Funniest line in a public hearing

[Zoning Goddess]

Citizens, commisssioners, planners, etc. Sometimes it is too funny.

Last night, an elderly citizen at the P&Z got up to speak and said "Gee, you fellers look a lot better in person than you do on t.v." (Chuckles all around). "But let me tell you, our [County] commissioner, he could sure use a makeover".

At a P&Z years ago, a minister operating an illegal church was pleading for a special exception, and kept saying "Our intention is...", "Our intention is...". Finally, the chairman cut him off and said "Yeah, well, you know the road to you-know-where is paved with good intentions, too. I'll entertain a motion to deny." The minister was still standing, shell-shocked, for several minutes after the vote was taken.

What are the best lines you've heard?

 

[giff57]

In my last job, at a public hearing to enact rental Housing Regisration, one of the City Council said.... This will make the Planning Administrator the most powerful man in Fairfield. I heard about that one for a couple of years.....We also had this libertarian that would quote Jefferson whenever we tried to enact anything

 

[Seabishop]

Neighborhood resident at a hearing for a proposed development: "...but how will this development benefit ME?

 

[tsc]

I was at a public hearing for an expansion of this large industrial plant that was nestled in a 1920s worker-housing neighborhood in a small upstate NY city.

This fellow stood up to speak who lived right across from the plant on a 40X100 foot lot… he had an oxygen tube to assist him with breathing… and said “I spent the first 60 years of my life in the Bronx. I moved here to the country last year to get fresh air and live out my retirement years…..” and he continued on to object to the expansion.

I think he was better off in the Bronx than where he moved…..as his retirement house was across the street from one of the most polluted sites in the US.

 

[Rumpy Tunanator]

At a recent public hearing for a proposed casino in Cheektovegas located across from the town of Lancaster, a resident from lancaster said that it was to close to an elementary school (think about the children!) and suggested it should be placed downtown because there are no schools nearby and crime already exists. I just want to kick this lady in her face. There are more than a couple schools within the area as well as a dense population of residents living within the proposed area she was talking about.
As for crime, its one of those narrow minded views from the suburbs that crime is every where in the city. What used to be a red-light district is now full of bars and restaurants (Chippewa St). Hey Dan you remember what Chippewa looked like the 80's? All I can remember is that the prostitutes and dealers really didn't get pushed out until the early 90's. Now they're over on Niagara St.
Its always funny that people support an idea that might affect the residents of another neighborhood, but once its in their neighborhood, they shout NIMBY.

 

[donk]

A guy got up and looked around and saw all of the governement employees. He then said

"You know thew problem with this here meeting, too many people wearing ties"

Also at the same meeting, the same person said

"There is white man's law and (his last name)'s law. We ain't no (racial slur)"

I got the ever popular - "What about the children?' a few weeks ago.

 

[Rumpy Tunanator]

I got the ever popular - "What about the children?' a few weeks ago.

Damn kids and their pokemon.

 

[Seabishop]

I got the ever popular - "What about the children?' a few weeks ago.

"What about the children? To be honest, Maam, they will die if these condos are built, that's what."

 

[Richmond Jake]

Not funny but common: "this project will increase traffic on our already congested transportation system." Yes it will buddy, now sit down and shut up. Next comment?

 

[Rumpy Tunanator]

Funny and common. "When I moved out here, it was a quiet neighborhood, with no traffic. Now its gone to hell so why can't we zone our town for no development?"

 

[Repo Man]

"These condos will bring in a bad element and hurt my property value"

- Yeah, these condos, starting at $250,000 will really bring out the bad element....and diminish the value of your house that is assessed at 1/2 that.

"We don't have anything against Thai people, we just don't want the traffic and smell from your restaurant"

"Cant we force them to change the name of their business"

- This was regarding a proposed grocery store that some people thought would bring in the "bad element" (code word in this city for Black people) because of its name.

and my all time favorite, heard at most Public Hearings:

"Why wasn't the public informed about this development." or "I think we need more public hearings."

- Uh, you were obviously informed and you are at at a public hearing....what more could you want.

 

[Gedunker]

Why, ma'am, you mean the children are playing basketball in the streets? That certainly isn't very dangerous, is it?

The ever popular "We don't want that new street to connect to ours. We were here first."

Then there's always the "I talked to somebody down here and they said it was okay". Who did you talk to? "I don't remember his/her name". Did you get it in writing? "I didn't think I needed it in writing".

Ahh, people.

 

[NHPlanner]

About a month on the job here, we attracted 400+ people to a public hearing on a proposed wetland ordinance. The lead-off comment from the public:

"This is the greatest land taking since the settlers came and took land from the indians."

 

[Chet]

Alderman: "I'm concerned its too dense. What are the sociologicial impacts of this type development over time?"

Planner: "Its the same density as your neighborhood. You've lived there 15 years and raised two kids, one of which is attending university in fall, and the other is in the top 5% of her high school graduating class. You tell me"

 

[lowlyplanner]

The worst one I ever heard was: "Those apartments will lower the property values of my mobile home."

My favorite quote ever, and actually a good question, was when I lived in Charlestown in Boston, MA. At a public meeting about a proposed waterfront hotel (which was ugly - it was the standard model for that chain), a guy got up and said, "This is a very historic area, you know. Most of the homes are 150 years old. What are people going to think about your building in 150 years?"

The agent was floored by the question and had no response. (and how could you respond?) I think the neighborhood group kept it tied up for a couple of years until the financing fell apart.

 

[Howard Roark]

Statement made by another Architect (I am being generous with the label) before city council on a new strip center, as I waited to present my super cool bank (ok, it was an ordinary bank but that was the clients fualt)

Councilwoman - "You say that the exterior is EIFS, what is that? and do you have a sample we could see"

Aledged Architect - "Well EIFS is a granite like material"

I had no idea what he said after that, I had to leave the room due to the fact I blew soda out of my nose

 

[Kathie_WE]

These are cracking me up.

Here's mine, not sure if its funny or pathetic --

"The church's extension will ruin my view."

-- Said by a resident of the most affluent and demanding community in the city about a proposed church expansion that featured a brick facade, garden, and trees. Of course she was right though this extension would have blocked her view -- of a major city artery, with its non-stop traffic, parked cars, and unkept early 20th century houses. The zoning board turned down the variance -- despite recomendation of the planning commisssion & staff -- & she kept her view.

 

[Maroon]

In a hearing about whether or not to drop restrictions about the division of agricultural land.

"Back when I bought my farm, I thought I was living well....working at IBM, voting Republican..."

 

[Wulf9]

Planning Commissioner to a Kentucky Fried Chicken representative "Which finger do you lick?"

Same planning Commissioner "As they say at Imola (local mental hospital) 'I'm off.'"

Not the most PC of people

 

[Cirrus]

"This is not Downtown Denver."

Regarding a proposed three story building in downtown Boulder on a site currently surrounded by other 2, 3 and 4 story buildings. Apparantly, there is no difference in the NIMBY mind between a 35 foot tall building and 700 foot tall building.

 

[SlaveToTheGrind]

"You can't approve this project because it will increase traffic on the street my kids play on."

Any number of residential projects.

"The is not a place for condominimums. The proposed condos, if built, will look directly into my home."

Said by a owner of a condo on the adjacent property.


"We welcome development in Billings, just not in this location" (next to my house).

Said at a public hearing the ended at 4:04 AM

 

[DecaturHawk]

In Clive, Iowa, where luxury apartments were to be built behind single family homes (the land was zoned for multi before the adjacent SF was built, but what diff should that make?):
"I don't want my daughter to go out in our back yard and see RENTERS."

In Palatine, Illinois: "You're turning this town into another Schaumburg!" (Gee, what do they say if you are developing in Schaumburg? "You're turning this town into another Tyson's Corner"?)

In Crystal Lake, Illinois: "If I wanted to see my neighbors, I would have stayed in Chicago."

 

[SlaveToTheGrind]

DecaturHawk,

Hey, I used to live on 101st Street in Clive.! Where were these apartments to be built that you mentioned?

 

[Habanero]

I love it when people say their children play on the streets, it's classic.

We also had the "it's a great development, just not in my neighborhood".

We have a group that color coordinates what they wear to meetings. Even the kids get dressed in matching colors.

 

[ludes98]

Not necessarily funny, but shocking. I was at a hearing in Nogales (Mexican border town) where a resident, in a room filled with Hispanics, asked if the project could incorporate fencing to keep "wetbacks" from crossing the property. What was classic was staff's and commissioners' inability to speak or respond for almost a minute. Needless to say, he left the audience to jeers and the project did not incorporate any fencing.

 

[donk]

Hab reminded me of my all time favourite.

A neighbourhood choir of children singing "let it be". I wish I been there and I wish I had a tape recorder for the news cast the next morning. I nearly laughed myself to death in my hospital bed.

 

[Belle]

Just got in from a public meeting about a proposed minor league baseball stadium in a downtown neighborhood. My favorite line from the meeting:

"I don't live in this neighborhood, but I'm here twice a day--to drop off and pick up my child from the high school. What I think we need to keep in mind here is the congestion, because this area is already congested."

Uh, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure you may already be contributing to the problem...

 

[Mastiff]

This just in!

This was the town where I used to work...

Reeder - Councilman
Taylor - City Attorney
Dolence - Mayor


On Monday night, Reeder said the council should select the administrator with the mayor’s consent.

“What purpose does this committee serve?” Reeder asked.

Taylor said the committee would assist the mayor in making the selection.

“I’m not sure he has the authority to appoint this committee,” Reeder said.

Taylor replied, “Sure he does.”

Reeder said the committee’s recommendations would not be binding to the council.
“I want the citizens of Webb City to know that these people have no authority,” Reeder said.

Taylor said the city administrator’s power and, therefore, that of the search committee comes from the mayor.

“The process is that the mayor makes the recommendation to the council,” he said.
“I don’t care how it has happened before,” Reeder replied. “We are going to follow the law.”

Councilman John Biggs said he “would’ve liked to have known about this committee before it appeared in the paper.”

Dolence then said, “I made a decision.

“You know what? I just decided that Tom (Reeder) is the smartest man in here.”
Dolence then stood up and said, “I’m not putting up with this crap. You can’t pay me enough.” He then left.

Several council members lingered and began asking how the mayor’s job would be filled. Taylor began explaining the procedures but abruptly said, “I’m done.” He then left.


My ex-boss was fired, then the Mayor and City Attorney quit...