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Well Judge, Sir, your honor and all, my friends told me what happened. Well that is after I awoke at Our Sisters of Memphis last Sunday afternoon. Ya see, it was an accident that was bound to happen when all the pieces are looked at in the clear light of day. It was a weird combination of a moonless night, my sister Karen’s patio door being clean for the first time in years, I might have indulged in a lil’bit of a neighbor of Karen’s baby’s Dad’s meth-a-amphetomine. No Sir, I ain’t too proud of that last one. It was my first time trying it, and honest injun, it will be last, yes Sir, Well then I might have had a few shots of that Tequila Rose, and some five to ten Bud lights. So you can see I’m not my normal law-abiding self and then the reflection of that punk ass Jeff Gordon appears on the patio door from Karen’s baby’s dad’s big screen TV. They got it from the Rent-a-Centre down in Muggensville.. Well I see Gordon, I see him just standing there laughing like he’s a watchin’ the Comedy Central, an Little Bill and I we were commiserating about our loss of Dale Senior, God rest his Soul, and you know who is there! It was that punk-ass Gordon life sized and just laughing. Like any good man - I charged. Then, I woke up at Our Sisters of Memphis like I said. With the amount of blood I lost there is no way I could have put up a struggle and swong at them sheriff’s officers like your pro-se-cuting attourney is aledging. No Sir, there ain’t no way. But I’m willing pled no contest, if my time served is counted, and your honor I promise I’m gonna make full repayment for the officer’s bridge work, don’t you worry none.