• Cyburbia is a friendly big tent, where we share our experiences and thoughts about urban planning practice, planning adjacent topics, and whatever else comes to mind. No ads, no spam, no echo chambers. Create your FREE Cyburbia ID, and join us today! You can also register through your Reddit, Facebook, Google, Twitter, or Microsoft account.

IHO of the holidays, let's talk in-laws....

NHPlanner

Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
9,887
Points
38
I love the in-laws....my wife on the other hand, still isn't really comfortable around my mother.....
 

kms

Cyburbian
Messages
5,883
Points
31
If you tell your inlaws not to blame their disfuntions on you, they will stop talking to you. HONESTLY, my mother in law is evil and manipulative. I don't hate her, and I wish her no harm, but we don't talk and she doesn't see my kids. My husband has very little to do with her. It was a tough decision, and I am a little like her for making the decision, but my kids shouldn't be around anyone like her.

Wow, this message is full of holiday spirit, isn't it?
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,984
Points
29
Neutral

Having the inlaws near the antipode of my residence makes for big phone bills and zero drop by visits. Having never met them also makes for an interesting relationship.
 
Messages
3,690
Points
27
LOVE Rob's parents and sister - it took some time, but we have a really great relationship now. However, the rest of his extended family? Not so much - there are so many of them, and family functions are just soooooo hard - it is very hard for me to sit and inanely chat for 5 hours. I'm dreading Christmas Eve. At least at my extended family functions, napping is a major component, as well as watching tv, or reading your book, if you don't feel like talking to anyone, you don't have to.
 

SW MI Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
3,195
Points
26
my wife on the other hand, still isn't really comfortable around my mother.....
Tim - why is that, do you know? You don't have to tell me, I'm just being nosy as it seems that I feel much the same way as your wife.

If you tell your inlaws not to blame their disfuntions on you, they will stop talking to you.
Darn, is that all it takes??? hahhahah

Wow, this message is full of holiday spirit, isn't it?
Yep, I know :) But see, look at it as reassurance that 90% of others are in the same boat!! I personally need to recognize that every once in a while.

I've been married less than 2 months now, but already I am learning how NOT to be to any future sons when they are grown mature adults ready to start their own lives, and how NOT to be to their wife, who are ready to have their own life and family, and most likely responsible and mature enough to be able to decorate, cook, garden, work full time, decide if they want to breast feed or not.........etc. etc. etc.

Do you think they went through this with their in-laws. If so, why are they that way now? They should KNOW how rough it is.
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,624
Points
34
My ex-inlaws are still okay.

Her Pop never talkes much anyway, and I've learned that regardless of the topic, you'll always have the same conversation 3 times in a row with her Mom, since she is too busy thinking about what he's saying next to listen to what you are saying.

Once you realize thats whats happening, you get past it pretty quick.
 

Bullwinkle

Cyburbian
Messages
176
Points
7
SW MI Planner said:
Tim - why is that, do you know? You don't have to tell me, I'm just being nosy as it seems that I feel much the same way as your wife.
You don't feel comfortable around his mother, either? That's harsh. I bet you don't even know the woman.
 

SGB

Cyburbian
Messages
3,387
Points
25
NHPlanner said:
I love the in-laws....my wife on the other hand, still isn't really comfortable around my mother.....
Huh.. Maybe there is something about both current and former NH planner spouses, 'cause we feel the same way.
 

NHPlanner

Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
9,887
Points
38
SW MI Planner said:
Tim - why is that, do you know? You don't have to tell me, I'm just being nosy as it seems that I feel much the same way as your wife.
In a nutshell, my wife thinks that my mom is disappointed with me because Erica "isn't good enough" for me...I could go into more detail Christine....but would rather not do it on the boards...PM me if you want more info.

Personally, I think with a bit of effort on both their parts, things would be more "comfortable."
 

nerudite

Cyburbian
Messages
6,544
Points
30
I just met my boyfriend's mum for the first time last Thursday (she's staying here for two weeks). She's really easy going and a breeze to deal with, which is good... since she's here for another week and a half! If the rest of his family is like this, it should be a breeze. Plus, she likes my cooking. :D

My boyfriend has more problems with my parents, as my mother is manipulative and just an all-around negative person.
 

SW MI Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
3,195
Points
26
You don't feel comfortable around his mother, either? That's harsh. I bet you don't even know the woman.
We've been together over three years,and she lives a mile away. We see her frequently, and I feel that I know her quite well. I'm not trying to be harsh, but being honest. Thing is, when you are regularly being told that you are not doing something correctly (because it's not *her* way) - it doesn't make for a comfortable situation. For example, I make dinner, and it is "all right, but I usually don't put this much meat in my spaghetti sauce". The gardening looks "ok, but needs some more color". The roof color I like "looks horrible, and we should get the same color she has" (even though the houses are not even similar). This is seriously an ongoing thing....

I care a lot about her, and she is a good person. I understand she is entitled to her opinion, but you know what...she had her household, and raised a family - let me have mine. I don't even have kids yet, but scared about how things will be. That's why I was asking Tim about his situation, and how his wife dealt with it.

Blissfully single!
Hey, I thought I was supposed to bring a girlfriend to Denver for ya ;)
 

NHPlanner

Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
9,887
Points
38
SW MI Planner said:

That's why I was asking Tim about his situation, and how his wife dealt with it.
Christine:

I think that Lindley (Bullwinkle) was making light of the fact that your reply sounded like you knew MY mother....and he was taking advantage of the fact that we know each other to get a little joke in there....of course I just outed his real name....so the score is even I guess. :)
 

SW MI Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
3,195
Points
26
OHHHHHH! I feel like a jacka$$ now :)

Oopsy Poopsy

((glad I am leaving work in 15 minutes, because it's been one heck of a day...))
 

Bullwinkle

Cyburbian
Messages
176
Points
7
SW MI Planner said:
OHHHHHH! I feel like a jacka$$ now :)

Oopsy Poopsy

((glad I am leaving work in 15 minutes, because it's been one heck of a day...))
Don't feel bad. My weak attempt at humor just didn't go over well.

It would have been better if I could have gotten the little smiley in the right place. How do you insert a smiley in the middle of a sentence? When I select a message icon, it just goes at the beginning of the message.
 

SW MI Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
3,195
Points
26
Don't feel bad. My weak attempt at humor just didn't go over well.
Don't feel bad - it's not your fault I'm an idiot today...it was actually pretty funny :)

Ok, to make a smiley. Where ever you want it, type a colon : ,and a paranthesis ) right next to each other, and it should work. To make him/her wink, use the semi-colon ; then the paranthesis.

There are a bunch other ones - on the bottom left of the screen it will have a forum rules box, and it says something about smilies. Click on that, and it will give you a list of them.
 

NHPlanner

Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
9,887
Points
38
Christine...ironically, my wife just called me, and I mentioned this thread....she said to tell you that you have her sympathies, and that hopefully things will get better with time!!! :)
 

Tranplanner

maudit anglais
Messages
7,903
Points
35
I have a great relationship with my in-laws, and my wife is the same with my family. However - it was a little dicey for a bit. My father-in-law is also my ex-boss. He wasn't too happy when he first found out I was dating his daughter.

Everything's cool now though - we get along fantastically. He still kids me though about how if he had known when he hired me...
 

SW MI Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
3,195
Points
26
Christine...ironically, my wife just called me, and I mentioned this thread....she said to tell you that you have her sympathies, and that hopefully things will get better with time!!!
Awww! How nice of her! Hopefully all is better in NH too :)
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,080
Points
34
SW MI Planner said:
Hey, I thought I was supposed to bring a girlfriend to Denver for ya ;)
Is this the return of the Planner's Dating Service? I seem to remember previous attempts to connect an ex-Floridian and our Lovely Latex Lass, among others.
 

Bullwinkle

Cyburbian
Messages
176
Points
7
SW MI Planner said:
Ok, to make a smiley. Where ever you want it, type a colon : ,and a paranthesis ) right next to each other, and it should work. To make him/her wink, use the semi-colon ; then the paranthesis.

There are a bunch other ones - on the bottom left of the screen it will have a forum rules box, and it says something about smilies. Click on that, and it will give you a list of them.
I think I've got it. :) Thanks.
 

Mud Princess

Cyburbian
Messages
4,896
Points
27
I must be very lucky -- my inlaws are great. They treat me like their own daughter, which is nice, because my parents are long gone. They don't spend a lot of time at our house for the holidays, but it's always a pleasant time.
 
Top