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I am having women troubles, I could use some help from the ladies here... (and guys)

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Dan

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jordanb said:
:-D 8-! :-b :p ;-) B-) |-) :-\ :-0 :u:

Followed by :b: , which is what I'm about to do. I hate Valentine's Day, and I haven't leaft the house today; I'm trying to avoid all the happy couples. Instead, I'm trying to find Ms Right on match.com, but in true female style, nobody is writing back. Probably because my income is a few shy of their minimum $50K requirements, I'm two inches shorter than their 6' ideal, and I don't mention any extreme sports in my profile.



Dan, from the island of quirkyalone misfit potential boyfriends
 

el Guapo

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5,986
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Mike,
I love you man (Not that way) but you have got to listen to the old timers on these matters. We have been burnt before and we know where the obvious land mines are. So, I'm going to do the most annoying thing ever. I'm going to say "I told you so!" But I'm going to do it pictorially - once more. I hate to do it, but I feel I owe it to you. You told us everything we needed to know in the first post. It was like, predestined to happen.

hawk5.jpg


When will the world learn to listen to me?
 

The Irish One

Member
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2,266
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25
A little rant.

I hope that everyone out there had better luck than I did... because the only thing worse than not having a date on Valentines Day, is having your date cancel...

I totally disagree with this statement. Look, Valentines day is not for hooking up, it's for when you're in an established relationship. I have to be 6 months into a intimate/romantic relationship before Valentines is an issue. Next Valentine's day if you're alone, find a female friend and do a nonromantic gift exchange. That's what I did and it was really cute and light hearted AND THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!!.

Things will work out.
 

Dan

Dear Leader
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el Guapo said:
To Dan: Who are you sir Knight, who are so wise in the ways of science?

There's three choices available to our young man in Kalamazoo ... erection, rejection and ejection. Given the distant odds of the first happening. I'll take the honor of joining the Martin-Baker Tie Club, thank you very much.
 

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
26,673
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70
So REM,
which of the silly English Knights do you like?
 

Rumpy Tunanator

Cyburbian
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michaelskis said:
I hope that everyone out there had better luck than I did...QUOTE]

I guess you did not receive any "dome" this weekend either. Well I think I see where my situation is going, and I'm glad you found out where yours was going. Now up with the beer:b:
 

Rem

Cyburbian
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JNA said:
So REM,
which of the silly English Knights do you like?
Any one that doesn't save me from such harmless temptations as girls aged 16 to 191/2. o:)
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
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20,877
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The Irish One said:
I totally disagree with this statement. Look, Valentines day is not for hooking up, it's for when you're in an established relationship.

I am thinking that we will agree to disagree. The whole “Will you be my Valentine” phase invokes ideas of new romance. It is also a day that people who have not had a romantic relationship with each other, have the opportunity to have something spark. It maybe the kick that two people need to get something going. I was not going to get her any extravagant gifts, just flowers, and romantic creativity, in hopes of something progressing into the possibility of a serious relationship. I do think that it is important for valentines to be an important aspect of an established relationship as well.

After this little back step, I am starting to question the qualities I look for in women… Maybe I should go back to being super picky.I am not nearly as bummed out as I think that many people expect me to be…

Oh well, there is always next weekend.
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
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3,832
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25
It sucks but you don't need a girl wrapped up in ex-boyfriend issues. No need to waste so much romantic energy on that one. Hey, it could be worse - you could still be in Reading.

I was once upset at having to cancel a Valentines date because of a car accident. When we rescheduled, she was a total beeyotch who acted like I was wasting her time.
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
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13,843
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The Irish One said:
Wisdom. There is nothing the matter with being picky.
Sure there is. My oldest/best friend is too picky. There was the guy who was sweet, responsible, steadily-employed, great in the sack, but didn't make enough money! Now he's married, but not to her. Or the one who had tons of cash and all the above, but traveled too much for work. She is so picky that she's now middle-aged, never married, hopelessly depressed about it, and wishing she hadn't been such an idiot.
 

The Irish One

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There was the guy who was sweet, responsible, steadily-employed, great in the sack, but didn't make enough money!

You're froiend is just stupid. Mike seems like a great guy, he should be discriminating with who gets his time.
 
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The Irish One said:
You're froiend is just stupid. Mike seems like a great guy, he should be discriminating with who gets his time.

There is a reason for the saying "all the good ones are married". Making a committed relationship work well is something you learn to do, over time, by doing it. If you wait until you "find the right one", you may always be alone. Which isn't to say he shouldn't be "discriminating". But, as ZG says, you most certainly can be "too picky".
 

michaelskis

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What is picky???

I was more thinking that I will be a bit more inquisitive as to a persons past to make sure that she is not hung on a past relationship, and has is looking for the same or similar things in a relationship as I am. I know that I am a bit on the picky side when it comes to personality and appearance. It is hard to get into a relationship with a girl that I do not find attractive or has if she does not have a fun and enjoyable personality. I have been picky in the past, and some of my ex’s are now married, but I look at how thing have happened in my life, and I realize that things worked out for the best for them as well as me. I know that there is one that if I would have stayed with, I would be divorced by now. So in reality it is good that these things happen now, because it weeds out the possible bad situations, and allows me to enjoy other aspects of my life. Such as spending time with friends.
 

JNL

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michaelskis said:
Such as spending time with friends.

Good plan. I spent Saturday evening with 3 other singles. We got some gourmet burgers, had a few beers and listened to music. Was a good night.
 

The Irish One

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I have been picky in the past, and some of my ex’s are now married, but I look at how thing have happened in my life, and I realize that things worked out for the best for them as well as me.

That, imho, is the midset of a successful person.

If you wait until you "find the right one", you may always be alone. Which isn't to say he shouldn't be "discriminating". But, as ZG says, you most certainly can be "too picky".

Agree.
 

GeogPlanner

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do you think its bad news when you are dating a girl and you start having the same arguement you had with your ex-fiance? that's was what i was treated to this weekend... :-(
 

JNL

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GeogPlanner said:
do you think its bad news when you are dating a girl and you start having the same arguement you had with your ex-fiance? that's was what i was treated to this weekend... :-(

All depends on what the argument is about GP and if the issue is to do with problem resolution rather than the problem itself... if that makes sense. I couldn't argue with my ex-fiance, he'd get over-dramatic then refuse to discuss things!
 
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GeogPlanner said:
do you think its bad news when you are dating a girl and you start having the same arguement you had with your ex-fiance? that's was what i was treated to this weekend... :-(

This is not to slam you in any way, shape, or form. But one of the reasons I "hung in there" in the early years of my marriage was because I felt very strongly that if I left in a huff and didn't try to work it out, it would become a case of "different face, same old BS" and I wanted to make sure to use the BS as fertilizer for something better so I wouldn't take it with me if I ever moved on. But I suspect I would wonder if it was "me" so to speak, which is not to lay blame in your case.
 
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michaelskis said:
I was more thinking that I will be a bit more inquisitive as to a persons past to make sure that she is not hung on a past relationship, and has is looking for the same or similar things in a relationship as I am.

I think figuring out what you value/need/want is time well spent. I do not think 'setting a goal' of finding a spouse works too well for most people (I have heard of exceptions). I think what works best is understanding yourself and being open to it. I don't think I can really explain that. I don't feel I have really said exactly what I want. Oh well.
 

Zoning Goddess

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Michele Zone said:
I do not think 'setting a goal' of finding a spouse works too well for most people (I have heard of exceptions). .

And therein lies the misery of many. Well said, MZ. Not that I am implying Mike is doing this (but I sure have seen it as the obsession of many), but the quest often obscures the goal.
 

Zoning Goddess

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P.S. Holy cow, Michaelskis, looking at the number of views... your Valentine's woes have garnered the attention of many!

Hope next year is better.
 

michaelskis

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WOW... I am shocked to see that everyone is interested in my love life or lack of one right now. I wish what everyone would also post and share their thoughts on this matter...

Just for the record, unless people convince me other wise, I think that I am going to take a break from the whole dating thing for a little while. But if the right woman comes along, then I might have to change my mind.
 

JNL

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michaelskis said:
Just for the record, unless people convince me other wise, I think that I am going to take a break from the whole dating thing for a little while. But if the right woman comes along, then I might have to change my mind.

It so often seems to be the case that someone turns up when you're not looking. Because generally you'll just be doing stuff you enjoy, hanging out with people who make you feel good, and being yourself. And women will see that and maybe they'll like what they see. I did this and had a quiet period of no dates for a few months and now... well you've only heard half my stories!
 

michaelskis

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michaelskis said:
Just for the record, unless people convince me other wise, I think that I am going to take a break from the whole dating thing for a little while.


UNLESS JNL moves to the mid-west... then I would have to ask her if she would have dinner with me. :)
 

JNL

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You know, for my trip to Europe mid-year, I'm considering getting an open round-the-world ticket... maybe I could see how many Cyburbanites I can meet! :) Don't know if the funds will stretch that far though.
 
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JNL said:
It so often seems to be the case that someone turns up when you're not looking. Because generally you'll just be doing stuff you enjoy, hanging out with people who make you feel good, and being yourself. And women will see that and maybe they'll like what they see. I did this and had a quiet period of no dates for a few months and now... well you've only heard half my stories!

Well, that is one of the things that really works, unlike (IMO) "dating": if you are doing something you enjoy and would do anyway, and you meet someone and there is chemistry, the odds are a whole lot better that you actually something in common than if you go out to dinner and a movie for the express purpose of getting to know someone well enough to decide if they are worth spending time with. Hello??!!! I find that to be a recipe for failure.

Other cyburbanites having "dinner with JNL" is NOT a "date" -- it is a meal with a good friend they have known and adored for many months already. If there is ALSO chemistry, hey, you already know you would willingly spend time with her anyway -- because you already DO. I promise you, marriages based on flowers, dinners at wonderful restaurants, and going to movies together take it really hard when the kids come along, money is tight, you are time stressed, and there just isn't room in your lives (or budget) for "having fun" all the time. If you do not enjoy each other's company without "fun entertainment" to MAKE it "fun", then you will have a very hard time making it work when those more serious, responsible times come -- and those serious, responsible times is what really builds the foundation of the marriage. If all you are good for is "fun" -- uh, the phrase for that is "good time Charlie", not "life long lover".

Michael -- your troubles are better than a soap opera and everyone loves it because, as gossipy as it is, it isn't really "ugly". It is not some nasty divorce with a custody battle and all that. My mom always said "soap operas" were popular because people's lives really are like that. Better to dwell on the lurid but harmless and entertaining problems you have than on our own, which are actually painful to us <giggle>.
 

Dan

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Zoning Goddess said:
Sure there is. My oldest/best friend is too picky.

I'm all too familiar with that. Even though I'm constantly reassured that, as women get older, they stop thinking about superficial things like income and athleticism, I think it actually gets worse! "Don't settle for second best!" is hammered into the mindset of so many women, so they end up lonely, while legions of men end up alone.

Part of a typical WSM match.com profile in Cleveland ...
 

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That is totally sick!

My list would look something like this:
27 to 55 (flexible on exact limits -- more importantly: please have a brain)
5' 7" is absolutely perfect but, again, willing to be convinced otherwise.
Can you cook dinner? I am building my international empire, so I do not have time to both cook and have sex. I far prefer sex to cooking but have not figured out how to give up sustenance.

Some college required. No, not really. What is really required is an education. There are other ways to get there. College is just a handy "identifier".

EDIT: Did I mention that I value intelligence? Make a note of that: bookworms wanted.
 

The Irish One

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I'm looking for;
Blonde hair (natural)
Blue eyes (natural)
5'8"-5'11" (natural)
112-127 lbs. (depends on body type)
Honey toned skin (natural)
C cup (natural)
Perfectly shaped buttocks (you'll know when we meet)
Must enjoy wearing blue jeans
Have Masters Degree in Hard Sciences
making over $100,000 for at least 5 years
can not be over 31 (that's pushing it)

and we'll figure out the rest if you've made it through these qualifications.

One more thing no children of divorced parents.

JUST KIDDING :-}
 
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The Irish One said:
I'm looking for;
Blonde hair (natural)
Blue eyes (natural)
5'8"-5'11" (natural)
112-127 lbs. (depends on body type)
Honey toned skin (natural)
C cup (natural)
Perfectly shaped buttocks (you'll know when we meet)
Must enjoy wearing blue jeans
Have Masters Degree in Hard Sciences
making over $100,000 for at least 5 years
can not be over 31 (that's pushing it)

and we'll figure out the rest if you've made it through these qualifications.

One more thing no children of divorced parents.

JUST KIDDING :-}

Damn, that is a perfect description of me!!! It is like you must be looking at a picture of me or something!!!

(Especially the "JUST KIDDING" part.:):):))
 

jmf

Cyburbian
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591
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The Irish One said:
I'm looking for;
5'8"-5'11" (natural)
112-127 lbs. (depends on body type)
C cup (natural)
JUST KIDDING :-}

Hope you are just kidding about these parts - I am 5'7" and once (after major surgery and not eating solids for about 3 weeks) weighed 129. I have never been so uncomfortable in my life - bones were sticking out everywhere - I had the softest mattress in the world and still felt like I was sleeping on a pile of rocks. I am not built to weigh that little - according to a dietician, based on BMI and my body type I should weigh in the 140-150 range.

A healthy weight for someone 5'8" based on BMI (body mass index) is 125 to 164, 5'11" is 136 - 179.

Good luck finding a healthy 5'9" woman with a C cup who weighs in your range!

Sorry for the rant, a real personal pet peeve!!!!!!!!!
 

Zoning Goddess

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Dan said:
I'm all too familiar with that. Even though I'm constantly reassured that, as women get older, they stop thinking about superficial things like income and athleticism, I think it actually gets worse! "Don't settle for second best!" is hammered into the mindset of so many women, so they end up lonely, while legions of men end up alone.

Part of a typical WSM match.com profile in Cleveland ...

I have checked out a couple of the on-line services in my area, and I can tell you that 95% of the men my age are looking for a woman at least 10 years younger than they are, sometimes 15 to 20, and every single one specifies that the woman must be "slender". The vast majority also will not date single mothers.

Men can be too picky, also. The are just usually pickier about looks, women about money.
 

Doitnow

Cyburbian
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495
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16
Im sure nobody's just advising just for the fun of it Michael.
I'm also sure that many of us quite understand all of what you have been mentioning lately.and interestingly we may have relived some of our pasts just while doing all this. :p
Im sure soap operas do well because the intelligent business minds behind them are fully aware how much such emotional stuff can captivate the human mind.
Look at the overwhelming response Mike. This must be my fourth or fifth post. And justlook at Michele...
============================================
My list would look something like this:
27 to 55 (flexible on exact limits -- more importantly: please have a brain)
5' 7" is absolutely perfect but, again, willing to be convinced otherwise.
Can you cook dinner? I am building my international empire, so I do not have time to both cook and have sex. I far prefer sex to cooking but have not figured out how to give up sustenance.

Some college required. No, not really. What is really required is an education. There are other ways to get there. College is just a handy "identifier".

EDIT: Did I mention that I value intelligence? Make a note of that: bookworms wanted.
============================================

You are almost perfect Michele. But how many like you are out there??;-)

Another interesting felling that I have is that across the oceans sitting far far away from where this particular action is happening, I can understand quite well. :-}

Well the bottomline I would say/ask is:

Hey! How do you feel right now??
You feel good Tararara rara raa
You feel good Tararara rara raa

U having a blast
( Im sure you are)
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
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Zoning Goddess said:
I have checked out a couple of the on-line services in my area, and I can tell you that 95% of the men my age are looking for a woman at least 10 years younger than they are, sometimes 15 to 20, and every single one specifies that the woman must be "slender". The vast majority also will not date single mothers.

Men can be too picky, also. The are just usually pickier about looks, women about money.


Guilty. Sort of. I really don't want a woman all that youger than me. About ten years youger is as much as I will usually consider. On the other hand, I don't find I have much of an interest in women more than a year or two older than me. I will also turn down any woman with children. I don't want children of my own, so I really don't want to consider raising someone else's. Dogs are a good substitute. I do value intelligence and find it hard to imagine myself with anyone who does not have a college degree.

Beyond those things I am not really all that picky. Still, here I am, as single as Dan or Michael. Sigh.
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
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I am going to make being single fun!!! I will go out with people, meet new people, and enjoy every thing that being single as to offer. Think about all the guys who are in a marrage that they hate... we are what they want to be.

And as for what I would look for;

110 - 150 lbs.
Slim, athletic, or average
blonde brunette, or red
Blue, Green, Brown or Gray
5' to 5' 10"
21-28 years old
At least some college
$10,000+
Great Smile, Grace and Elegance, and optomistic personality.
 

SkeLeton

Cyburbian
Messages
4,837
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26
Since everybody seems to be posting their standards for women, I'll post mine:
- Genetically female (Sorry transvestites and transexuals)
- 18 + (don't want to go to jail)
- Functional brain (sorry airheads)
- No tattoos nor piercings; though I can make exceptions for the tiny piercings or tattoos.
- Natural hair (sorry women with green hair)
- No silicone
- Above 5' 5"
- Not psychotic (very important!)
- Tolerant
- Non smoker (I just hate ciggarette smoke!)

Hard to qualify, huh?
 

Planner Groupie

Cyburbian
Messages
173
Points
7
SkeLeton said:
- No tattoos nor piercings; though I can make exceptions for the tiny piercings or tattoos.
- Above 5' 5"

Hard to qualify, huh?

And what is wrong with being under 5'5 and tattoos??

whoops..no green hair
 
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Doitnow!! said:
You are almost perfect Michele. But how many like you are out there??;-)

I happen to know quite a few women who are not terribly picky about age, etc. Many of my friends are married to someone 15 years older -- or 5 years younger. MOST women 'like me' just aren't VOCAL about it: extroverts are the majority for the general population but are the MINORITY in the gifted crowd. I stick out like a sore thumb and people tell me to "shut the f*ck up!" (I am sure this comes as a real shocker to people here, lol.).

And what is with this "ALMOST perfect" claim? :p
 
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SkeLeton said:
Since everybody seems to be posting their standards for women, I'll post mine:
- Genetically female (Sorry transvestites and transexuals)
- 18 + (don't want to go to jail)
- Functional brain (sorry airheads)
- No tattoos nor piercings; though I can make exceptions for the tiny piercings or tattoos.
- Natural hair (sorry women with green hair)
- No silicone
- Above 5' 5"
- Not psychotic (very important!)
- Tolerant
- Non smoker (I just hate ciggarette smoke!)

Hard to qualify, huh?
No, I meet all of those criteria -- if you can overlook my pierced ears. Surely you didn't mean to suggest that earrings are too weird for you? :-D
 

The Irish One

Member
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Hope you are just kidding about these parts

Absolutely!

I can tell you that 95% of the men my age are looking for a woman at least 10 years younger than they are, sometimes 15 to 20, and every single one specifies that the woman must be "slender". The vast majority also will not date single mothers.

IMHO these types of expectations are beyond anything I would consider being picky, these are really stupid demands to make of a person. Most of these guys watched too much porn for too long and have never left the fantasy. They should stay single. IMHO

QUESTION FOR ONLINE DATERS

Has anyone used eharmony? opinions, comparisons, etc..
 
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