i was going and loved both places. im a very friendly outgoing sort.

go out and join a local live theater co. volenteer at someting, go make the effort yourself to make friends-dont expect folks to come to you.

Good luck!
 

Mud Princess

Cyburbian
Messages
4,898
Points
27
You really have to work at starting those new relationships.

I had a really hard time when I first got out of grad school. My co-workers were all older than me and had children, so we didn't spend any time together outside of work.

It wasn't until I became involved with a local hiking club that I started to make new friends. Then I got involved with a neighborhood organization, and met more people that way.

What are your interests? Do you belong to any civic organizations, church groups, etc.? Find something you enjoy doing, and meet like-minded people that way.
 

Greenescapist

Cyburbian
Messages
1,169
Points
24
I think joining clubs and staying active are the key things to being happy in a new place. When I moved back to Boston four years ago, I knew a few people and didn't always want to hang out with them. I'm an avid hiker and joined the Applachian Mountain Club- and now I know so many cool people around here (some I dated, too) that it will be hard to leave if I go to grad school. Definitely look for active clubs in your area with big memberships.
 

The Irish One

Member
Messages
2,267
Points
25
this doesn't help

I'm glad you brought this up. I have been in the transitional break up stage with most of my friends. I'm having a tough time getting out there and mixing with different people, it's tough. Finding clubs for activities I like would make all the difference in the world.
 

Queen B

Cyburbian
Messages
3,178
Points
25
When I made a major life change in my early 20's, I moved to a new town but was fortunate enough to marry into the best group of friends ever. Now that I have made another shift it seems a different world, co workers are more reserved for fear they might say something that would offend.

(Up on my soap box) I think society as a whole is not as friendly. It used to be manditory to greet your new neighbors with a cake. Now people can live next door and never speak. I am not like that, I like to speak to others and be a friendly sort.

But it is those real friends that are missing. The ones that have an open invitation to your house or anywhere you are. The ones that come in and say they are hungry and go to the refrig and then complain that things are growing there.

So if you are reading this and you have friends like that, hold on to them they are a precious commodity.
 
Messages
3,690
Points
27
A couple months ago, I can't remember if it was a book that came out or just a study, but it basically said that people who had a higher number of people with "fridge priveleges" friends and family that could walk into your fridge, make a sandwich and you wouldn't be even slightly offended, were much happier. but that in this mobil american society, americans are finding themselves with less and less people with fridge rummaging rights in their life, and i'll totally agree.

Similar to MudPrincess, right after grad school, all my co-workers were much older than rob and i were, we had zero friends our age and felt very isolated, especially since we didn't want to go to baptist church. however, i will say, we were invited many many times by neighbors, which i thought was sweet.

then we moved back to NY, to Rob's home town, and we started by spending LOTS of time with his parents and sister, then my sister moved here, and then we started to make friends with the younger people where we both work, eventually becoming extrememly close with a couple we met through work. its really nice to have friends near by again. because although i've stayed close in touch with my college girlfriends (email every day, phone often), it isn' the same as being able to call someone and say, hey, what are you doing for dinner tonght, want to come over for lasagna?

I would definitely echo PG and greenescapist - join a club, or a class - you'll immediately have something in common with the other people there. i would also recommend getting involved in the local APA section - i've met a lot of really cool people that i'm close with now through the local section.

Good luck!
 
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